Cat's Night Out: Tails from the Federal Witch

by T S Paul

  “…I really want to go. Please?”

  “He’s here all by himself all day long. Fergus, Zeus just wants to play.”

  “That’s not ‘play.’ He wants to eat me! I see the way he looks at me with those beady cat eyes. Please, don’t leave me alone.”

  Knocking on the door, I stepped inside. “Agatha, are you ready to go?”

  She was sitting in front of my grandmother’s antique dollhouse. Fergus was perched upon one of the toy beds. “Hi, grandmother. Fergus wants to come with us.”

  I looked down at the miniature Unicorn and smiled. “He’s your familiar now, dear. You should take him everywhere with you. I will show you how to store your power inside of him.”

  “Wait? She’s going to do what, to me?” Fergus hopped out of the dollhouse onto Agatha’s outstretched hand.

  “Store power. I will explain it all to you later Fergus.” I took Agatha’s hand as she stood up.

  “Now you need a place for Fergus to stay close to you.” I scrutinized my granddaughter's outfit.

  Pointing, I showed her the perfect spot. “See if he will fit in your shirt pocket. I can have your shirts modified, so his horn and hooves don’t destroy the fabric.”

  Agatha slipped the now protesting Unicorn into her shirt pocket. “See he fits perfectly.”

  We both could hear the Unicorn mumbling and trying to speak inside the pocket. “Fergus that is a perfect place for you and you know it. Less chance of a hawk or a cat getting a hold on you.” The struggling Unicorn settled down immediately. I winked at Agatha.

  “Now we have to stop first at Harry’s, my lawyer’s office, and then we can get you some ice cream as well as some new clothes. Does that sound good to you?”

  “I get a choice?” Agatha had wide eyes.

  “Of course dear. It is your life. I only want the very best for you.”

  She gave me a big hug. “I’m good.”

  I laughed and held her hand as we went down the stairs. I seldom drove, but I did know how. My 1971 Land Rover sat in the garage next to Teegan’s old station wagon. According to Camilla, there was no room at her house for it. A member of the coven had placed it up on blocks and took care of servicing it for me.

  “Is this your car? Why is the steering wheel on this side?” Agatha was full of questions as she climbed inside. She felt the side of the sand canvas.

  “This was a gift from a very old friend. It’s a British car, so the wheel is different. They drive on the opposite side of the road over there.”

  “They do? Why?”

  “That is an excellent question, Agatha. It’s like this. During the ancient times, most people carried swords when they traveled. They expected an attack from the right as most of the world is right-handed. So people walked or rode on the left to prepare for this. When cars were invented, they continued to use the left side.”

  Agatha scrunched up her face and stared at me. “That doesn’t make sense Grandmother. If they drive like that why doesn’t everyone else? Wasn’t America founded by the British?”

  Inwardly, I cheered. Power and intelligence. I could teach her so much! “It’s France’s fault. During the French Revolution, a man named Napoleon decided that his troops should travel on the right to be different from the rest of the world. When cars were invented, they stayed that way. Here in this country, we were torn, and both ways were used for years until finally, the Government decreed that we would drive on the right side of the road.”

  Many of the local cars I passed slowed when they caught sight of my Land Rover. Most everyone in town knew my car even though I drove infrequently. My lawyer’s office was in the center of town near the courthouse. Carefully, I parked in front and got out.

  “Come along Agatha.” I opened the car door and took her hand.

  “Who is Fielding, Stone, and Sullivan?” She pointed to the sign out in front of the building.

  “Those are the lawyers that work here. My friend Harry Stone is the one we are meeting.” I led her up the stairs and into the building.

  “Good afternoon Mrs. Blackmore.” Roz, the receptionist, called my name.

  “Hello, Rosalind. How are your children?” She blushed that I remembered.

  “Well, Nostradamus just finished the police academy and already has a job lined up with Cappy. The girls are starting high school next year.”

  “Tell Bull that I look forward to having him up at the house for dinner sometime. He earned it after all the work he did around the place last year. He’s a good boy.” I forgot and used his nickname rather than his real name. Roz preferred his given name to be used.

  “This is Agatha, my Granddaughter. We are here to see Harry.” Roz smiled but gave Agatha a hard stare. Pressing a button she called Harry.

  “Come along dear. It’s this way.” Harry’s office was at the end of the hall. He might not get top billing, but he was the one with the most experience, having once been a judge.

  I knocked, but Harry yelled anyway. “Marcella, get in here.”

  Harry looked much the same as the last time I saw him. Skinny as a rail and bald as a stone. He politely shook Agatha’s hand and pointed her toward a chair.

  Always to the point, he didn’t waste time. “I looked up what you asked about. Maine law states that she must be in school at least 175 days out of every year. A basic curriculum must be followed as well as computer science. The local school board must be notified, but since they refused to admit her, they can’t complain about it too much.”

  “Can we sue the school board about the denial of education?” I saw Harry wince.

  “We can, but I don’t advise it. Marcella, your daughter Camilla did a real number on this innocent child here. She convinced the board, as well as half the private schools in the state that Agatha was dangerous and that she is the reason Teegan is hospitalized.” Harry held out a pack of paper to me.

  Skimming the stack I could see statements from schools and headmasters. I only asked Harry to look into my problem this morning. He’s fast.

  “So can I do it?”

  “Of course you can. Homeschooling is very easy. There are lesson plans available from the internet. You can get tutors for the subjects that you can’t do.”

  “Thank you, Harry. This is a big help.” I smiled at my old friend.

  “Anything for you Marcella, you know that. Now, I have one more bit of business.” He handed me a document.

  “I prepared this, in the off chance Camilla starts more trouble. This gives you Power of Attorney over Agatha so that for all intents and purposes she is now your daughter. Legally, you will adopt her.”

  I stared in shock at the document in my hand. Teegan’s signature was at the top as well as her departed husband’s. It only lacked mine.

  “How? How did you get this Harry?”

  “Your daughter and her husband set it up. She didn’t trust her sister to follow any of her instructions, so this was prepared. The problem was, it was done the week before Michael’s death, and in all the confusion, Teegan forgot to tell me to have you sign it.”

  I nodded remembering the chaos of that time. I grabbed a pen and scribbled my name in the empty box. “There. Does this mean she’s mine?”

  “Once the court says so. But yes. I have a favor or two I can pull and I will take care of it. Don’t worry; Camilla is now unable to pull anything.”

  “Thank you again, Harry. If there is anything I can, do just let me know.” I stood and took Agatha’s hand.

  “Just pay my bill, and all will be right with my world and Dan’s. You know how he gets if people don’t pay. Nice meeting you Miss Blackmore. I will expect great things from you.” He took Agatha’s hand and shook it.

  We said goodbye to Roz and stepped out of the building right into Camilla!

  “Mother! How dare you bring that walking time bomb into this town! She could spell us all into Pink chickens!”

  “‘She’ has a name. Her magic isn’t dangerous, despite all the trouble you, yourse
lf, have caused her. Really Camilla, preventing the child from even going to school. That is low even for you.”

  My daughter’s face changed from outrage to fury. “What is that supposed to mean? She is a threat to my children, and I won’t have it. Send her away to some boarding school somewhere.”

  “I think not. She is going to be taught right here in Briarwood.” I smiled at her.

  “Over my dead body, she will. I have already spoken to both the school board and the state board about …” She froze when she realized what she admitted to.

  “That is what I just learned. Nice of you to admit it. No, she is going to be homeschooled by me. So suck it up buttercup.” I muttered a spell under my breath and said Begone! Camilla was dragged from my sight by a sudden magnetic force.

  “Is she gone?” Agatha came out from behind the bushes in front of Harry’s office.

  “She is little one. My spell only dragged her to the hair salon, but it should cause a bit of gossip nonetheless. Let’s go get that ice cream.” We piled back into my Land Rover and went to the opposite edge of town.

  The ice cream parlor was next to one of the town’s little parks. Patrons could sit and eat their ice cream at tables by the park’s edge. Purple squirrels leapt from trees and played in the park by the dozens. They were the result of an accidental release of magic by Agatha when she was four.

  “Grandmother! My squirrels. It’s my squirrels.” Agatha pulled out of my hand and ran to the nearest table to the park.

  I sat next to her as she tried to feed one of the squirrels some ice cream. “Do you remember them?”

  Agatha looked so much like Teegan for a moment. “I do. Mommy used to bring me here. The squirrels like me.”

  “You can play with them but keep me in sight, OK?” She nodded and ran to play near the trees. I could see her showing Fergus the purple tree rats.

  I looked up at the sky. By the gods! I was a mother all over again. Could I do it? Watching the little brunette run around made me smile. I would teach her. She was destined to change the world, and I would help her to the best of my ability. I glanced back and was shocked. It was as if she was holding court. Over twenty squirrels surrounded her now and were listening to every word she said. I stood and walked over near her.

  “… Mommy’s sick and nasty Auntie Camilla gave me to Grandmother. I have more magic now. Look at Fergus.” She pointed to the mini-Unicorn.

  “Agatha is everything alright?” The squirrels all cleared out just as fast as their little purple tails could carry them.

  “Of course Grandmother. I was just talking to my friends.”

  “Oh. Well, it’s time to go home. We have much to plan for your schooling.” I took her hand and led her back to the car. Looking back, I could see that her friends had gathered back together on the grass. Those rodents have never been the same since she zapped them

  We had a grand future to plan, and I couldn’t wait to start. I would have to call in a few favors but, Agatha would get the best education I could provide for her. She was going to do great things, and I wanted to see it.

  Behind me, the squirrels gathered and made plans of their own.

  Camilla’s Obsession

  T S Paul

  This story takes place when Camilla and Teegan Blackmore were teenagers.

  “Look Cammie, Unicorns!” Teegan pointed to the field across the road.

  “Nice. Did you see the library here?”

  “Is that all you care about Cam? Libraries? What sort of fun is that? Relax a little.” Camilla’s younger sister frowned at her.

  “My name is Camilla. Not Cam. Not Milla. And especially not Cammie. It’s Camilla.”

  Teegan made a face pantomiming her sister. “I know, I know. Camilla. Like I haven’t heard it my whole friggin’ life. Mom brought us here to have fun, not to stare at books all day.”

  Camilla turned to her sister. “Books are important. As heir, I have to know things. How to run a coven, conduct a circle, spellwork. Stuff like that.”

  “Mom’s never said which of us was the heir. You know that! One of the elders told me it was flexible.”

  Camilla waved. “Those old bitties? They just say stuff to confuse us. I’ve tried talking to them before.”

  “Some of those ladies are my friends. Do you have to be mean all the time?”

  “I’m not mean!” Camilla protested.

  “The question was rhetorical anyway.” Teegan stepped off the porch and ran for the fence containing the Unicorns.

  “Idiot. She will never understand.” Camilla barely acknowledged that her sister had left. ‘Hereditary Witches and their Covens,’ was just too good a book to put down. She found the book in one of the many roadside gift shops they had stopped at on their way here. This was supposed to be THE best Unicorn Ranch and Resort in British Columbia.

  “Camilla, where’s your sister?” Camilla looked up from her book into the eyes of her mother.

  Marcella looked at her somewhat surly teenager and smiled. All teens are the same. “Did you hear me? Your sister?”

  Camilla tried to hide her book behind her. “She’s over there.” Camilla nodded in the direction of the fields.

  “Ah, I see her.” Marcella reached behind her daughter and pulled out the book.

  “Wherever did you get this?”

  Marcella flipped through the book and laughed. “This is very amusing. The publisher isn’t a magical press, it looks like one put out by the mundane press.”

  “Can I have it back please?” Camilla frowned at her mother.

  “Sure.” Marcella tossed it to her. “The stories that humans make up about us. Don’t believe that stuff. Coven rules and traditions aren’t like that at all. As you should well know by now.”

  “I, uh, found it at one of the roadside shops we stopped at.”

  “I hope you didn’t spend too much on it then. It’s time for lunch. Come on back inside, I have people I want you to meet. Teegan! Lunch!” Marcella called for Teegan.

  Teegan ran across the field and up the stair. “Mom, did you see the Unicorns? They’re marvelous!”

  “I did dear. They raise the best Unicorns this side of the Isle of Tir na nog. Later we will go see the young ones at the stables.”

  “Can we?” Teegan practically jumped into the air with joy.

  “We can. Unicorns are very special beasts. They are one of the very few to adapt to the New World so hardily. Camilla, would you like to see the Unicorns too?” Marcella peered at her oldest child.

  “Can I just stay here and read? Unicorns are dumb.” Camilla looked up from her book to look at her mother.

  “Of course, dear. We are on vacation. Now come inside and have lunch. You can read later.” Marcella pushed her two daughters toward the door. Alicorn Ranch was the largest of it’s kind in North America and a Blackmore family favorite for many years. The central lodge was three stories tall and could hold over twenty guests. The Magnus family owned both the ranch and the Spagyric Corporation that paid for it all.

  Lunch, at least from Camilla’s standpoint, was a trial of nerves. Everything was Unicorn or Unicorn themed.

  “Do we have to eat…This?” Camilla pulled the top off her hamburger in disgust.

  “It’s beef, not Unicorn. It’s just a name dear. You’ve had burgers before.” Marcella looked over at her.

  Camilla made a face. “It smells funny. Can I just eat dessert?”

  Marcella shook her head. “No. Either eat your lunch or don’t. No rewards for not eating in this house.”

  “Then I’m done.” She pushed her meal away and left the table.

  “Teegan, what’s gotten into your sister? She didn’t used to be so... surly.”

  Teegan shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. She’s been hanging out with the human kids at school and reading all the time. Can I have her burger if she doesn’t want it?”

  “Of course, you may. What has she been reading?” Marcella scrutinized her daughter.

&nbs
p; “Stuff. Heraldry, coven history, magick books, just books and things. She’s been sort of secretive.” Teegan dug into her sister’s hamburger.

  “Hmmm, keep an eye on her for me. OK?”

  “I can try. She hates it when I spy on her.” Teegan reached for more ketchup for her Unicorn fries.

  “Do what you can. Thank you, Teegan.” Marcella stared toward the now empty doorway with regret.

  ~~~~~~

  Camilla left the dining hall and went back to the porch to read. Regardless of what her mother had said, this was the book she had been searching for!