by Jenika Snow
He shook his head. “I always saw you. I was just too blind, Shoshanna. I can see now, and what I see is what I want.” He cupped her cheek. “I want you, and I want this to work. I want to be a father, a better one than my old man was.” He leaned in and kissed her softly, so softly it as just a brush of his lips along hers.
“I was so afraid you’d leave as soon as you heard. I thought that you would turn your back because you…”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “Because you didn’t think I wanted more from you than pussy? Because I should have been a man and not let you run. I should have told you that I wanted you, wanted to be able to hold you and call you mine.” He shook his head. “I didn’t care about anyone but myself, and didn’t appreciate what was right n front of me. I didn’t allow myself to go after you after it all went down, because I was afraid, Shoshanna.” He smiled.
She looked away, her cheeks turning pink.
“It’s okay, baby. I was all of those things and more.”
She looked a little apprehensive after he said those things.
“And you don’t think I mean any of the shit I just said?”
She pulled away, looked at her hands, and then shrugged, “I’m just afraid, Toby.”
He couldn’t blame her for the shit she had seen and heard about him, and of course he couldn’t deny any of it. “I won’t sugarcoat who I used to be, or how I live my life now. But with you I feel something different, something pure and good. I have since I really noticed you. It’s been my loss that it took so long for me to work the balls up to go talk to you, but then you were gone far too soon.” He felt like a pussy for saying all this, but it needed to be said. He wanted to say it. “Maybe this is fate ensuring that I don’t fuck this up, Shoshanna? Maybe this is the world telling me that you are right for me, and that I need to hold on and cherish you.”
She didn’t answer right away, and there was a part of him that thought maybe she had come to her senses and realized that he was worthless, and not going to be good in her life. It would serve him right to have something he wanted right at his fingertips only to have her leave him.
“Just give me a chance to show you that I won’t fuck this up, and that I can be a good guy, Shoshanna.”
She smiled, cupped his cheek with one hand, and said in a soft voice, “You are a good guy, Toby.”
He held her close, and for the next hour all they did was lie there on the hood of his car, not a light in their vicinity except for the stars above. And for the first time in his life he didn’t have to imagine a world without stars where there was only darkness to keep him sane. He had a feeling, warmth inside of him, that said this woman right here was the only light he needed in his life.
****
Ace hung up his phone and smiled. Toby was going to have a baby. It was a crazy fucking thought, and one he didn’t think he’d ever see, but he’d heard the happiness in his friend’s voice. He put his cell in his front pocket, and walked into the bookstore. He searched the small room that was only about a thousand square feet, trying to find Lauren, and smiled when he saw her standing on a stepstool and trying to reach a book. She stretched, her body on full display, her ass wrapped in a loose flowing skirt, and not hiding that the woman was curvy as fuck. But he shouldn’t be thinking of her like that, shouldn’t want the woman that had been there for him when he moved into this town all those years ago. His freshman year of high school had been one of isolation, but then he had met Lauren, and she had helped him through his anger and pain, the need to always want to lash out. He had been cruel to her at first, wanting to ignore her kindness because he couldn’t believe someone would want anything to do with him. He thanked his father for that distrust. But she hadn’t given up on him, and when she had come to his place and seen that his dad had smacked him around, something between them had clicked. Ever since then she had been by his side, and the only other person besides Toby that he’d felt close with.
He walked up behind her, inhaled the scent of strawberries that always seemed to surround her, and clenched his hands at his sides. She was twenty-three, the same age he was, and he had wanted her from the moment she had spoken to him all those years ago. “You’re going to end up falling on your ass,” he said and chuckled when she looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him.
Lauren climbed down, smoothed her hands along her skirt, and grinned. She looked fucking beautiful, so fresh, pure, and the nicest person he had in his life. Her reddish blonde hair was in a loose braid and hanging over her shoulder, the long strands nearly touching her waist. The sight of her breasts nearly spilling out of her tank top had his cock jerking, and he felt like a damn pervert and asshole for even thinking of her in that way. The small, almost unnoticeable diamond stud in her nose glinted faintly when the sun peeked through the blinds of the shop window. She was so damn gorgeous, with her splattering of freckles, and the way her light blue eyes were so open and honest whenever she looked at him. She was the one person he had ever seen himself with, the only women he ever wanted for more than one night. She didn’t judge him, not even when she’d see him at his worst, drunk, marks on his body from his father hitting him, or catching him passed out with a naked, random chick sprawled over him. He wasn’t any good for her. She was clean where he was dirty. She was whole where he was broken. She’d never give him a chance, and he didn’t blame her. Ace could never give her what she needed, and that was a wholesome, true and unobstructed life. He’d always have issues, ones buried deep.
Ace had never been in a relationship, had never been with a female that didn’t consist of taking her to a cheap motel and fucking her for a few hours. He was a sick fuck in that department, because he might care for Lauren so damn much, yet he was out using his hatred and anger fucking random women. He’d never been with a woman that he saw himself staying with, giving his life to, and making sure she was always happy. But he dreamed about that with Lauren, wanted to protect her so she never knew a day’s worth of pain like he had while growing up. And if she did he’d kill the person who wrought it.
“Maybe I like being on my ass.” She chuckled and moved passed him. “Hey, I have something for you.”
He followed her over to the counter, and stopped when he saw her bend over to grab something. Fuck, her ass was visible through that skirt, the material tight and conforming to her body. She had curves that went on for miles, but he could see it all, and he fucking wanted every part of her.
She turned and handed him a small leather bound book. “I ordered this when I saw it, because I thought of you right away.”
He grabbed the book, their fingers brushing together, and this shock of electricity moved through him. It was the same feeling he got whenever he touched her innocently, because that was all they were … innocent friends. She had been there for him during some of his most horrid times, and for that he would always hold her close to his heart. Telling her that he cared for her more than he ever had for any other person would surely ruin what they had.
“I know you don’t read much, but I figured you could just keep it around to bring a smile to your face.”
It was a copy of Frankenstein, a book that to others wouldn’t be anything more than a horror story, but to Ace it was about a man that didn’t fit in, but wanted to survive. It had been the book he’d read to Lauren when she’d first asked him to hang out with her. God, that had been so long ago, seeming like ages now.
“I just remember sitting under that huge oak tree off of city limits, nothing but the sound of the reservoir in the distance and of you reading to me to drown out everything else in the world.” He looked up to see her smile.
“I hoped you’d like it.”
She would never know how much this meant to him, because although he could have gotten the book himself at any bookstore, Lauren had given it to him, and that meant the fucking world.
Chapter Twelve
One month later
They sat around the dining room table at her home. S
At least until the baby was born.
But Shoshanna was so nervous right now, because not only was she carrying Toby’s baby, but she also was sitting across from Toby’s mother, who had come to town, and her parents, who looked uncomfortable as hell. Yes, they had told each of their families about the baby today, in one go, and now the silence descended. And although Toby’s mother had been more than ecstatic about the situation, even lit up with the idea of her moving back to Silver Springs to be closer, Shoshanna’s mother was a different subject all together. Her father just looked scared as hell, but he also looked a little fatherly as he glanced at Toby. Otherwise he was handling this far better than Shoshanna’s mother.
“Well, I don’t know what to say,” her mother said, picked up the napkin that was on her lap, and dabbed her mouth. “You’re pregnant by a man you hardly know.” She stood, gave a forced smile, and moved out of the room. Her father went to stand, but Shoshanna stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Toby grabbed her arm and gave her a sympathetic smile. She didn’t mention that she’d known Toby all through school, but that they just didn’t know each other, if that even made sense. She wasn’t about to explain any of this to her mom.
“You need me?”
She shook her head, so touched that he would face this with her.
“No, Dad, let me handle this, because the way she just acted is totally uncalled for.” Yeah, she had just sprung this on her mom, and she probably was surprised and nervous about it all, too, but her leaving like some kind of petulant child was ridiculous and embarrassing. Shoshanna moved out of the front door and saw her mom sitting on the front porch, a cigarette in hand and her focus on the street. “Mom, the way you’re acting is ridiculous. You think this is easy on me—”
“Come sit down next to me, Shoshanna.” Her mom cut her off, and the soft sound of her mother’s voice had Shoshanna a little taken aback. She looked over her shoulder, smiled at her, and patted the cement beside her. Her mom snubbed out the cigarette, and slid over to the side to give Shoshanna a little more room. When they were sitting beside each other they were silent for several long moments, and then her mother exhaled as she shifted on the step to face Shoshanna.
“I know that I am hard on you, and I know that I snub my nose at a lot of things.”
The fact her mom was admitting this was strange, especially since she was pretty much admitting she had been in the wrong. Her mother was always proper, always acting like her shit smelled like roses, and although Shoshanna would always love her, the annoyance over that fact drove her mad.
“I know this is hard to believe, especially with the way I have been acting, but I only want the best for you.” She looked at the road again, and a kid rode by on his bike. “I never made it a secret that I came from nothing, worked hard for what I had, and then suddenly your father made it big, the money was rolling in, and I changed.” The last part was said with almost shame, and Shoshanna felt something inside of her change a she stared at her mother.
“Mom…” Shoshanna wasn’t sure what to say in response.
“I don’t want you saying anything, honey. I just want you to know that I guess anymore it’s like a second nature for me to be like I am. I have this wall up, trying to keep anything out that frightens or isn’t what I want.” She looked at Shoshanna again. “But you’re going to have a child of your own, and I want you to know that I love you, and that you’ll make a wonderful mother.” She was silent for a moment before she continued. “You’ll be a much better mother than I was, of that I have no doubt.”
The tears started to come, not just because she was so hormonal, but also because her mom was being honest with her. She opened up to her, showed her this vulnerability that made Shoshanna feel like she was human as well. “I just also felt like I never measured up to what you wanted.”
“Oh honey.” Her mom pulled her in for a hug. “I am the one that has failed you as a mother, and I am sorry for that. I just want to be a better mom for you, and I don’t want this wall between us. I’ve built it up to keep others out, but it has also kept you out as well.”
They sat there in silence, the sound of the birds chirping filling the air, and the dusk settling over the sky. It was nice peace that surrounded them, one that she had never felt with her mom. She wanted this all the time, wanted to be able to talk to her mom about baby stuff, go out to lunch without having to feel like she was a failure. This was a side of her mom she had only seen very early on in her life, and those memories were fading fast. But right now was a step in the right direction, in the area that brought them closer, and Shoshanna couldn’t wait to explore more of it, and grow as a person with her mom.
The front door opened, and she looked over her shoulder to see Toby standing on the other side.
“Toby, wait,” her mom said, and Shoshanna stared at Geraldine as she stood and walked over to the man she was falling in love with. “I want to apologize for my behavior. I can see you care about my daughter very much, and the fact you are taking care of her and your child is very mature and admirable.”
Toby looked a little taken back as well, but he smiled. “I love your daughter, and have no plans on ever changing that.”
Her heart sped up, and when her mother pulled Toby in for a hug she smiled at him. Her mom left them alone, and Toby moved over to her. He sat down beside her, pulled her in close, and when he rested his hand on her belly it was like the world had finally fallen right in place.
“I will be the best father I can be to you, and never let you down.” he spoke softly to the baby, and she smiled wider. “And I will always try and make you happy, Shoshanna.”
She leaned back and stared at him. “And you are, Toby. I love you.”
He cupped her cheek, smoothed his hand back behind her neck, and pulled her in for a kiss. Yes, the world had definitely fallen into a good and perfect place for her … finally.
Epilogue
Several months later
“Come here, baby.” His voice was low, hoarse, and there was a touch of dominance in his words. There had always been a part of Toby that commanded people without having to do much more than give them a look. He had been like that in high school, and definitely was like that now more than ever in his adult age. But right now all that Shoshanna could focus on was the way his mouth moved as he said those three words, and told her to come to him.
She licked her lips and moved that last bit of space it took to almost have their chests brushing. It would have been easy enough for him to move toward her, but she knew this wasn’t about who could surrender the most, but how much they wanted each other. And Shoshanna would always want him, would always feel this burning desire to have Toby with her. Even all this time later, and after the birth of the baby, she wanted him like she wanted to take her next breath.
He reached out and cupped her waist with one hand, curled his fingers into her flesh, and pulled her forward. With his other hand he covered one side of her face, and brushed the pads of his fingers along her flesh. Back and forth he stroked her skin, staring into her eyes and making her feel like she was the only woman for him. But she knew that was the truth, because not only did he tell her that, but showed her all the time. God, his eyes were so blue, so clear. Shoshanna felt herself leaning forward, felt his warm and sweet smelling breath brush along her lips.
But he didn’t kiss her, and instead moved the hand that held her face to the back of her head. He tunneled his fingers into her hair, tightened his hold on the strands until the pain mixed with her already climbing pleasure.
“You have no idea how much I want you, how much I love you.” His lips were so close to hers that if he just leaned forward that last couple of inches that separated them he���d kiss her. “No one will ever compare to you.”
She closed her eyes and breathed out. Her heart was thundering, and she swore her wetness was soaking clean through her panties. Lifting her own hands and tunneling her fingers through his hair, she stared into his eyes, and hoped he saw the love she had for him as well. “I love you, Toby.”
He was so much taller than her five-foot-three height. He was nearly a whole foot taller in fact, and she loved that with him she felt like this petite, tiny thing. The feeling of his hardness pressed against her softness had this desire filling her to the point she’d suffocate from it. She also felt the hardness of his erection pressing against her belly.
“God, Shoshanna, I want you so bad.” His voice was so harsh.
The baby was asleep, and this was their time now, their moment to be together.
“I need you, Shoshanna,” he groaned. They hadn’t been together sexually since the baby was born, but she was ready, and needed this. “Christ, I need you so fucking badly.” And then he had his mouth on hers and his tongue speared between her lips. Toby slid his hands down her shoulders, over her arms, and gripped her waist with both hands now. And then he was walking them backward until she felt the cold, hard wall greet her. He hadn’t broken the kiss, and the deep rumbles that left him had her inner muscles clenching almost painfully. He opened his mouth wider and deepened the kiss, and then moved his hands to the edge of her shirt and started to slowly lift it up.
“That’s it, baby. Be with me, and let me have every part of you.” He sounded frantic with his need. He was grinding his erection into her, and a gasp left her as she let her head fall back against the wall.
Shoshanna didn’t answer, couldn’t even find her voice at the moment. And then he took a step back, his head downcast and his gaze trained right on her, his breathing so hard. For several seconds they stood there, and then Shoshanna licked her lips and knew she didn’t want to postpone this. In one fluid motion she pulled her shirt up and over her head, and he moved his gaze up and down her body. She didn’t feel embarrassed that she was bigger than she had been before the baby was born. She also didn’t care that she now had some stretch marks, had more rolls than she liked, or that she had dips and hollows on her body she’d like to cover up. She didn’t care because the way Toby stared at her told Shoshanna he liked what he saw.
-->