by Toler, B N
“I need some water,” I mumbled to no one in particular and turned for the kitchen, but a few steps in, a wave of nausea hit me and my legs went weak.
“Em?” I heard Cole, but his voice suddenly sounded very far away as a loud buzzing in my head drowned out everything just as it all went black.
I blinked my eyes open, confused as I took in my surroundings. I was on the couch in the living room, a cool rag on my forehead and a stack of pillows under my feet. Cole was balanced on the edge of the couch at my hip, leaning across me and bracing an arm on the back of the couch as his anxious green eyes studied my face. “Hey, there,” he said, his voice gentle. “Where’d you go?”
I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to clear the fog. “Guess I checked out for a sec,” I croaked. He leaned toward the floor briefly and raised a glass of water into view then gently lifted the back of my head with his free hand and helped me take a sip. The liquid was heaven on my dry and scratchy throat. “Thank you.”
I glanced around the living room as he returned the glass to the floor beside the couch and noticed we were alone and briefly wondered where Pepper and Bailor had gone. When I met his gaze again, his expression had hardened. “Em, I know it’s been a long time. I know I’m the last person in the world you’d want to come to for help, but I’d do anything to help you. Those things I said, so many years ago, when you left…I didn’t know…I didn’t mean…” he stammered, letting his voice trail off.
I reached for his hand, tugging it to my chest. “Shh…Cole, don’t.” The man was trying to make amends for hurting me and I couldn’t allow him to do it; not when I had betrayed him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
He looked away, unwilling to let it go that easily. “I was a different person then. There was just so much…hurt everywhere.” He blinked several times before continuing, “I didn’t think I could have love. Have a woman. A family. I was young and an idiot.”
My chest constricted as guilt squeezed me. “We’d said it was just for the summer, right?”
His gaze met mine again. “That’s what we said. But when you left…you were still here…in a way.”
Tears stung at my eyes and my throat tightened. “Yeah, I felt that way, too.”
“I saw you were engaged.”
I squeezed my eyes closed again. “More like humiliated,” I corrected. “I suppose it was a blessing the media exposed him before we got married, even if it was embarrassing.”
“He’s an asshole. I’m sorry he did that to you.”
I smiled sadly. “What about you? Anyone special?”
He snorted quietly and let out a long sigh. “I tried a few times over the years, but they wanted things I wasn’t ready for.”
“Like what?” I quirked up one side of my mouth. “Marriage? Babies?”
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I’m only getting married once. None of them gave me that forever feeling.”
“Maybe you’re just not the marrying type,” I suggested.
He opened his mouth to respond, but Pepper eased into the room and peeked over the back of the couch. “Always so damn dramatic, Em,” she joked. “If you wanted Cole on top of you, I’m sure he would have done so gladly without the whole fainting bit.”
Cole’s face flushed and I was certain mine matched his. “You’re hilarious, Pepper,” I remarked sarcastically.
She grinned, “I know.”
“Well we should get going and let you get some rest,” Cole said as he stood. When I moved to rise, he gently pushed my shoulder down and lifted the rag from my forehead. “You stay there a bit longer. We’ll stop by in the morning.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, his lips warm against my cool skin. “A little smooch to make you feel better.” There was a playful glint in his eyes as he backed away.
I grinned as I watched him leave, and for a brief and beautiful moment, I forgot about all my problems.
An obnoxious horn jerked me awake the next morning. Frantic, I flew out of bed, tripping over the sheets twisted around my legs.
“Damn it,” I groaned as I quickly hopped to my feet. My heart thundered with the fear a crazed fan might have found me after seeing the photo posted the night before. Pepper was stumbling out of her bedroom across the hall when I opened my door, a silk night mask covering half of her face and her lacey pajama top hanging down her arm.
She beat me to the hall window and peered out. “Emalee? Why are the Kepner brothers here and honking their horn at this ungodly hour?”
I flopped back against the wall as my heart continued to gallop in my chest. Relief flooded me that we weren’t awakened by a crazed fan. “I have no idea, but I’m going to kill them,” I said a little breathless.
“Okay. Good.” she panted. “I’ll find a place to hide the bodies.”
The honking finally stopped as we stomped down the stairs on leaden legs and flung open the front door just as Bailor lifted his hand to knock.
“What the hell, you two?” I seethed. “You scared us to death.”
Bailor grinned as he rubbed his hands together. “So you’re saying we got you all hot and bothered? Excellent.”
“I’m going to hot and bother you in the nuts in a minute,” Pepper threatened.
We fell silent, making way for our inner middle schoolers to interpret her words in the most perverted way.
“Well, I mean…” Bailor scratched the back of his neck, feigning shyness. “We just met and all, Pepper. Don’t you think that’s moving kind of fast?”
Pepper crossed her arms and glared at him as Cole and I did our best to hold our laughter in. “You know what I meant, asshole,” she chided.
Laughter erupted, and try as she did not to, Pepper started laughing too.
“Sorry for the obnoxious wake up call,” Cole eventually rasped as his laughter calmed. “We came over early to get those signs up at the end of your driveway. Plus, we want to take you two to do something.”
My heart fisted at their thoughtfulness. They were always too good to me.
“What is something?” Pepper asked warily as she adjusted her mask on her forehead.
“Let’s call it…anger management.”
Pepper and I glanced at each other. “You know if we go out, we’ll probably be spotted,” she warned.
“We thought of that,” Cole said. “You two get dressed and meet us at the truck.” His determined gaze met mine and I couldn’t help smiling faintly. They were trying to help us escape. Not just from the house, but from everything for a while.
“Come on, Pep. Let’s get ready.”
Bailor and I weren’t highly educated men. Hell, Bailor hadn’t even graduated high school. No one envied our academic records, for sure, but scholars or not, I liked to think we could be pretty damn ingenuous when we wanted to be.
So…we’d made a plan.
“You made us a bed?” Emalee asked perplexed as she stared at the back of my truck.
“Yeah, so you two can lie down comfortably, cover up and hide while we drive to where we’re going. That way, no one will see you,” Bailor explained.
Emalee and Pepper exchanged smirks. “Pretty clever,” Pepper admitted with a shrug.
“Climb in,” I said and patted the air mattress.
The two giggled as they awkwardly climbed in and got situated. When they confirmed they were settled, I covered them with a tarp and we headed off. We weren’t going anywhere public. In fact, they’d have all the privacy in the world. Once we were back on our property, the ride got a little bumpy, and we could hear Pepper whine from the back which made Bailor laugh. He really got a kick out of her.
We parked the truck and pulled back the tarp and the girls immediately popped up and looked around.
“You brought us to a field?” Pepper asked, her face scrunched up, clearly unimpressed.
“We brought you somewhere you could blow off some steam,” Bailor replied. The girls crab-crawled their way out of the bed and I held out my hand to help Emalee. She took it and jump
ed down, keeping hold of it even after she was on her feet.
“Whatever you have planned, I appreciate it, Cole. You didn’t have to.”
But I did. Now that she’d waltzed her way back into my life, I needed to be near her, to see if what we’d had all those years ago had been as real as I remembered, or if I’d needlessly tortured myself all this time.
“The suspense is killing me,” Pepper announced her eyes wide in mock excitement. “What are we doing here?”
Bailor grinned widely. “Either of you ever trap shoot?”
Night had fallen by the time we left the field. Bailor and Cole had given us a great day burning off some steam firing rifles and had even packed a picnic for us. It had cooled off significantly and Pepper feigned being cold, insisting on riding in the cab with Bailor, but I knew better. My bestie was forming a crush on him.
Cole and I lay on the mattress in the bed, staring up at the star-studded night sky as Bailor drove us out of the field. All day, I’d been innately aware of Cole’s presence, my skin tingling every time he’d been near. Now, as he lay so close to me, I soaked everything in, from the scent of his aftershave to the way his hand was touching mine.
“I’ve missed this place,” I admitted as I looked at him. His gaze was fixed up at the sky allowing me the chance to admire the perfect cut of his nose and strong jaw. How could he be even more handsome than I remembered him?
“This place has missed you,” he replied matter-of-factly, still staring up at the stars. “I have something I need to say to you.”
I tensed, hoping he wasn’t about to try to apologize again.
“The last night I saw you…” he cleared his throat. “What I said was terrible.”
The memory of his words echoed in my mind. I mean it. It’s really over. If you care about me at all, please don’t come back.
“I told you, Cole. Let’s just let it go,” I insisted.
“Please,” he begged, his firm gaze finding mine. There was just enough light from the sliver of moon and stars for me to make out his features. “Let me say this. I’m glad you came back. I wish you would’ve come back sooner. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I know,” I assured him as I took his hand and laced our fingers together. “We were young. We were doing the best we could.” And that was the truth. Right or wrong, I’d done what I thought was best.
When he didn’t say anything, I found myself reminiscing about the last time we were in a truck bed together, a smile dancing on the edge of my lips.
“What are you thinking about, Em?”
I chuckled softly. “Oh, just thinking about the day I broke your will like a wild horse and made you fall in love with me.”
He laughed loudly, the sound lighting fire in my belly. Was it nostalgia? Excitement? Maybe it was a little bit of both, but the burn was exquisite. How long had it been since I’d felt the spark of a new romance? Even the beginning with Seth hadn’t truly been as good as it had been with Cole. Maybe we weren’t brand new, but it did feel like a fresh beginning. When I turned my head toward him, I could no longer make out his features, but I could tell he was still watching me, grinning.
“Why is that funny?” I challenged, enjoying the light-heartedness playing out between us. “That’s exactly what happened, isn’t it?”
He laughed again. “Damn, Em. I guess it is, come to think of it.” There was a quiet pause when he added, “That was a dark time for me, and you, Em…you were a light. It took me a long time to really understand I was literally fighting and pushing away the very thing that ended up saving me.”
With the weight of my mother dying and the impending scandal Miles held over my head, this moment with Cole, the two of us laughing like we used to, was an escape from reality. It was all joy. Cole was joy. I didn’t let myself think about the repercussions, or Joe, or anything. I rolled on top of him, meeting his gaze. He stiffened, but after a moment he gently brushed the hair from my face that was blowing everywhere. His touch was tender, unassuming. He was letting me be in charge, allowing me to come to him, if that’s what I wanted.
I lowered my head closer to his, our mouths but a breath away and shuddered, my need to kiss him so strong I could barely stand it, but I managed not to give in.
You lied to him.
I’d betrayed him, and though I’d had the best of intentions, I wasn’t sure he’d see it that way if he ever learned the truth.
Finally I pulled away and rested my head on his chest then closed my eyes, feeling his chest deflate beneath me as he released a long exhale. Guilt strangled my heart and I wondered if he was upset, but when he wrapped his arms around me and held me, I knew everything was okay as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. Neither of us said anything, and for a moment I pretended I could be his again.
The truck made a turn and slowed to a stop, the engine cutting off a moment later. Cole and I sat up and my eyes almost bugged out of my head.
We were at Cole’s house.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, my voice tense. I’d assumed Bailor was taking us back to my grandmother’s house.
Cole scratched his head. “I don’t know.”
My lungs tightened as panic set in. This meant I’d have to see Joe and I was nowhere near ready to see him.
Pepper climbed out of the truck and took in my panicked expression, mouthing what’s wrong? as she shut the door. I’d never told her about Joe or the promise I’d made, so she had no idea why I looked like I was about to stroke out.
“I want to show Pepper some of my work,” Bailor explained before shutting the truck door. “We’ll just be a few then I’ll take you guys home.”
Pepper darted her gaze between me and Bailor, unsure of what to do, but after a moment she shot me an apologetic glance and followed Bailor.
Judas! I wanted to yell at her.
“This works out well,” Cole said as he slid out of the bed of the truck. “There’s something here I want to show you.”
He wanted me to go in the house?
What would I say to Joe? Would he even speak to me?
“Maybe I’ll just wait out here,” I suggested.
“Come on,” he insisted. “It’ll just take a minute.”
My heart thundered and sweat prickled the back of my neck as I followed him, a vivid memory replaying in my head as we neared the porch.
“Please, Joe. He’ll never find out.”
His gaze met mine. “You can never come back, Emalee. You know that, right? If we do this, you have to stay away. He’d never forgive me. He’d never forgive you.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed the emotion in my throat. “I won’t come back. I promise.”
The house was as I remembered it for the most part; the exterior looked recently painted and there were a couple new rocking chairs on the front porch. Already on edge with the anticipation of what would happen if I saw Joe, I wasn’t prepared for the wave of melancholy that washed over me as I remembered the time I’d spent in this house with Constance. As we passed the den, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing in and imagining her device calling out song bird in its robotic cadence, wondering if, even though she’d been gone for many years, I’d still feel her presence.
Cole led me to the kitchen and said, “Help yourself to anything. I’ll be right back.” He took off upstairs and I turned, slowly taking in the room.
“Found it,” Cole called as he trotted down the stairs.
My heart soared at the sight of what he held as he returned. The Quotebook. “Oh my gosh.” His face lit up at my reaction as he handed it to me. I stared at the cover for a moment before thumbing through it and stopping on a random page.
“I’ll never get used to anything. Anybody that does might as well be dead.”
“What movie is that from?” Cole asked as he moved beside me and looked at the page.
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” I said as I closed the weathered notebook and cradled it to my chest. Overwhelmed by nostalgia, I met his
gaze. “This is amazing,” I breathed. “I can’t believe you kept it.”
“You and Mom were gone; hanging on to it was a way to keep pieces of you both with me.”
His words reached inside and whispered to my heart. We watched each other for a moment before my eyes drifted down. Those lips. He still had the most amazing mouth I’d ever seen on a man. A surge of exhilaration danced across my skin as his gaze darkened and he shifted slightly. My body bowed toward him ever-so-slightly and I lifted my chin, skating my tongue across my lips. My pulse thrummed and my eyes fluttered closed in anticipation of his mouth touching mine as he dipped his head.
“Ah-hem.” We both flew apart at the sound of Joe clearing his throat from the doorway and a flash of heat blanketed my face.
“Jesus, Joe. You scared the shit out of us,” Cole said, his voice husky.
Joe grunted something incoherent in response, but it didn’t sound like an apology.
Cole let out a long breath and shook his head. “Your timing is perfect,” he said sarcastically. “I’m going to go grab a jacket before we head out. I’ll be right back.” I wanted to beg him to stay as he darted out of the kitchen, but I stopped myself.
I coughed softly, clearing my throat. “H-hi, Joe,” I stuttered. He didn’t reply, just kept his dark gaze fixed on me. Time had feathered his dark hair and beard with whispers of gray, but otherwise he looked almost the same. “You…uh…look good.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked gruffly, ignoring my weak compliment.
I held up the notebook. “Cole wanted to show me this.”
He shook his head. “No. I mean, what are you doing here?”
I lowered my gaze, letting out a heavy breath. “My mother. She’s dying and this is where she wants to spend her last days. I had to come back.”
“You promised, Emalee.” His truculent stare fixed on mine, the anger evident in the tightness of his jaw.
Frustration surged inside me. “What was I supposed to do, Joe? Deny my mother her last wishes? You of all people should understand that I had to come back,” I said in a harsh whisper, knowing Cole could return at any moment, and I didn’t want to risk him over hearing us.