The Dove of Death sf-20
Page 35
So perhaps now was a time to cease this questioning of her motives? There was still a secular professional class among her people. She felt that her cousin Abbot Laisran had ill-advised her. Her life, she had discovered, did not rely on being protected by a religious community. She found the new ideas coming from Rome — that all should obey the set rules that most people felt alien to their philosophies — was not a path she wanted to continue on. Was it too late?
‘You seem deep in thought.’ Eadulf’s voice awoke her from her reverie.
‘I was thinking about what you said.’
‘I just want our son to grow up knowing something of his parents.’
‘Of course. I want the same.’ Fidelma coloured a little. She had begun asking herself what her true ambition in life was, and had realised that her greatest joy was her pursuance of the law. The religious life counted as little compared with that.
‘Perhaps, when we return to Cashel, we should spend time talking about the future?’ ventured Eadulf.
He was a little surprised when she agreed readily. He gazed thoughtfully at her.
‘That is good. We have travelled enough in one life. Now is the time to settle and become more reflective and, perhaps, find a retreat in that little mixed community at the Abbey of the Blessed Ruan, north of Cashel. What was it called? The oak-grove of…?’
He broke off with a sigh when he realised that Fidelma was no longer listening. Her eyes seemed focused somewhere on the misty waters of the grey sea before her.
Had he but known, Fidelma’s thoughts were actually running the opposite course to Eadulf’s.
She was not thinking of settling down in a mixed religious community to reflect on the Faith. In fact, she was thinking about leaving the religious altogether and taking her place in the role that she had, unofficially, long since filled. That was the role as the legal advisor to her brother, Colgú, King of Cashel.
A smile crossed her features as she thought more about the idea. That would be her ambition fulfilled. She wanted to tell Eadulf immediately — but she hesitated. It would wait until they reached Cashel. It would wait until she had talked it over with her brother. Eadulf was not ready to consider the matter now. Best wait until they were home in Cashel. Everything would be all right in Cashel.
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