03 Saints

by Lynnie Purcell

  They stared at me uncertainly.

  “Go!” I told them.

  They shared an eager smile and hurried off the porch. Daniel kissed me before leaving, promising me, with a touch of my face, that he wouldn’t go far. I trusted his words, happy to see him so carefree again. The past months had brought a lot of darkness to both our souls; he needed the lightness. It was important.

  When they were out of sight, I watched the ocean and waited for them to return, finding my own lightness in the moment. The screaming had died down inside when Naomi got home. She found me out back and sat next to me on her swing. She knocked me gently on the leg as she sat.

  “Didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” she said.

  “I got lucky.”

  “Your boyfriend around here?” she asked.

  “He and Reaper are competing to steal the most one dollar bills,” I explained.

  “Oh.” She accepted the oddness of my statement without question. She was used to doing odd things, so oddness in others was normal to her. “I want to cut your hair,” she decided.

  “Okay,” I said.

  When Naomi came back outside with her cutting tools, Ellen was with her. She sat next to me as Naomi draped a sheet around my shoulders, to protect my clothes from my hair. Ellen took my hand, holding it tight. We sat for a moment as Naomi started to cut my hair. Despite the happiness of the moment, there was an unspoken tension.

  “It’s been awhile since it’s just been the three of us,” Ellen finally said.

  “Yeah, it has,” I agreed.

  “Remember that store in West Hollywood?” Ellen asked with a smile. “Clare got us kicked out…”

  “I did not! That was all Naomi,” I said.

  “I just dared you to set the firecracker off. You were the one that actually did it,” Naomi said refusing to take credit for my misdeeds.

  “What about getting our first tattoos?” I asked them.

  “I was terrified!” Ellen said.

  “Well, yours was in a more…personal location than ours,” Naomi said.

  “You’re not kidding!” Ellen said.

  We laughed at the memories. I felt a sharp pang in my gut as I did. Even though I laughed at the memory, I felt a lifetime away from them. It was hard to feel the same way about the past; my memories of torture clouded everything. It was like a thin veil separating me from the life I had lived and the life I was living now.

  Ellen’s laughter trailed away as her thoughts turned to a more serious vein; it was almost as if she knew the past could never be the future. It was as if she had heard my thoughts. She took a deep breath.

  “It’s amazing how many stories we’ve had,” Ellen said.

  “Yeah, it is,” I said.

  “More than a lot of people,” Naomi agreed.

  “But things change…life moves on,” Ellen said. “Sam and I have talked about it, and we’ve decided to stop running. We’re going to find a place here in town. No more hiding in your spare bedroom, Naomi.”

  “I don’t mind,” Naomi said.

  “But I do,” Ellen said. “For the first time in my life I want to settle down with someone. It sounds strange even as I say it, but I’m tired of moving. I want this to be my place…I want to be near my best friend and have a safe place for my daughter to come home when she needs to.”

  “Do you think it will end here?” I asked her. “They’ll hunt you down, simply because you’re my mom.”

  “I don’t think so,” Ellen disagreed. “I think they wanted Han and Beatrice for a specific reason beyond you, and I think they want you, because you’re you. They’re not interested in me. They’ve only ever been interested in me when I was involved with you. And since you’re pretty much on your own now…”

  “I don’t know if I’d call it that,” I said.

  “Point is,” Ellen said. “I’m staying here with Sam. I have to think about what we need now…”

  I could tell how hard it was for her to say it. It took more than she was letting on.

  “Are you looking for my permission to move in with him?” I asked.

  “No, I just wanted to let you know that Sam and I made that decision,” she said.

  “I think it’s a good choice, Mom,” I told her.

  I thought about it, feeling a wedge grow between us. It had been growing since I had met Daniel, but it felt more permanent now. There was a space between us that could never be bridged. She had a separate life, one with Sam; I had one with Daniel. She was my Ellen – my sunshine – but we weren’t the same people anymore. We couldn’t keep what we had when I was growing up. The feeling was amplified by the fact that I had to stay gone to keep her out of my world. It was the only way. Things would only be okay when I stopped Marcus.

  “It’s just weird,” I admitted. “You’re growing up so fast.”

  “You blink, and before you know it, they’re moving in with their boyfriends,” Naomi added.

  Ellen made a face. “Hush!”

  Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of running. Before I could work myself up to worry about the meaning behind the sound, Daniel and Reaper appeared around the corner of the house. They were shoving each other, trying to trip the other before the other got to me. Behind them was Spider. He had an amused expression on his face.

  Wide-eyed, and hopeful, Daniel and Reaper stopped in front of me. They both reached into their pockets and pulled out wads of one dollar bills.

  “Who won?” Daniel asked.

  “Let me see the money…” I said.

  They handed the wads of cash to me. I, in turn, handed one stack to Ellen and the other to Naomi. They stuck the money into their pockets, their faces impassive.

  “It was a tie,” I said calmly.

  “Tie, my ass!” Daniel said.

  “That’s an interesting proposition,” I said.

  “I was clearly here first,” Reaper added.

  “Are you arguing with me?” I asked in a low voice.

  Reaper looked at the ground, to show he wasn’t trying to make me mad; it was a habitual thing for Watchers, who weren’t interested in a fight. He didn’t understand that I was kidding. Daniel’s eyes, however, were full of combative playfulness I had missed.

  “I’m saying you’ve lost your mind, if you think it was a tie,” Daniel said.

  “It’s not your place to judge the judge…it’s your place to accept what I say, or else you shouldn’t play,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t have played, if I thought you were going to lie about it being a tie,” Daniel said.

  “That’s your problem, isn’t it? You don’t want to play, unless you think you’ll win,” I suggested.

  “I didn’t say that,” Daniel said.

  “But you thought it,” I said.

  “Is that why you said it was a tie? Because you knew I was thinking that, and you wanted to mess with me?” he asked.

  “Ha!” I pointed at him. “So, you did think you would win!”

  “It might have crossed my mind,” he admitted with a small smile.

  “I don’t know how you stay on your feet with the weight of that ego pressing down on you,” I said.

  “Practice,” he said. “And I’ve always been defiant of the law, even if that law is gravity.”

  A boyish grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. I found it difficult to not smile back.

  “Are they always like this?” Reaper asked Ellen and Naomi.

  Alex had heard the commotion and had come to the door. Her eyes were red from crying, but I sensed she had worked everything out with Sam. Her face told me it was going to be okay. She sighed dramatically at Reaper’s question.

  “Sometimes it’s worse,” she told Reaper. “Sometimes they just keep on and on and on and on and on…”

  Reaper’s silver eyes met Alex’s in amused curiosity.

  “Damn, dishwasher!” we heard Sam say from inside. “Work!”

  “Dad’s trying to distract himself from our argument by fi
xing your dishwasher,” Alex told Naomi. “I’m sorry for whatever damage he does.”

  “Oh, it’s fine,” Naomi said. “I tore out a wall once, just to see if I could.”

  “Really?” Alex asked curiously, obviously intrigued.

  “I could give him a hand,” Reaper offered.

  “Are you sure?” Alex asked. “It might be dangerous.”

  “I was alone and surrounded by thirty hostile Watchers once. That was ‘dangerous’… I think I can handle a dishwasher,” Reaper said.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “That’s classified,” he said, his eyes on Ellen and Naomi.

  I knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want to tell me about it; rather, he didn’t want to share the gruesome nature of his work with them.

  “I’ll help,” Spider offered, excited at the prospect of electronics to tinker with.

  “Alright,” Reaper agreed, leading the way inside.

  Alex followed after them, as Daniel sat across from me, in a chair too small for him. My haircut finished, Naomi put her hair cutting tools away. As she did, she maintained a steady eye on Daniel. He kept looking past me to look at her, his eyes amused and curious. Her thoughts were random as usual, but I sensed a question burning on her tongue. Naomi wasn’t one to let a question burn for long.

  “So, you’re Daniel, huh?” she asked him.

  “Most days,” Daniel agreed.

  “I knew a boy like you once,” Naomi said. “He was just as slick and probably twice as beautiful. You know what he did?”

  “Yes,” Daniel agreed, having read her thoughts.

  She was talking about my father.

  Naomi took Daniel’s knowledge in stride. It didn’t surprise her that he knew. “Clare’s father claimed to love Ellen…and, well, we all know what happened there.”

  “Naomi!” Ellen said in a hurt voice.

  “Let him answer,” Naomi said.

  Daniel was serious. For the first time since seeing him again, I saw something alien about his face. It was as if I was seeing all his long years compressed into a single moment.

  “I know he abandoned them,” Daniel said. “I know he took out a part of her heart.”

  Ellen blushed so much at his words she looked like a stop sign.

  “But I am not him. And I can promise you that nothing from the vaults of heaven to the depths of hell, and everything in between, could make me leave Clare. I’ve felt what it’s like to be without her, and I couldn’t possibly live through it a second time,” he said.

  Ellen and Naomi looked impressed. I tried to hide how much his words meant to me, but it was difficult. I was sure my face gave me away.

  Naomi had liked his answer. “Where’d you find this one?” she asked me playfully.

  “He found me,” I admitted.

  Naomi took the sheet away from around my neck and folded it up. “He’s a bit cocky…thinks he got a handle on love we don’t…but he’ll do,” she said. “Oh! I forgot, I’ve gotta call the office!”

  She rushed inside, her mind on her work.

  “I’m sorry about that,” Ellen said. “Naomi has a habit of saying what she thinks…”

  “She’s just looking out for Clare. It’s her right as her aunt,” Daniel said.

  “You know I don’t think you’re like Clare’s father, though, right?” she asked.

  Daniel nodded, and she put a hand on his arm.

  “You’re a good man,” she added.

  Daniel looked away from her warm eyes. He was uncomfortable with her words. He never thought of himself as ‘good’ or anything of the amazing things I knew him to be. It was true he wasn’t perfect but, then, none of us really were.

  “I try,” he said.

  Ellen patted his arm again. Then, in true Ellen fashion she said the one thing he needed to hear. “That’s all that matters.”

  She smiled at us and followed Naomi into the house. Her thoughts were sad at the reminder of my father, but it was a different sense of sadness than the one I had grown accustomed to. She wasn’t missing him like she normally did; she was sad he couldn’t see how well-loved I was. She was sad he didn’t know Daniel. Her sadness resonated.

  When she was gone, Daniel moved from his too-small chair and took her place next to me. He wrapped his strong hand around mine. We rocked on the swing for a moment.

  “You sort of like me, don’t you?” I teased him finally.

  “Nope,” he disagreed.

  “Ellen is going to stay in L.A. She says she’s tired of running, and wants to stick around here for a while. She seems to think she won’t be in danger if I’m not around,” I said.

  “She’s probably right,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “It’s something all Watchers with families have to deal with,” Daniel said sadly, obviously thinking of his parents.

  “That’s life?” I questioned sarcastically. I found the idea entirely unfair.

  He shrugged. “Either you learn to never love, or you learn to accept that fact that the people you love are worth worrying about on a constant basis.”

  “The never-loving thing sounds easier,” I said.

  “It’s not,” he assured me.

  “I know,” I said.

  “Ellen’ll be fine,” he assured me. “I’ll get her and Sam some new names in the morning. That should help them hide.”

  “You would do that?” I asked.

  “Anything and more,” he replied.

  “Admit I’m a better fighter,” I challenged him.

  “Almost anything,” he corrected.

  When the sun had started its slow descent below the horizon, Reaper joined us again. He and Spider had fixed the dishwasher, and had spent the extra time discussing mechanics and electronics, while Alex had shifted between Naomi, Ellen and Sam. Alex and Naomi became instant friends, something that didn’t surprise me in the slightest.

  Reaper sat across from us, his silver eyes full of questions. “That kid is smart. He tries to pretend like he isn’t, to con me, but he has got some serious intelligence. He was talking about electronics so over my head, I felt like a human.”

  “What a lovely way to phrase your bigotry,” I said primly.

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said.

  “When are your people going to meet us?” Daniel asked, saving Reaper from my retort.

  “We’ve got about half an hour,” Reaper said.

  “Are you ready?” Daniel asked me.

  I nodded and followed them inside.

  Inside the house, Ellen and Naomi were making a fuss over Spider. He accepted their mothering without his normal sarcasm, and his face had lost its hard edge. When he saw us, he knew in an instant it was time to go. Alex didn’t even need the look. She got up from the sofa when we came inside, her face expectant. The room went quiet for a moment as we all stared at each other; the words were too difficult to find. We didn’t know what would happen; the uncertainty made us afraid to speak.

  Naomi broke the ice.

  “Oh! A staring contest! First person to blink has to clean my house!” she said. She pointed at Ellen. “Ellen lost!”

  “This is probably her mess anyway,” I said.

  Naomi smiled in agreement and pulled me in close for a tight hug. “See you later,” she said.

  She never said ‘goodbye,’ even when we didn’t know when we would get to see each other again. She was convinced ‘goodbyes’ were cursed.

  “Yep,” I promised.

  “Will I see you again?” Ellen asked timidly.

  “Mom, we’re just checking out Reaper’s club...” I pointed out.

  Reaper cringed at the word. “Organization,” he corrected.

  “Gang,” I said. “We’ll let you know if we will be staying with them tomorrow. I’ll call, okay?”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  Ellen gave me a quick hug, worried that if she made a big deal about me leaving, her fears of never seeing me again would come
true. When the goodbyes were done, the five of us walked out into the dusk.

  “I can see why you were so intent on finding them,” Reaper said to me as we walked to our meeting place.

  “Me, too,” I agreed. “I owe you for helping me find them.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve been needing a vacation anyways.”

  “Some vacation…” I said.

  “My last one ended up with that situation with thirty Watchers,” Reaper said with an arched eyebrow.

  “Well, I suppose this would be an upgrade,” I said.

  “Clare?” Spider said, interrupting us.

  “What?”

  “Would you be offended if I said your mom was better looking than you?”

  “Yes,” I said eyeing him dangerously.

  “Okay,” he said with a smirk. “Just wanted to make sure you still dug me.”

  Daniel playfully pushed Spider for his words. Spider’s grin was irrepressible. Alex and I shared a look of amusement at seeing them interact. Neither of us missed how similar their grins were.

  Sara and Shawn were already waiting for us.

  “You’re early,” Reaper said when he saw them.

  “We took a group a couple of blocks over,” Sara said. “We didn’t feel like making two trips.”

  “We’re ready to go home now,” he said.

  “Yes, take us to the rebel base,” I said.

  Daniel shook his head in exasperation, while the others just stared at me in confusion.

  “I am going to force you all to watch Star Wars, if it kills me,” I muttered.

  Sara and Shawn held out their hands to us, their faces more confused than the others at my oddness; they hadn’t come to expect it from me yet. Spider was the last one to take a hand. It was obvious he preferred more conventional methods of traveling. I didn’t blame him, but at least he wasn’t bombarded with whispering voices urging him to stay in the dark…

  When we reappeared, we were on the third floor of the school. People swarmed the corridor in front of us, heading out for their nightly mischief making.

  Spider held his head, as Sara and Shawn joined the moving crowd. “I just can’t get used to that.”

  “Let me show you around,” Reaper offered.

  I realized as he spoke that his voice had changed. It was more precise, less friendly. His face was different as well; it was politely distant, though amiable. The man I had seen in the past two days was hidden under a layer of professionalism I found irritating. I knew he had a gang to run, but why the act? Who was around that would notice?