Rosie Goes to War

by Alison Knight

  ‘Hey, it’s all right. Don’t fret, come on. You’ll make yourself ill.’

  ‘Oh God, I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Maybe you’d better leave it to God, then. I don’t reckon there’s much else you can do.’

  ‘Do you believe in God?’

  ‘I thought I did. But these days? Who knows? I like to think he’s out there somewhere and he’s on our side. ’Cause if he ain’t, what’s the point?’

  ‘I can’t help wondering if God is having a huge joke at my expense, sending me here to teach me a lesson. I know I’ve been horrible to Mum and Dad sometimes, and I’ve been disrespectful to Gran, but I’m not nearly as bad as some of my friends. I’m quite a good girl really. I mean, I don’t smoke or do drugs and I haven’t done more than snog a couple of boys. Why would God do this to me? Maybe he does want me to change things. Maybe I have to tell everyone so that it doesn’t happen. But if I do, what will happen to the future? I might be like Marty McFly and end up going back to a different future, and I’ll have a horrible step-dad and everything will be terrible and –’

  ‘Rosie, stop it. I don’t have a clue who this Marty bloke is, but you’ve got to calm down.’

  I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. ‘You’re right. I’m being stupid.’ Tears well up again. ‘It’s just really, really hard, and it’s so cold and I’m always hungry and frightened, and I just want to go home.’

  ‘Hush now.’ He holds me tight and lets me cry for a bit more, then he starts to talk softly. ‘You know, I ain’t never met a girl like you. I don’t know anyone who would have climbed down that hole in your pretty dress to get that woman out. Not even Nelly or May.’

  I hiccup and can’t help a little giggle. ‘Nelly would have stood there and shouted to the woman to sort herself out. I’m not sure about May. She’s really kind. I think she’d have tried. Actually, I think Nelly would have too. When something has to be done, she gets on with it, even if she doesn’t like it. Look how she’s put up with me. I’m useless, but she won’t let me give up till I’ve got it right.’ I hold up my hands, which are red and dried out from the washing. ‘Look at the state of my hands – I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard in my life. My Mum would have given up and done it for me.’

  ‘What’s she like, your Mum?’ He asks. I hesitate. ‘I ain’t asking for spoilers, Rosie. I’m just curious. From what you say, she’s going to be my daughter-in-law. It’ll be nice to have a bit of advance knowledge when my boy starts bringing home girlfriends.’ He laughs. ‘Hark at me! I ain’t even got a girlfriend meself yet, and I’m talking about me son’s sweethearts.’

  I smile. ‘I’m glad you believe me.’

  ‘Well, why not? I’ve always had a soft spot for May. If you reckon we’re going to get hitched, that’s all right by me. It’d be nice to get some sign that May’s interested, mind. She always treats me like a mate. I don’t think she fancies me at all.’

  I shrug. ‘Well, she will, I’m sure. Gran always –’ I stop talking. I was going to say that she always talks about how much she loved him and he loved her. But if I say that, he’ll realise that in my time he’s dead. I look up at his young face, he’s waiting for me to go on, but there’s a great big lump in my throat. I wish he hadn’t died so I could have known him then. I shake my head. ‘Spoilers,’ I say, feeling like a fraud.

  He nods and sighs. ‘Yeah, I know. But can’t you give me a clue as to how I’m going to get May to go out with me?’

  ‘Have you asked her?’

  ‘Ain’t much point. I’ve seen her flirting with fellas she fancies. She ain’t never done that with me.’

  Mmm. I remember May’s reaction when I said Bill was fit. She was really surprised. ‘Let me think about it,’ I say. But I really don’t have any idea. I rest my head on his shoulder and we sit in the quiet, cuddling up on the sofa. It’s not like I’m an expert on dating – I’ve been hanging around waiting for Simon to notice me, and it’s been completely pointless because he’s a muppet who doesn’t know a good thing when it’s right there under his nose. Not that I want him to notice me now, not after he snogged Jess. And as for Jess – no, I won’t think about that now. But … maybe there is something … ‘Has she ever seen you with another girl?’ I ask.

  ‘Only girls I’ve danced with at the Palais. She’s never taken no notice.’

  ‘But she’s never thought you were serious about any of them?’

  ‘No, ’cause I haven’t been. We just dance and chat, that’s all. I don’t play around. I ain’t bleeding Harry.’

  I wave a hand. ‘Seriously, I don’t know what she sees in him.’

  ‘Too right.’ Bill looks at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘I’d better go.’

  I’m really reluctant to let him go. I feel so safe and warm. I sit up, untangling my arms and he stands up. He holds out a hand and pulls me up. We’re standing close together and Bill is kissing me on the cheek when May walks into the parlour.

  ‘Oh! Sorry, Nell said …’ May looks embarrassed.

  ‘Hello, May. We didn’t hear the front door,’ says Bill, going a bit pink.

  She stares at Bill like she’s never seen him before. Interesting! I slip my arm around his waist and he automatically puts his arm round my shoulder. Her eyes follow my movement and she frowns slightly before pasting a smile on her face. ‘No, I don’t suppose you did. Nell’s put the kettle on. Do you want another cuppa?’

  ‘Not for me thanks, I’m off.’

  ‘Oh. All right. See you around, Jock.’

  ‘It’s Bill,’ I say. Bill squeezes my shoulder.

  ‘But he’s always been Jock.’

  ‘It doesn’t mean he likes it,’ I say.

  May looks confused. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to her that people don’t like nicknames.

  ‘It’s all right, May. You ain’t the only one, everyone does it. But if you could see your way to calling me Bill, well, I’d appreciate it.’

  ‘Well, I’ll try to remember,’ she says. ‘But it’ll be hard after all these years.’

  I have an idea. ‘Why don’t you imagine you’ve never met him before? Here,’ I grab his hand and pull him towards May. ‘May, let me introduce my friend Bill. May, Bill, Bill, May.’ They both look at me like I’m mad. ‘Now you shake hands and say how do you do, OK?’

  Bill and May look at each other and burst out laughing.

  ‘Why not?’ says May and holds out her hand. Bill takes it in both of his big, capable hands. ‘Hello Bill, nice to meet you.’

  ‘Yeah, nice to meet you too, May.’

  I’m so pleased with myself as they smile at each other, I want to run round them cheering.

  When Bill turns to leave, I fling my arms around him and give him a kiss on the cheek. He laughs and swings me up in the air and as he puts me back on my feet he kisses my forehead. ‘Thanks,’ he whispers before he lets me go and with a cheerful wave to May he walks out the door.

  May is standing there looking at me with a frown on her face. ‘So, you and J– Bill. Are you courting?’

  I’m about to deny it, but change my mind. ‘We might be,’ I say. ‘Why? You’ve got Harry, haven’t you? Did you want Bill for Nelly?’

  ‘No! Not Nelly and Jock, I mean Bill. He ain’t her sort. She likes posh boys.’

  ‘So what’s the problem.’

  May shrugs. ‘Nothing. It’s just … Jock? I ain’t never thought …’

  ‘Why not? He’s lovely.’

  ‘But I’ve known him all my life. He’s like a brother.’

  ‘Well I certainly don’t want him for a brother. Maybe if you started thinking about him as Bill, and pretended you’ve never met him before you might start seeing him differently.’

  May shakes her head. ‘God help us, you are the strangest person I’ve ever met, Queenie. How can I do that?’

  ‘Just try, May. You might surprise yourself,’ I say as I walk out of the room, leaving her standing there looking totally baffled.
<
br />   CHAPTER TWENTY

  ‘He’s a nice boy,’ says May following me. ‘Don’t you go messing him about, Queenie.’

  ‘Of course I won’t,’ I say. ‘I really like him. I’m surprised he hasn’t got a girlfriend already.’

  May frowns. ‘I dunno. I never thought about him like that. He’s always been a mate.’

  ‘My Gran says the best husband is the one who’s your best friend too.’

  ‘Huh, I’ll bet she never met someone exciting like Harry. Why would you settle for someone like Jock –’

  ‘Bill,’ I interrupt.

  May rolls her eyes. ‘Like Bill,’ she says, ‘when you could have Harry?’

  I don’t like the sound of that. ‘Well I know she did meet someone just like Harry, and he wasn’t half as good as my grandpa.’ Before she can asked me how I know I say ‘Where is Harry, by the way? I thought you were going to see him.’

  ‘I did. We had tea up town.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And, what?’

  ‘Come on, May. Spill. I want all the gory details.’

  ‘Mind your own business,’ May giggles. ‘A girl’s gotta have some secrets.’

  Yeah, right. Secrets. Spoilers and secrets. Actually I don’t want to know what May got up to with Harry. But I’ve got to make sure that Bill ends up marrying her, end of.

  Nelly yells from the kitchen, ‘Has he gone?’

  ‘Yes, he’s working tonight,’ I call back. ‘He said the forecast is for clear skies, so there’ll be a raid.’

  ‘Right. We’d better get ready to run down the shelter. Turn that heater off in there, now he’s gone. We can’t afford to burn paraffin if we don’t need to.’

  May turns it off, which is just as well, because I still don’t have a clue how to use the thing. We join Nelly in the kitchen. It’s hot and humid in here, as our clothes steam on the racks. It reminds me of our holiday in Thailand last year. I’d never known such soggy heat. It’s funny to think, if I’d been born before the war like May and Nelly, I’d never have holidays like that, ever. I just hope I get the chance to have more, but it all depends on whether I can get home or not. And stay there.

  ‘So where’s Harry, then?’ asks Nelly. ‘Didn’t he see you home?’

  ‘He had some business up town,’ says May.

  ‘He’s not getting you involved in no funny business, is he?’

  ‘No, he ain’t. Jesus Christ, stop going on, Nell. I ain’t a kid, and you ain’t my mother.’

  Nelly looks stunned. I doubt if May has ever spoken to her like that before. Before the conversation can descend into a full blown row, I step in. ‘Whoa, chillax.’

  They stare at me, then at each other. May laughs, and Nelly shakes her head.

  ‘Chillax? What’s that when it’s at home?’

  I roll my eyes. It’s like speaking a different language sometimes. ‘Yeah, chillax. It’s Latin. It means calm down and relax. Don’t argue, OK?’

  ‘I’m not arguing,’ says Nelly. ‘I’m worried about her, that’s all.’

  May opens her mouth, and closes it again.

  ‘Did you want to say something, May?’ I ask.

  ‘Get if off your chest,’ says Nelly, arms crossed. No way is she chillaxing.

  May sighs. ‘There ain’t no need for anyone to worry about me. I’m all right. And if you’d give him a chance, you’d see that Harry’s all right too.’

  ‘That’s as may be,’ says Nell. ‘But we know enough about him to know he ain’t earning his money in no proper job, and he ain’t showing no signs of joining up like the decent fellas around here, so if you don’t mind I’ll reserve judgement.’

  May shrugs. ‘Suit yourself. But while you’re fretting over me and Harry, I’ll bet you didn’t know Queenie here was canoodling with Jock in our front parlour.’

  ‘We were not … whatever that word is,’ I gasp, feeling myself go red.

  ‘Canoodling. Kissing. Wrapped round each other, they were,’ May tells her sister. ‘They looked right shifty when I walked in there and caught ’em at it.’

  ‘You and Jock?’ said Nell. ‘But I thought you said he …’

  ‘He was helping me up. Your sofa swallows you up, so he gave me a hand. I told you, he’s really nice, and anyone would be lucky to go out with him,’ I say, wishing they’d both shut up.

  Nelly frowns. I give her a wink and look at May. Nelly looks from me to May and back. ‘Oh, yeah, so you did. But that don’t mean you can carry on like that in my front parlour.’

  ‘I won’t do it again,’ I say, trying to keep a straight face. ‘Oh, I left our tea cups in there. I’ll get them.’

  When I get back to the kitchen, Nelly was alone. ‘Where’s May?’ I ask.

  ‘She’s in the lav,’ says Nell. ‘So you’ve got about thirty seconds to tell me what the bloomin’ heck is going on.’

  ‘Nothing is going on,’ I say. ‘She just saw me give Bill a hug.’

  ‘You gave him a hug? Girls round here wait for the fella to make the first move, or they get a bad reputation.’

  ‘It wasn’t that sort of a hug. I was just being friendly. I wasn’t coming on to him.’

  Nell shakes her head. ‘I don’t know what you get up to in the country, but hugs is hugs round here. If you ain’t asking for trouble, you don’t go round giving fellas reason to think you are.’

  I laugh. ‘Bill is cool. We both know it’s May he wants.’

  ‘So, why all the canoodling?’

  ‘Maybe to make May jealous? If she sees me with Bill, she might start to see what a nice guy he is.’

  ‘Well, that ain’t going to work while she’s walking out with flash Harry, is it?’

  ‘No, I suppose not. We’ll have to find a way to get rid of him.’

  The air-raid siren starts wailing in the street.

  ‘Blimey, they’re early today.’

  We go into the hall to collect the coats. ‘If these raids go on much longer,’ says Nelly, ‘we might not have to worry about it. Hitler’s set on killing the lot of us, I reckon.’

  ‘He’ll try, but he won’t succeed,’ I say, feeling pretty smug. ‘We’ll beat him in the end.’

  ‘Let’s hope you’re right, Queenie. I just wish our boys would get on with it. I hate that bloody Anderson shelter.’

  It is one of the longest and scariest raids so far. We try to keep our spirits up by playing cards and games. The girls have to teach me most of them because I’ve never heard of half of them before. We talk about Christmas and plan to make some decorations – paper chains out of old newspapers and magazines, things like that. I remember the lovely tree we have every year at home, with decorations in gorgeous colours, and the lights, and the angel on the top. It seems like another life. Every explosion seems to be getting closer, and the shelter shakes as bombs destroy buildings just a couple of streets away. When the all clear finally sounds hours later we are exhausted.

  We stumble out into the frosty night, wanting nothing more than to get inside the house and crawl into bed.

  The cold air is filled with the smell of burning. The sky is orange, reflecting the fires that still rage across London. In my room, I leave the light off and peek out through the blackout curtains. God, it’s awful. I can see ruined buildings silhouetted against the flames. Beams of light keep searching the sky for stray bombers.

  I notice a crack in the window-pane. The glass is held together by the tape criss-crossing it, but I reckon another blast will shatter it completely. I shiver, wondering for the millionth time whether I’ll ever get home again. I don’t want to die here. I want to see Mum and Dad, and Gran and Great-aunt Eleanor, and my friends, even Jessica.

  I wish I knew why Jess did that to me. I mean, she’s always saying Simon just plays around with girls. I reckoned he was waiting for me to grow up, but after seeing how stupid May is getting over Harry I can’t help wondering if Jess was doing something mad like trying to show me what a tart he is. I mean, what idiot would play around with
his best friend’s sister? He’s either got to be madly in love with Jess, in which case I don’t stand a chance anyway, or he’s just having a laugh and doesn’t care that Luke might not want him messing with his little sister. Oh, I don’t know. Am I thinking this way because I’m trying to get May’s attention away from Harry and onto Bill by trying to make her see that Bill is sexy? I’ve known Jess all my life and I reckon she might just be mad enough to think she’s doing me a favour by snogging Simon in front of me, knowing how I’d react.

  I try to conjure up a picture of Simon in my mind, but can’t. He doesn’t seem real any more. He’s about the same age as Bill, but he seems like a kid compared to him. Actually, come to think of it, Jess’s brother Luke is more like Bill. He’s a nice bloke. I haven’t taken much notice of him because he’s Jess’s brother. I was so shocked when he asked me out, I’ve never thought of him like that. Maybe I should take a closer look when I get home? But then again, I’d better sort things out with Jess first. I can’t believe I might lose my best friend because of a boy. After the week I’ve had here, I reckon I’d better get my priorities right.

  The next morning there’s a knock at the door. It’s Bill. He’s still in uniform, but it’s filthy, covered in soot and grime.

  ‘Bill! What happened? Are you all right?’ I ask. ‘Come in.’

  ‘No, I won’t. I’m just on my way home. I popped over to see if Nan’s place was all right. I promised her I’d keep an eye on it while she’s gone. A couple of her windows have gone. I’ll have to board them up.’

  ‘Do you need any help? We can come over and give you a hand, if you like.’ Nell says, as she and May come down the stairs towards us.

  ‘Thanks, but I ain’t got enough plywood. I’ll get some and come back after I’ve cleaned up and had a kip. I just wanted to see if you’re all alright.’

  ‘We’re fine. But you do look tired. Are you sure you don’t want a cup of tea or something?’ says May.

  ‘Nah, ta anyway. I’ve been helping fight the fires down at the docks. The WRVS van came down and kept us going with tea and buns all night.’