Kael

by Lori Wilde

  Kael let out his breath in a rush, his legs wobbly beneath him. “Thank you,” he said, gratefully shaking her hand. “Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome,” she smiled again, then disappeared back through the swinging double doors from where she’d emerged.

  He hesitated a moment, swaying like a tree in the wind. Should he stay? Should he go? What would be best for Travis and Daisy?

  He loved them both with such a fierce, abiding love. More than anything in the world, he wanted to be with them. The lure of the rodeo could never compare with what he’d found waiting for him here at home in Rascal.

  And yet, he loved them so much he knew he must act in their best interest and not his own. Nothing mattered but Travis and Daisy and their well-being. Not his career, not what his parents thought of him, not even what he wanted out of life. He was a husband and a father. His family came first. Now and forever.

  And they would be better off without him.

  Kael supposed he’d arrived at the decision hours ago, sitting here alone in this godforsaken waiting room. He was a bad influence on his son. He’d led him into danger. There was no excuse for his actions. None. He couldn’t ask Daisy’s forgiveness. He didn’t deserve it.

  He’d leave town tomorrow after transferring money into Daisy’s bank account. Then he’d go see his lawyer about drawing up divorce papers so Daisy could have her freedom. After that, he would call Randy Howard and tell him he was prepared to go through with the experimental surgery. What did it matter if he ended up crippled? Without Daisy, life wasn’t worth enjoying. And if the surgery was a success, he could at least bury his sorrow in the only solace he had left—bull riding.

  Pivoting on his heels, he spun toward the pneumatic doors. They opened before him, depositing him into the starless night. He was glad now that Daisy hadn’t allowed him to tell Travis that he was the boy’s biological father. His leaving would be less traumatic this way. Daisy had been wiser than he. Or she knew him better than he knew himself.

  His spirits dragging lower than a snake’s belly, Kael hitched in his breath and headed for his pickup, his heart dropping faster with each retreating step. Leaving the extra vehicle his parents had brought for Daisy.

  Don’t look back, he told himself. She doesn’t need a sorry sack of cow dung like you messing up her life.

  He got in the truck and started the engine, tears blinding his vision. He brushed them away with the back of his hand.

  “It’s for the best, Carmody,” he said. “Everybody knows you’re too danged irresponsible to be a good dad.”

  “HAVE YOU SEEN MY HUSBAND?” Daisy asked the nurse whose picture ID proclaimed her “Susan Karns.”

  Susan shook her head. “Not since I told him we were taking Travis to the floor, Mrs. Carmody. That wass...” She glanced at her watch. “...over forty minutes ago.”

  Mrs. Carmody. She liked the way that sounded. “Would you mind checking the waiting room for me?” she asked. “I know he’d like to go upstairs with us.”

  “Sure.” Susan nodded. “Be right back.” She turned and disappeared out the door.

  “How you feelin’, cowboy?” Daisy said, going over to the gurney and curling her fingers around the bedrail. She smiled down at her son.

  “My head kinda hurts.” Travis raised his head and tenderly fingered his scalp.

  “You’re going to stay off the back of bulls from now on, aren’t you?” she chided, drawing the covers up more tightly around his neck and kissing his cheek.

  “It’s harder than it looks,” Travis said. “I guess that’s why Dad told me I couldn’t ride a bull until I was twelve and that was only with his supervision.”

  “Kael told you that?” Daisy was surprised.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Why did you disobey him?” she asked sternly.

  “The other kids dared me.”

  Daisy clicked her tongue. “Travis, you know better than that.”

  “Yeah,” he gave her a snaggletoothed grin, and she was so happy to have him awake and healthy that she wrapped him in a bear hug.

  There was a light rap on the door, and Susan stuck her head in. “Your husband wasn’t in the waiting room. Maybe he went to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee?”

  “Maybe. Thanks for checking.”

  “You’re welcome. Let me just sign off Travis’ chart, and I’ll be right back to escort you to the floor.”

  Daisy bit down on her bottom lip. Where had Kael gone? She needed to talk to him and let him know she’d been doing a lot of soul searching. These tense past hours spent alone in the emergency room, holding Travis’ little hand while he lay unconscious on the stretcher had struck her with harsh reality.

  If she continued her stubborn behavior, she would lose Kael forever. He’d been so good to take whatever she dished out, patiently deflecting her anger. She’d been punishing him for too many years.

  Whatever had happened between him and Rose had been over a long time ago. He’d

  made his amends. And even though Travis had gotten injured trying to be a bull rider, could she ultimately hold Kael accountable? Didn’t the positive changes he’d wrought in her son’s life outweigh the negative? She couldn’t deny that under Kael’s influence Travis had blossomed.

  And what about herself? Kael had worked his magic on her as well, peeling back all the old hurt and pain and replacing it with love.

  Kids got hurt every day. If anyone were to blame, it was her. She should have been supervising Travis more closely.

  She had to admit that just knowing Kael was out there waiting for them, that she wasn’t going through this experience alone, gave wings to Daisy’s heart. It was nice to have someone to lean on. A husband who cared.

  Swallowing past her guilt, Daisy blinked. Kael had made mistakes, yes, but so had she. For the sake of their son, for their marriage, it was time she released all resentment. She forgave Rose, and she forgave Kael, but most of all Daisy forgave herself. For it was she who had most suffered the effects of her own hardheaded pride.

  Daisy glanced at her watch and was surprised to discover it was only eleven thirty. It felt as if eons had passed since Travis’ accident instead of four hours. So much had happened in such a short period. Her attitude had shifted one-hundred-eighty degrees. She gulped and pushed against her eyelids with her palms.

  This time Kael was standing by her. He was her husband, her friend, and now her lover, and more than anything she wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him so. Oh, how she loved that man! Had loved him since she was sixteen years old.

  She shouldn’t have taken her fear out on Kael by treating him with such cold disdain, especially in front of his friends. He loved Travis as much as she did. He was worried and probably heaping a pile of guilt upon his own head. When she should have been comforting her husband, she’d fallen back into her old behavior and had lashed out at him, blaming him for something that wasn’t his fault.

  It had been easy to accuse Kael. He accepted her acrimony as his due. Following old patterns, she’d taken the path of least resistance when she should have been looking to him for comfort. That’s the way committed couples handled things. Together, as a team, not walling themselves off in their separate misery. Love could heal. Reproach would not.

  It was hard for her. For years she’d had no one to depend on. She’d been strong for so long that she didn’t know how to rely on anyone. Even when sheltering arms had been extended to her with no demands made, no strings attached, she’d been unable to accept Kael’s unconditional love.

  To embrace his love meant she’d have to relinquish her arrogant pride, and until this moment she’d been unwilling to loosen her grip on the one thing that had kept her going through life’s tragedies.

  Where was Kael? She had so much to say to him, to let him know the time had come to tell Travis he was his father.

  “Ready?” Susan Karns popped through the door, Travis’ chart in her hand, a cheerful smile on her lips.r />
  Daisy nodded. “If you do happen to see my husband down here, please send him up to our room.”

  “Will do. Ready for a ride, young man?” Susan grinned at Travis.

  “Not on a bull!” he exclaimed.

  “Good answer,” Susan replied, kicking off the brake on the stretcher and wheeling it through the door.

  A few minutes later, after they’d settled into the room and Travis had drifted off to sleep, Daisy texted Kael but didn’t get an answer. She texted him again. Waited.

  She sat in a rocking chair next to Travis’ bed in the pediatric ward, the night-light against the floorboard the only illumination in the room. Nervously, she consulted her watch. Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen, then twenty. Why wasn’t he answering her texts?

  Maybe he was tired. Maybe he went home to rest.

  Then Daisy shook her head in the darkness. Without letting her know? Without seeing Travis first? She could understand if Kael was upset with her and didn’t wish to speak to her right now, but she couldn’t imagine him leaving without saying goodnight to his son.

  The rocking chair creaked when she got to her feet. Picking up her cell phone, she carried it into the bathroom and shut the door so she wouldn’t disturb Travis.

  Her stomach felt queasy. Pressing a hand to her abdomen to stifle the butterflies, she punched in the number of her landline at home.

  Aunt Peavy answered on the seventh ring. “Hello?” she mumbled. Clearly, she’d been asleep.

  “Auntie, it’s me, Daisy.”

  “Where are you, sweetie?”

  “I’m at the hospital. Did you hear about Travis?”

  “Yes, Kael told me. How is he?”

  “Doing well. He’s asleep right now. They took X-rays and did an MRI. Nothing showed up. The doctor wants to keep him overnight to be on the safe side. We’ll be home in the morning.”

  “That’s good.” Her aunt’s voice sounded concerned, guarded.

  Odd chills raced up Daisy’s spine. “Auntie, by any chance is Kael there?”

  Aunt Peavy hesitated.

  “What’s wrong?” Daisy asked.

  “Sweetie, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.”

  Daisy sank down on the closed toilet lid, her heart fluttering in despair. Had something happened to Kael?

  “What is it?” she whispered, bracing herself for bad news.

  “Kael left.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Kael came home, told me what happened, said Travis’ accident was all his fault, and you’d both be better off without him.”

  Pushing her fingers through her hair, she sat there trying to make sense of Aunt Peavy’s words. “What do you mean?”

  “He packed his clothes, cleared out his things. He’s gone, Daisy. Says he’s going to give you a divorce, have that knee surgery, and go back to bull riding.”

  Stunned, Daisy hung up the receiver without even saying goodbye. The place where her heart had once resided was now a gaping chasm. She felt as if she were tumbling into a black hole of endless isolation.

  Then the strong, hard-edged voice that had gotten her through so many woes resonated firm and clear in her head. Well, fine. If he wanted to leave, then okay.

  She’d known all along it was foolish to place stock in Kael’s longevity as a husband.

  It’s gonna be okay, she coached herself. You and Travis got along without him for seven years. You can get along without him for seventy. Who needs the likes of Kael Carmody, anyway?

  Her, that was who.

  A sorrow more profound than anything she’d experienced since her twin sister’s death wrapped an icy grip around Daisy’s midsection. She tried to shrug it off, to deny the pain worming its way deep inside her, piling on top of all that other pain and hardening into something solid and ugly, but she couldn’t.

  Just when she’d been stupid enough to believe Kael had changed, that they had a good chance of building a real life together, he abandoned her again.

  Tears overtook her.

  Daisy sank down onto the floor and curled into a ball, her head resting on the cool tile. She felt sick. Sick and weak and so lonely.

  “Kael,” she whimpered. “Why, why?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  KAEL DROVE STRAIGHT through the night. Dawn’s pink fingers streaked the sky by the time he reached Oklahoma City. Randy Howard had given him the name of Tug Jennings’ knee specialist in Kansas City, and Kael had taken off with that destination in mind and no other plans.

  For the past seventeen hours, he’d done nothing but drive and think of Daisy. Beautiful, hardworking, obstinate Daisy.

  His wife.

  He didn’t deserve her. He never had. That’s why it was best to forget her. Let her get on with her life and stay out of her way.

  Except he couldn’t get her off his mind. She was so tough, so strong, so passionate. Just when he thought he might never make headway with her, she’d let down her guard and started to trust him. Trusted him enough to let him make love to her.

  Ah, Daisy.

  The pain that shot through Kael’s gut almost brought tears to his eyes. He’d betrayed that tentative trust.

  He pulled into the parking lot of a donut shop, intending to get out and fetch himself some breakfast. Instead, he remained welded to the seat. He stared unseeingly through the plate-glass window at the waitress pouring coffee for two policemen perched on bar stools. The yeasty scent of donuts permeated the surrounding air, but it did not entice his appetite. He felt as if he might never eat again.

  Taking a deep breath, Kael leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and stared down at his left leg. Covered in blue jeans, it looked normal. Gingerly, he fingered his kneecap.

  Did he really want to go through surgery, rehab, and recovery just so he could climb on bulls and risk hurting himself even more severely the next time around? Was he brave enough to take the gamble, knowing as he went into the deal that the miracle surgery could backfire, leaving him with a permanent limp? What would it prove if he did win another PBR event?

  Kael snorted. Bull riding had always been about proving himself. He’d thought if he could tame one of those wild critters, it meant he could conquer anything. He was wrong. Dead wrong. Bull riding proved nothing except that he was dumb enough to climb on the back of a wild animal and hang on tight.

  Now that he had arrived at this place in his life, the whole business seemed mighty stupid. Truth being, he didn’t really want to have the surgery. What he wanted was to be back with Daisy and Travis.

  But he didn’t belong there. He had no business being a husband and father. He’d put himself to the test and failed miserably. Because of his irresponsible influence, Travis had been hurt, and he’d caused Daisy needless suffering.

  Daisy was right. He wasn’t a real man at all, simply an irresponsible guy playing rodeo cowboy.

  Kael raised his head and stared at himself in the rearview mirror. What he saw reflected there was not a pretty sight.

  “This is your life, Kael. What’s it gonna be? You gonna keep running and hiding from the best thing that ever happened to you or embrace it?”

  Hazel eyes stared back at him. Eyes that looked exactly like his son’s. In that instant, he knew what he had to do. There was only one answer.

  Taking a deep breath, Kael keyed the engine and headed for his destiny.

  “LOOK, MAMA,” TRAVIS called out, pointing a finger toward the road. “Car’s coming.”

  Daisy looked up. She and Travis were in the field next to the Carmody Ranch, licking honey from their fingers. She’d been tending the hives, taking comfort in the one thing that remained constant in her life no matter what happened.

  Bees.

  Steady, hardworking creatures that they were, the new colonies were doing well. Although it was too late in the year to harvest honey, next year’s crop promised to be a good one. Thanks to Kael’s intervention and the money he’d left her.

  Travis had joined her just as she was co
mpleting her work for the day and asked for a honeycomb to chew on. Daisy had extracted a chunk of the sweet, waxy treat and indulged herself as well. The succulent taste of raw honey invaded her mouth as she chewed.

  The doctor had released Travis from the hospital the day before, and it seemed he’d suffered no ill effects in his tumble from Ferdinand’s back. The boy had asked about Kael a dozen times, and Daisy hadn’t yet had the heart to tell him he wasn’t coming back.

  Instead, she’d said Kael had gone away to have knee surgery. That much was true enough. What she’d tell her son in a week or two or ten, she didn’t know. In actuality, Daisy herself hadn’t recovered from the shock of Kael’s leave-taking. Even though she thought she’d braced for it, she’d really begun to believe that he had changed.

  “Looks like a pickup,” Travis commented, scrambling up on the wooden split-rail fence for a better vantage point.

  “Be careful,” Daisy cautioned, reaching out a hand to stabilize him. “Don’t fall.”

  “Mom,” Travis chided with a long-suffering sigh. “I’m okay.”

  It took supreme effort, but she backed away and left him alone. If nothing else, this painful episode with Kael had shown her she needed to loosen the apron strings where Travis was concerned.

  “It’s Dad!” Travis exclaimed, his eyes lighting like beacons.

  “It can’t be.” Daisy shook her head.

  “It is! It is!”

  “Sweetie, Kael’s in Kansas City having knee surgery.”

  “No, he’s not,” Travis interrupted. “He’s in our driveway.” Lickety-split, Travis climbed down from the fence and tore out across the pasture, running at full throttle.

  Daisy stood rooted to the ground. It can’t be.

  But it was.

  The truck door slammed, and Kael got out. He walked straight toward Travis, caught the boy in his arms, and swung him high into the air. Sheer delight crossed the faces of both father and son.