Rosie Goes to War

by Alison Knight

  Yeah, right. You wish. I want to tell him exactly what I think of him but I keep my mouth shut. He takes my silence for agreement.

  ‘Well you don’t need to fret your pretty little head, Queenie. I might be paying a bit of attention to May right now, but it don’t mean I ain’t got my eye on you n’all.’

  ‘Really?’ I say, trying to keep my true feelings off my face. What I really want to do is kick him where it hurts. ‘So it’s not serious with May, then?’

  ‘Nah, ‘course not. I promised her I’d partner her for a dance competition at the Palais next week, and I reckon we can win it. The money’s always handy. But me and May?’ He shakes his head and moves closer. I fight the urge to move back. ‘She’s all right for a laugh, but I know class when I see it. You’re the sort of bird I’m looking for long term. Don’t you worry, I just need to keep May sweet for a bit longer, then I’ll be round to see you. I’ll show you a good time.’

  Oh. My. God. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t believe his nerve, the slimy toad.

  ‘That sounds like fun,’ I say, all the while thinking ‘NOT!’ He really is an arrogant, stupid little rat-bag and I really want to punch him on the nose.

  ‘Yeah, don’t it just,’ he says, sliding a hand round my neck and pulling me towards him. He kisses me on the mouth. I want to gag, especially when he pushes his tongue into my mouth. He tastes of cigarettes and bad breath. His sickly aftershave is making me feel faint.

  I twist, trying to get him off me, but he’s holding my head and moves with me. Out of the corner of my eye I see a movement. May! Oh hell. I close my eyes. This is a nightmare.

  I clamp my teeth on Harry’s tongue in frustration. He groans, but doesn’t let me go. I’m tempted to bite him really hard, but the thought of getting his blood in my mouth stops me. God knows what I’d catch from him.

  ‘Harry? What the bloody hell’s going on?’ May yells.

  I unclamp my teeth and Harry staggers back, right into the arms of Bill, who has just walked through the door. Nell comes out of the kitchen as well, just in time to see what’s happening.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ said Harry.

  ‘Why were you kissing her, Harry?’ Nell asks in her scary, don’t-mess-with-me voice.

  ‘I’ll tell you why,’ cries May. ‘He’s a bloody two-timing git, that’s why. I’m all right for a dance or two, but Queenie here’s got the ‘real class’, ain’t she, Harry?’

  I want a great big hole to open up in the floor and swallow me up. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life. Why didn’t I just knee him in the privates and yell rape or something?

  ‘May, darlin’,’ says Harry. ‘I didn’t mean nothing by it. It was just a joke. Look, I bought you these.’ The box of chocolates is looking crumpled and sad. ‘Special sweets for my sweetheart.’

  May glares at him. ‘Well I ain’t laughing. So you can take those and shove ’em where the sun don’t shine. Now sod off!’

  ‘But …’

  ‘You heard the lady,’ says Bill. ‘Now shove off.’

  Harry looks at Bill, and sneers. ‘Don’t worry, Jocky me lad, I’m off. They’re a bunch of bloody witches that lot. Mind they don’t turn you into a frog.’

  ‘Right, that’s it.’ Bill grabs him by the lapels and lifts him clear off the ground. Harry drops the chocolates. ‘Listen here, you piece of dog turd, if I see you around any of these girls again, I’ll knock your bloody block off.’ He manhandles Harry round and pushes him hard. Harry lands in the gutter, shrieking like a girl. Bill wipes his hands, as though getting rid of any dirt he’s picked up from Harry, then turns back to us.

  He grins. ‘Close your mouths, girls, or you’ll be catching flies.’

  Nell’s the first to move. She runs past me and picks up the chocolates, then throws them at Harry. They land on his head and he howls, ‘Oi! Sod off!’

  ‘No,’ yells Nell. ‘You sod off, and take your black market rubbish with you. I’ll be telling the coppers about you. I hope you rot in jail.’

  I want to cheer. This is great! We’ve seen off horrible Harry, and Bill is a hero. May’s bound to see him differently now. I turn to look at May, but she’s gone back into the parlour. I follow her, leaving Nelly and Bill to watch Harry run down the road.

  ‘May? It’s all right, he’s gone.’

  ‘Yeah, I heard. Why don’t you go after him?’

  ‘What? Are you kidding? I don’t want …’

  ‘Well, you could have fooled me, you … you … bloody tart!’

  I freeze, hardly breathing. I know I shouldn’t be surprised by May’s anger, but I am. Surely she must realise I didn’t want to kiss him, that I would never do anything to hurt her? ‘You don’t understand.’ Oh my God, that’s exactly what Jess said to me when I caught her snogging Simon! Of course she wasn’t trying to take him from me, she was trying to save me from making the biggest mistake of my life. And like May, I completely lost it. I should have known better. I didn’t trust her but I know I can trust Jess with anything. She’s the best friend a girl could ever have.

  I wasn’t thinking straight. And now May isn’t either. She’s hurt and angry and it’s all my fault.

  ‘I … I’m sorry,’ I say.

  ‘Sorry you got caught, more like. God, I was worried you were going to mess Bill about, but I had no idea what a greedy little cow you are. One fella’s not enough for you, is it? Oh no, you have to make a play for mine n’all.’

  ‘I did not!’

  ‘Oh yes, you did. I heard every word.’

  I feel my heart sink. May has no idea what I was trying to do, so of course she thinks I was after Harry. ‘Honestly, May, it wasn’t what you thought. You don’t understand …’

  ‘Oh, I understand all right. Well, at least Bill’s seen through you now, Miss High and Mighty. He’s too good for the likes of you.’

  Bill, standing in the doorway, coughs. I can’t look at him. I hope to God he understands what’s going on. I can’t bear it if he thinks I’m really like that.

  ‘You’re right,’ I say, my voice shaking. ‘He’s far too good for me.’

  Bill coughs again. ‘Nelly says the pie’s ready. Come and eat.’

  The thought of food makes me feel sick. How can I be expected to eat when everything’s so horrible?

  ‘May, listen,’ I say.

  ‘I ain’t listening to nothing you’ve got to say, Queenie,’ she says. ‘I wouldn’t believe a word of it.’ She picks up her crutches and hobbles out of the room.

  I sink down onto the sofa.

  ‘Come on, Rosie,’ says Bill. I brace myself to look at him, not know what to expect. He gives me a sad little smile. ‘She’ll come round. May don’t hold grudges.’

  ‘But Nelly does,’ I say, remembering how Great-aunt Eleanor reacted when she recognised me as Queenie.

  ‘Chin up,’ he says. ‘At least it got rid of Harry. I reckon that’s got to be a good thing. Now, come and have some food. You can’t hide in here all night.’

  ‘You go ahead. I won’t be a minute.’

  He leaves me alone and I sit there, trying to get everything straight in my head. This must be what Gran and Eleanor were talking about, when they thought I’d stolen May’s boyfriend. If it is, then this is the night I disappear. For a moment I can’t breathe, I feel fear wash right over me. Is this the night I die?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  I can’t sit here all night. I’ve got to face them, even if no one’s talking to me.

  As I enter the kitchen there’s an awkward silence. Bill gives me a nod, but the girls ignore me and carry on eating. There’s a plate of cottage pie at my place. I sit down and pick up my fork. I take a mouthful, but I’m so stressed I can’t taste anything and when I swallow it feels like a stone in my throat. I close my eyes, fighting back tears. This is awful. I don’t know what to do.

  The air-raid siren cuts through the air, making us all jump.

  ‘Come on, May, we’d better get you down the shelter,’ s
ays Nelly. ‘Bill, can you get her crutches?’

  ‘I’ll carry her,’ he says. ‘It’ll be quicker.’

  ‘Right. Good idea. I’ll get the coats.’

  Bill picks May up and she gives him a shy smile as she wraps her arms round his neck.

  ‘Thanks, Bill. I’m sorry to be such a pest.’

  ‘It’s no trouble, May. I’m glad to help.’

  The look they share brings tears to my eyes. That’s my Gran and Grandpa, falling in love. And you know what? I don’t care how horrible things are, or what might happen to me, because I’ve just witnessed the most beautiful thing in the world. I stand up, really wanting to hug them both.

  Big mistake.

  May glares at me as Nelly comes in with May’s fur coat and Bill’s army coat. She’s already got her Grandpa’s great coat on.

  ‘You’d better get a coat, Queenie,’ says Nelly. ‘Hurry up.’

  ‘I ain’t going down the same shelter as her,’ says May.

  Bill frowns. ‘We can’t leave her out.’

  May shakes her head, her eyes cold. ‘It’s her or me. I can’t stand the sight of her right now.’

  Bill hesitates. I can’t let them argue, not now.

  ‘It’s all right,’ I say. ‘You go ahead.’

  ‘He’s right, May,’ says Nelly. ‘I ain’t happy with her either, but we can’t shut her out.’

  I shake my head. Tonight’s the night. I can’t be with them. Somehow or other I’m leaving 1940, dead or alive. A strange sort of calm washes over me. Bill is May’s hero now. My job here is done.

  ‘I’ll find a public shelter. There must be one round here somewhere.’

  ‘Turn left out of here, second right. It’s near the pub,’ says Nelly.

  May nods. ‘That’s settled then.’

  ‘Here, hang on a minute,’ says Bill. ‘We can’t send her round there. It’ll be full of drunks.’

  I shrug. ‘I’ll be OK.’

  ‘No you won’t,’ he says. ‘Look, there’s an Anderson in Nan’s back yard. Go down the alley next to number thirty-three and round the back. Her house is four doors up from there. The back gate ain’t locked. There’s a lamp in the shelter.’

  ‘Are you sure Lil won’t mind?’

  ‘Don’t be daft. She’d skin me alive if I let you go near the pub shelter.’

  ‘OK, thanks.’

  ‘Get a move on then,’ says May. ‘And good riddance.’

  ‘We’ll see you later,’ says Bill.

  ‘Not if I see her first,’ she says, earning a frown from Bill.

  I want to say goodbye, but I know I can’t. They won’t understand. Instead I take a deep breath to stop myself from making a complete fool of myself, and walk away.

  Nelly follows me out in the hall.

  ‘Is it still all right if I borrow a coat?’ I ask.

  ‘I suppose.’

  Poor Nelly, she wants to kick me out on my bum, but her sense of duty is forcing her to do the right thing.

  ‘I’m sorry Nelly. It wasn’t what you thought, but I can’t explain. Maybe one day you’ll understand.’

  ‘I won’t never understand you, Queenie, and it don’t matter. I might not have approved of Harry, but you didn’t have to treat May like that. I’ll never forgive you for hurting my sister.’ She opens the front door. ‘Now get out.’

  I walk out and she slams the door shut behind me. As soon as the light from the hall is gone I’m plunged into darkness.

  It’s not the first time I’ve been out on the streets during a raid, or been alone in an air-raid shelter. I know I should be scared, but I’m feeling kind of numb. It took me a while to make my way across the street and to find the alley. There was a bit of light from the search beams in the sky to help me, but when I got into the narrow path between the houses it was pitch black and I had to feel my way along the wall. It was better when I got to the back of the houses, but only because I could see fires a few streets over. So it wasn’t better, was it? What kind of a monster am I? Those lights were people’s homes and lives going up in smoke.

  Now I’m sitting here, in Lil’s little armchair in Lil’s shelter. I wonder if she realises she’s my great-great Grandmother? I wish she was here now. There’s so much I want to ask her, so much I want to tell her. But that’s selfish, isn’t it, wanting her here, when she’s safe at her daughter’s. God! I’ve made such a mess of things!

  OK, I admit it, I’m crying. I’m blubbing like a baby. I can’t stop. I know I haven’t been here long, but I really love them, you know? May and Nelly – yes, even Nelly. The girls at the factory. Bill and Lil.

  Bill and Lil? I let out a hiccup of laughter. I’ve never put their names together before. They sound like they should be a characters on CBeebies or something. I start crying again, because they’re not puppets, they’re real people, and I don’t think I’m ever going to see them again.

  The raid is going on and on. The constant drone of the planes, the ack-ack-ack of the guns, the whoomps and roars as the bombs land and explode. Every night. Every bloody night. Even though I know it won’t go on for ever, that we’re going to win, it’s grinding me down. It’s unbearable for the others who don’t know what the future holds.

  I’m exhausted. I really should try to sleep. That way, if I’m going to die, I might not see it coming. But my brain won’t let me rest.

  I keep thinking about May and Nelly and Bill. I hope they’ll forgive me in the end. I think May will, because Gran said Queenie had done her a favour, didn’t she? And I know how happy she was being married to Bill.

  Bill’s disappointed with me right now, but I think he’ll realise that I wouldn’t deliberately hurt May. And I definitely wouldn’t fancy Harry. God, what a total loser!

  But Nelly won’t. Look how she talked about me when we found the suitcase at Gran’s. If I can just get back to them I can explain. She might not believe me, but I can at least try. If I get back. If.

  The raid just won’t quit. The lamp stops working, I can’t see a thing. Without any light it seems to get noisier. I think it’s getting closer because everything seems to shake with every explosion. Debris falls onto the shelter roof and a couple of times it feels like it’s bowing under the weight of whatever’s landing there. I feel the pressure of it pushing down on me, then it pushes the door outwards with a bang. I try to pull it shut again, but the doorframe is warped and in the end I give up. I sit down again and watch.

  The sky is filled with light – beams searching for the enemy; tracer dots from their guns; a plane with an engine alight streaking across the sky, trying to get away; the fires on the ground, orange and blue flames eating houses and shops and everything in them.

  Why are they doing this? This is so horrible. Nothing but hate and destruction. I don’t care what people say, war is wrong. You can’t do this to people.

  It’s so cold I can’t stop shivering. I pull my knees up and hug myself. If I’m going to die, I hope it’s quick. I don’t want to burn. Oh God, what am I thinking? I don’t want to die! All I want is to get back to Gran’s, to my own time. I want to see her and Great-aunt Eleanor, and Mum and Dad, and even Jess. Yes, I’ve got to make it up with Jess. I know she did to me what I did to May. I’m sure of it. I’ve got to tell her. I’m not bothered about Simon any more. He’s not worth it.

  He hasn’t changed. I have. I don’t need to make a fool of myself over some vain, cocky sod who thinks he’s God’s gift. I need to find a chap like Bill, or, or Jessie’s brother Luke. A nice guy who makes me laugh and who’ll really care about me.

  And things will be different with Mum and Dad too. I’ve grown up. I can’t believe how stroppy and lazy I was. I’ll never take them for granted again, I promise. They’re always telling me I’m capable of doing things, and I’ve always ignored them. Being here with May and Nelly I’ve seen it for myself. I’m better than I thought I was, thanks to them.

  The bombs are falling closer. I can see along the gardens of the houses, and suddenly
there’s a whoomp and all the windows blow out. The back wall of next door starts to crumble in slow motion. I can see a bed sliding into the garden, surfing down the collapsing wall and landing with a crash just a few yards away from me. A cloud of dust fills the air, I choke and cough, my lungs burning, my eyes stinging.

  What am I doing here? Sitting and waiting to die? Forget it! I’m out of here!

  I need to get back to the house. I don’t care if the girls hate me, I’ve got to talk to them. I can’t leave it like this. I’ll make them understand. I refuse to let them live for seventy years thinking I was a tart or a spy or dead. I don’t care if I change the future. They have to know the truth!

  Still coughing, I head back to the house, praying it’s still there.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  As I reach it there’s an almighty explosion behind me. I fling myself at the front door and it swings open. I land in a heap in the hallway. I can’t believe Nelly left it unlocked. That’s just not possible. I’m sure I heard her lock it behind me.

  I stand up and in the light from the street I see Harry creep out of the parlour.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask.

  He swears. ‘Why ain’t you in the shelter with the others?’

  ‘It’s none of your business. You shouldn’t be here, Harry. What are you up to?’

  ‘Just get out the way, Queenie, and you won’t get hurt.’

  I suppose I should be scared, but I’m not. He’s sweating and looking over his shoulder into the parlour. A pale whiff of smoke spirals out.

  I move closer, blocking his escape. He grabs my arms and pushes me back against the wall. I feel his smelly breath on my cheek. ‘You wouldn’t hurt me, would you Harry?’ I say, pretending to be scared, when in reality I’m so angry I’m shaking.

  ‘I might. You don’t know what I’m capable of.’

  It’s hard not to smile at his tough guy act when you remember he ran off down the street whining like a girl! ‘I’ve got a good idea, Harry,’ I say.

  ‘Well then. I’m going to let you go, then I’m going to walk out of here, and you’re going to keep schtum, all right?’