The Heart of a Cowboy

by Charlene Sands

  "I know, sweetheart," he said, holding her, gently stroking her hair. His touch brought tremors of excite­ment, his body brought thrills and her mind simply shut down. Sarah was tired of being responsible. She was so doggone tired of always being on guard. Tonight, she needed to forget. She needed to feel like a woman again. She needed...Case.

  "Ah, Sarah, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

  Bravely, boldly and without regret, Sarah stepped back a bit, undid the tie of her robe and let the material drop to the ground, exposing the black lace teddy Delaney had insisted on buying her. Sarah sighed deeply, her voice a shaky plea. "Then don't stop, Case."

  "Sarah," he said, taking her hand. His hot gaze raked her over from head to toe, bringing heat and passion with eyes dark with intense appreciation. He swore, low, under his breath. "Damn. You're so beautiful."

  Sarah swiftly took in a breath. She needed to hear that, to know that she was still a desirable woman. She stood before him, waiting, noting indecision in his eyes for one brief second, a small battle raging. Then he drew her close, kissed her soundly on the lips and led her over to the far end of the barn. He laid out a blanket and brought her down upon it with him, his eyes searching hers. "Sarah, I won't deny either of us this, but if you want to change your mind..."

  She shook her head. "I'm not going to change my mind." She brought her arms up to wrap around his neck, drew him close and kissed him on the lips explaining without benefit of words, what she desperately needed from him. Tonight, she didn't want to talk or think. She only wanted to feel.

  Case had the power to do that, to make her feel vital and alive again. She broke off the kiss and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. Once done, she spread his shirt out and over his shoulders. He helped by shrugging it off and tossing it aside. Sarah touched him then, moving her palms over his hot skin, bending her head to kiss his chest, the spiral hairs tickling her cheek.

  "Sarah." Case groaned with pleasure, an animal sound of dire want that had him pressing her down on her back and removing the nearly sheer teddy in just seconds. In the back of her mind, Sarah thought the man experienced in removing women's clothes, but she didn't dwell on (hat, only on the erotic sensations Case's hands grazing her skin evoked and the thrill his lips elicited traveling over her body. Heavens, Case Jarrett knew what he was doing.

  The rub of his palms over her breasts brought shocks of heat, the teasing way he fingered her peaks, brought sharp acute tingles. Finally he brought his mouth down to moisten the tips.

  Case kissed her over and over, licking at her lips, stroking her center with smooth, urgent caresses, ready­ing her for his entry, until Sarah was ready to burst.

  When he tossed off his boots, shrugged out of his pants, and rose above her, Sarah witnessed his strength once again in the firmness of his chest, the power of his arms and the sheer sensual beauty on his face. This is what she needed. He was what she needed. There was no turning back. No regrets or guilt. She'd banished all those feelings for tonight. Eagerly she rose to meet him. He pressed inside her slowly, letting her adjust to him, to the newness of it all. "I don't want to hurt you, sweet­heart."

  Sarah slammed her eyes shut. No, he wouldn't hurt her physically. He'd made sure of that with expert caresses and patient loving. But he had the power to hurt her emotionally, only Sarah didn't want to think about that right now. Tonight was all about forgetting. She opened her eyes to meet his gaze and spoke calmly. "You won't, Case. I know you won't."

  He moved inside her with caution and Sarah let him know with a smile or a pleasured sound, she was all right. Case rode her body with finesse, giving as much pleasure as he took. Sarah's heart raced, her body trembled and when Case brought her to the limit, dragging out the in­evitable to see to her needs first, she called out into the night, a piercing cry of relief and pleasure and satisfac­tion.

  Case held her, kissed her gently, and wrapped her in his arms as they lay together quietly, each one, she pre­sumed, deep in thought over what just happened. She wanted to stay that way all night, enfolded in his protec­tion, in his vast strength, but she couldn't and she knew that the light of day would bring repercussions. "I have to go," she said softly. She sat up and began gathering her clothes.

  "Don't, Sarah." Case lifted up, watching her. And she had the distinct feeling Case didn't just mean for her not to leave him at the moment. He'd meant for her not to retreat, not to find fault in what they'd just done. Sarah's heart and mind clouded with mixed emotions. She'd made love with Reid's brother, a man she still didn't know if she could trust. She'd needed him tonight, but she wasn't sure if she'd made a mistake in coming to him. Were loneliness and despair all that brought her to this point?

  "I have to, Case. The baby might wake up."

  Sarah threw on her robe and dashed toward the door.

  "You gonna be all right?" Case stood and called to her.

  Sarah cast the handsome cowboy one last glance then left him without an answer. Because the truth was, she honestly didn't know.

  Nine

  Sarah,

  I'm leaving early this morning, didn't want to wake you. I'll be gone for a while, taking care of business. Pete is staying at the bunkhouse so you won't be alone. Kiss Christie for me and take care until I see you again.

  Case

  Sarah stared at the scribbled note Case had left under a magnet on the refrigerator. She'd reread the dam thing for the past three days. Waiting, holding out hope.

  But she hadn't heard from Case other than a brief mes­sage on her answering machine on the first day. He hadn't said much then, either, except to leave a number where he could be reached if she needed him. He'd gone to Denver.

  Sarah ran a hand down her face, trying to put her faith in Case, but failing miserably. He'd left the ranch, didn't say why he'd left or when he'd be back, or if he'd be back.

  Heavens, she'd practically thrown herself at him the other night, asking him to make love to her. She'd needed him that night, hadn't really given him an option. But now, she was sorry she'd succumbed to those desolate feelings, because Case had run out on her. She felt every bit a fool for giving in to her loneliness and to the sharp pangs of desperation at the prospect of losing the ranch. That night, she'd needed to be held, to be protected, to be loved. But now she knew she'd acted rashly, com­pletely without regard to the consequences.

  But she'd never expected this. She'd never expected Case to leave, without much explanation. Had she scared him off? Had it all been too much for him? Each day that passed without hearing from him made it clear in her mind that he couldn't be trusted. He wasn't a man she could rely on. He wasn't a man who stayed. For that one night, she'd forgotten.

  When the telephone rang, she jumped. Pushing her body away from the kitchen counter, Sarah answered the phone. "Hello."

  "Good morning, Mrs. Jarrett. Leroy Coolidge here. 9 haven't heard from you and it's been three days. I do need an answer. Are you willing to take my advice and sell the ranch or have you come up with another way to pay down your loan?"

  "Uh, hello Mr. Coolidge. Well, I..." Sarah stumbled, searching for the right words, and then inspiration hit. It wasn't something that hadn't crossed her mind before, but now Sarah knew that she was out of options. She hadn't heard from Case again and there just wasn't any other way to pay off the debts. ' 'Actually, I will have a large sum of money to apply toward the loan. I'm asking you to give me until tomorrow morning. I'll come by your office with a check."

  "Make that a money order. And tomorrow will be just fine."

  "Right, a money order. I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodbye."

  Sarah hung up the phone slowly, blinking back tears. She had to do this. For Christiana's sake. She couldn't dwell on what would be lost, only what would be gained. And she couldn't rely on Case, wherever he was. He'd let her down once too many times in the past. For all she knew he'd gone back to the rodeo circuit, missing the excitement of the ride, the thrill of hearing an adoring audience cheer him on.


  He'd been good with the baby; she'd give him that, trying his best to fit in as "uncle" material. And little Christiana had taken to her uncle like a kitten to creamed milk. Sarah had begun to believe that he truly wanted to become a part of the ranch again. That maybe he cared. That maybe, she and the baby had a little something to do with that.

  But in her heart, Sarah knew Case wasn't a man who stuck around when the going got tough. She'd been too caught up in his smoldering dark eyes and her own lone­liness to remember that. But, she vowed never to forget it again.

  She picked up the phone and punched in Bobbi Sue's number, certain now, this was the only way. "Hi Bobbi Sue. I need a big favor. Could you come over here for a few hours to watch the baby? There's something impor­tant I have to do."

  "What do you mean you sold your grandmother's ring?" Case's stormy expression matched the cold steel in his eyes. Just minutes ago, he'd strolled into the house pretty as you please holding a big manila envelope in his hand, wearing a smile, ready to give her a kiss. But Sarah flinched from his advances and explained to him about Mr. Coolidge's demands. "Damn it, Sarah! Why the hell did you do that?"

  Sarah had never seen Case so angry. She was still get­ting over her surprise at his return. Fury spread his nos­trils wide and the scar on his face seemed to stretch to its human limits. "I told you why and please keep your voice down. I just got Christiana to sleep."

  "And I told you, I'd take care of it!" Case paced the floor, raking his hands through his hair. "I've just spent the last few days traveling between Denver and Los An­geles setting up a deal."

  "I didn't know that, Case. And Mr. Coolidge called again, threatening to—"

  "This is all Coolidge is going to need for now." Case stuck his ringer onto the manila folder he'd tossed down. "Damn it, Sarah. Why couldn't you have waited? You could have called to let me know what you were plan­ning."

  Case fumed, his gaze pinning her down.

  "I didn't know when you'd be back or—" Sarah let that thought drop, but it was too late. Far too late.

  Realization dawned then, and Case narrowed his dark eyes, his expression thunderous, his body tightening. He growled, low and menacing. "Or if I'd be back. Is that it, Sarah? You didn't think I was coming back."

  Sarah couldn't meet his eyes. She stared at the folder, then at the floor and back again to the vase on the table.

  "That's it. You didn't think I'd be coming back." Case's derisive laughter permeated the room.

  "It doesn't matter now," Sarah defended. "I've paid the loan and we're out of debt for the time being."

  Case leaned over the table, his palms bracing his weight. "I've signed a contract with Cougar Creek Sad­dles, doing endorsements for them. Drew Barnett helped put this deal together and I've got an advance check in here to pay off the bank and any other debts we have on the ranch. It's something I'd rather not do. But I did it, Sarah. And do you know why?"

  Sarah drew in her lip, shaking her head.

  "Because I said I'd get us out of this mess and I meant it." Case began pacing again, his boots scraping the floor so hard he'd wear out the ceramic tile floor before too long. "And what about the night we spent in the barn? We made love, Sarah. If you thought I'd run out on you after that, then nothing's changed, has it? It's just too damn bad, nobody around here has any faith in me." He grabbed the portfolio off the table and strode out of the room, leaving Sarah alone with her misery.

  She'd misjudged Case terribly on this. He'd spent all this time, setting up a deal to do endorsements for sad­dles. Case had been asked before, but had solemnly re­fused, claiming he wasn't a showman or a salesman. He'd always said he wanted to bank on his talent as a horseman and nothing more. He'd made an honorable sacrifice to help the Triple R. The ranch was out of debt now, but Sarah felt she'd just lost something far more valuable. The loss was even more unsettling than giving up her grandmother's emerald ring and the damage done, irreparable.

  Because the sad fact remained, Sarah hadnt trusted Case.

  And she still didn't know if she ever would.

  * * *

  Case sat on the front porch, slugging down a beer, watching the cinnamon Arizona sun meet the horizon. The sight, as remarkable and serene as it was, didn't bring solace. Case was in a mood. He couldn't fight it anymore. All he wanted to do was get blissfully, mind­lessly drunk.

  When the screen door creaked open, Case didn't turn around. "Supper's on the table," Sarah said quietly.

  Hell, her sweet flowery scent washed away all the odors of the ranch. How could one little woman obliterate the smell of horse dung, dry red earth and a pasture full of cattle? "I'm not hungry."

  She'd destroyed his appetite. He didn't think he could spend time with her tonight. The pain of her implied ac­cusation stung too painfully to ignore. She'd thought he'd left her for good. She actually believed he'd abandon her, leaving her to deal with all the ranch problems on her own. How could she think that? Was her regard for him so low? But damn her, they'd made love, and it had meant some­thing to him. He'd dreamed of the night he could claim Sarah as his own. But he hadn't, not really, because the hell of it was, she still didn't trust him. And he was spitting mad at himself because he still wanted her.

  "Case, please," she said softly.

  If he looked at her, into those deep blue eyes, she'd melt his resolve. He summoned all his anger, but tem­pered it with a soft voice. Hurting Sarah had never been his intent. "I'm fine for now, Sarah. You go on. Have your meal."

  He slugged the last drop of his beer and grabbed an­other bottle.

  "Okay," she said, tentatively. He imagined her nib­bling on her bottom lip, a habit that fascinated him. "I'll put your dinner in the fridge for later. Good night, Case."

  Case nodded, his back to her. When the screen door shut softly, Case leaned heavily against the back post and closed his eyes, thinking that military torture techniques would be easier to take than living with Sarah, wanting her so badly that his entire body reacted with need. Knowing that she'd never be his and that she'd never come to trust him was the worst form of torment.

  True, in the past he hadn't given her much reason to trust him. He'd been a tease in school, constantly baiting her, at times pretending he was Reid and getting her to say and do things that she normally wouldn't have. Sarah had always fought back, giving as good as she got. He'd always admired that about her, but it hadn't dawned on him until the very last prank that his teasing games might have honestly hurt her. And now the hurt that he'd in­flicted as a child had come back to haunt him.

  With his eyes still closed, images surged forth of Sarah, looking pretty as a picture in a bright summer dress the day after her junior high school graduation, standing by the creek that ran alongside her grand­mother's property. Case had come up behind her, feign­ing sincerity and handed her a note from Reid that he'd forged. "I'm sorry, Sarah," he'd said. "Reid didn't have the courage to do this himself."

  With trembling hands, Sarah read the words that Case had written, stating that Reid wanted to break up with her. He wanted to be free for the summer. Case had ex­pected disbelief, he'd expected outrage, he'd expected for Sarah to march over to the Jarrett house and give Reid a good tongue-lashing. Everybody in town knew Reid was over the moon for Sarah. He thought she'd known it, too. But what he hadn't expected was for Sarah's sweet ex­pression to fall, for her blue eyes to cloud with tears, for her to run away, too fast and furious for Case to stop her.

  By the time Case had caught up with her, the damage had already been done. Sarah had cried so hard her eyes looked like two big red swollen puffs on a tearstained face. And when Case owned up to his deception, Sarah had given him a look that cut straight through his heart. With a shaky voice, she'd asked him only one question, why? Why had he done it?

  Case had been at a loss. No apologies fell from his lips, nothing to help ease Sarah's pain, but from that day forth Case had vowed he'd never play another prank on Sarah.

  And strangely enough, Sar
ah had never told Reid about it. She hadn't ever wanted to come between the two brothers and she must have been pretty sure of Reid's reaction. He would have throttled Case. Case wouldn't have blamed him. He knew he'd deserved anything Reid had in store for him. But Sarah covered for him, never giving away what Case had done and how much he'd hurt her.

  "Damn," he said, popping his eyes open. He looked down at the four bottles of beer he'd yet to drink. "I'll take a rain check," he muttered, jerking his body up from the steps, realizing there was one very important thing Case had to do for Sarah.

  Perhaps it would, in a small way, make up for some of the past hurt.

  Sarah returned home from a visit with Bobbi Sue the next afternoon to a crowd of hat-waving men standing around the corral, leaning up against the metal fencing. She unlatched Christiana from her car seat and lifted her into her arms. "C'mon, baby girl, let's see what all the fuss is about." She walked over to where Pete was standing by the fence. He turned to her with a big smile. "Howdy, Sarah. How's Baby Jarrett today?"

  "Hi Pete. She's just fine." Sarah adjusted her position so Pete could gain a better view of the baby.

  "Whoa! That little one's picking up weight faster than a tumbleweed on a windy day."

  Sarah chuckled. "That's what the doctor says, too." She turned toward the fence in time to see Case, wearing leather chaps, a Stetson and a pair of work gloves, mount a feisty stallion. "What's going on?"

  "Old Bart Winslow bet Case he couldn't break his high-spirited new paint. He brought him over less than an hour ago."

  "Really?"

  "The dang horse threw him three times already, but Case is giving us all a good show. He's determined to saddle break that piebald today."

  Sarah moved closer to the fence, watching the Case Jarrett Rodeo. Case threw his leg over the Association saddle, mounted the horse, all the while keeping a firm grip on the braided buck rein. The horse bucked high, his long legs thrusting up in unison, but Case held on, keep­ing his balance in classic form. The frustrated bronc con­tinued to buck, moving around the arena, lifting Case high in the air. His last tirade sent Case flying off. His body landed with a thud on the ground. The crowd of ranchers let out moans, shaking their heads and mum­bling. Case only smiled, stared at his four-legged oppo­nent then grabbed his hat, ready to mount the horse again.