Marrying Jonah

by Amy Lillard

  “I know.” Her father cleared his throat and gave a small nod. Her actions had left a strong man practically speechless. “What do we do now?” he asked.

  Mamm tried to smile, but the gesture fell short. “I guess we have a wedding to plan.”

  Sarah shrugged as if it were no matter. She was starting to become numb from the shame and disgrace. Maybe it was better that way.

  “When are you going to the bishop?” Her father’s shoulders sagged as he asked the question. She knew she had disappointed him. It had been the furthest thing from her mind that night. She hadn’t been thinking about anything but Jonah and how easy he was to talk to when he wasn’t mooning over Lorie. He seemed to enjoy her company, and the next thing she knew . . .

  “I think we should go see if he’s home now,” Jonah said. “I want to talk to him before word spreads.”

  That way they could fight the gossip with their plans. And maybe then Sarah could pretend that this was what Jonah wanted as much as she did.

  But she didn’t want to marry him. Not like this. She had wanted him to love her in return.

  Mamm looked at each one of them in turn. “This is the beginning of your story. It might be a little rocky, but you must own up to it. But from here . . . well, the rest of your story depends on you. You can make it happy or not.”

  They were wise words, but Sarah couldn’t fathom them all in her current state. Once today was over, after they talked to the bishop, maybe then she could take out those words and glean more from them.

  They rose from the table where they had been sitting and discussing their plans. Her father pulled Jonah to one side, talking in hushed tones only for him to hear.

  “Mamm,” Sarah whispered. “Is there another way?”

  Her mother frowned. “What are you talking about, Sarah Sue?”

  She swallowed hard. “Can you send me away somewhere? Do we have any family in Ohio or Pennsylvania? Someplace where I can go and . . . have the baby?”

  Her mother blinked in apparent shock. “You don’t want to marry Jonah? I thought you were crazy about him.”

  “I was. I mean . . .” She studied her fingernails, trying to come up with the best explanation for how she felt. “I love him with all my heart. But he doesn’t love me. Yes, I want to marry him, but only if he loves me in return.”

  Mamm shook her head. “Love comes. Love changes. You have to be patient. You have been given a special gift. Not everyone is blessed to have children. Look at Eileen Brenneman. Be thankful for the gift that God has given you.”

  “But—”

  “Shhh,” her mother said. “If it is God’s will that you have this baby, then you must carry that out married to Jonah Miller.”

  * * *

  Jonah pulled his tractor into the bishop’s driveway and said a little prayer that the man would be home. He felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  One bad choice and his life was forever altered. He might have understood what led him to Sarah if he had just come from an English party where people were drinking and making out all over the place. But no. He had just left a Sunday-night volleyball game.

  He had no excuse for his behavior, no reasoning. They couldn’t claim that they loved each other and couldn’t wait. They could only say that they had made a mistake. And now they were paying the consequences.

  Jonah and Sarah entered the house. “Bishop?” Jonah said in greeting.

  “Just a minute” floated to them from somewhere in the vicinity of the Ebersol kitchen. But it was a female voice, most likely Helen, the bishop’s wife. Then again, the bishop’s household was full of daughters.

  Sarah shifted in place next to him as they waited for the owner of the voice to come out. Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait long, and Helen appeared in the kitchen doorway.

  She seemed surprised to see them standing there side by side. “Jonah Miller and Sarah Yoder. What brings you two out today?”

  Jonah took his hat from his head and stepped forward. He cleared his throat. “We came to talk to Cephas. Is he around?”

  “Last time I checked, he was fixing the back porch. We have a rotted board back there.” She waved them toward the door. “Go on back.”

  “Thank you.” Jonah nodded and started for the back door. Sarah was right behind him. He would have to get used to that. They would be expected to behave like a normal married couple.

  He stopped, the realization of what was about to happen knifing through him. He was going to marry Sarah Yoder. How had his life gotten here?

  They walked out onto the back porch to find Cephas Ebersol hammering down a new board. To call the space a porch was unflattering. Actually it was a raised deck complete with a barbecue grill, patio table, and beautiful potted plants. The bishop kept his house well-maintained, better than average. Jonah would like to have something like this one day. And then the question hit him. Where were they going to live?

  Tradition dictated that they move in with her family for a few months after the wedding or longer, if their house was not ready. But there was no way he was doing that. He pushed the thought aside. First he had to get through whatever punishment the bishop doled out to them, the wedding ceremony, and a hundred other hurdles before he could think about where they were going to live.

  “I didn’t expect to see you today, Jonah Miller.” The bishop thumbed his hat back to get a better look at the two of them. “Sarah Yoder. What brings the two of you here today? And don’t say nothing, because I can see it on your faces.”

  He set his hammer down and turned to face them, giving them his full attention. It was one of the things Jonah liked most about the bishop. He was a good and caring man. He was fair, but he was tough. And in the past Jonah had admired many of his decisions. He just hoped that the bishop wasn’t so hard on them.

  “We wanted to talk to you before the rumor gets all around town,” Jonah said.

  “And what rumor would that be?”

  “The rumor that Sarah and I—” He swallowed hard and fought to continue. “Are having a baby.”

  The bishop straightened, but his expression remained passive. “I see. That is a strong rumor. Is it true as well?”

  “Jah,” Jonah said. “That is why we would like to get married.”

  Cephas climbed up the steps so he was on the deck with them. “Let’s go inside and talk.” He took off his tool belt, deposited it on the patio table, then motioned them toward the house. The next thing Jonah knew, he was sitting at the table with the bishop, his wife, and Sarah. Everyone had a small plate with a slice of pie and a cup of coffee in front of them. He took a sip of his coffee, but no one was eating the pie. It was almost more of a nicety than a necessary snack.

  “Marriage is a big step.” The bishop looked at each of them in turn.

  “We understand that,” Jonah said.

  “And you also understand that if you don’t get married, then you will have to leave the church?”

  “Jah.”

  “And how did you to find yourself in this situation?” Again he pinned them each with a stare, then qualified his question. “Most times if a couple comes to me with a similar situation, where they have strayed from their upbringing in this manner, they’re usually already engaged.”

  Oh, how he wished she would stand up and spout all she had at his parents’ house about being human and being weak, but she just sat there.

  “We seem to have made a mistake,” he said. “And now we need to atone for it.”

  “And you want to get married?”

  “We do.”

  The bishop nodded. “Marriage is forever. Then again, so is having a baby. Are you ready for these commitments?”

  “Does it matter?” Jonah cleared his throat. “That’s not what I meant to say. It’s just that—”

  “You have to get ready,” the bishop said. “You have to figure out how to let go of the past and look to the future.”

  The words washed over Jonah. He kn
ew. That was exactly what he needed to do, but he hadn’t figured out how yet.

  “How do we do this?” Sarah asked.

  He should have been the one to say those words.

  “First, you’ll need to go in front of the church and confess.”

  His heart sank at the thought. But it was necessary. Confessing would do away with any secrets. They could start fresh. But confessing would be uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. Embarrassing. Shameful. Disgraceful.

  “And after that?” Sarah asked.

  The bishop spread his hands as if to say the rest would be up to them. “The church will vote. You can ask for leniency, especially since the two of you plan on getting married. That truly is your intention, right?”

  “Jah. Of course.” He finally found his tongue. “That was one of the reasons we came here.”

  “How quickly are you wanting to have the ceremony?”

  “Mamm thought it would be a good idea if we could get married soon. Maybe right after Aaron and Mary.”

  “That’s Gertie,” the bishop said. “She moves quickly, jah?” He thumbed through a small leather-bound book until he got to the page he wanted. “Ah yes. How about the following Tuesday?”

  So soon? Jonah nodded.

  “That’s fine with me. Sarah?”

  She looked as if she had been glued into place.

  “Sarah?”

  “What?” She stirred and looked from him to the bishop as if trying to get her bearings.

  “The Tuesday after Aaron and Mary’s wedding. Does that sound all right to you?”

  “For what?”

  Had she not been listening at all? “Our wedding.”

  * * *

  “So soon?” Sarah asked. She could hardly believe her ears. It was what she wanted, what had to happen, but it seemed so rushed.

  “I think the sooner we get this matter cleared up, the better,” Cephas said.

  She nodded. “Jah. Okay then.” Less than three weeks away.

  The bishop cleared his throat. “Then there’s the matter of the school board.”

  Sarah’s heart sank to her toes. She knew this was coming. It had only been a matter of time.

  “I’m sure they will request that you resign from your job as a teacher,” the bishop continued.

  Sarah somehow managed to nod. “I figured as much. Jah.”

  Unfit to teach the scholars of the district.

  Helen moved toward Sarah, capturing her attention. “It’s about more than the mistakes we make, Sarah. You will be a married woman and should be dedicated to building your home. Not teaching.”

  Sarah nodded. “I understand.” And she did. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. She’d struggled as a teacher, even though it had been the one thing she had wanted to do above all else. She was unable to get the older boys to do what she asked, and some of the younger ones too. The girls had seemed to take to her okay, but considering they were outnumbered two to one, chaos had ruled in her classroom as a first-year teacher. She had been planning to use this year to prove herself and show that she could be a good teacher. Now she had blown that. She would never get the chance.

  “Your job will be to be a good wife to your husband and a good mother to your family.” Helen’s smile was gentle and encouraging.

  Sarah just wished she could take it all in. So quick. So many changes. Too fast. Too many.

  “I’ll be in touch with everyone shortly,” the bishop said. “I’m sure they’ll want to meet with you tomorrow. I’ll see if Emily can take over for you for the day.”

  “She can bring Sallie Mae here,” Helen said. “I’ll watch the baby for her.”

  “Thank you,” Sarah said. What else could she say? Helen would watch the baby, Emily would take care of the school, and Sarah would give up her job.

  And as easy as that, Sarah’s life had been rearranged. How she dreaded the meeting the next day, but it was one of those necessary things. And then a couple more days and they would stand in front of the church. It was almost too much.

  They thanked the bishop for his time and headed back out to the tractor once again.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked him.

  Jonah had said hardly anything during the last half of their visit. He’d simply stared at his hands braced in his lap and listened to everyone talk around him. Sarah couldn’t tell if he had so much on his mind that he wasn’t paying any attention to the things around him, or if he simply wasn’t interested in responding.

  “Why do I get the feeling you’re mad at me?” Sarah asked, as she hurried behind him. His stride was much longer than hers.

  “I don’t know, Sarah. Why would I be mad at you?”

  She studied his face for some hint of his feelings. But all she could discern was confusion, exhaustion, and a blaze of something she couldn’t name.

  “I can’t read your mind, Jonah. If you have something you need to say, just say it.”

  “How did it come to this?” he asked.

  She knew what he really wanted to know. How had they gone from casual acquaintances to planning a wedding in the span of just a few weeks? Because of one moonlit night. One bad choice.

  She thought she would never regret the decision she had made then. She had made it thinking it would change things between them. Oh my, had it. She had hoped in those moments between kisses and more that Jonah would begin to view her differently. He would see her as someone he could care for. Someone he could spend the rest of his life with. All her talk of giving up on him and moving forward had been just that: talk. Words to convince herself that she wasn’t really in love with him. But there in the dark, just the two of them, she couldn’t lie to herself any longer. And when he turned to her for comfort . . .

  But if she had known then that he would toss her aside, that he would forget what happened by the pond and ignore her for the weeks to come, she might have made a different decision.

  Yet she couldn’t look back at that. The decision had been made, a mistake to forge.

  “If anyone should be angry, it should be me,” she said. “Your parents look at me like I’m beneath them. Like I’m just some—” She couldn’t even say the word. “Now I have to give up my job and stand with you in front of the church and tell everybody what we did. Stop acting like you’re in this alone, Jonah Miller. This doesn’t play with me at all.” There. She’d said her piece. A lot of good it would do her. Jonah Miller was as stubborn as they came. And he seemed to prefer living in the past. Why couldn’t he let go of Lorie? It was why he couldn’t move forward. Well, that was fine with her.

  “I’m sorry about your job,” he said quietly.

  She jerked her attention back to him. “You are?”

  “I am. And you’re right. We have to get up there and say things I never thought I would confess to another person. But I guess we have to do them together, jah?”

  She nodded.

  “Then maybe we should think about what we should say.”

  * * *

  Sarah’s throat constricted. Her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest. Her hands were sweaty and her mouth was dry. She was supposed to talk to the school board like this? She could barely stand on her feet. She was embarrassed, shamed, nervous, and remorseful. It was an overwhelming combination.

  “Sarah Yoder,” the chairman greeted her as she stood before them. They came to her house, all four of them, and sat down at the kitchen table. They refused coffee and pie and told her to stand so they could see her.

  How she wished she had resigned yesterday. She could have just told the bishop that she wouldn’t be back to school as a teacher. They would have found someone. There was always a young girl wanting to teach school. And since a lot of the kids went to elementary school with the English kids, there were always more girls wanting to teach than schools available.

  “Jah?”

  “I believe you know why we are here today.”

  “Jah.”

  “Last year, you had a hard time with
your class, and the board decided to give you another chance. This year we find out that you have sinned in the eyes of the church and the Lord. We understand that you will be making amends for this to the church and to God. But that leaves us a couple of important concerns for this school year.”

  She dipped her chin, not really knowing what to say. She must not have been supposed to answer, for he continued quickly. “We hear that you are to be married soon, and as you know, married women do not teach in our schools. Being married means you need to focus on your family, your husband, and building a home for your own children one day.”

  Once again Sarah nodded, unsure of what to say and unable to speak past the lump in her throat even if she could.

  “In light of this, we feel it’s best that we replace you as the teacher for this district with someone who will be able to better fulfill the duties of teaching our scholars.”

  “I understand,” she said. Her throat tightened, her words choked.

  “We also know that you might possibly have personal items in the school, and we feel you should be able to go get them as soon as class lets out today. Anything left after today will be turned over to the next teacher and will be either kept or disposed of by her. Do you understand?”

  She nodded. “I don’t have anything I need to get.”

  She had left a couple of things, a few personal items. A bottle of lotion and perhaps a pack of chewing gum. But whoever took her place could have them. Any decorations that she had hung for the scholars, she’d made for them, and she would leave them for the children. She couldn’t face going back into that one-room schoolhouse just for items she could pick up again.

  “Very well,” the chairman said. “We wish you the best in your new endeavors.”

  Sarah nodded as everyone stood. She trailed behind them to the door and watched as they filed down the porch steps and onto their individual tractors. Five minutes later, everyone was gone.

  She shut the door and managed to double back to the living room. She collapsed onto the couch, the weight of the world pushing her down. It could’ve been worse. She’d expected them to tell her how unworthy she was and how shameful her actions had been. But they hadn’t. They seemed to know that she would be dealing with so much more in the upcoming days. They wouldn’t shame her further. And for that she was grateful. One more hurdle she’d managed to clear. But in two more days she and Jonah would stand before the church and confess their sins.