Baby Love (Baby Series)

by ANDREA SMITH

  our neighborhood to hers and started across the street, a car careened out of nowhere hitting her.

  Jean had rolled off of the hood of the car onto the street. The car had fled and no one had been around close enough to get the license plate numbers. The car was simply described as a newer model SUV of some type. The color was white. Not much to go on for certain.

  I asked Cathy the extent of Jean's injuries. All that she knew for sure was that Jean had a broken shoulder, a broken leg, several broken ribs and a head injury, which had rendered her comatose for the time being. Cathy said that the doctors had hope that the swelling would go down in the next week or so.

  I asked that Cathy keep me posted as to her mother's condition and I got her room number at the hospital. I was reeling with shock. How could something that terrible happen to someone so sweet like Jean? What kind of monster would simply drive off?

  The truth was that since I had been home after the arrival of Preston, I had really come to depend on Jean's help with the baby those three days per week she was scheduled. The things that came up with the new house, as well as handling the bills, shopping and running errands for Trey had been made possible because Jean was more than willing to watch Preston on the days that she was scheduled at our apartment.

  Aside from that, I intended to return to school or work at some point and I had considered seeing if Jean would be willing to go full-time once that happened. I couldn't think of anyone else that I would trust with Preston other than Jean or family.

  My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Preston start to fuss. I looked down and she had thoroughly pooped in the diaper I had not yet pinned. I cleaned her up and re-applied calamine lotion to her rash area, putting a clean cloth diaper on her. I finished dressing her for Gina's visit. I put her in a cute little yellow sun suit.

  I lifted my freshly diapered and dressed baby from the changing table and cuddled her against me.

  I was rattled from the news about Jean. Preston had taken well to Jean. She had been a big help to me in many ways.

  I headed to the living room, baby in arms. We settled on the couch as I turned the television on with the remote. She nestled against me, rooting for my breast. I absently pulled my shirt open, and undid my nursing bra to allow her access. Once she latched onto my nipple and began her gentle sucking, it allowed my thoughts to once again drift back to Jean.

  There was something very unsettling about the whole incident. I realized that things like that happened every day, particularly in large cities but this just seemed so random and yet close. Jean was practically family as far as Trey and I were concerned.

  Preston continued to nurse lazily. She was staring up at me with her big blue eyes. I traced her chin dimple with my finger, causing her to release my nipple and give me a big grin as milk dribbled down from her mouth. I nuzzled my face against hers. Once finished she drifted off to sleep. I placed her into the crib in her bedroom and decided to phone Trey to let him know about Jean.

  I talked to Tonya; Trey was in depositions. She promised she would have him phone home as soon as he was free. I went to the kitchen and started making chicken salad for our lunch. I had been tempted to call Gina and re-schedule but decided I needed the company of a friend right now.

  Right after I had finished making the chicken salad and had just put the croissants into the oven to warm, Trey phoned me back. His voice had the uncanny ability to soothe and calm me.

  "How's my baby?" he greeted me when I answered the phone.

  "Oh, she's down for the count at the moment. I expect she will be waking up any time now."

  "I meant you, baby," he said in his smooth and silky voice. My heart fluttered.

  "Not so well," I admitted. "Trey, I had a phone call earlier from Jean's daughter Cathy. Jean was hit by a hit-and-run driver last evening as she crossed her street from the bus stop. She is in intensive care."

  "Oh God, that's horrible," he replied, "How bad is she?"

  I relayed to him everything that Cathy had relayed to me. Trey said he would phone the hospital and the police precinct to see if any new information had come in. He instructed me to relax and stay calm. He asked if Gina was still coming over. He seemed to relax when I told him the plans for lunch were still on. I could tell Trey knew I was stressed about the thing with Jean.

  "I will be home on time this evening, baby," he assured me. "We'll talk more then, okay?"

  "Okay Trey," I replied.

  "Hey, I love you," he said softly.

  "I love you too,” I replied.

  "Give 'Bobbin' a kiss from daddy, okay?"

  "I will," I said, smiling.

  Right after I had gotten off of the phone with Trey, the doorman buzzed letting me know that Gina was on her way up. I opened the door to Gina. She was dressed in shorts and a tank top; she had her sunglasses on inside of the building. I could tell she was upset about something. She didn't hide her emotions well.

  "What is it Gina?"

  "I caught Ian fucking around on me," she said unable to hold the tears back.

  "I am going to kill him and the bitch!"

  "Oh my God, Gina - what the hell are you talking about?"

  I grabbed her hand pulling her over to sit down. I had never seen Gina distraught about anything. The fact that Ian would cheat on her was unfathomable to me. He seemed so totally devoted to her. The same way that Trey was devoted to me.

  "We've had problems in the bedroom," she admitted.

  "Since when?" I asked totally dumbfounded.

  "Since we've been trying to get pregnant and not being able to," she sobbed.

  "I know that I've been putting a lot of pressure on Ian to go to his doctor and get checked. It's just that having the man checked first is way easier than having fertility testing done on a woman. My own doctor told me that."

  I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

  "Ian has been putting it off and putting it off. He's too busy at the club, or let's give it another month - always another fucking excuse."

  She stopped to get a tissue out of her purse to wipe her nose.

  "Anyway last night I knew he had to close the club so I thought I would surprise him and go there at closing wearing nothing under my trench coat except some edible undies I bought in his favorite flavor. I get to the club and David the bartender is cleaning up downstairs. He tells me that Ian is up in his office going over the nightly receipts. I go up to his office and he's in there all right. He sure as hell wasn't counting any receipts though!"

  At this point Gina broke out into loud sobbing.

  "He was on the couch in his office humping Shelly, the upstairs bartender who is like 21 years old!"

  "Oh my God Gina, I am so sorry. What did you do?"

  "I freaked out naturally. I called him every name in the book and then turned to the skank and wished her luck. I told her not to worry about birth control because the fucker was shooting blanks! Then I left, went home and packed his suitcase. I left it on the front stoop. Do you think Trey will represent me in my divorce?"

  "Slow down Gina," I advised. "Don't do anything rash just yet."

  "What the hell Tylar? Do you mean to tell me that if you caught Trey with his bare ass up in the air slamming his dick into some random chick you wouldn't beat a fast path to a lawyer?"

  "Trey would never --," then I stopped.

  I realized how that sounded to someone who had never considered that her husband was capable of such an act of betrayal either.

  "Excuse me Tylar; I don't mean to burst your happy balloon here but don't you think that I had that same kind of trust with Ian?"

  "I'm sorry Gina, of course you did. I'm just totally shocked by this. I mean you are right. You had every reason to trust Ian just as much as I trust Trey. Is it possible that he was just caught at a weak moment? Is your marriage worth saving? What about counseling?"

  "I can't exist in a marriage where my trust has been shattered. Maybe some women can but to use your line: I don't roll t
hat way!"

  She started sobbing again; I hugged her and listened to her as she ranted and raved and then cried again.

  "Do you want to stay here with Trey and me for a few days Gina? You know maybe if you just put some time and distance between you and Ian you can get some perspective."

  "Why do I need perspective?"

  "Well because you know Ian has to come home sooner or later at some point when he feels you have cooled off and aren't likely to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him."

  For the first time I saw a flicker of amusement cross her face.

  "No Ty, I need to be at our condo. Ian might change the locks and then I will be shit out of luck."

  I knew that Ian would never do that. So did Gina. Deep down inside Gina wanted some type of explanation from Ian - something to assure her that his infidelity was not about her sexual prowess or attractiveness. No woman ever wanted to believe they could be replaced in bed though I wasn't sure how I knew that.

  "Do you want to stay and have dinner with us? I mean Trey doesn't practice family law but I'm sure he can recommend an attorney at his firm if that is the path you really want to take."

  "Thanks Ty - but I don't think that I could handle having the Hot Nazi feeling sorry for me. He might actually be pleasant to me and I know that would piss me off. My emotions are just too raw right now. I would appreciate you speaking to him and getting a referral for me."

  "Of course I will Gina. I will be here for you just as you have always been there for me. Have you talked to your mom about this?'

  "No way. I asked Aunt Becky to do it. If you thought I had an east coast temper - you should see my mom's! It's better if she hears the news from Aunt Becky." Gina and I finally had lunch though she didn't eat much. She was totally destroyed by this and I would have been the same way had it been me. She played a little bit with Preston which seemed to help her disposition.

  Trey was home promptly at 6:00. I had just started dinner. He found me in the kitchen and pulled me into his strong arms, holding me tightly.

  I was totally out of sorts with the day that I had.

  "How are you baby?" he asked.

  "Bad day all around," I said. "Were you able to find out anything more about Jean?"

  "Not really," he replied, "One witness said it was a late model SUV and appeared to have out-of-state license plates. He said it was if the driver swerved to make sure that he hit Jean. It makes no sense."

  "I'm still in shock," I said. "What if she doesn't pull through Trey?"

  "Hey don't think like that, Tylar. Jean is a strong woman. I called her daughter Cathy this afternoon and the doctors are very optimistic that she will recover."

  "I hope so. I feel so guilty. I'm not sure why."

  Trey pulled back from me, tilting my chin upward to kiss me softly on the lips.

  "Sweetie, you have no reason to feel guilty about anything. It was a random act of some sort. It has nothing to do with you or me, okay?"

  I nodded but I was not convinced that he was right. Something about this had my stomach tied in knots of fear. There was something personal about it though I wasn't sure how it could possibly be linked to Trey or to me.

  "I have more bad news I'm afraid."

  Trey looked over at me, taking a peeled carrot from the cutting board to snack on as he waited for the news. "When Gina came for lunch today she was devastated Trey. She caught Ian in the act of cheating with one of his young female employees. She is beside herself. She asked if you would represent her in divorce proceedings."

  "Hmmph,"he grunted, "I would be more inclined to represent Ian - pro bono."

  "What?" I snapped. "This isn't a joke Trey. He has freaking destroyed her."

  "Oh come on Tylar. You don't think in Gina's own way she has somehow emasculated him over time? It was just a matter of time before Ian discovered he had some balls."

  "What the hell are you saying Trey? Do you actually think that there is any excuse for cheating?"

  "I did not say that Tylar. Look, let’s not argue about Gina and Ian's business okay?"

  I didn't answer him, continuing to peel vegetables for our salad.

  "Where's 'Chubbers?" he asked, clearly wanting to change the subject.

  Trey had taken to referring to her now as 'Chubbers'. I didn't care for the nickname. My baby was at a healthy weight. There was nothing worse than a scrawny baby.

  "Don't call her that," I reminded him again. "She's in her crib napping. I put her down about an hour ago. Would you look in on her?"

  "I'd be happy to do that," he said heading down the hall to check on Preston.

  I knew he would end up waking her up. Several minutes later he reappeared cradling her in his arms.

  "Tylar," he said in a serious tone.

  I looked up at him from where I had continued chopping up carrots for our salads. Preston gave me a dimpled grin from her vantage point against Trey's chest.

  "I changed her diaper just now. What's with the rash that she still has on her bottom? Aren't you doing anything for it?"

  I didn't know what it was. Perhaps it was the stress over what I had just learned about Jean; perhaps it was Trey's cavalier attitude about Ian's cheating on Gina or maybe it was the repetitive nightmares that I had been having about losing Preston. All I knew was that in that nanosecond I lost it.

  "What the hell!" I screamed, startling both Trey and the baby as I slammed the knife down on the chopping block.

  I saw Preston's little face scrunch up in tears; her thumb went immediately into her mouth. She buried her face into Trey's chest and whimpered against him. Trey gathered her closer to him as if he was protecting her from me - the enemy. This was so unfamiliar to her. It was unfamiliar to all of us.

  "I take good care of my baby!" I yelled. "Who are you to tell me otherwise?"

  I pushed past Trey and Preston, tossing the dish towel I had wiped my hands with back behind me where it floated to the floor.

  I didn't stick around to watch as Trey's face took on a totally different persona. I heard him start the automatic timer on Preston's swing and imagined that he had placed her there so that he could deal with me. I was glad in that moment that I had fled the room for my own safety. I found my solace in our own room, flinging myself on the bed. My body was racked with sobs and tears.

  It was only moments before Trey was there on the bed, sitting down beside me. He observed my meltdown. He did nothing, letting me sob for awhile. He probably figured that was my 'just desserts' for losing it out there in front of the baby.

  "Tylar," he finally implored in a soft and sane tone. "What the hell is going on?"

  I sat up and looked at him, brushing the tears from my face. I gathered courage from somewhere in the depths of my being.

  "I can't take it when you say that I'm not a good mother," I choked, still fighting tears. "I love that baby more than life itself, don't you get that Trey?"

  He was watching me quizzically, almost as if he thought I had gone off of the deep end.

  "Tylar, sweetie," he said softly, "I wasn't criticizing you in any way, shape or form. This is all new to me as well. It was just that when I changed her diaper, I was kind of . . . well taken aback at the rash she has going on. I didn't mean to accuse you of not taking care of her properly. Please believe me."

  I was still sobbing, letting all of my fears and tension release for now. I felt better in doing so. I had needed this release. My only regret was that my husband and daughter had witnessed it. I hadn't wanted that at all.

  "Trey," I said, sighing heavily, "This has been a very tough day on me. I'm shaken because of Jean and what Gina is going through but I'm also worried about Preston."

  "Baby, it's just a rash," he started.

  "No, not just the rash," I explained tentatively. "I've been having nightmares about Preston. It's as if I can't keep her safe. There's nothing more definitive than that in my dreams. I'm worried."

  "Sweetie," he started, "You are a new mom but I promise you that you are
doing everything right. I shouldn't have brought it up."

  Trey was just not getting it. He did not realize the depths of my concern and my fear for her. He didn't know just how worried I had become. He was staring at me now. It was that look I had seen before as if he expected me to crumble into a million pieces.

  Our reverie was broken by the sound of the baby crying. It was her hungry cry; I recognized it. I felt the 'letdown' in my breasts. My milk was coming in and my breasts were full and begging for release. I couldn't handle nursing her right now. I couldn't deal with the closeness that came with nursing my baby girl. Trey watched as I did nothing after hearing the sound of her cry. He left the room and promptly returned holding Preston, bringing her toward me and holding her for me to take.

  I took her from him tentatively. She recognized my touch, my scent, my nearness. She broke out into a smile reaching for me. I held her close and she immediately started nuzzling against me, rooting for my breast. She wanted her fulfillment from me. I wasn't prepared to give it to her right now. I was starting to have fears and apprehension where she was concerned.

  Trey was watching me his face not bothering to mask his concern at my impassiveness towards my baby. He had never seen that before. I was suddenly afraid to be close to her; I was too attached. What if she wasn't

  here for the long haul?

  I pulled her from me, handing her back to Trey.

  "There are bottles in the fridge," I said my voice shaking. "Please feed her Trey."

  He took the baby from me and immediately she started kicking and fussing in protest. I heard him murmuring softly to her as he took her down the hall towards the kitchen where he would heat up a bottle of my breast-pumped milk and feed her before she went down for the night.

  I quickly changed into a nightgown and crawled into the safe comfort of our bed not wanting to think about anything but falling into a deep, dark sleep. My wishes were granted. I didn't want anything to do with my baby for now. It just wasn't safe . . .

  CHAPTER 6

  I had been sleeping for awhile when I heard Preston fussing once again from her bedroom. I felt Trey get up and leave our bed, returning within a couple of minutes with Preston in his arms. I pretended to sleep, never opening my eyes.