Only Her

by Carolyn Faulkner

  She was looking at the carpet again, and he didn't like that. She was submissive to him, yes, but he didn't generally like her to act like it overtly. He adored her strength. And it was the subversion of that strength to his that he enjoyed most about her submission. Her voluntary acceptance of his will over hers.

  He could see that she was biting her lip, a sure sign that she was uncertain about something. Dev tilted her face up to his. "What is it, Tink?"

  Anna would have looked down again, but he wouldn't let her. "Well…I don't really know what to do."

  "About what?" he asked, surprised. "Have you misbehaved, woman?"

  She shook her head. "No. I'm just not sure what I should do."

  To her surprise, he leaned down and picked her up – which he seemed to love to do – bringing the both of them to his big sofa and cuddling her on his lap, his heart twisting painfully at the way she always clung to him when he held her like this, even after he'd punished her.

  He had to admit – to himself, anyway – that his feelings for her were changing, becoming dramatically deeper and harder to ignore. He had the horrible feeling that he was falling in love with her, and yet she'd never made any mention or movement that he could construe as her feeling the same way about him. She'd come to him, asking to have a one-night stand that he'd finagled into a wonderful, fulfilling D/s relationship, but neither one of them ever said anything about love at all. Heck, he didn't even feel comfortable calling her "love" as a casual endearment. He'd had to stop himself from doing so on more than one occasion, his mind wanting him to slip into using "my love" with her, but not feeling that he could or should, so shying away from even that, entirely.

  Dev wondered what her problem was. His heart nearly stopped at the thought that she might want to end whatever it was that they had together, but then he reminded himself that he hadn't seen any signs of discontent from her at all. But what they had was so tentative, really, he wasn't at all sure that he'd see them – or that she'd reveal them to him.

  He took a deep breath. Whatever it was, he'd handle it, but her hesitation had him concerned.

  "What is it, honey?" he coaxed, rubbing her back, hoping for the best but preparing himself for the worst.

  She was going to wear that lower lip of hers out, and he reached up with the tip of his index finger to pull it away from her teeth. "I'm just not sure what you would expect me to do in this situation. We've not really…addressed it."

  The look he gave her – with his head cocked to one side, chin down – told her that his patience was running thin.

  "Jenny's bachelorette party is next weekend. Do I have to ask you to go? Should I assume I can go? I'm not sure where we stand on things like that. You always want me to go and do stuff with my friends, but should I be asking you for your permission?"

  He heaved a mental sigh of relief and felt a swelling in his chest at the same time, hugging her tighter to him and putting his chin on the top of her head as she tucked it against his neck. "Well, at the risk of not sounding Dommish enough, how do you feel about the idea of asking me for permission to do things like that? Is that too control-freakish for you?"

  "Is it too control-freakish for you?" she asked, tossing the ball back into his court.

  Dev snorted at that idea. "Honey, you know I would keep you chained to my bed if the law allowed it."

  Anna giggled. "You have kept me chained to your bed, on occasion!"

  "Yeah, well, I'd do it on a permanent basis if I didn't think you'd be unhappy there after a while. You know I just want what's best for you in every situation, and I'm perfectly willing to do whatever that is. If you like the idea of having to ask me for permission to do things like that, then I'm very on board with expecting it of you."

  It was one of the things she lo—liked—the most about him. He talked to her. Sometimes, he'd already made his mind up about something he was going to want her to do – or that he didn't want her to do – and he talked to her about it, but she'd never been able to change his mind – and sometimes he hadn't, and he asked her opinion about it. Sometimes, he mentioned that he didn't want to sound like a wishy-washy Dom, but he never did to her. He talked to her, and, even if he wasn't going to budge, he listened to her, and regardless of the outcome, he always made her feel that her opinion mattered to him and that he valued it.

  He remained quiet for a long moment, giving her a chance to add anything else she might want to.

  Her fingers began to play with the first unopened button of his shirt, and her voice was small as she asked, "But if I agree that I have to ask, are you going to say yes?"

  That tickled his funny bone for some reason, and he bear hugged her till she squealed, rocking them dramatically back and forth, then leaning over with her beneath him to press her back into the couch cushions. "I think you know that I'm not going to answer that. Your submission to me should not be conditional on one answer I might or might not give, young lady. Either you submit, or you don't, whether or not you like the answers you get."

  She frowned fiercely, and he decided to act.

  "From this moment on, I want you to ask me for permission before you make any social commitments that don't involve me, honey."

  "That's not fair!" He'd learned that her first reaction to a new restriction was often defiance of some sort.

  "Fair is not a consideration of mine when I make rules for your behavior."

  "Obviously not," she whined as he bent his head to suckle at a distended nipple. Damn, she hated when he did things like that! She couldn't think with his mouth on her – or his hands – or, indeed, with him anywhere within a two-mile radius of her, especially when she was naked!

  "So, can I go?" she asked, panting between each word.

  Dev tapped his chin pensively. "I don't know. What are you girls going to do?"

  Anna felt as if she was sixteen again and trying to convince her father to let her borrow the car. "Drink, eat, probably go to Wild Boyz, eat some more, drink some more, I don't know. I'm not head of the entertainment committee – I'm just along for the ride."

  Although he had to admit that the idea of her watching a bunch of beefed up male strippers gave him pause, he put her out of her misery. "Yes, you may," he emphasized. "But you are to hold to your no drugs promise, and I want you back in my arms by midnight."

  "Midnight?" she practically screeched. "We're not going out until eight – the party'll just be getting started! I haven't had a curfew since –" She thought long and hard. "I don't think I've ever had one!"

  "Well, then your parents were entirely too permissive. You may stay out no later than two o'clock." He nipped at her sensitive flesh with the edges of her teeth, causing her to yelp. "And you know how I am about punctuality, little girl. Two-oh-one will see you over my lap."

  "Yes, I know."

  She sounded like a recalcitrant teenager and he was of a mind to paddle her sassy bottom.

  But other parts of her called to him much more strongly at the moment, as he trailed his mouth down her tummy and she began to moan even before he reached his luscious destination…

  She'd left his place at six, saying she needed to go and help get the potential bride ready – and he shuddered to think what that meant – although he knew that they weren't heading out till eight. He knew Jenny, too, since she worked at Aces, so as a small surprise, he arranged for a limo to drive them all around together, so that no one had to be a designated driver.

  Anna, of course, had known as soon as she'd heard about his offer that it was just so that he knew she'd be relatively safe, but it was nice of him to do, anyway.

  He carefully hadn't reminded her either of her promise or her curfew before she'd left. Instead, he'd kissed her tenderly, complimented her on her dress, and told her to have a good time, hoping she'd leave without noticing that he'd slipped five hundred dollars into her clutch, just in case she needed it.

  By ten, he was bored to tears. Enough that he put on Red Dwarf in the background as he studied so
me reports just because it made him feel as if she was there, in that unacceptably big, empty bed with him.

  He valiantly resisted the urge to text her.

  At midnight, he'd broken down and ate the last of the pint of Haagen Dazs caramel cone ice cream, half a remaining tube of Pringles and a hot dog, which hadn't passed his lips in probably fifteen years.

  He barely resisted the urge to text her.

  Around one, he started looking at his phone every minute or two, and at one thirty, he actually convinced himself that she might come home early and left the bedroom door open so that he could begin to listen for the sound of the key in the lock.

  One-forty-five found him sitting on the edge of the bed, fidgeting and biting his nails.

  One-fifty, he moved into the living room, in order to be closer to her when she got home. She must've been having such a great time to have cut it so close! He wanted to hear all about it, but mostly he just wanted her back in his arms.

  Five minutes later, he stood in the entryway, staring at the door like a golden retriever, waiting for his mistress to come home.

  At two, he had his phone in his hand, ready to text her a scathing reminder that she was misbehaving every second that she was not home with him, and that he was going to make her thoroughly regret her disobedience.

  But he didn't. It wasn't as if she didn't know he was going to set fire to her ass the moment she stepped through the door.

  When it got to be two-thirty and he hadn't heard anything from her, he began to worry, and sent her a benign text.

  You all right?

  Nothing.

  A half hour later, when his call to her went unanswered, too, just when he was wondering if he should start to call the area hospitals, a call came through.

  But not from Anna.

  It was Kurt, a man seven or so years younger than he was. Eager and capable, he had rapidly become indispensible at work – as well as a great friend.

  "Yeah?"

  "Uh, Dev? I don't know exactly how to tell you this…I'm not even sure if I should be telling you this, really…"

  His heart sank. "Just say it."

  "Well, uh, did you know that Jenny's bachelorette thing was tonight?"

  "Yeah, Anna and Alysse and all of the girls are out at it now. They're – Anna's late back." Well, that was perhaps a bit too much information, but he covered himself. "She's later than she thought she'd be. Said she'd probably be in by two or so."

  "I just got a call from her, Dev."

  He frowned. "She called you?"

  "Yeah, and she swore me to secrecy, so I'm breaking a confidence, telling you this."

  Dev's face clouded over darkly. "But she's all right?"

  He heard the younger man scoff. "Well, yeah, I guess so, if you can call sitting in a jail cell all right."

  "She's where?"

  He'd shrugged into a t-shirt and shorts and threw his wallet in his back pocket on his way out the door as Kurt filled him in.

  It was nothing he really wanted to hear, but he didn't say anything until he'd heard it all. "Thanks for telling me, man. And you did the right thing calling me."

  Kurt was silent for a moment, then said, "I didn't want to get her into trouble, but I thought you'd want to know. I know you two are, uh, pretty close."

  They hadn't really said anything about their situation to anyone at work, figuring it was really none of their business. But he guessed that things got around anyway, no matter how low key they'd tried to be about it.

  And did Kurt have an inkling about what kind of a relationship they had, or was he just kidding, Dev wondered.

  "Yes, we are. Thanks again, buddy. I'll see you Monday."

  He arrived at the station, where apparently all of them were being held, a few minutes later, introduced himself to the desk sergeant and told him that he was going to post bail for all seven of them, which was quickly arranged.

  Apparently, they'd all been arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.

  He didn't get to see any of them until they were released and came out into the lobby where he was, and none of them looked in the least drunk or disorderly. But then, a couple of hours in a holding cell would sober anyone up pretty quickly. All of the other women hugged him and thanked him for bailing them out. He offered to take everyone home – although it would have been a crowded car, but some of their boyfriends or husbands were already there to pick them up. He made sure before he left that everyone had a way home.

  Anna was the last to come out, doing so with very obvious reluctance, but as soon as she did, he went over to her and hugged her, then took her hand in a vice-like grip, keeping her close by him while he saw to the others.

  When everything had been arranged to his satisfaction, he led her out of the police station to his car, opened her door for her, which he was in the habit of doing anyway. Then, he went around to slip behind the wheel, reclaiming her hand as soon as he got there, as if he thought she was going to run away from him.

  The thought had already occurred to her, especially as she'd walked down the hallway that lead to the lobby of the police station where she could hear that he was the one who was waiting for her, even though she'd called Kurt deliberately, instead of him. She should have known he'd rat her out, but she didn't feel comfortable asking any of the other women's husbands to shell out that kind of money for her, since she didn't know them.

  Actually, she wondered if she went up and slapped the sergeant on duty, whether she'd get arrested again, so that she didn't have to go home with Dev.

  But she knew he'd just bail her out again, and she'd be in that much more trouble because of it.

  She never thought she wouldn't want to go home with him. But that was the sad state of affairs she found herself in as he drove her home from the police station, early that morning

  Chapter 6

  Except to go around and open her door when they got home, he never let go of her hand the entire way, even when he closed and locked the front door behind them, he still hung onto it like some kind of lifeline or something.

  She expected him to order her – angrily – to strip immediately.

  She expected him to bend her over the back of the couch and lay into her with his hand or the paddle or the tawse or the cane.

  Or – shudder – all of the above.

  What she didn't expect was for him to use his hold on her hand to tug her to him, folding her against him and hugging her, twisting them back and forth, running his hands all up and down her as if he thought she was injured or something.

  Then he pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers, holding onto each of her hands with one of his. "Are you all right?" he asked with a catch in his voice that surprised her.

  "Yes. It wasn't fun – well, it was up until we got arrested – but even that was an interesting experience."

  His head came up and she could see the leashed anger in his eyes. "Jail is not an interesting experience, even if you're only there for a short time."

  He sounded as if he knew a hell of a lot more about it than she did, so she didn't say anything more. He'd had a hard life, she knew. There were things that had gone on in Dev's background that he didn't like to talk about and she wasn't one to pry, but she wouldn't have been at all surprised to find that he sounded as if he knew what he was talking about because he had spent a certain amount of time there for one reason or another.

  "Do you want me to explain –" she began, but he was leading her into the bedroom and cut her off.

  "No, Kurt told me enough about it – probably what you told him. I don't want to talk right now."

  He began to undress her, placing everything exactly where it belonged as he removed it from her. Putting her clutch on the top shelf of the closet, above where he put her dress a few minutes later, pulling her panties down and unhooking her bra, sending both sailing to the hamper with the accuracy of a man who had played varsity basketball in high school and still played pickup games whenever he could.


  When she was naked before him, he began to touch her and examine her more closely than she thought he ever had, as if he was looking for bruises or she didn't know exactly what. Walking around her, trailing his fingers over her and planting random kisses everywhere, some of them excruciatingly soft – almost not there – some of them leaving hickeys, although always in places where she would never be forced to explain them.

  Soon her entire body was even more sensitized to his touch than usual, nipples straining and aching and pebble hard, but cruelly neglected nonetheless, her body weeping with need of him, but he seemed content to simply feast his eyes on her and bestow teasing touches.

  He guided her to the bed, lifting her onto it and following her down, kissing her with such tender feeling that tears rose in her eyes and she felt she had to do her best to blink them back, although some escaped into her hair.

  Dev was oddly quiet as he buried his face between her breasts, those big hands running down her arms to entwine his fingers with hers, palm to palm, and, somehow, that was at least as intimate as anything else he'd ever done to her.

  After several long, eerily silent minutes where he seemed to be cataloguing everything about even her most private parts, Anna felt she had to speak. "Dev, are you okay?"

  When he looked up into her eyes, what she saw in his made her heart spasm painfully; it was so much more than mere desire.

  "I'm fine. I just –" He took a deep breath and she saw him swallow hard and the stray thought that he might cry flitted through her mind until he forced himself to answer her more completely, his voice getting stronger with every word. "I was very worried – much more than I needed to be, I know, because you're a very responsible, capable young woman. But I –" She could tell that there was something else he wanted to say, but she had the feeling that he changed his thoughts in mid-stream, and he finished with, "I was concerned that I hadn't heard from you, until Kurt called, when I thought it would be you."

  He took her then, easing himself into her slowly, his eyes nearly rolling back into his head at the sheer, simple pleasure of sinking himself into her to the hilt. Always sure of her body's welcome, his way eased by her natural slickness even though he hadn't really taken as much time with her as he wanted to and hadn't touched her overtly at all, really.