Illusive

by Diana Nixon

  "Champagne?" Reggie asked, bringing a tray with the glasses full of golden drink.

  "Thanks," Eden said, taking one of them.

  "I'll pass." Mixing whiskey and champagne wasn't a good idea.

  "Don't you guys think it's a perfect time to open the presents?" Ari ran to the tree, took one of the boxes lying under it and shook it slightly.

  I smiled. "Careful there! It might be fragile. And it might be not yours."

  "Hmm… Then who is this for?" Ariel looked a little disappointed, as if she thought all the presents lying under the tree were for her.

  "It's for Eden," I said. I didn't know what present to choose, but when I saw a crystal globe with a house covered with snowflakes, I knew I wanted her to have it as a reminder of the weekend we spent at Lily's.

  When Eden unwrapped the present, she looked at me and I said, "Remember there's a place where you are always welcome." And I didn't mean just Lily's, but my house as well that felt so much more alive when she lived here with us.

  She smiled and said, "I'll remember it."

  God, I wanted her to stay, with me, forever. But who was I to decide what to do with her life? She was the only owner of it and it was up to her to take a step closer to me or leave me.

  As if she could read my thoughts, Mia squeezed my hand slightly and whispered, "Don't waste your time on fears. Use it for something pleasant."

  "Eden, would you like to dance with me?" I asked.

  Mia nodded approvingly and stepped back. She went to the tree and started helping Ariel unwrap the rest of the presents.

  "I think I forgot to say how beautiful you look tonight." I wrapped my arm around Eden's waist and she put her hand in mine.

  "Well, thanks, handsome."

  I remembered the first dance we shared. So much time had passed since that night, but it still felt like we never danced before, or kissed or made love. Because everything about tonight was new to me, including the woman I was holding in my arms.

  "I hope you don't mind if I take a few days off," she said.

  "You know you don't need to ask for my permission anymore. If you need a break from…everything, I'll understand."

  "Technically, I'm still working for you, remember?"

  I smiled and said into her ear, "Then I expect you to be back as soon as possible." I looked her in the eye and added, "I'm gonna miss you, Eden."

  "I really need some time away from here, Blake. It's not about you, or Ariel."

  "I know. And I will wait, no matter how long it takes you to come back."

  "Tell me you love me, please."

  I cupped her face in my palms and pressed my forehead to hers, "You don't need to ask me to do it, because you know I love you. It will never change."

  "I just wanted to hear it one more time."

  "I love you, Eden. Always and forever."

  "I love you too," she said in a whisper.

  I was so happy to hear that.

  I lowered my head and brushed her lips with mine. "Please come back to me, because I can't imagine my life without you."

  She shut her eyes tight and nodded. "I will. But not tonight."

  The clock on the wall started to strike, counting down seconds until the New Year.

  "Twelve!" Ariel shouted.

  "Eleven!" Followed Mia's voice.

  "Ten," I said, with my eyes watching Eden. We were still standing close to each other and I hoped it was a good sign. After all, how you welcome the New Year, so will you spend it.

  "Nine." Eden's eyes glistened with tears, as if she was counting down seconds until the moment she would say good-bye to me.

  "Eight!" Reggie looked at the clock and put her hands together, as if praying for the upcoming year to be good and better than the one we were almost done with.

  "Seven!" Ian said and wrapped his arms around Mia.

  "Six!" Mary said, bringing a new bottle of champagne. Ian took it from her hands and started opening the cap.

  "Five!" Ari clapped her hands, excited. "Four!" She ran up to us and wrapped her small arms around Eden.

  "Three," I said, watching them.

  "Two." Eden took Ari into her arms.

  "One!" Everyone shouted, as Ian opened the bottle and poured champagne into the glasses.

  "Happy New Year!" Ari said, kissing Eden on the cheek.

  "Happy New Year," I said as I wrapped my arms around the two of them.

  I truly hoped it wouldn't be the first and the last New Year that the three of us were celebrating together. To me, it was a perfect picture of everything I'd ever searched for. I wished Eden could feel the same way about me…

  "A toast!" Mia said, taking a glass from Ian. "To love, peace and harmony that live in our hearts. May they fill us for many years to come and help us save the feelings that make our hearts beat faster," she looked at Ian and then at Eden and me, "and to life that warms up the blood in our veins and gives us new dawns and sunsets to enjoy with those we love so much."

  "To life," I repeated, knowing that despite everything, mine was now better than ever, and even better than I could have ever imagined. Because it's true what they say – the best things happen when you least expect them.

  I used to believe that everything good that was in my life was there thanks to Rachel. But now I knew that the best moments were to come and they were all about Eden – the very woman who showed me the difference between true love and the illusion of what we often take for love. She made me believe I was not a lost cause, that I could feel, love and meet every new day with a smile on my face.

  I didn't want to lose it. I couldn't begin to imagine losing it.

  And to keep it, I needed to give her the time that she needed to be ready to step into my life again. Only this time, in a completely new role…

  ***

  Eden

  Three days later

  "Ready to go?" Ian stood at the threshold of my room. Mom and dad were outside, waiting for us to go to the cemetery.

  "I'm not," I responded, looking at him through the mirror. "But I need to go there."

  It was the first time in more than twenty years that I was about to 'meet' my family – the one I lost when I was five.

  Every small part of me was against seeing nothing but their memorials, but I needed to face the truth of my life, despite how bad it was, sooner or later.

  I didn’t want to do it alone. That's why mom, dad and Ian were going to the cemetery with me, along with Mia who was supposed to meet us there.

  "Have you brought flowers?" I asked my brother.

  He nodded, saying, "Irises. Mia said they were Rachel's favorite."

  "We both liked them because they used to grow in our garden. Mom planted them right near the door and we always waited for them to start blooming." Ian looked a little surprised, as always when I told him something I remembered from a long time ago. Funny thing, my memory gave me the details of something other people might not remember from their childhood: like the name of my favorite doll or the picture I drew for one of mom's birthdays. But to me, those were the most precious moments in the whole world. Because they formed an invisible bond that kept me close to the people I loved so much.

  Of the three of them, Rachel's death was the hardest to believe in. Maybe because deep down inside I knew my biological parents were gone. I'd been through losing them once and now that I remembered it, it was not as hard to accept it as losing my sister who after the fire that took away the lives of our parents, was the closest person I had. Lily loved us too, but it was different.

  I remembered Rachel once said that now she was going to be my mom and dad, and that now she was responsible for everything that was gonna happen to me.

  That's why she couldn't forgive herself for losing me. Mia said there wasn't a day that Rachel didn't mention my name. Whatever she was doing, she was doing it thinking about me.

  I knew she wanted me to be proud of her, as well as I knew how much she wanted me to meet Ariel, whose middle name was Eden. I d
idn't know it until the New Year’s party when Mia told me about it. It was another surprise that my sister left for me.

  "My Eden, my beautiful paradise," as she used to call me whenever kissing me good night.

  She said it was mom's idea to call me Eden, because the day I was born the sun was shining so brightly for the end of December, she thought it was a sign – a sign that I was a gift sent to her from paradise.

  When dad parked at the gates of the cemetery, everything inside me tightened in a knot.

  "Are you sure you wanna go there?" Ian asked, taking my hand in his.

  "Yes." I swallowed hard and got out of the car.

  Mia waved to me from across the street and I saw her go towards the gate, holding flowers in her hands: roses that were probably for my parents, because my dad always brought white roses to my mom; lilac's that were for Lily and purple irises for Rachel.

  "You okay?" She asked, as I came closer to her.

  I chuckled. "As okay as I can be." I looked around, looking for one more person who I knew would never miss the day like today. "Blake?" I asked, looking at Mia.

  "He's somewhere here," she said, rubbing my back. "He didn’t want to break his word."

  He promised he wouldn’t push it and would give me as much time as I needed to be ready to come back to him. He didn't call or text, and I appreciated it, knowing that no matter where he was or what he was doing, he never stopped thinking about me or loving me, which was mutual of course.

  Mia and I walked through the gates, followed by Ian and my parents.

  There were so many graves around us, old and new, with the silence of time keeping the secrets of lives.

  I knew we were coming closer to the graves I was so scared to see. My heart was beating wildly in my chest, my palms were sweating.

  "You are shaking," Mia said, stopping.

  "Am I?" I stopped too.

  "You don't have to do it now. We can come back later, when you are…"

  "No," I said firmly. "We are here and I want to see them. Because it doesn't matter how much time I spend trying to prepare myself for this, it will never be enough to fully accept losing them forever."

  "I know." Mia's eyes watered and so did mine.

  "Let's go," I said, taking her by the hand.

  I was the first person to see the face that was so much like my own. Even from a distance, I knew it was Rachel, looking at me with the smile I never managed to see when she was alive.

  I stared at her portrait and everything around me stopped for a moment: the wind, the clouds above my head, and even my heart that suddenly felt so hot and heavy; I got scared it would stop beating right there and then.

  "Hi, sis," I whispered, wiping away the snow that covered her memorial. It landed softly on the ground and tears ran down my cheeks…

  No one spoke, watching my silent conversation with Rachel.

  There were so many things I wanted to tell her and even more questions that I wanted to ask. A part of me believed she could hear me now, even though she was never going to respond.

  Ian gave me the flowers and I put them on the snowy grave – soft pink irises against the whiteness of death.

  You were so lucky to see me before you died… How is that possible that we never met? Why didn’t life give us a chance to see each other again?

  "You live in our hearts…" Said the words written on the monument.

  Just then, my eyes focused on the date of Rachel's death. I knew she died around the same time I got my new heart, but…

  "She died the same day I had my surgery…" I looked at Ian, whose face was as pale as the snow around us. Then I turned my head to the people standing behind me. Mom, dad and Mia – none of them said a word. "It's not just a coincidence, is it?"

  CHAPTER 20

  Blake

  I knew the moment Eden learned the truth about her heart. Blood washed away from her face, leaving nothing but a frozen question in her widened, dark-brown eyes.

  I had been watching her from afar, refusing to break into her reunion with her sister. I didn't say it to Mia, but I knew Rachel's death date would tell Eden everything she didn't know until today. Neither Mia, nor anyone from Eden's family thought about it. Otherwise, I was sure they would postpone this visit to the cemetery for as long as possible, just to make sure Eden was ready for news like that.

  Ian said something to her and she covered her face with her palms; her shoulders shook. He came closer and wrapped his arms around her. She cried even harder.

  I started to walk closer, but stopped, knowing it wasn't a good time to reveal my presence. She still needed to see her parents' graves that were a few rows behind Rachel's. And she had her family to help her through it all. So I pushed my hands deeper into my coat pockets and waited, praying for Eden's guardian angels to help her survive everything she was feeling at that moment. I was sure that even from heaven her sister would take care of her. Because unlike her body, her love for Eden could never die.

  ***

  Eden

  "Is there anything else that you haven’t told me about her?"

  My dad was the first one to respond, "No. Now you know everything."

  Mom's words followed, "We didn't know how to tell you about it…"

  Mia's tears said it all for her. It was Rachel's choice and she didn't have a right to ignore it.

  I looked at Ian. "Did you know about the documents that allowed the doctors to use her heart as a donation?"

  "No, I didn't. I learned about them the day she died. Mia told me."

  My eyes found hers. "I didn't know what to do…" She said, sobbing. "I was the only person who knew about the existence of the damn document. So I called Ian. I needed someone else to tell me that giving it to the doctor was the right thing to do. Rachel wanted it. She would never forgive me for hiding it from everyone. Especially if you never made it out of the hospital…alive."

  Instinctively, my palm covered the spot on my coat where my new heart was beating beneath my skin.

  Rachel gave her heart to me…

  She saved me…

  She kept her word after all. She did her best to take care of me.

  "Oh, my God, I can't believe it." I looked at Rachel's portrait again and sighed. "Why did you leave me so soon?" More tears rolled down my face, though I was sure there were no more tears to cry.

  "Her heart was a perfect match," Mia said. "The doctors didn't hesitate even for a second. Right after they saw the test results, they sent you to the surgery room."

  So many things now made sense. Starting from the day I crossed the threshold of Blake's house and met Ari and to the moment I realized I didn't want to leave her and needed to keep my job, no matter what. Her mom's heart never stopped loving her…

  "Come on, you have to get up," I heard Rachel's voice from my past.

  She brushed back my tangled hair and laughed softly. "Sleepy bear." She walked to the window and pulled back the curtains to let the morning sun fill the room with the light.

  Just like right now, that her heart was beating for me, enlightening every dark corner that felt lifeless before she gave her life to me…

  "Thank you," I said in a whisper. I pressed my fingers to my lips and then to Rachel's portrait.

  Too bad, I will never kiss you good-night again.

  But you will always live in my heart…

  I stepped back from the grave and said aloud, "I'll see you later, sis." Then I waited for Mia to put her flowers next to mine and together we moved forward, to where my parents were sleeping peacefully under two weeping willows guarding their monuments.

  Mom and dad looked so happy on the picture that Lily chose for the monument. Mia said it was taken shortly after their wedding. I didn't remember their faces very clearly and only pictures could show me the features that were forgotten but never unloved.

  I remembered the day Rachel, Lily and I came to their grave for the very first time. The memory was vague, but I clearly remembered my sister's face, covere
d with tears. She was with them now, somewhere no pain or tears existed.

  I didn't know how much time I was predestined to spend away from them, but now that I had Ari and Blake, I truly hoped I would have a chance to live a long and happy life. Even if it was supposed to end sooner than I expected, I still wanted to live it, live it all, with them.

  I turned around, as if feeling someone's eyes on me, and saw Blake walking down the road. He looked at me and stopped for a moment, probably thinking I didn't want to see him.

  But the truth was – I really wanted to be with him now, more than ever.

  I started to walk towards him until we met in the middle of the road.

  "I thought you would never show up," I said, smiling slightly. I couldn't find the right words to describe what I was feeling at that moment, but one of them was so clear, I couldn't deny it…

  "I thought you didn't want to see me," he said, touching my cheek with his palm.

  "Silly you." I leaned into him and felt him wrap his arms around me. The embrace was warm and so much needed. "Thank you for coming here," I said.

  He kissed my hair, but said nothing.

  "I know that you knew what she did with her heart."

  He sighed. "I found out about it just recently. It was after you and me…"

  "Fell in love with each other?" I moved my head so I could see his face.

  "Exactly." He smiled gently and kissed the tip of my nose. "You are freezing."

  "I am. And I cried so much… You've never seen me like this before."

  "Like what?"

  "Like a complete mess."

  His embrace around me tightened. "You are the hottest mess I've ever seen."

  Then we walked to where Ian, Mia, my mom and dad were standing.

  "I'm sorry, I didn’t bring flowers," Blake said.

  "Good to know that you've shown up at all," Mia said. "I thought you would be scared to face Eden's fury."