Illusive

by Diana Nixon

  But there was one more reason why leaving it was so hard to do…

  I looked at my sleeping boss and smiled, recalling the kisses we shared last night and the spots on my body he dared to touch with his lips. The man obviously knew how to please a woman with a mere kiss. Needless to say, I couldn't wait for him to repeat the play. But more than that, did I love the way he was looking at me – as if he never saw anything more beautiful. I would say there was love in his eyes, but a small part of me was so scared to give what I felt coming from him a name. Probably because I didn't want disappointment to hit me later. Or maybe because I wanted him to love me so much I would forget about the limits my life was throwing my way.

  I quietly opened the door and left, holding my bra in my hands. The thing ended up on the floor after all, and I was just too sleepy to put it on.

  "Morning, early bird!" Reggie stood right behind the corner from Blake's room.

  "Jesus, you scared me!" I almost swallowed my tongue at the sound of her voice.

  "Why are you awake so early?" She asked, giving me a puzzled look.

  "I was going to…"

  "Take your lingerie to the laundry?" She said, pointing at the piece in my hands.

  "Exactly." I smiled and pretended I was in a hurry. Like my bra was about to explode or something. I quickly got to my room and hid in the safety of my private space.

  God, she probably thought I was the worst liar in the world!

  There was only one room I could leave and bump into Reggie in that part of the house, so no doubt, the woman put two and two together, and got a gazillion of reasons to laugh at me, for the rest of her life. No doubt, I wasn't the first woman she witnessed leave Blake's room in the morning.

  Great job, Eden! High five to your stupidity.

  Not that I regretted the night, but I obviously wished no one but Blake and I knew about it. But luck was obviously not on my side today.

  There was a whole list of things to do before Ariel's flight to Arizona, and I wanted to make sure she had everything she might need while away from home, including toys and books that she loved me reading for her. Reggie was going to accompany her, so there was no reason to worry about the girl. She was in good hands without me.

  This is probably why Reggie woke up so early to clean the house. She didn't trust Mary with cleaning and always helped her do the job, including today, when it was so easy to catch me in 'the crime zone'.

  CHAPTER 14

  "Is everything all right, darling?" Mom asked, watching me work on another bouquet.

  "Yes. Why?"

  "You look different today… I don't know if it's the makeup, or something else."

  Oh, she was right about something else. I was sure she caught me smiling many times today, but I preferred not to tell anyone about its reasons.

  Until the bells over the door rang and I saw Ian enter the shop.

  "I thought lunch wouldn't hurt anyone," he said, holding two packages in his hands.

  "Coffee and sandwiches?" Mom took the packages and looked inside each of them.

  "Thanks," I said to my brother. "I'm starving. I didn't have time for breakfast this morning."

  "Why?" Ian asked.

  "I told you – I needed to pack Ariel's things for her trip to Arizona."

  "She went there with Reggie, right?" He gave me a curious look.

  "What?"

  "So you and Mr. Bowen are going to be all alone this weekend?"

  "So?"

  He smiled in a foxery manner and shrugged. "Nothing. Just saying…"

  "Oh, please, Ian. Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself."

  "As you wish, sis. But don't say I didn't warn you – this guy has big plans for you."

  I punched his chest. "Shut up!"

  "Behave kids," Mom said, giving me a cup of steaming coffee. "You don't want to scare away our clients, do you?"

  The morning in the shop turned out to be really busy, and I couldn't be happier about it. We got a few big orders and mom was doing her best to get all the bouquets ready on time. Ian and I were glad to help her.

  "Tell me something," he started. "Do you still have those weird dreams you told me about once?"

  "No, not anymore. Honestly, I'm glad they stopped torturing me." I didn't know what all those dreams meant, but I had this strange feeling telling me they were not accidental. "Better tell me, how are things with Mia going?"

  Ian's face faded.

  "What is it? Have you two quarreled?"

  "A little. I said something she didn’t like and then she went to LA for a business meeting, so I haven't seen her since Wednesday."

  "I'm sure it's nothing. She seems to be so into you," I repeated the words he said about Blake and his attitude to me.

  Ian chuckled. "Hope you are right. I like her. I really do."

  We talked some more until it was time to make another bouquet. I got back to my work and Ian called the delivery service to come and take the order we had been working on all morning.

  By the end of the workday, I felt as tired as ever. I forgot what it was like to stand on my feet, all day, and serve the clients. On the other hand, we earned a good sum in one day, and could pay the rent for the next month.

  "Do you need a lift back to the Bowen's?" Ian asked.

  "No, thanks. I wanna stay here a little longer and make something pretty to take with me. I'll call a taxi."

  "Ok. Don't forget to lock the door." He kissed me good-bye, mom gave me a hug and they left the shop.

  I looked at the pale pink roses that had been delivered today and thought I would use them for my bouquet. Reggie always brought fresh flowers from the garden, but now that winter was getting closer, she started buying flowers to make the house look more alive.

  I was almost done with the bouquet, when someone entered the shop. I was with my back to the door and didn't see the visitor's face.

  "We are closed!" I said, cleaning the mess from the table.

  "I know, but I need something special for a very special girl."

  I turned around and saw Blake standing at the door. He smiled and the butterflies in my stomach did a crazy dance.

  "What exactly are you looking for, Sir?" I smiled too and for a few moments, neither of us spoke, exchanging silent messages that promised nothing but hot troubles.

  "What would you recommend for someone who knows everything about flowers and is one of the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen?"

  My cheeks turned red. I knew it. I could feel blood rush to my skin and my body was suddenly on fire.

  "Um… How about orchids?" I loved orchids.

  "Wild and mysterious… Perfect," he said, still watching me intently.

  I removed a strand of hair behind my ear, feeling my hands shake under his watchful eyes.

  "I missed you," he said, coming closer to the table.

  Without looking at him, I replied, "Likewise." I bit my lower lip at the memory of the night we spent together. It felt like it happened forever ago.

  "Are you done working for today?"

  "Will be. After I finish the bouquet for your special girl."

  "Good. 'Cause I have a surprise for her."

  This guy has big plans for you, were Ian's words. My whole body trembled in excitement.

  "Hope it's a good one," I said, as I tied a white ribbon around the orchids' ends.

  "Would you believe me if I told you I made dinner?"

  I giggled. "No."

  "You are right, I didn't make it. But I did place an order for something yummy. Hope you'll like it." He went around the table and stood behind me, with his hands resting on my sides. "What is it, Eden? Am I making you nervous?"

  "You know you are."

  "Hmm… What about this?" He bent down and touched the side of my neck with his lips. "Does this make you nervous too?" The whisper feathered my skin and I drew a sharp intake breath.

  "Yes," I replied in a barely audible voice.

  "And this?" His palms slipped under the hem
of my sweater and moved up my sides. I almost lost my balance; so good his touch felt.

  I cleared my throat. "A little."

  He chuckled into my ear and moved his hands down my belly and to the waistline of my jeans.

  "I really want to hear what you say when I touch you there…"

  "All right, Mr. Bowen." I turned around to stop the sweet torture, no matter how little I wanted him to stop teasing me. "Why don't you take the flowers and let me lock the shop?"

  "Okay." He leaned closer and brushed my lips with his. "Then, you will be all mine."

  Oh, Dear Lord, it was too much. He was too much, not to mention the sensations his words sent through me.

  With a knowing smile on his smug face, he took the two bouquets that I made and took them to the car, parked outside.

  I cleaned the table, checked if everything was in its place, put on my coat and locked the shop.

  Stepping out into the night, I shivered with cold and rushed to the car waiting for me.

  Blake pushed the gas pedal and we sped down the boulevard and back home.

  Home…

  It was so weird to call his place my home. But it was home to me, as if I had been living there my whole life and not just a little over a month.

  "What do you say if we invite your brother and Mia for dinner?"

  I stared at Blake, surprised.

  "Not tonight. Next week maybe?"

  "I need to discuss it with Ian. He said things between them are not very happy right now."

  "Really? Why?"

  "I don't know the details."

  "Knowing Mia, I'm sure she messed up something again. She's a very independent woman. She hates men telling her what to do. I’ve told her many times to stop being a pain, but she won't listen to me."

  "Ian seems to be seriously worried about the quarrel they had. But I'll tell him about your invitation. Maybe dinner with us will help them come to an understanding after all."

  Shortly thereafter, our car stopped at the porch of Blake's house, he shut down the engine and I helped him with the flowers.

  "I'll put them in a vase and take them to the dining room," I said, taking off my shoes.

  "Take the orchids to your room. I want them to remind you about me when you wake up in the morning."

  I hid my smile behind the flowers and nodded. "Okay."

  But the moment I came to the dining room, I knew something was wrong. I turned on the lights and stopped stunned. The table was served for two, with candles standing in the middle of it. The only thing that felt missing was the flowers.

  "So this is the surprise you were talking about?" I said to Blake, who followed me into the dining room.

  "The best part will be later."

  "And by the best part you mean…" I looked at him and he lowered his head, hiding his face from me.

  "The food, Eden. I mean the food."

  "Right."

  He moved closer, adding in a seductive voice, "Unless you prefer being my dinner tonight. I would gladly have you as my first and second course, as well as the best dessert ever."

  "The flowers need water," I said, ignoring his more than obvious and alluring invitation.

  "And I need you," he said after me.

  "Later!" I responded as I kept walking to the kitchen.

  His soft laughter followed me.

  "By the way," I said from the kitchen. "Ariel called me earlier today. Your parents were really happy to see her."

  "I know. Mom loves her as if she were her granddaughter. I'm the only child in the family, so naturally, she can't wait for me to get married and have kids."

  Something inside me tightened at the thought of Blake marrying a different woman. Not that I was dying to become Mrs. Blake Bowen, but a part of me surely wasn't excited about the idea of watching him share a life with someone he might love more than he loved Rachel. And more than he loved… Never mind.

  And maybe we were enjoying the small game we were playing, I didn't want to give this game a name or let it consume me completely.

  Or maybe I was simply scared to admit that I was consumed by him, and never saw his future with anyone but me. Because girls tend to be that stupid. And everyone knows that love turns us into the prisoners of our feelings, and our hearts – into the most unreasonable things in the world.

  "Do you need help?" Blake asked, stepping into the kitchen.

  "No." I quickly put the flowers into the water and took the vase to the table.

  "Is everything all right?" He asked carefully.

  Obviously, thoughts about his possible marriage didn't do my mood any good.

  "Yes. I'm just tired a little. I don't remember the last time I worked that much in the shop."

  "And here I thought looking after Ariel is the hardest thing to do."

  I smiled. "Sometimes. But I love spending time with her."

  "And she loves you. Who would have thought…"

  "Why? You think it's impossible to love me?"

  Our eyes met across the table.

  He took his time to think about the answer to my question, then he said, "Who would have thought loving you would be so easy…"

  I didn't know if those words were about Ariel or himself, but as scared as I was to admit I felt something for him, I decided not to let them too deep under my skin. It was much safer to stick to a meaningless romance plan then to gather the pieces of my broken heart later.

  "I think you've mentioned something yummy. Shall we finally try it?"

  He nodded slowly and went back to the kitchen. I lit the candles and waited for him. The atmosphere of the night felt so much like a date, and I wondered if he knew it too.

  A few minutes later, Blake returned with two plates in his hands.

  "Close your eyes," he said. "I'm curious if you can recognize the ingredients of my surprise."

  I did what he said and patiently waited for him to cut a piece of what was on my plate. Then he brought a fork to my mouth.

  "Here you go."

  I took a piece into my mouth and chewed carefully.

  "Hmm… It tastes like pineapple and something else. What is it?" I opened my eyes and looked at the plate. There were a few pieces of pineapple, lying on the bottom, followed by cut tomatoes, prawns and potherbs.

  "A secret ingredient that was supposed to help me win your heart." Blake sat down at the table and sank his fork into the salad.

  I took another bite and thought for a moment. "I know! It's a walnut."

  "Correct."

  "You were right – it is yummy."

  The second course and the dessert of banana and chocolate ice cream were no less tasty. Everything seemed to be all right, perfect even. Except I didn't believe in perfection and it was really hard to let my torments go and just drink in the moment.

  "Will you finally tell me what's bothering you?"

  I looked at Blake whose frown told me he wouldn't let my sudden change of mood go easily.

  "It's nothing, really."

  He covered my hand with his palm and caressed it slightly. "Every time you get sad and your smile vanishes, I think about the worst. So please, don't do this to me. Just say it – whatever it is that's bothering you – just spit it out. I can assure you, I can handle anything."

  "What if we are making a mistake?"

  He knew what I was trying to say. He didn't need an explanation.

  "Is this what your heart is telling you now?"

  "I'm still trying to figure out if my new heart is worth listening to." Not that the old one was much smarter – none of my relationships ended up well. Why? Because I always fell for the wrong guys. As for now, I wasn't quite sure if I was fully aware of what was happening between Blake and me.

  "You know…" His hold on my hand tightened. "I've never felt what I'm feeling now, Eden. I told you I loved Rachel so much, it felt like I was losing my mind over her. But with you, everything's different. I feel like a teenager again, with my very first crush sitting next to me and I don't know
what excuse to find to touch her. Do you think it sounds crazy? Damn it, who knows what you think… But what I'm trying to say is that I'm walking a new ground with you, never known before, never explored. And I'm loving it. The new sensations, the new me. I feel so alive with you. Can't you see it?"

  The problem was, I could see it. I knew his words and actions were not just a pretense. But I doubted I could give him what he really needed – a family.

  So maybe it was time to be honest with him, before it went too far.

  "After the surgery, I knew my life would never be the same. Especially after I searched the Internet for cases like mine. Yes, I told my family I didn't want them to feel sorry for me or think I could die any second. But I knew I would never be able to stop thinking about it. No matter how hard I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind. Now and then, I do think about the time I have. And the more I get addicted to what I have now, the more I tell myself to be careful with making plans for the future. Because I don't know what's waiting for me there."

  "No one does, Eden. But it's not an excuse to shut yourself from everything you love about your life. What if you have a hundred years to live? Will you spend them waiting for something bad to happen to you?"

  Tears burned my eyes. I didn't want Blake to see them, but I failed to hide them.

  He brought his lips to my face and kissed the salty drops off my cheek.

  "Think whatever you want, but I won't let you bury yourself alive." He stood up and pulled me into his arms. "I know what I'm doing, okay? I know I want to be with you more than I ever wanted anything. And we will be together, whatever it costs."

  "Just one more question, Blake… Do you feel like you can't let me down because you still feel guilty for losing Rachel and you can't…"

  "Stop. I know what you are trying to ask. But the answer is 'no'. You and Rachel are completely different people. I stopped comparing you a long time ago. You are incomparable. You are Eden, not Rachel. Not to mention what I feel for you can never be compared to what pulled me to Rachel."