Edge of the Falls (After the Fall)

by Nazarea Andrews

  “How do you feel?” he asks, eyes skimming me.

  My side is still painful--tender skin stretched too tight. But the burning has eased; it doesn't feel like I will combust with fever. I touch it, under the blanket, exploring. Long tendrils of torn flesh, stitched together with surprising skill. A thin slash runs along my side, horizontal to the stitched cuts, and I glance up at Arjun and the other ban-wolf.

  "What happened?" I ask, although I can piece it together.

  Arjun's eyes darken, but it is the other wolf who answers. He is somehow reassuring and threatening and I lean toward Arjun. "The bear mauled you. The pack was on its way, and they distracted it while Arjun got you away—and even killed the bear itself—but not before damage was done."

  I look up at Arjun, and he shrugs, as if defying an angry bear alone is nothing. The other wolf speaks again, "The bear has poisoned claws, from the poison plants—you know this?"

  I shake my head and he makes a frown, as if displeased with my lack of survival skills. "We have some remedies—the incense we burned for you and the herbal tea Jade brews. But the wound turned septic." He frowns, and shrugs. “We drained it.”

  That I do remember. The heat and relief, the pain and anger. I flush and look away, wondering if either knows how relieved I was to be so close to death. If they know that, even now, part of me wishes they had not fought so hard for me to survive.

  There is a noise of protest, and it brings me from my morbid thoughts to the present. Arjun is growling, a soft rumble in his chest. The other ban-wolf snarls a word and Arjun jerks, as if slapped. I look between them, confused, as Arjun drops down, so his golden eyes are level with mine. "I'm not far," he promises before glaring at the other ban-wolf.

  Before I can protest, he is gone, leaving me with the stern ban-wolf that reminds me too much of the Mistress.

  "Why were you in the woods?" he asks and I blink.

  This is not a safe question, something I know instinctively. He is not pleased with Arjun. I lift my chin, clutching my ragged dignity –difficult when you’re flat on your back and naked before a man whose name you don't even know.

  "How is that any of your business?" I snap.

  His brown eyes widen in surprise and he barks a laugh before he answers. "It is my business, little Citizen, because you are here on my good graces. You live at my whim, and with two of my wolves seriously injured and three dead defending you, I am not feeling very whimsical."

  Pain lances me, and I make a noise, something between a cry and a sob, and his gaze snaps to me, considering. This pain is different than the steady throb in my side; it’s sharp and piercing and impossible to ignore. I can barely breath at the thought of ban-wolves—anyone—hurt because of me.

  "I didn't know," I whisper, tears making him blur. "I am so sorry."

  It is the wrong thing to say. His expression twists in disgust and anger, and he straightens, snarling. "Apologies mean nothing from City Dwellers. I ask again, what were you doing in my woods?"

  It is the second time he has called me a Citizen. What has Arjun told him about me? Anything? I meet his gaze, ignoring everything I have ever heard about ban-wolves and dominance displays.

  "I'm not a Citizen."

  He frowns at me, his broad forehead furrowing. “What do you mean? Were you Stripped?”

  I shake my head, and shriek as pain flares in my side. The ban-wolf makes a deep, dissatisfied noise in his throat, and turns to go. “We’ll speak again, Sabah. For now, rest.”

  He goes down a curving tunnel of stone, and I can hear voices, guttural and soft, before a girl appears. She’s short—maybe shorter than I am—with generous curves and a mouth quirked in a smile. Her eyes are a bright silver gray, her hair, hanging in a long straight fall down her back, is a shade brighter, silver blonde. Small pointed ears are pricked eagerly as she walks toward me on delicate feet tipped with bone white claws. I gasp when I see her—more astounding than her unnatural beauty is her mere presence. Ban-wolves have been known to be female, but the rumors of them are few and far between and she is the second one I’ve seen. She laughs, a soft noise of amusement and I look down, embarrassed.

  “I’m Gali. Rook said you might appreciate a bath,” she says, and her voice is gentle and lilting. It has the familiar guttural undertones I’ve come to expect in ban-wolf speech, but it’s softer, somehow.

  “Is Rook the one who was just here?” I ask.

  She nods, her small nose wrinkling, “Yes. He’s not in the best of moods—he’s been pissed ever since Arjun started spending so much time near the Shield.”

  I flush and drop my gaze, but she catches it. A throaty laugh jerks my eyes back up. “Don’t worry, Sabah. I’m not too concerned about Rook’s anger and you shouldn’t be either—Arjun won’t let anything happen to you.” She smiles, and it seems sad. “He is very good at protecting what is his.”

  **

  I wrinkle my nose as Gali helps me into a clean shirt. I reek of sulfur and she laughs when she sees my sour face. “I know from experience. The sulfur pools help, Sabah.”

  I drop onto my bed and glare. “Do they have to smell so bad?”

  “Well,” she says dryly, “sulfur isn’t known for its appeal. But Jade knows what she’s doing; if she says the soaking will help, you should do what she says. You’ll feel better.”

  I sigh, and the female ban-wolf laughs as she leaves me to rest.

  Despite the smell, I do feel better after my horrible soak in the sulfur pool. I’m clean, under the stench, and that is enough to make me considerably happy. I even managed to walk halfway back on my own before my strength gave out. It worries me, how weak I am. I know the bear mauled my side--but how badly did the poison affect me? Why do my hands shake so badly and my legs give out with very little provocation? And the burning question--how long have I been here? There is no way to gauge how time passes. The cave is dark, no graylight trickles in, and my fever-sleep was so irregular, I can't even begin to guess how long I was in its grip. It could have been hours or weeks.

  Berg will be devastated, and the longer I am here, the worse it will be. Mistress--what can she be thinking? I had no intention of vanishing after her unorthodox proposition, but... will she realize that? How long will the ban-wolves keep me here? That stops me for a moment: will Rook let me leave?

  I am so absorbed in my silent ponderings, that I do not realize at first that someone has entered my cave. A whisper of noise catches my attention, and I glance around. And smile.

  "You did that on purpose," I accuse. He shrugs, and sinks into the chair next to my bed.

  "If I startle you, then you might tear your stitches," he answers. His eyes move over me, seeking something--reassurance, perhaps?

  "Why did you follow me?" Arjun asks, looking at my side. His eyes skip to my face for a heartbeat before they are gone again.

  I bite my lip. "I wanted to apologize." That startles him enough that he meets my eyes and I laugh, weakly. "I wasn't angry, not at you. I lashed out, though. I hated the idea that I could go away and never have explained that to you." Even now, the thought makes me nervous, panicky.

  He is silent. For a long time, all I can hear is my heartbeat and his breathing. Finally, he whispers, so quietly I could almost pretend he hadn't spoken. "It matters, what I thought?"

  For the first time, I am grateful for the barely-there light. It hides my blush. "Yes."

  He exhales, the rush of air forming a word. My name. "Sabah."

  The way he says my name is heartbreaking--so sad and despondent. I don't want to think about what he might say, much less hear it. I turn away, choking down a gasp as pain floods my side. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

  "Don't," he murmurs, his voice edgy. "Don't apologize to me."

  He sighs, and then the candle gutters out. I whimper in the darkness, and feel something—his hand, clutching mine. "I'm here," he says. "Don't be afraid."

  How can I explain that dark caverns are a part of me, and my great
est fear? How to explain that I cannot stand the thought that he blames me for his friends’ deaths, and yet know he has every right to? That this scares me even more than black caves?

  “Why did you save me, that day by the Falls?” I ask suddenly, with no warning—if he is allowed questions, I should be, too. And it is the one that has bothered me, perhaps, the most.

  I’m surprised by his prompt answer—I had expected an evasion. “Because I could not stand the idea of not seeing you. Watching you. Seeing your life cut short—it was reprehensible. You are everything I wanted to be—a living slap in the face to the Commission and Princes. A Gutterling child who thrived Outside.”

  A symbol? Is that all I am to him? I withdraw my hand and settle myself on my bed, patting my blankets in a lame attempt to appear busy, despite the darkness.

  There is a watchful stillness from him, and then he says neutrally, “That displeases you?”

  I shrug, forgetting for a moment about my stitches. The slap of pain makes my eyes water. “It is what it is,” I answer when I can speak again.

  He sighs, an aggravated sound, and a fire stick flares, blinding me. I watch through squinting eyes as he lights a new candle. Turns to me.

  There is something in his eyes that makes me pause. It is an expression I am familiar with--I have seen it directed at me, at the Mistress often enough. But to see it shining at me from those brilliant golden eyes, here, so far from anything familiar. It makes me freeze, and swallow hard.

  Desire, guilt, and something too complex for me to face. So strong it brings tears to my eyes. "Arjun," I whisper, and he moves, his hands coming up to frame my face, his long claws combing through my hair as he murmurs my name and brushes a gentle finger over my lips. He touches his forehead to mine and I shiver as his hair falls around us.

  I close my eyes, bracing myself for his kiss, trembling with how much I want it.

  There is a pause, and then a puff of breath across my lips. It drags a whimper from me, and I pry my eyes open to gaze at him, frustration filling me. "What are you waiting for?" I demand, impatient.

  He laughs, and sits back. "Not now. There is still too much for you to learn, Sabah. It is not fair to ask this of you until you know."

  I glare. "And if I want it?"

  Hunger fills his eyes again, and he leans close, so close I can feel the heat of him, the brush of his soft white hair on my cheeks, and whispers, "I will offer it again, sweet."

  He straightens abruptly, and sets the candle aside. "Come on, Gali, I’m sure she’s starving," he calls.

  The small female ban-wolf comes in carrying a tray heavy with food. "You could help, you lazy ass," she snaps, but there is a warm affection in her voice.

  He grins at her, a mouthful of white teeth gleaming in the gloom. "Why so much food?" he asks, stealing a piece of red meat.

  "Rook is coming down--he said we'd eat with Sabah," she explains.

  Arjun frowns, straightening. "What happened?"

  Gali glances at me, a soft noise—almost a whine—building in her throat. Arjun snaps: it sounds like a feral dog, and I jump involuntarily. They are communicating, I realize, intentionally withholding from me.

  Arjun jerks to his feet with a growl. "That's insane," he spits.

  She shrugs, "Take it up with Rook, Arjun. But he has a point—and the pack is furious."

  Gali throws me an apologetic smile and vanishes back down the tunnel. Arjun is almost vibrating with anger, and I reach for him, taking his hand. Long claws close tightly over my fingers. "What's wrong?"

  "Lang died," he says quietly. Pain squeezes me—instinctively, I know this is one of the ban-wolves injured defending me—and I pull my hand back, withdrawing from him. He growls a little, catching me. His claws prick, soft and deliberate. I look at him, miserable. "This isn't your fault, Sabah," he says fiercely.

  "Then whose is it?" I demand, hating that I am arguing with him--hating even more that he is wrong. If I had stayed where I belonged, if I had not argued with Berg--they would still be alive. The ban-wolves would not have challenged a black bear in defense of a girl they did not know.

  I am barely aware of tears filling my eyes before they are falling, burning my cheeks. I gasp, fighting for breath, and exhale a loud sob.

  Arjun says nothing, scoots closer to me and gathers me to him in the dimness. It is comfortable, warm against his chest. He is solid and something deep inside me loosens. I feel safe. His white hair tickles my nose and I sneeze, gasping in pain as fire races up my side. Arjun mutters, "Daft girl. Lie down." He releases me, eases me down onto my pallet.

  "Rook will be here," I protest, my eyes tired from the tears.

  He snorts. "Rook will wait until you’re well. I think, too, it'd be best to let him get past the initial anger before he talks to you."

  I blink at him. "Is he dangerous?" I ask, soft and serious. My mind darts suddenly to the Mistress and motives that have never been clear.

  Arjun laughs. It is tinged with a bitterness that I do not expect. For a moment, I see the angry, untrusting ban-wolf who had peered at me from behind a rock. "We are ban-wolves, Sabah, the genetic products of the Commission. And Rook, he is our leader—he makes sure we survive. Of course he's dangerous," he says flatly

  I reach for him—without knowing why, I know he needs touch. He shudders when my fingers push his hair back over his ear. “You’re more than the product of the Commission,” I say fiercely.

  He opens his mouth to respond, and then closes it with a click, sitting up and away from me. My hand falls uselessly to the blanket as Rook strides into the cave. Gali trails him, her head down. When the older ban-wolf is not looking, she peeks up and winks at me.

  “You look better,” he says, his stern eyes scanning me ruthlessly.

  I smile. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t gloat.” His words are mild, spoken as he pokes at the food inquisitively. The look that he sends me is anything but mild. It is filled with grief, fury, pain, and it hits me like an acidstorm. I flinch, the blood rushing from my head so quickly I feel dizzy.

  “Rook,” Arjun says, sharply. The older man’s eyes dart to him briefly, and then he straightens, his eyes closing. He takes a deep breath and when he looks at me again, the emotions seem to have receded. They are still there—I know that. They cannot be gone completely so quickly.

  And that terrifies me, despite Rook’s stiff apology. Someone who can hide powerful emotions so effortlessly—how do you trust that? My gut is screaming at me, warning me of danger.

  I force myself to smile at him as Gali hands food out. And I wonder if Rook realizes that ban-wolves aren’t the only ones who have instincts.

  Chapter 14

  “The problem, my dear, is what to do with you,” Rook says.

  I tense. Our meal is finished, and it seems meaningless conversation is, too.

  "I didn't realize you needed to do anything with me," I answer, keeping my tone light. It would be so easy to turn defensive, argumentative. But my gut tells me that will get me nowhere with Rook.

  He smiles, a grimace of sharp teeth in his misshapen mouth. "You are a threat, my dear. You know where we live--and you are too close to the City for our safety."

  Arjun is shaking his head, as if he has heard this before. "She isn't a Citizen, Rook. She lives Outside. How is that a threat?"

  Rook sighs. "She is Outside their doorstep. When tragedy hits the City, do you really think they will overlook a healthy, breedable girl of Majority?"

  I stiffen, involuntarily. At my side, Arjun’s hands are clenched and he is glaring. "You are assuming quite a bit, sir," he says, biting off the words.

  "Am I?" Rook asks, musingly. His brown eyes come to me. "You tell me, Sabah. What would you do if you were offered Citizenship?"

  I shake my head. That’s not something that has ever been dangled before me, or something I wanted. It’s Berg’s dream.

  "She doesn't know," Gali says. All of us turn to her, and Rook makes a low growling noise in hi
s throat.

  "She was unconscious, you know--when we brought her here." Gali lights another candle. It is fascinating, watching them move--with that liquid grace they don't seem to even be aware of. “She can’t lead anyone further than the forest.”

  "What do you suggest?" Rook asks, startling me. Gali seems to hide a smirk, but shrugs, and looks at her leader as she answers.

  "Let the girl recover. Give her time to regain her health and strength--to do otherwise is a disgrace to the sacrifice of Lang and the others." She pauses, giving Rook time to object. He remains silent, watching her. "Use that time to learn about her, her motivations. And if you think it's safe—as Arjun and I do—then use the meds and put her under. Let Arjun return her home and leave it at that." Arjun makes a noise of distress, and Gali glares at him. "Even if she is taken by the Commission at some point, she will know nothing," she finishes, her eyes gleaming triumphantly.

  Rook grunts, irritably. "She doesn't know anything as it is."

  I frown. "What does that mean?"

  Arjun is shushing me, trying to get me to lie back, to relax, but I have Rook's attention and he watches me silently demanding an explanation. His eyes narrow on me.

  "What do you know about Kathleen Lawson?"

  I blink--the name is foreign, unfamiliar. I look at Arjun for some clue, and then back to Rook. He smiles at me, tight and unamused. "You know her, my dear, as the Mistress."

  Silence follows his words. Far off, I can hear the gurgle of a natural spring. They are watching me, waiting for me to respond. I keep my eyes deliberately empty. “I know that she cares for some of the City’s castoffs. I know she took me in, and Berg, when we were almost dead—that we were her first.”

  “What of her motivations?” Rook asks.

  I laugh, unable to stop it. Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice as I demand, “What of them? If you know something of her motives, I’d love to hear them. She doesn’t tell us anything.”