by C. A. Harms
God damn there wasn’t a thing I didn’t fucking love about this girl. She destroyed me in the best possible way, and all I wanted from that day forward was more of her. She owned me, and I don’t even think she understood just how much.
Chapter Twenty-Three
AJ
I sat in the booth in the back of the diner. My books were spread out in front of me, my third cup of coffee before me and a half-eaten bagel on the plate to my left. It was hard to believe that graduation was just around the corner. This would be that last time I completed finals or sat in a college course. Life and the dreams I held were becoming more real with each passing day. Only now, those dreams were also filled with Rhett.
For the last seven months, I’d been lost in love. He made me so happy, and the way he loved me back was almost surreal. I used to wish he’d notice me, wish for the chance to be his, and there we were, together. Nothing had ever felt this amazing.
“Hello, Allison.” I lifted my head, looking into the face of my mother, and that happy bliss I’d felt only moments ago faded. “Your father says you’ve been staying with your boyfriend.”
Instead of replying, I continued to stare at the woman who at one time I could have considered one of my best friends. As a little girl, I idolized her and wished that one day I could be as kind and as beautiful as her.
I watched as she hesitantly slid into the booth opposite me, and I instantly noticed the timid behavior of her movements. “I know that it’s wrong of me to ask you to forgive me, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping that one day you’ll be able to.” When she started talking, I wanted so much to just get up and walk away, but the little girl inside me, the one who longed for that mother-daughter relationship, held me in place. “I wish I could go back and change the choices I’ve made. Go back and right all the wrongs I’ve done to not only you girls but your father too. None of you deserved the things I inflicted, and I’ll never be able to accept myself for the pain I caused all of you. Sometimes I find it impossible to like myself.”
She blinked back the tears, and I could feel that tightening in my own chest as I allowed her confession to roll around in my mind. I was so conflicted about what I should feel and what I felt. I wanted to tell her that I hated her, but deep down I knew I didn’t. I also wanted to reassure her that one day I’d let go of the pain, but I knew I couldn’t. Because right then, that pain still felt too raw.
“I can’t promise with time I’ll be able to let go of the past, but maybe one day.” It was all I could give her; even that little felt like too much. Part of me wanted to hold a grudge forever, because she took something away from me, something away from Raven, that we both needed.
Our mother.
“I hope so,” she whispered. “Because there’s nothing I want more than to be a part of your life and of Raven’s. I know I have no one to blame other than myself for the wedge that’s driven between us, but I’m willing to do whatever I need to in order to be a part of your lives again. Even if it’s only a small part, I’ll accept it. Because that small space is better than nothing.”
I watched in silence as she stood and turned toward the exit. I remained seated as she stepped outside and began walking toward an older Ford Escape with rusted quarters and peeling paint. I took one slow breath after another as I tried to hold back the raw emotions I felt bubbling inside of me. But the more I tried, the harder it became, and in that instant, there was only one place I wanted to be, and that was in Rhett’s arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rhett
“Grab the left side,” Dad hollered out as he lifted the large barrel from the trailer. “This is heavier than it looks.” Hurrying to his side, I lifted the barrel and grunted, which only caused him to laugh. “Told you.”
“What the hell is in this? Concrete?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Feed for the pigs.”
One by one we moved the barrels off the trailer toward the barn while Grandpa and Uncle Gavin stood almost knee-deep in pig shit inside the pen. I had to admit I was much happier with my job than being forced to perform theirs. There was nothing appealing about shoveling pig shit.
With my back to the drive, I heard a car door closing and looked back over my shoulder. Long, blonde hair blew in the wind and flowed through the air behind her as she rounded the front of a bright-red car. My hands shook, and I swear I felt like I’d stopped breathing for a moment.
“Is that…” My father didn’t finish his question, because he didn’t have to. I nodded my head, still not moving.
I watched, and almost as if it was all in slow motion, Harley lifted her hand and waved in my direction.
Suddenly, a loud squeal echoed through the air around me as Gran hurried off the porch and directly toward Harley. She immediately took her into her arms and hugged her close.
I couldn’t hear the things they were saying, but by the smiles they both wore on their faces, I could only assume they were catching up on the last four years.
“Did you know she was coming?” I asked my dad, still not looking away.
“No idea,” he assured me.
I noticed the way she’d continued to look in my direction even when Gran continued talking. I felt a number of things, but anger and irritation outweighed everything else.
Gran looked in my direction and lifted her hand, waving me over. When I didn’t move, she offered me that look of hers that showed her own irritation—her lips pursed, her eyebrows crinkled, and her hands on her hips. “You better get moving before your Gran throttles you.” Reed lowered the barrel we currently held to the ground and brushed off his hands.
“What if I don’t want to?”
“There’s a reason behind her visit,” he stated as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Talking to her doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, Rhett. Besides, it’s better here than later when she’s forced to show up at your place to attempt again. At least now you’ll be able to go home later and explain it all to AJ.”
My heart felt like it lurched within me.
Suddenly my feet were moving across the yard toward Gran and Harley as they both watched me approach. The closer I got, the more visible the girl I once loved became. And I’ll admit she was as beautiful now as she was four years ago, with those baby blue eyes of hers looking back at me beneath long lashes.
“Look who came for a visit,” Gran said with a smile.
“Four years too late.” The words fell from my lips before I had a chance to stop them.
“Rhett,” my name sounded more like a warning from Gran, “there is no need to be rude.”
“Can you excuse us, please?” I tried to hold my cool as I smiled back at my grandmother. I hoped she’d grant my wish, because I honestly didn’t want her hand upside the back of my head. I had a feeling if she stuck around much longer it would be that or her boot in my ass.
“It’s great to see you, Harley,” she said as she leaned in once more and hugged Harley again. “Don’t be a stranger.”
Inside I was screaming out just the opposite.
I watched in silence as Gran backed up before spinning on her heel and walked back to the house. I waited until she was inside with the door closed before I looked back to Harley. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, that’s some welcome.” She offered that smile of hers that four years ago would have dropped me to my knees, only now it did absolutely nothing. “You didn’t respond to the package I sent or the messages I sent through messenger.”
“Didn’t have anything to say about the package, and as for the messages, I didn’t even open ’em.”
Harley only stared back at me, no longer smiling as she scanned my face with her curious eyes.
“Now again I’ll ask, what are you doing here?”
“I came back to see you.” She reached out her hand to place on my arm, and I stepped back out of her reach. She actually, at that moment, had the nerve to look disappointed. “I graduated last week,” she began a
gain, and I remained silent, still waiting for her to say anything that was meaningful or explain why the hell she felt the need to be here now. “The moment I was given my diploma, there was only one thing that I wanted to do. It wasn’t go out and celebrate with the friends I’d made, or find my parents in the crowd, it was you.” She paused, her head tilted to the side just slightly. “I wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
“Because we’d talked about the day we’d graduate so many times. We shared our dreams and the hopes we held for our future. And in that moment, you were all I saw.”
“I stopped seeing you a long time ago.” She flinched at my words. It may not have been the complete truth, but since the moment AJ and I become a couple, I’d forgotten what I felt when I was with Harley. It had all been replaced with a gorgeous brunette with the sweetest laugh, the woman who made me feel like I was her everything, every single day.
“I guess I was just hoping that you and I could somehow reconnect, despite the distance we’ve had over the last few years.”
“I’m with someone,” I told her, and again she flinched. “Someone I love very much.”
“Oh,” she said as she looked down at the ground between us. “That’s good.” I could automatically sense the sarcasm in her voice.
I thought of bringing up the guy I’d seen on her Facebook page, but the last thing I wanted was for her to think that I’d been following along with her life. So instead I remained silent, waiting for whatever else it was she felt she needed to say.
“I’m gonna be here for a couple weeks,” she finally added. “I have an interview at a dance academy in Statesboro.” I nodded my head, though I honestly just wanted to tell her to move on with her life, choose someplace else to settle. “Maybe we can have lunch, coffee even? You can bring this girl that’s stolen your heart.” Stolen…she made it seem as if AJ wasn’t worthy, and that she’d somehow taken me from Harley. Fact of the matter was I’d given AJ my heart, and I didn’t want it back. In her possession, I felt as if it had never been more safe. AJ was my girl, and she always would be.
***
I stopped at the market on the way home, picking up AJ’s two favorite kinds of ice creams. Was I attempting to soften her up before I broke the news of Harley? Yeah, maybe. But it was more than that. I found making her happy, reminding her that I knew her well, in turn made me happy.
I knew how much I’d fallen for AJ already, but seeing Harley only made it even more solidified. AJ was the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I’d see each time I closed eyes. Hell, her beautiful face even followed me through my dreams.
With the bag in one hand and my key in the other, I slid the key in the lock and turned the handle. Entering the area above the barn that I now called my home, I saw AJ curled up on the couch under a blanket.
I realized that she must have fallen asleep when the sounds of my arrival did nothing to stir her. I placed everything on the counter and quietly moved across the room toward her. I could see instantly that her eyes were reddened and puffy, which only meant she’d been upset. Immediately my heart sank as I thought that she’d already found out Harley was here, and in her mind, she’d thought the worst. When we first got together, one of her biggest fears was that she would never be what Harley was to me. But the truth was she’d become so much more.
I knelt at the side of the couch and reached out to push back the hair that had fallen over her face. My fingertips touched her cheek, and her lip twitched from the movement. Instead of moving my fingers away, I skimmed them over her cheek and along her jaw.
Suddenly her eyes fluttered open, and I watched her blink a few times as if to clear the haze. I expected her normal witty comments or her silly demeanor I’d grown to love, but instead her eyes filled with unshed tears. Tears that made my heart sink and my stomach ache almost as if I’d been kicked.
“Hi,” she whispered hoarsely.
I wanted to explain, only I wasn’t sure where to begin. The last thing I wanted was for her fears to return. Before I could find the words, she spoke again.
“I ran into my mom today at the diner.” AJ linked our fingers together and pulled our now joined hands in closer to her chest. “Am I wrong?” She looked up at me and I could see instantly how desperate she felt for answers. “I just keep thinking that I should let go of this anger I feel. I should forgive her and move on, accept that she made mistakes. Some of the things she said, the look in her eyes, I’ll admit each one made me feel like I was in the wrong.”
“Babe, you got the right to feel the way you do. You have a lot of frustrations built up over the years that aren’t just gonna disappear in a week or two, or hell, even a month. Even if you let it go, even if you choose to forgive her, the fear of it happening again, it’ll always be there.” I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple, allowing my lips to linger there for a few seconds. “You’re the only one who can make the choice to forgive or forget, but you should know that I’m here for you no matter what you choose.”
I could see her chest rise then slowly fall as she took one deep breath after another. Her eyes focused on our joined hands, and part of me wanted to tell her about Harley right then. Only I couldn’t, because she was already so upset about her mother, the last thing I wanted was to add more to her already shitty night.
“I got ice cream,” I told her and saw the faint resemblance of a smile tug at her lips. “We could take both containers, grab us a spoon, and go touch in bed and watch a movie.”
“I’d rather just go to bed, with you.” When she lifted her head and moved her upper body toward mine, I met her halfway. “I just wanna forget all the drama and get lost in us.”
The second her lips touched mine, all other thoughts were lost. Scooping her up from the couch, I carried her toward our room and lowered her to the bed. I say our bed because she’d been here lying beside me for so many nights that I felt like this was our place. It felt like home, and I knew that it was because of her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
AJ
“You are one lucky son of a bitch.” My body jerked in surprise as I curled in close to Rhett, using his body to shield my own.
“How the hell did you get in here?” Rhett wrapped his arms around me, and I allowed him to cover my body with his. The thin material of my t-shirt did nothing to hide my bare breasts beneath, and the last thing I wanted was for his cousin to have a clear shot of my tits.
“Door was unlocked,” he said. His voice was now somewhat muffled, almost as if he was talking with a mouth full. “
“Do you mind giving us some privacy?”
“Do I have too?” Mikey was taunting Rhett; I’d witnessed it a few times. In fact, it would seem every guy in his family loved to tease and press Rhett’s buttons, especially in regard to me—he’d get so worked up.
“Move,” Rhett practically growled, and I smiled against his chest where my face was currently pressed.
I heard Mickey chuckle knowingly as he moved from the bedroom. Moments later we could hear him banging around in the kitchen. Slowly, Rhett began to release his hold on me, and when he looked down at me, he arched his brow. “Great,” he grumbled, “you can see everything through that shirt of yours.”
“It’s your shirt.” I smiled, and he narrowed his eyes at me completely unamused. “And I was sleeping on my stomach when he first walked in.”
“As if that's any better,” he mumbled. “He got a clear shot of your ass instead.” With that I couldn’t argue, so instead I gave him my best innocent look, and suddenly his body was completely covering mine as he hovered over me. “Don’t like anyone else seeing what’s mine.”
“Yours?”
“Oh yes.” Rhett’s hand slid beneath my ass and he offered a gentle squeeze. “All mine.” He practically growled the words as he pushed his hips forward while lifting my own off the bed higher. “Tonight I’ll prove just who your body belongs to.”
When I attempted to argue once mo
re, he covered my lips with his own and kissed me until I was breathless. “Don’t come out of this room until you’re dressed, preferably in a snowsuit.”
Rhett was up off the bed and out of the room before I could register what to say in return. I had so much I wanted to do today, but instead of climbing out of bed, I curled into Rhett’s pillow and slowly dozed off as I breathed in his manly scent. I found it comforting.
“AJ,” I heard my name being whispered softly. “Baby, wake up.” I peeked through one half-opened eye and found Rhett kneeling near his side of the bed. “Hey there, sleeping beauty, you plan on sleeping all day?”
“I didn’t mean to fall back to sleep. I’ve just been crazy tired lately.” I’d felt sluggish for a few days. “I think it’s the stress of finals and then my mom.”
“Mikey wants me to go over to his place and help him work on the bathroom.” Rhett pushed my hair from my face, and I found my eyes falling shut once more. I simply loved when he did things like that. Simple gestures managed to make my heart race. “Tonight I’ll bring home dinner, and we can eat it in our favorite spot before the window and watch the sunset.” I nodded my head, because it actually sounded perfect. “There are a few things I want to talk to you about.”
“Should I worry?”
Rhett kissed my lips softly before leaning back to look me directly in the eyes. The look of devotion and sincerity in his eyes floored me. “With me, AJ, you have nothing to worry about. I am so in love with you that sometimes I feel almost as if I can’t even breathe with the impact it holds.”
I was momentarily speechless. Rhett said sweet things often. He’d call me beautiful and gorgeous and tell me that he loved me, but never had he been so in-depth with his explanations of what he was feeling. It both worried me and settled me at once.