Fate

by Tia Wylder

  “I regretfully must inform you that this affair has grown terribly dull,” he said blandly. “I must go amuse myself otherwise or risk dying of boredom before moonrise.” With that, Will stalked out of the room, leaving Lily and Lord Blackwood in uncomfortable silence.

  Lord Blackwood sat back down, grumbling, and the servants brought in dinner. Lily ate as much as she could, but the corset was relentlessly tight, and Lord Blackwood's personal odor spoiled what little appetite remained, so she mostly pushed the food about on her plate and tried to talk to Lord Blackwood. But every time she tried to speak, Blackwood snapped at her and stunned her into silence. Once he had finished eating and was lighting up his pipe again, Lily felt nauseated for lack of air.

  “I must retire now, Lord Blackwood--”

  “Roger, call me Roger, stupid girl.”

  “... of course, Roger.” Lily gritted her teeth. “It has been a long day indeed. I bid you good-night.”

  “Eh, not so fast, girly,” Blackwood grunted into his sherry, “go upstairs if you want, but don't go to sleep yet. I'll be along when it please me.”

  Lily very much did not like the sound of that, but she had to please Blackwood to get Rosie back, so she said, “Of course, m'lord,” then curtsied and went upstairs to change into something less suffocating. Do what she might with her clothes, however, Lily knew that feeling suffocated had little to do with garments.

  Chapter Three

  Lily had bruises on her arms, shoulders, and stomach by the time Lord Blackwood was finished with her. She was far too small and he was far too rough. He took her selfishly gave not a whit for her pleasure or even for her safety. Of course, that was all Lily knew of the male sex, so she was not surprised, but Lord Blackwood was even worse than the former suitor who had taken her by force. At least he had been quick, Blackwood took his precious time, and the more clothes he took off, the worse his unbathed odor became. He also kept the light on, the better to see Lillian's beautiful face and delicate curves, but that also meant that Lily had to look at him, and see every awful, drunken expression he made.

  She lay there for a time, aching and recovering her wits, suppressing the urge to weep hysterically, but, in spite of her profound exhaustion, Lily was not sleepy. She got out of bed and put on her dressing gown and padded out to the balcony in bare feet. Her chambers overlooked the Blackwood Hall courtyard. The evening was a bit chill, but pleasant enough, and the fresh air helped chase away the memory of Blackwood and his personal stench, and quelled her tears. Lily played her fingers along some ivy growing on the railing, thinking, Wouldn't Rosie like this? Rosie. Always Rosie. Lily drew upon the memory of her little daughter to give her strength, she could practically hear Rosie giggling already... except... that didn't sound like Rosie's voice, did it? It sounded like a grown woman!

  Lily craned her neck and her jaw dropped as she saw the beautiful Will Blackwood saunter out into the courtyard, dragging Minnie with one hand and the scullery maid with the other. He was visibly drunk, red-cheeked and staggering a little, and he led the two giggling girls (who Lily suspected were also at least tipsy) into a secluded corner of the courtyard behind an ivy-covered wall. Lily suspected that hers was the only balcony on the estate, indeed, the only place in London, from which one could observe the goings-on in that particular corner of the courtyard. She watched as Will pulled Minnie in for an embrace and she became confused as Will kissed the girl on her neck, unbuttoning her frock so that he could kiss her decolletage, making Minnie gasp and lean her head back for more. The scullery maid, meanwhile, had one arm around Will's shoulders, while the other hand delved into his trousers.

  Lily thought that Minnie must be Will's favorite, as he paid more attention to her, settling her on a low stone bench while he fiddled with her dress and undergarments. It was a strange, giddy sensation Lily felt when Minnie's breasts were finally bared and the young maid leaned against the ivy-covered wall as Will kissed her chest. Curiously, he also suckled Minnie's breasts like an overgrown infant, which made Lily uncomfortable at first, but as Minnie panted and moaned, Lily became excited in a way she'd never felt before. The scullery maid sat beside Minnie and started kissing her and fondling her breasts while Will disappeared beneath Minnie's skirts. Lily wondered what Will was doing down there, because she saw Minnie's legs slide apart and start squirming, and the noises she made intensified in pitch and volume. Lily felt that ticklish warmth between her legs, and it mounted with every passing second that she secretly watched the tryst. She saw Minnie's hand disappear beneath the scullery maid's skirts, and soon both girls were moaning in unison, kissing and squirming and arching their backs. Lily could only imagine what it felt like, but she thought that it must have something to do with this ticklish, tingling feeling between her legs. Curiously, Lily rolled up the hem of her dressing gown, and slowly let her fingers wander along her inner thigh, until they reached the silky warmth of her labia. She was a bit surprised to find that between her labia, she was quite wet and slick. The more of herself she touched, the harder her heart pounded, and she began to think she understood why Minnie was making those noises.

  Suddenly, Will resurfaced from under Minnie's skirts. He hastily undressed the top half of the scullery maid and left a few marks on her breasts with his lips and teeth, then arranged the two girls on the bench to his liking. He made the scullery maid sit with her legs far apart and Minnie's head pillowed on one thigh. He pushed Minnie's skirts up so that her legs were bared and had the scullery maid hitch her skirts up so that her legs and sex were bared, too. Lily held her breath in anticipation of what was going to happen, wondering if things were about to get very unpleasant, for it looked like Will was about to take Minnie the way Blackwood had taken her not long ago.

  Lily was only partially right, she realized, because Will may have been drunk and a little careless with the girls, but he was not rough, nor violent, nor did they seem to be at all in pain. In fact, they were eager, still giggling and gasping as Will arranged them. Then he opened his trousers and freed his member, a sight which made Lily's fingers curl as they explored her opening, and her sex throbbed in approval as Will thrust himself inside of Minnie and made the girl issue a long, pleasurable, needy moan. He simultaneously put his face between the scullery maid's legs and did something, Lily didn't know what, but the scullery maid was now enjoying herself almost as much as Minnie. As aroused as she was, Lily also felt jealous of the two girls, she wanted to be in their place, she wanted to know what that kind of pleasure was like, she wanted Will's girth inside of her and his gentle hands on her body. As Lily's fingers explored, they found a spot toward the top of her folds that, when touched, made her body shudder and spasm with pleasure. While the tryst in the courtyard progressed, Lily touched her pearl, caressing it and pressing it until her legs gave out and she collapsed on the balcony with a moan of pleasure.

  “Bollocks!” she heard Minnie gasp, “Someone's coming!”

  They had heard her! Lily watched between the bars of the railing and through the leaves of the ivy as Will gave the scullery maid one last lick, then he pulled out of Minnie and buttoned his trousers with some difficulty, as his member was still stiff and not very well complying with the garment's tailoring, but he managed it, then walked off without a word, leaving the two women to scramble and frantically dress themselves before they were found out.

  Lily sat on the balcony long after the tryst broke up, confused and disgusted with herself. Will Blackwood was a disgusting, selfish, drunken, lech-- just like his father. How could she have these feelings for such a creature? And her intended step-son, no less! Lily shuddered.

  By and by, her wits recovered, and Lily went inside out of the night air to get some rest. She lay down and closed her eyes, but for some reason, sleep would not come. She could not stop thinking about the new, foreign feelings of pleasure, how excited she was by Will and what he did to the maids, and a part of her felt grief, because she knew she would never know what it felt like to be Minnie, writh
ing and moaning beneath Will's touch. Lily tossed and turned all night, and when dawn broke, she felt even worse than the day before. She rose from bed exhausted and got herself dressed, realizing that she could hear Will out in the hall, barking at one of the servants before he stomped off to his own chambers. Lily was glad he was so noisy so that she could avoid him on her way down to breakfast, and hopefully every other time she left her room, too. If she never spoke to Will Blackwood again it would be too soon!

  Chapter Four

  If there was anything good to be said about marrying a drunkard, it was that mornings foretold relative freedom, as Lord Blackwood was still abed by ten o'clock. Lily took breakfast and tea and explored the house a while, poking her head in various rooms to ascertain the layout. Even for a London house, the Blackwoods' home was practically palatial. It boasted a grand dining room, two sitting rooms, a music room, a library, a billiards hall, servants' quarters, enough bedrooms to comfortably sleep twenty, and then there were the gardens! Lily's childhood home was magnificent, but not like this. Blackwood Hall bordered on ostentatious, even for fashionable English aristocrats.

  After stumbling upon the billiards room, which was clearly meant for gentlemen only and boasted bawdy paintings and erotic sculptures and a staggering supply of liquor in its full-size bar, Lily felt faint. She could not comprehend that her destiny had brought her to this. She would do anything for Rosie, but how could Fate be so cruel! Lord Blackwood was, in all respects, a completely repulsive man. Lily was no prude, but the paintings in the billiards room depicted acts far worse than what Blackwood had done to her last night. Lily could forgive him his physical shortcomings, his bad habits, even his rudeness, if he were at least somewhat kind or had a modicum of respect, but the more she learned about him, the less and less she liked him. He was base, mean, disrespectful, crass, an all round wretched human being with no redeeming qualities. It was daunting, to say the least, to contemplate spending the rest of her days with this monstrous man, who might one day do worse than leaver her with a couple bruises and an ache between the legs, and before she knew what she was doing, Lily was running (or walking as quickly as her corset would allow) down the hall and to the library, where she burst through the door and out into the courtyard.

  It was late autumn, so the air was crisp, but clean and refreshing. There was a light drizzle, but nothing serious enough to make Lily go back inside that horrible house to fetch a coat. The garden was peaceful, and the rain on her face helped Lily regain some of her composure. She wandered the courtyard for a while, imagining Rosie everywhere she looked, drawing strength from thinking of her child. Would Rosie like gardening? Would she like to make chains of daisies? Or would she eschew the garden and prefer to stay indoors and read?

  God give me strength of spirit, she thought, because Lily caught herself wandering toward the stables, thinking of how difficult or easy it might be to run away from this place. Would the drunk louse even notice that one of his horses was missing? Would he even notice that Lily was missing before he wanted to slake his lust with her body? She walked closer and closer, almost hypnotically, envisioning herself whisking Rosie away to the country where they might eke out a living as dirt farmers... surely that would be preferable to submitting herself to the horrendous Blackwood and his wretched son! But she could not bear the thought of Rosie going hungry again, no, Lily knew that this was the best she could do for her daughter, as awful a fate as it might seem.

  Run away or no, Lily knew that a ride would help clear her head, so she entered the stable to take a look around and get acquainted with the horses. However, the first sight that greeted her was not a horse to clear her head but a bare-chested Will Blackwood to further muddy it! Lily gasped, and her hand flew to her lips, and she felt her knees grow soft and that ticklish warmth between her legs again. Her other hand pressed itself against her corseted belly. Unlike his father, young Master Blackwood was slim and trim, with a bit of muscle on his body from participating in the occasional, fashionable sporting match, hunting or boxing or the like. Lily wondered what it was like to be held in those long, sturdy-looking arms, she wondered what it was like to writhe in those arms in the throes of pleasure, like Minnie did last night, and she was rooted to the spot, staring at Will and breathing hard.

  “Has your excessively tight corset finally cut off the air to your brain?” he laughed, hanging a brush on a nail nearby and patting his horse's rump. “Or perhaps you are stricken with memories from last night. Tell me, did you enjoy the show, my little voyeuse?”

  “Show?” Lily gasped stupidly, “Oh God in heaven-- you... you knew I was watching.” For some reason this thought both scandalized and aroused Lily something awful, and the conflicting feelings overwhelmed her. The faintness returned and her knees began to buckle, but Will stepped forward and caught her, hugging her gently but firmly against his bare skin, which Lily now saw was smudged here and there with dirt and bore a fine sheen of sweat. He smelled of a pleasantly heady aroma, a mixture of a healthy young man's sweat and also of tobacco and cologne. Her sex warmed to his touch and set her to trembling, but-- she told herself-- she hated Will and he was probably just mocking her. Embarrassed, Lily pulled away from him and smoothed her skirts with great dignity. “I don't need your help, Will Blackwood,” she sniffed.

  “No indeed. Not yet,” he chuckled, “surely you were only pretending to faint to test my resolve. But I wonder...” He came close to her again and cupped her cheek, and Lily was pliant when he turned her face toward him. She gazed up at his face, enraptured, stricken stupid by his handsomeness. “Mightn't you need help in dealing with my father? I am convinced he is the devil incarnate, and you, a delicate angel...” He leaned down and planted a chaste, but lingering kiss on Lily's lips. “I should hate to see my new mother suffer,” he said softly.

  It was a rare moment of earnestness from Will, and Lily didn't know what to do with it. Reminded of the situation, that was to be Will's stepmother, Lily yanked herself away from him with a huff. “You cad!” she growled, “You-- you skirt-chasing-- tosspot!” Will had been preparing to go out for a ride, and his horse was already tacked and saddled, so Lily brushed past him and mounted the beast herself. “As your new mother, I say you had best learn some manners, and stop victimizing the house staff, or I-- I'll tell your father!”

  “Tell father? He'll only be jealous that he's getting my seconds,” Will laughed.

  Disgusted, Lily galloped out of the barn with cheeks aflame and an aggravating undertow of desire in her heart.

  Chapter Five

  Blackwood Hall was situated on the outskirts of London, close enough to make it convenient to attend every important social event of the season and to be convenient to host gatherings if Lord Blackwood so chose, but far enough away from the press of humanity that the estate was large and country suitable for riding just a stone's throw away. Lily sped out of the gate and down the road, and before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face, mingling with the rain. How did that boy manage to be so aggravating, even as he managed to be so desirable? Why did Lily hate him, yet her heart bounded when she remembered his bare chest and tender kiss? And why, oh why, did the way the horse galloped press the saddle between her legs in a way that made her think of the night before?

  Lily rode until her gown was soaked through and her hair plastered to her head. She was shivering a little as she rode back, and although her heart was still in turmoil, she felt a bit better. The countryside was lovely and deep green, and she had certainly stayed in worse places. Lord Blackwood was nigh intolerable, but the knowledge that she should have Rosie with her here soon gave Lily immeasurable strength and hope. Then she wouldn't feel so alone. Then her life would have some purpose and joy. All she had to do was be strong for a little bit longer.

  Will was not in the stable when Lily finally returned, and as she dismounted and started removing the horse's saddle, she realized that she had, in at least some small way, hoped that he would still be there, and th
at he would give her another kiss. That kiss, she realized, was the first step on the path to that erotic bliss she had witnessed from her balcony, and Lily very much wanted to take the rest of the path, but she could not. She would not. If Lord Blackwood found out that she was being unfaithful, he would be very angry, he might hurt her, he might break off the engagement, he might never let Rosie come live with them. Lily breathed deep and steeled herself against her desire, reminding herself of what a boor Will Blackwood was and how he had his hand (and likely his head) up every noblewoman's skirt in all London.

  The manor was pleasantly warm when Lily went back in, wringing her skirts of mud and rain. She slipped her shoes off at the door and smiled a bit bashfully as the manservant, Old George, passed by with a tea tray.

  “Miss Minnie's layin' out your garments, mistress,” he said.

  “Garments?” Lily smoothed her skirts self-consciously. How had they known she would need to change?

  “Aye, you're to accompany Lord Blackwood this evenin' to a ball. You'll be leavin' in a few hours so best go get cleaned up. Miss Minnie'll help you.” Old George nodded and smiled. “I'll tell Lord Blackwood you're in.”

  “... thank you, George,” Lily whispered. She had known that she would be required to attend social functions with Blackwood, but this soon? Why, Lily hadn't even recovered from the journey yet, she hadn't yet been able to take a full meal or get a good night's rest! Just being in Blackwood's house was enough to make her want to weep, but how could she, a disgraced noble herself, face all of London high society on the arm of the biggest boor in Great Britain? Lily could only imagine what cruelty she might have to endure, and, seeing as Minnie was about to dress her for a formal party, Lily guessed she would be squeezed into another tiny corset and therefore would not get to eat before they left... ah, well, at least she had breakfast.