by Diana Nixon
I grabbed a sweater from my wardrobe and my wallet and went to Blake's room. I knew he was still at home, probably taking a shower.
"Eden, is everything all right?" He stood at the mirror, dealing with his tie.
"May I take your car?"
He turned around and frowned. I never took his car and if I needed to go somewhere, he went there with me, or asked his driver to accompany me. But today, I wanted to be alone for a while.
"Of course," he said slowly. "Where are you going?"
It was December 30th, so the answer came immediately.
"Last minute shopping."
"Oh, all right. Is Ariel going with you?"
"No. She said she wanted to stay at home and play with her Christmas presents." A little lie was inevitable. I couldn't tell him the truth, because I couldn’t believe it yet.
He came closer and kissed me. "Text me when you are back. I will be in a meeting, so I won't be able to answer your call."
"Okay."
I turned around and quickly left the room. I knew Blake could feel that something was wrong with me, but I didn't want to talk about it, not now.
First, I needed to make sure I wasn't out of my mind.
I went to Blake's office and took the keys I needed. They were from Lily's house – the very place that was supposed to answer my every question.
There was supposed to be something that would confirm my assumptions. Documents, pictures, old things – anything that could help me get the rest of my memories back. Because now, more than anything in the world I wanted to know the truth about my past.
I drove for about forty minutes. I remembered the road to Lily's and it wasn't hard to find her house. When I stopped at the gates and got out of the car, I suddenly felt like I wasn't ready to face what the place was about to throw my way. But I needed to go inside.
I came to the gate and opened it with one of Blake's keys.
The winter garden met me with a blast of wind.
The snow was everywhere and I couldn't see the path beneath my feet. But I kept walking.
My eyes found the windows of the sunroom and I remembered playing there with Lily. I saw her face on the pictures that Ariel showed me, but in my memory, it was too vague.
When I unlocked the door and entered the house, I felt like everything around me froze, as if waiting for whatever I was going to do next. Silence looked me in the eye, and welcomed me. Unlike last time when I was here with Ariel and Blake, the house didn't seem to be so lonely anymore.
On the contrary – it was full of life, and memories and moments so priceless, I would give away everything I had just to get them back, live them all over again and feel the warmth this place used to plant in my heart every time I crossed the threshold and found myself locked in my grandma's arms.
I don't know why, but I knew everything I wanted to find could be found in Rachel's room – the one I stayed in the other weekend.
I carefully opened the door and walked in, letting her invisible presence guide me.
I started opening the drawers, one by one. But there was nothing that could help me in my investigation. Then I remembered about her collection of records, it was on the top shelf of her wardrobe.
I took a chair and stood on it. First I found the box that Ari showed me last time we were here. Then there was another box, much smaller. It was covered with a thin layer of dust. I took it to the bed and untied the red satin ribbon on top of it.
And there it was – the life that went on without me.
Pictures, letters, old toys and things like a silver spoon with my name on it. It was Lily's present for my christening. I didn't remember the day she gave it to me, but I remembered using it when drinking tea.
Teardrops fell on the metal surface. I put the spoon aside and reached into the box again, pulling out a framed picture of mom, dad, Rachel and my newborn self. Mom was holding me in her arms, with dad and Rachel looking at me. It must have been a very happy moment for our family. Mom's face was glowing with love and my heart hurt at the thought of never seeing her again.
Because Rachel's parents died in a fire…
And she was my sister…
Her parents were my parents as well…
And I won't see any of them, ever again…
My body shook from crying; tears blinded my vision. I sat on the bed, surrounded by the memories I had been trying to get back for years. And now, that they were alive again, I felt like my life was as broken as ever.
God, what do I do now? How am I supposed to go back to the Bowen's and live my life that no longer makes any sense? Because the biggest part of it is just a lie…
I spent so much time, hoping to get my past back, but now that it was there – right in front of my eyes – I didn't know what to do with it.
I fell in love with the man whose heart used to belong to my sister.
I was taking care of her baby girl and everything I was doing now felt like a plan made by her. And I was supposed to follow it, replace her in the eyes of everyone who loved her and give them what they lost with her death.
But I wasn't sure if I was that strong. I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to look into Blake's eyes and tell him I loved him, knowing how much he always wanted to hear the very words from my sister.
And Ariel… My goodness, she meant so much to me. I couldn't imagine leaving her.
Or the life that I got after my heart was replaced by the new one.
I loved my new life.
I loved my new self.
And yes - I needed to fight for it.
I took my phone and called my brother.
"Ian? I need your help." I told him to come to Lily's. I needed to talk to someone and he was a perfect option. He had always been a great listener. If there was someone able to stand me in my worse, it was Ian.
He arrived about an hour later. I met him at the gate and accompanied him inside.
"Where are we?" He asked, taking off his coat.
"My home."
He stared at me, not sure how to react to my words.
"I used to live here before mom and dad adopted me."
"What?"
And then, I told him everything I remembered, starting from the birthday when I got the medallion and to the moment I saw Rachel for the last time.
Ian seemed to be shocked, which was not surprising at all.
But more than that, he looked scared.
Scared to say something I think I knew even before he made his confession.
"Oh, my God… You knew!" Now everything that looked so weird about his behavior and words said about Blake and my work for him, started to make sense. "But… How?"
Guilt spread across Ian's face. "I met Rachel shortly before she died. She came to visit you in the hospital."
"She what?"
"She'd been looking for you her whole life. She never gave up hoping to see you one day. When we met, I joked about how much alike you two looked. She asked me about your childhood, your school years, about your flower shop. She came to the hospital every day. Sometimes she even stayed overnight with you. Because after she learned about your diagnosis she couldn't believe she was gonna lose you again." Ian took my hands in his and said quietly, "She loved you, Eden. She never stopped thinking about you, no matter how much time passed since she last saw you. And she felt guilty for losing you at the market. By the way, do you remember what happened there? Where did you go? Did someone kidnap you? This is what Rachel thought happened to you, because she failed to find you."
"Well, yes. There were two men… They tried to kidnap me, but a woman heard me calling for help. They threw me out of the car and then hit me with their car. I remember waking up in a hospital. But what happened after that is in a blur. All I know is that I was lucky to meet your mom."
"Our mom."
"Yes, our mom."
Ian held me in his arms and rocked me, as if I were a baby.
"Do mom and dad know about Rachel?"
"Yes, t
hey do. Rachel was scared to meet them, but I told her there was nothing to be scared of. On the contrary – mom and dad were happy to meet her. They hoped you would be happy to see her again. Too bad it was never supposed to happen…"
"This is so unfair."
"I know."
"Tell me something…" I moved a little so I could see Ian's face. "My new job – was it Mia's idea?"
He nodded in response. "Ariel missed her mom and she thought that meeting you, she would feel much better. Because…"
"I look so much like Rachel… What about Blake? Does he know I'm Rachel's sister?"
"Mia told him just recently. But he, just like everyone else, didn't know how to tell you about it. So please, don't blame him for keeping it a secret from you. He doesn't want to lose you, Eden."
So many contradicting feelings fought inside me. I wasn't sure I could trust any of them. I felt as lost as ever.
"Wanna know what I think about this whole situation?"
I smiled. "Do I have a choice?"
Ian rubbed my back gently. "I don't know what you are feeling now, or what's happening in your head. But I'm sure you will find a way to deal with it. How do I know it? Well, I'm your big brother, remember? I know you are a fighter and you never lose."
"I've never felt lonelier in my entire life, Ian. I look at the pictures of the family I lost and I feel so alone. I don't know what to do."
"For now, there's only one thing that you can do…"
I gave him a questioning look.
"You need to go back to Blake and Ariel, because they love you and they need you. Stay with them, at least until after the New Year."
"And then what?"
"Come back home. Take a break from everything and think about what you want to do next. I'm sure the answers won't make you wait forever."
"What if I fail to find the way out of this?"
"Listen to your heart, Eden. It knows a lot more than you think."
***
Blake
It was almost four in the afternoon. I had been checking on my phone every five minutes or so, but Eden never texted me. After my business meeting was over, I called home, but Reggie said she wasn't back yet, and I started to get worried.
So I decided to call Mia.
"Blake? What happened?"
"I hope it's nothing, but I can't find Eden. She said she needed to do last minute shopping, but it's been hours since she left the house and now her phone is off and I don't know where she is."
"Have you tried calling Ian? Maybe she went home to see her mom."
"I thought about it too, but Ian wouldn't answer my calls. Oh, wait! I think I know what to do. Eden took my car and I can track it with GPRS."
"Right. Do it now."
I got to my desk and opened my laptop. "She’s never disappeared for so long."
"Do you think she remembered something?" Mia just had to give my thoughts a voice.
"After we returned from San Francisco, it looked like something was bothering her. But she wouldn't tell me anything. Then this morning, she asked if she could take my car, but I thought she would be back soon. Even though she never took my car before or left the house without telling Reggie or me where she was going." The app on my laptop finally loaded and I pushed the tracking button.
"If GPRS doesn't show you anything, I'll call Ian again. And her mom if needed. Someone should know where she is."
"Oh, no…" Blood froze in my veins.
"What is it, Blake?"
I stared at the red light flashing on the screen of my laptop and sat down on my chair, unable to stand on my feet.
"She's at Lily’s," I said into the phone, already knowing that whatever was about to happen next, wouldn’t be good.
"Oh, Dear Lord…help us," followed Mia's words.
"What do we do now?"
"Stay where you are. She's most likely scared and shocked. Because if she went to Lily's to remember something, she isn't ready to see you now. I'll call you when I get there."
"Okay." I hung up the phone, shut my eyes and leaned against the back of my chair.
It was the end… The end to everything, including Eden and me.
CHAPTER 19
Eden
I didn't remember going home with Ian or falling asleep. All I knew when I opened my eyes - I was in my room, filled with mom's perfume.
I rubbed my eyes and looked around. To my surprise, I wasn't alone in the room. Mia was sitting in a rocking chair. She was watching me silently, so I spoke first.
"How long have I been asleep?"
"A couple of hours. How are you feeling?"
"Hard to tell." I sat up in my bed and sighed. "I can't remember the last time I cried myself to sleep like today."
"It is not surprising at all. After everything you remembered and learned…"
She stood up and came to sit down on my bed. "I called Blake and told him you would stay here for the night."
"Thanks." I wasn't ready to see him, not yet. There were so many things I needed to think about before going back to Blake's.
"Do you want to stay here for the New Year as well?" Mia asked.
"I wish I could stay. But Ari's waiting for me. I can't ruin her New Year's Eve."
"What are you going to do next?"
"Not sure yet… But I think I'll take a few days off. Just to clear my mind and put my memories and thoughts back on the shelves in my head where they belong."
"I think it's the best plan. If you need me, you know my phone number, right?"
"Mia… I'd like to visit my parents' grave. And Rachel's. Will you go with me?"
"Of course I will. Just let me know when you wanna go there."
"I will."
She was about to leave, but she stopped and said to me, "No matter what you decide to do, Eden, I want you to remember something very important." She paused. "Your sister never stopped loving you. And the fact that you are with us now and that your memories are back and you know who you are mean so much, for all of us. You are not alone, Eden. We are here for you, always." She smiled and winked at me. Then she left and I knew her words were said to give me the courage and support that I needed so much.
In just one day, my life changed tremendously. I used to live with a feeling of missing something very important – my memories. But now that they were back, I felt like my head was about to explode from the amount of information and news that I needed to acknowledge. Not to mention the things that I needed to catch up on, despite the fact that it was a little too late to tell my parents and my sister how much I missed them and how much I loved them, no matter the years we spent apart.
***
Blake
New Year's Eve always associated with expectations. Everyone hoped for the New Year to bring something good into their lives.
As for myself, I only hoped it would help me keep what I already had. And most of all – Eden.
I poured some whiskey into my glass and looked at the picture of Rachel, hanging on the wall in my office. I put it there after she died, as well as many other pictures all over the house, so that Ariel always knew that her mom was there with her.
"What have you done to us, Rachel?" I asked the portrait that would never talk back to me again.
"She saved Eden," Mia responded for her friend. "For you." She entered my office and closed the door behind her. "How are you, Blake?"
She and Ian were supposed to celebrate the New Year with us and I was glad they would be here tonight. Because honestly, I had no idea how to act in Eden's presence. Now that she knew about Rachel, everything became so much more complicated.
"I've been worse," I said, taking a sip of my drink. "How's Eden?" I hadn’t seen her since yesterday morning, but it felt like forever to me.
"She'll be fine. Maybe not today, but one day."
"What is she gonna do?"
"She said she wants to take a few days off, visit her parents’ and Rachel's graves and think about everything. It's what she needs now.
"
"What if she never comes back here?"
"I think she thought about it too. But she loves Ariel too much to hurt her. And she loves you, Blake. I know she does. I hope it will be enough to help her start a new life, with you and Ari, as a family."
"Are you going to tell her the truth about the surgery?"
Mia sighed. "Her mom thinks we should wait with telling her about it. She has enough on her plate to deal with now. Knowing that her sister's heart is now beating for her, might be too much."
"Or maybe on the contrary…"
"What do you mean?"
"If she knows the truth, maybe it will be easier for her to accept the fact of losing her sister. She will know that a part of her will always be with her."
Mia's face became serious. "Maybe you are right… But how do we tell her about it?"
"I'll think of something. For tonight, let's leave everything as it is. All I want is to spend at least a little more time with her."
Just then, Ariel shouted excited, "Eden! You're back!"
It was the moment my heart missed a beat and I felt like I was holding an hourglass in my hands and the sand was running way too fast, and I couldn't stop it…
I put my glass on the coffee table and went to see Eden.
Tonight, she looked absolutely breathtaking, wearing a floor-length, sleeveless, black velvet dress that showed off her every curve, in a very sophisticated way. Her hair was up and made in one intricate bun, revealing the soft lines of her neck and shoulders.
Her eyes shone like never before, and for a second, I thought I was seeing a different Eden, as if in less than a day she turned into someone I didn't know anything about.
Except she was still the only woman I ever loved so much…
"Eden," I pronounced her name and the smile she gave Ariel slipped off her beautiful face.
"Blake." She paused for a moment, probably not sure what to do. Then, to my surprise, she walked closer and stood on tiptoes to kiss me on the lips. Her palm cupped my cheek and I felt like my whole world seized to this very small kiss that told me so much more than any words ever existed.
"I'm glad to see you again," I whispered into her lips.
"Same here." She gave me a thoughtful look and I wondered if the kiss she just gave me was a good-buy kiss. The look in her eyes was so final. Or maybe I was imagining things and saw something I was so scared to see, but the fears blinded my vision and I was unable to see the real meaning that she put into her kiss.