JUDE: Lords of Carnage MC

by Daphne Loveling

Just then, booted footsteps sound in the main hallway, and Angel comes striding into the room. Behind him is Steeze, our newest club member. Steeze got patched in after me, about a year ago. He was the first prospect I got to vote on, around the big table in the chapel with the other Lords. His personality ain’t to everyone’s taste, mine included. But he was a solid enough recruit that in the end, everybody voted in his favor. He’s cockier than he has a right to be, and always quick to make a joke, even when it ain’t the time for one. But I’ve never seen him back down from a fight. He’s one of those guys who rides the line between brave and stupid so close that you’re never really sure which one he is.

  “There they are!” Angel’s voice booms as he makes his way toward us. He holds out his arms, and I extend my young nephew toward him. My brother-in-law takes Matty from me, then he bends down to give his wife a kiss.

  “Happy anniversary, babe,” he says. “You look gorgeous.”

  “Happy anniversary to you, too,” she smiles. “You’re still the hottest man in this club.”

  “Debatable,” I quip.

  Jewel looks at me archly. “Do you really want me to say my brother is hot?”

  “Point taken,” I mutter.

  “Happy anniversary, Jewel,” Steeze grins. “Thanks for keepin’ our prez happy so he doesn’t take it out on us.”

  “I wouldn’t say I had that kind of power,” Jewel demurs with a wry smile.

  “Well, I never knew him before you were his old lady, but from what I hear, Angel used to be a pretty disagreeable fuck, so…”

  “Let me remind you, brother,” Angel interrupts him with a sharp look, “that I am right here, and that I’m more than willing to show you my disagreeable side if you don’t shut the hell up.”

  “Okay, well, we should get going,” Jewel cuts in, turning to her husband. “I actually made a reservation for lunch.”

  “Where at?” Angel asks.

  Jewel rolls her eyes. “A place where they have extra-wide booths that will fit two infant car seats. How romantic, eh?”

  “Romance is in the eye of the beholder,” Angel replies.

  “Wow, romantic and poetic?” Jewel flutters her eyes. “Be still my heart!”

  “Okay, enough of this gooey shit. I’m out,” I grouse. “I’ll see you later. Happy anniversary to ya both.”

  “Thanks, Jude.” Jewel pauses. “Remember what I said about going to check on Lila. Make sure she’s not too lonely. And think about what I said about coming for dinner, okay?”

  I watch my sister and brother-in-law walk out of the clubhouse, laughing easily with each other. The two of them fit together, no doubt about it. There ain’t no one that can stand up to Angel the way Jewel can.

  It’s still weird to me to see Angel carry his infant son in his arms, like it’s natural as hell for him to be a dad. I know that ain’t the case, though. Angel and his sister Jenna’s dad was barely around when they were growing up, from what I’ve heard. He was mayor of Tanner Springs, back in the day, and I guess he cared a lot more about power and money than his family. Abe Abbott disappeared for a while, and most people thought he was dead. But he showed up a couple Christmases ago, and now he’s back in Tanner Springs, living the grandpa life with his own grandkids — Angel and Jewel’s four, and Ghost and Jenna’s two.

  I know what Jewel would probably say if we were talking about this. See? Angel’s dad changed. Maybe Mama and Tata are changing, too.

  Yeah, right. Fuck that noise. They threw me out when I was just a dumb, fucked-up kid, instead of doing something to fucking help me. Said they couldn’t “control” me. Control ain’t what you do to a kid you love.

  In my humble fucking opinion.

  There, Jewel. I thought more about coming to dinner. The answer’s still no.

  “Hey, so Jude,” Steeze says, cutting into my thoughts. “What do you know about that chick who’s stayin’ here at the clubhouse? Brick told me her name’s Lily, or something?”

  “Lila,” I correct automatically. “What about her?”

  “What’s her story? I just heard she’s bein’ looked for by some bad guys so she came here for protection.”

  “Oh, right. You didn’t know her from before. She used to be around a lot. She was kinda Brooke’s protégée. So yeah, she’ll probably be around for a while.”

  “She legal?” he asks with a leer. “‘Cause she’s a fuckin’ smoke show.”

  The way Steeze asks the question sets my teeth on edge. “She’s eighteen,” I manage to grind out. “But I wouldn’t get any ideas if I was you. Beast is likely to pound you into the fuckin’ ground if he catches you messing with her.”

  “Ah, Beast loves me.” Steeze spreads his hands wide. “Besides, like you said, she’s eighteen. She’s free to choose, right?”

  Goddamnit. I narrow my eyes at his stupid fucking mug. He’s a good-lookin’ dude, objectively. He’s got that swarthy shit goin’ on, with curly black hair the club girls love to run their fingers through. But Lila’s too smart to fall for his smooth shit. Isn’t she?

  “Look,” I scowl. “She’s here because she needs protection. She’s been through a lot of shit lately. Back off of her, okay?”

  “Hey, I like ‘em a little crazy,” he leers.

  My fists clench. I resist the urge to punch his face into next week. “Just stay away from her, Steeze.”

  His laughter rings out as I push past him.

  I shake off some black thoughts of shit I’d like to do to his smug ass, and instead turn down the hallway that leads to my apartment. But when I get to my door, instead of going in, I pause.

  Then I go down a couple doors and rap three times.

  As always, there’s silence at first. But this time, I don’t walk away.

  “Lila!” I call. “You in there?”

  A couple seconds later, I think I hear a rustling. The knob turns, and the door opens.

  “Hey,” she says softly, peering up at me. Her hair’s kind of a mess, like maybe she’s been taking a nap or something. She’s wearing a tank top that’s a little big for her in the chest — one of Brooke’s, no doubt — and jeans. Her feet are bare.

  “Hey,” I mumble. “I uh, thought maybe I’d check up and see how you’re doing. Haven’t seen much of you the last couple days.”

  One corner of her mouth lifts up a little. “I’m good,” she says, then pauses. “A little bored.”

  “Can I come in?”

  Lila pulls the door open, waves me inside. The double bed in the main room is made, but rumpled, like someone’s been sitting on it, pillow propped up against the bed frame. There’s no music on or anything, and nothing personal lying around. It looks kind of like a cheap hotel in here, bare bones. I remember that no one has really lived in this apartment yet before Lila. This wing is a new addition to the clubhouse, and we expanded it to make sure we had extra room.

  “Were you just sitting in here, doing nothing?” I ask, turning back to where she’s still standing in the doorway.

  Lila colors. “I mean, kind of. I don’t really have a lot to do.”

  “You don’t have to stay in here, you know. You’re not a prisoner.”

  “I know.” Her eyes cut toward the hallway. “I just don’t want to be in the way.”

  “Shit. You must be climbing the walls in here,” I marvel.

  “A little,” she admits. “I’m not really used to being this cooped up.” Lila’s eyes dart from my face, like this conversation is embarrassing her. She squints at my arm. “Looks good.”

  I glance down at the tattoo with her. The bandage is off of the lower part now, so she can see the flames that Stacia inked on me last week. “Thanks. It’s half-done. Going back to Rebel Ink to get Stacia to do the rest of it as soon as I can find the time.”

  “Bullet’s old lady Stacia?” Lila’s eyes widen. “Wow, she’s good. Not sure I’ve ever seen any of the ink she’s done. How’s she doing these days?”

  “Great. You’ll see her soon, probably.”<
br />
  Lila takes a step closer, leans down to peer more closely at my forearm. “You never told me how you got those burns you’re covering up.”

  I shrug. “The short of it is, I ran into a house that was on fire to save a guy who wasn’t worth saving.”

  “Did you succeed?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “Turns out, he was dead before I even went in. So I got these burns for nothing.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Lila says softly. “They show you were brave, even if things didn’t turn out.”

  “Maybe. Anyway, I guess the Lords thought so, too. As soon as I was out of the hospital, they voted to patch me in.”

  “Huh.” Lila continues to stare at me, with that frank, direct look I remember so well. “You’ve changed a lot,” she tells me after a moment. “But you’re the same, too.”

  I don’t know what to say to that. So I don’t say anything. Instead, I let my eyes trace the lines of her face. The way that mess of red curls frames her jaw line. The full curve of her lips, and how the pink of them contrasts with the pale cream of her skin.

  My cock stirs.

  I clear my throat.

  “So, anyway, you don’t have to stay in your room,” I offer again. “It ain’t like the Lords don’t want you around.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” Lila sighs. “But there’s not much else to do out there but drink — which, you know, technically, is illegal for me to do, since I ain’t old enough.”

  “There’s a whole club full of men out there to beat at pool and video games,” I offer, smirking. She looks up and me and laughs easily, her face clearing.

  “Maybe later,” she chuckles. “Though I’m pretty sure I could still kick your ass.”

  “No doubt,” I agree. “So, what do you want to do?”

  She takes a breath. “I could use some books or something, I guess.”

  “Okay.” I pause. “You want to go take a drive and get some?”

  She blinks. “Yes. Please. Truthfully, I’m going nuts around here.”

  10

  Lila

  When we check with Angel, he gives me permission to leave the compound, as long as I stay with Jude at all times.

  “You want to go to a book store?” Jude asks me as we walk out the clubhouse door into the sunlight.

  “Maybe the library,” I frown. “I don’t have any cash.”

  Then again, I don’t have my library card, either. Or anything else of mine, for that matter. André always made sure I didn’t bring any identifying info with me when I went on runs for him. I don’t even have my cell phone on me. It’s sitting on the table next to my bed back at André’s place.

  “I don’t have my library card on me either,” I admit. “But maybe they can just look me up.”

  Since I’m hoping to get a big pile of books to keep me company for a while, Jude grabs a set of keys for one of the vehicles that belongs to the club, a large, solid-looking SUV that’s got a monster engine in it from the way it sounds when he starts it up. I buckle in as he pulls out from the Lords’ compound onto the road. The darkened windows and the fact we’re sitting high up off the ground makes me feel like I’m riding in a tank or something.

  Jude doesn’t fill the air with small talk as he drives, which I’m kind of thankful for. In my experience, small talk tends to involve lots of questions about things I don’t want to answer. I steal a few glances at him as he drives. His jaw is sharper than it used to be. His muscles are bigger. There’s a wariness in his eyes, but also a confidence.

  Jude must feel me looking at him, because he shifts toward me and cuts me a glance. When his eyes meet mine, one corner of his mouth tilts upward, like he’s caught me at something. Embarrassed, I turn away and lean back into the seat, lifting one booted foot to rest on the dashboard.

  I’m almost surprised he knows the way to the library without having to ask me. But I don’t say that out loud because it sounds kind of insulting in my head. When we arrive, I tell Jude he can stay in the car while I go in, but he reminds me I’m supposed to stay in his sight and comes inside with me.

  The old, stone and brick Carnegie-style library is one of my favorite places in Tanner Springs. It’s been a haven to me for as long as I can remember. I know the smells inside it by heart, and the occasional soft pops of the fluorescent lights are the sounds of home to me. It’s quiet for the most part, except for the occasional murmurs of the librarians and the electronic beeps of the machine that scans the books to check them out and back in again. Just being in here, I can feel my shoulders relaxing when I didn’t even realize they had been tense.

  I turn back to Jude, who is just a couple of steps behind me. In his leather cut and boots, he’s completely out of place here. But if he feels weird about it, it doesn’t show on his face.

  “I won’t be very long,” I whisper at him.

  Jude raises a brow, gives me a wink. “Take your time. I ain’t got anyplace I need to be. I’ll be over in the newspaper and magazine section. Just come get me when you’re done.”

  I watch him as he grabs a couple of magazines off a coffee table and takes a seat. As I turn toward the stacks, I see that one of the librarians is watching him, too. She looks to be about thirty years old, and her face is mixture of suspicion and fascination. Lips parted, she seems to forget whatever it is she’s doing at her computer. After a second, she blinks and shakes her head a little, then turns back to the screen.

  Can’t say I blame her. Jude is a bad boy fantasy come to life. Much as I hate to admit it.

  I tell myself I’ll hurry so he won’t have to wait around for me for too long. But once I’m in the stacks, I can’t help but let myself be lulled into the happy zone I always get into when I’m here. I browse my way through the fiction shelves, taking advantage of the fact that I have more free time at the clubhouse than I’ve basically ever had before. I pull out more than a dozen titles, choosing a mix of comforting favorites that I’ve read countless times and a bunch of other books I’ve never read before. I choose a variety of different genres to fit any number of possible moods. Pretty soon, my arms are full and I’m in danger of dropping the entire heap, so that’s my signal to go up to the counter and check out.

  Fortunately, even though I can’t remember my library card number, the same librarian from before doesn’t ask for identification when I tell her I’ve forgotten my card and give her my name. Minutes later, I’m carefully carrying my haul over to the newspaper section, where Jude is still sprawling in the low chair, flipping through what looks like an auto mechanics magazine.

  “You ready?” he asks, and then starts to laugh when he sees me. “Well, Jesus, you didn’t tell me we were bringin’ the entire library back with us.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I mock-grouse. “Keep your opinions to yourself and help me with these, will you?”

  He hauls himself to his feet and grabs the stack from me. “You think these’ll last you a while?”

  “A week or so, if I’m lucky.”

  He gapes at me. I snicker and make for the front door, holding it open for him before he can protest.

  Back inside the SUV, Jude dumps the books in the backseat and then climbs behind the wheel. “Any other shit you wanna do while we’re out?” he asks.

  I feel like I should probably say no — like I’ve already asked Jude to do enough. But to be honest, this first taste of relative freedom is hard to give up. The last thing I want to do right now is go back to the clubhouse and shut myself back up in my temporary apartment. I look at him, hesitating, and he seems to read my mind.

  “Come on,” he urges. “Out with it, Liles. I can tell you got someplace you wanna go. It’s written all over your face.”

  “Well…” I pause, then suck in a breath. “Could we go buy some cat food?”

  Jude does a double-take. “What?”

  “There’s this stray cat I’ve been feeding, at André’s house,” I explain. “I’m worried about him. There’s some food in the garage, but if it’s
locked I won’t be able to get to it. Could we get some and then go over there and check in on him?” I suddenly remember my cashless state. “I’d have to pay you back…” I murmur, “but I promise I’m good for it.”

  “Jesus, Lila, don’t be ridiculous. Okay, fine, but what if André’s there?”

  “He won’t be. He’d be at work right now.” André may be a petty dealer, but he’s got a day job too, working for the city’s waste water department.

  Jude takes me to a convenience store, where we grab a bag of dry food I think Spike will like. A few minutes later, we’re pulling into the street where André’s house is. Jude slows as we approach, scanning the area for any out-of-place cars or people. When we’re a couple houses away, I point. “His car isn’t there. I think we’re good to go. Just pull over right there, over by that side of the house. That’s where Spike’s food bowl is.”

  Almost as soon as the car is in park, I’m opening the door and slipping out of the seat. Nerves are making me antsy as hell, because even though I know André isn’t here, the thought of him pulling up and finding me here is still freaking me out. I grab the bag of food and jog across the yard. Behind me, I can hear Jude following. When I get to the corner of the house, I crouch down and start to make soft kissy noises to Spike. “Spikey,” I call softly. “Spike!”

  I rip open the bag and start to pour some kibble in the metal bowl, hoping the sound will attract him. Sure enough, seconds later I hear a soft, weak mew. From under a bush, Spike emerges and jerkily runs over to me. He makes a beeline for the bowl, and starts wolfing the food so fast I’m afraid he’ll vomit it all back up. He’s dirtier and thinner than he was the morning I left — and it occurs to me that he may not have had anything substantial to eat since then.

  “Spike,” I croon, reaching out to pet his back. I can actually feel the bones of his spine. He stops eating for a split second and looks up at me, rubbing against my knee before he pushes his face back into the bowl. I feel something inside me break, at how alone and desperate this little ball of fur is. I abandoned him. Has he been waiting for me to come back all this time?