When You Are Near

by Tracie Peterson

  “But that’s not even reasonable. You’re a beautiful woman with so much to offer. Marry me, and I’ll give you anything you want.”

  “You can’t give me what I want, Jason.” Her throat went dry, and she bowed her head. She didn’t even know what she wanted. “Please try to understand. I like you well enough.” She forced herself to look up as he let go of her. “But I don’t love you.”

  “You love him, don’t you?”

  She didn’t need him to use a name to know that he meant Wesley. “Yes.” She hadn’t intended to admit such a thing to Jason, but now that she had, she felt the need to continue. “I never set out to, and God knows I have no intention of doing anything about it. But I do love him, and because of that, I won’t give you false hope.”

  “You don’t plan to marry him either?”

  “No.” She tried to keep all emotion from her voice. “As I said, I don’t ever intend to marry—not that Wes has asked.”

  “Then he’s a fool.”

  Lizzy smiled. “I don’t think so. I think he may be the only smart one.”

  Jason let go a long breath. “I don’t intend to stop trying to win you over and change your mind.”

  His statement only furthered her frustration. “What happened to us just being friends?”

  “I lost my heart to you. That’s what happened. I can’t imagine taking any other woman for my wife.”

  “I am sorry, Jason. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn’t want anything more. Now, please, leave me to work.”

  She thought he might argue with her, but thankfully her mother appeared from the shadows of the doorway. Prince was faithfully at her heels.

  “Lizzy, here you are.”

  Jason gave Lizzy a slight bow and exited the arena without another word. Mother came to Lizzy and glanced back over her shoulder. “I thought if I made myself known, he’d leave you be.”

  “Thank you. He can be a pest.” Lizzy leaned down and scratched Prince behind the ear. “I am so impressed with how quickly you’ve brought him in line.”

  “He’s a smart dog and learns quick.”

  Lizzy gave him one final pat and straightened up. “I wish everyone would learn as quickly.”

  “Are you speaking of yourself or Jason?” Mother asked with a smile. “I’m sorry, but I overheard a great deal of your conversation. I was in the back room taking inventory.”

  “I didn’t realize anyone else was out here, but that’s all right.” Lizzy lifted the saddle in her arms. She carried it to Longfellow and placed it on the ground beside him. “I didn’t say a thing to him that I wouldn’t have said with you at my side.”

  “Why did you tell him you never intend to marry?” Mother asked.

  Lizzy put the blanket atop Longfellow and smoothed it out. “Because I don’t.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you. You’ve always talked about wanting to marry and have a family.”

  “That was then.” Lizzy planted the saddle atop her horse, then rocked it back and forth to make sure it was in the right place. She’d secured the cinch and flank billet before Mother put her hand on Lizzy’s arm. Lizzy looked up. “What is it?”

  “Why have you changed your mind about marrying? I know you still have deep feelings for Wes. I heard you tell Jason that you love him. Why don’t you want to marry him?”

  “First of all, Wes sees me as a child—the daughter of the man he works for . . . or worked for. Second, he doesn’t return my feelings. Third . . .” She fell silent. Looking in her mother’s eyes, Lizzy knew her reasoning would only cause pain. “It’s not important.”

  “I think it is, and I want you to tell me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you more by remembering what you once had.”

  Mother’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Is this about your father and I?”

  “Yes. I know what it cost you to lose Father. Your love for him and his for you was such a strong and beautiful thing. Now that he’s gone, you’re left with all this misery and pain. I hear you cry at night, Mother. I know how much his loss has meant.”

  “Yes, it’s been very hard,” Mother admitted. “But I wouldn’t trade a single day we had together to be free of this sorrow.”

  “You wouldn’t?” Lizzy found that hard to believe.

  “Do you honestly suppose I would?” Mother sounded as if Lizzy had just suggested the most ridiculous thing in the world.

  “I can’t imagine that a few years of happiness is worth the pain you feel now.”

  “That’s how little you know about love.” Mother put her arm around Lizzy and drew her away from Longfellow. She led them to the bench. “Sit with me a moment.”

  Lizzy took a seat beside her mother, and Prince settled on the ground between them. Mother clasped her hand in Lizzy’s. “My darling girl, is this why you’re avoiding Wes?”

  “I’m not really avoiding him. He’s been very busy with the calving.”

  Mother smiled. “I first met your father when I was just fourteen. I lost my heart to him almost immediately. I think he’d say he did the same. We were nearly inseparable from then on. We knew we’d marry and hoped we’d have a large family. Of course, the latter didn’t happen. You were the only child we were able to have, but you were such a blessing. Your father often said that instead of giving us ten beautiful and intelligent children, God put the equivalent characteristics into one perfect child.”

  “I’m far from perfect, but I know you and Father love me dearly. I never lacked for love from either of you.” Lizzy squeezed her mother’s hand.

  “I’m glad. I know I’ve never felt a lack of love from you and certainly never from your father. I don’t even feel that lost to me now, which is why you must listen to me. Lizzy, avoiding love because you’re afraid of losing it will leave you a very lonely and empty woman.”

  “But it will also keep me from knowing the pain you now know.”

  “Life is full of sorrows and pain. But it’s also full of joy and love. Would you turn away from me because of the pain you’ve experienced losing your father? Would your fear of losing another parent result in you leaving me for good?”

  Such a thing was unthinkable, and Lizzy was quick to say as much. “Never. That would be beyond reason.”

  “So too is hardening your heart against falling in love. You love Wes, and I believe the two of you belong together. Don’t avoid love because you fear what might happen should he die. Don’t sacrifice what is real for what may never be.”

  “But everyone dies.” Lizzy felt her emotions welling up inside and pushed them back down. “You can’t say that it may never be, because death will come.”

  “Yes, because it’s part of life. But Lizzy, your strength is found in the Lord. I remember when you were very little and asked me what happened to us when we died. Do you remember that talk?”

  “I do. I was five years old, and one of Grandmother’s cats had been killed by the dog. The dog had threatened her kittens, and she died protecting them.”

  “Yes.” Mother brushed a strand of brown hair from Lizzy’s face. “I told you that when a person died they would either go home to be with God or they would be forever separated from Him.”

  “And I asked why.” Lizzy smiled. “I used to ask why all the time.”

  Mother laughed. “You did indeed. But that was perhaps the most important time of all.”

  Lizzy remembered it well. “You told me about Jesus dying on the cross for me to take away my sins. It made me cry because all I could think about was how that poor cat had been killed.”

  “I know, but it was a good way to teach you about Jesus dying for us. He saw that we were in a bad way without Him. Satan was always threatening His children, just as that dog threatened the kittens. He gave His life so that we would be able to escape Satan’s torment.”

  “You told me that if I put my trust in Jesus and confessed my sins, I would never really die.”

  “And you got confused and thought I meant you’d never
die at all.” Mother smiled. “Death in this life isn’t the end. We certainly needn’t fear it if we have given our hearts to God. We will see your father again. Of this I’m certain, even though it is hard to be without him now.”

  “It is.”

  Mother got to her feet and drew Lizzy up with her. She hugged her long and hard, and when Mother pulled back, Lizzy could see the tears that streamed down her cheeks. With her guard down, Lizzy could hardly bear it.

  “Lizzy, I want you to know the truth for what it is. I would bear this pain and even more. Your father’s love was worth the price. Just think about that, will you?” She kissed Lizzy’s cheek, then walked away. Prince cocked his head to one side as he looked at Lizzy, then took off after his mistress.

  “Yes. I will.” Lizzy sank back onto the bench.

  The door to the arena opened, but Lizzy didn’t look up. She heard Mother say something but paid no attention. No doubt Ella was coming to work on their act.

  “Lizzy?”

  Wesley’s voice so surprised Lizzy that she jumped to her feet. He stood only a few feet away, watching her. He looked tired and worried. Had Mother said something to him?

  “I’m sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.” She smiled and squared her shoulders. “What can I do for you? How’s the calving going?”

  “Everything’s going well. We’re ninety percent done. I think everything will finish up by the first of the month.”

  “That’s good.” Lizzy made her way back to Longfellow to finish saddling him. She took up the breast collar and secured it in place. “I’m sure you’ll be relieved to have it all done before you head out with the show. Although I still don’t understand why you said yes. You hate the show.”

  “I do not.” He moved to stand beside Longfellow. “I never hated it.”

  “Then why do you give me such a hard time about performing?” She straightened and raised her brow.

  “Because I don’t want you to get hurt. Those stunts you create are dangerous. They’re getting more and more dangerous just so you can thrill an audience.”

  She sighed. “Stop acting like an overprotective big brother.”

  Wesley growled and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her with great passion, nearly bending her over backward. Lizzy gave in to the moment and let the love she felt for Wes surge. It surely couldn’t hurt just this once.

  When he straightened and let go of her, Lizzy could only stare at him. Her pounding heart and panting breath hardly allowed her to speak. Slowly, rational thought returned. “Why . . . why did you . . . do that?”

  His eyes never left hers. “Because I want to be clear on one thing: I do not think of you as my sister.”

  “Then what—what do you think of me as?”

  He pulled her back into his arms. “My heart.”

  He started to kiss her again, but a scream sounded, and Lizzy pushed back.

  “That’s Ella!”

  Ella flew through the open door. She was nearly hysterical.

  “What’s wrong?” Lizzy went to the crying girl and took hold of her. “What is it?”

  Ella’s eyes were wide with fear. “My father . . . Jefferson . . . they’re here!”

  twenty-two

  Lizzy was glad that Wes agreed to return to the house with her and Ella. When they arrived, they found Mother, along with Uncle Oliver and Jason, sitting in the front room.

  “Ella!” Mr. Fleming jumped to his feet. “I’ve been half sick with worry over you.” He started to come to her, but Ella backed away. He stopped and looked at her with a frown. “Whatever has come over you?”

  “Stay away from me. I want nothing to do with either of you.”

  Jefferson joined Ella’s father. “What in the world is wrong, Ella? You’ve had us frantic for months in search of you.”

  “I left because I couldn’t abide being there. I have no intention of returning home, so please go and leave me alone.”

  Lizzy put her arm around Ella. She could see the anger in Jefferson Spiby’s expression, while Ella’s father just looked confused.

  “Why don’t we all sit and discuss this in a civilized manner?” Mother suggested. “I’ll have Irma bring us some coffee.” She turned to go.

  “I’d prefer something stronger,” Spiby called after her.

  Mother looked back and smiled. “I’m afraid we do not drink spirits in this house, Mr. Spiby. You’ll have to settle for coffee, tea, or milk.”

  He glared at her. “Very well. I’ll have coffee.”

  Lizzy was already ushering Ella to the far side of the room. There were two chairs by the door to the music room. If things got uncomfortable, Lizzy could take Ella out that way. Since the music room adjoined the library, which led to the hall, they could escape if need be.

  Ella was trembling when Lizzy let go of her. She felt sorry for the younger woman. Ella’s fear of these men was evident. Men like Mr. Fleming and Spiby counted on intimidation to get their way, and Lizzy wasn’t about to stand for them trying that here. She saw Wes take up a spot by the hallway entrance. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the doorjamb, all while watching Spiby and Fleming. Lizzy found herself wishing she’d confided in him regarding Ella. What in the world must he think?

  “I’m not sure what this is all about, Ella, but your mother has been sick of heart since you ran away. She took to her bed and has hardly been up since you disappeared. I thought perhaps you had gone to your sister in Chicago, but our investigation soon proved otherwise.” Mr. Fleming turned to eye Uncle Oliver. “I sent a man to ask if you were with the Brookstone group, but he was told you weren’t.”

  “In all honesty, Uncle Oliver didn’t know,” Lizzy announced. “I snuck Ella onboard and hid her. He knew nothing of her being with us until days later.”

  “I should have known.” Ella’s father looked at Lizzy in disgust. “You are a most willful young woman.”

  “Which is better than being one who cowers and lives in fear,” Lizzy countered.

  Ella said nothing and kept her gaze on her folded hands.

  Mr. Fleming made a dismissive noise and continued. “Ella, as I told Mr. Brookstone, we’ve come to take you home. I’ve spent a small fortune hiring a Pinkerton man to find you, and now that I have you safely in my care, we must return home. We appreciate the hospitality he and Mrs. Brookstone have given you, but you’ve a wedding to plan. The date has been rescheduled for April.”

  Ella’s head snapped up. “I’m not in your care, and I won’t marry Jefferson Spiby.”

  Jefferson gave her a hard, cold look but remained silent. Ella’s father, however, wasn’t about to do the same.

  “You will marry him. We made that arrangement long ago, and you knew your obligation to him.”

  “I won’t.” Ella looked from her father to Jefferson. “I will not marry. Those were your arrangements, not mine.” She focused on her father and crossed her arms. “I’m twenty-one now, and you cannot force me to marry or return home with you.”

  Her father seemed to have forgotten this fact. He looked momentarily confused. Lizzy wondered if it were possible he hadn’t realized Ella had come of age. Surely he knew the date of his own daughter’s birthday.

  Mother returned with Irma close behind. The older woman carried a tray with coffee and cups. Mother had a platter of cookies. “I hope you will enjoy these,” Mother said, putting the cookies on the table between Jefferson and George Fleming’s chairs. “Irma just pulled them from the oven. They’re oatmeal. They will hold you over until lunch. I do hope you’ll join us for the meal.”

  Lizzy admired her mother’s grace and gentility. She was no happier to see these two men in her house than Lizzy was, but Mother maintained a polite, welcoming spirit.

  “As we told you, Mrs. Brookstone, we are only here to retrieve Ella, and then we must be on our way.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with either of you.” Ella was quickly growing bolder.

  “Ella, I am deeply wounded. What did I do to cause
you to run away?” her father asked.

  Lizzy wondered if her friend would be truthful in this gathering. No one but Lizzy and Mary knew about Ella overhearing Jefferson Spiby’s confession.

  Mary. Where was she? What would happen if she heard that these men had come?

  A log in the hearth shifted, startling Ella. She bit her lip and looked at Lizzy, eyes wide. Lizzy patted her arm and decided to jump into the conversation.

  “Ella wants to perform in our show. She’s going to trick ride with me. She’s very good.”

  Spiby chuckled. “So she ran away to join the circus. How amusing.”

  “Not amusing at all,” Mr. Fleming declared. “I wondered at your . . . manner of dress.” He paused momentarily, as if considering all that had been said. “Ella, this is ridiculous. No daughter of mine is going to be a common performer. Furthermore—”

  “I’m sorry, Father, but that is exactly what I am going to do.”

  He looked at Ella as if she were a stranger. “This is outrageous. I demand you refuse her, Mr. Brookstone.” Mr. Fleming looked at Uncle Oliver. “If not, I will discontinue doing business with you and ruin your show.”

  “I’m not a man to be threatened, Fleming.” Uncle Oliver crossed his arms. “Especially in my own home.”

  “And I’m not a man to be refused,” Fleming countered. “Especially where my own daughter is concerned.”

  Silence fell over the room, and with it, the tension increased. Lizzy didn’t figure either side would resort to violence, but she knew that Mr. Fleming and Mr. Spiby hadn’t anticipated anyone taking a stand against them.

  Then, as she had feared, Mary appeared in the doorway. Lizzy had no idea how she’d found out about the men’s arrival, but she could very nearly read Mary’s thoughts. She kept her expression void of emotion, but her eyes seemed to burn. When her gaze met Lizzy’s, it was clear that she wanted nothing more than to use the guns strapped at her side.

  “Ah, Mary,” Mother said, smiling. “Mary is our sharpshooter.”

  The men barely nodded in acknowledgment before returning their attention to Ella. Lizzy wondered if her friend would be able to hold her temper. Mary knew these men were responsible for the death of her brother. If they had killed Lizzy’s father, she knew she wouldn’t find it easy to do and say nothing.