Tigers on the Run

by Sean Kennedy

  “They always are, especially lately. They want the old Micah back.”

  “There is no old Micah. There’s just Micah.”

  “I know!” Alex protested. “But it will take them a while to figure it out. Parents can be pretty dense.”

  I thanked him again, and left him to cover his tracks in Micah’s room.

  I quickly used the loo, and when I went back into the lounge I could tell Dec thought I had been gone too long. Like there’s a limit on how long one should use another person’s toilet.

  “If you give us a bit of time,” he was saying, “we’ll find him.”

  Now, I knew we had the information to find Micah, but as far as Dec knew this involved firing up the Mystery Machine to go and see whether Old Man Peters who ran the roller disco was dressing up as a ghost pirate and keeping Micah hostage in the DJ booth.

  “You really think you can do that?” Joanne looked hopeful.

  “I think so.”

  He was like one of those detectives on a cop show who promise hysterical parents they’ll find their missing child.

  Who then turns up butchered in a skip bin halfway through the episode.

  And I was going to have to be the crusty sergeant who told him, “What’s the first thing you’re meant to do? Never make promises you can’t keep.”

  “Don’t you think, Simon?” Dec asked.

  Put on the spot, with two hopeful parents looking at me, I smiled. Only Dec would have been able to tell how fake it was. “Of course!”

  Like I said, skip bin.

  I might have now known where Micah was headed, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have changed his mind, nor did it mean Micah would come back home with us.

  Bloody hell, my boyfriend was an impossible white knight.

  “WHAT WAS I thinking?”

  Dec wore a panicky expression that I had seldom seen.

  “How could I promise them that I would find Micah? I don’t even know where to start!”

  “Get in the car,” I told him.

  “What?”

  “Get in the car. His parents are watching us. Try not to look like we don’t know what we’re doing.”

  He listened to me for once, and when we were inside the car we could see Joanne and Rick peering out of their window.

  Dec cupped his face in his palms and rubbed it vigorously.

  “Dec, how much do you love me?”

  He almost gave himself whiplash looking at me. “I don’t think this is the time—”

  “I know where Micah is.”

  “Where?”

  “Lorne.”

  “Lorne?” Dec looked perplexed.

  “Yeah, it’s a coastal country town quite a distance from here.”

  “I know what Lorne is,” Dec said.

  “Oh, it’s just that you sounded confused.”

  “Don’t act cute. How did you find all this out, exactly?”

  “Micah’s little brother is a lot more cluey than his parents.”

  “Lucky for us, then. Are you sure?”

  “Where else would he go? He’s upset. He wants his boyfriend.”

  “Yeah,” Dec said quietly. “I guess he does.”

  “Okay, let’s head home, draw up battle plans, and set out for the wide open road.”

  Dec frowned. “I think it’s best I go by myself.”

  “What?”

  “Just, I think it would be better.”

  “You’re worried I’m going to scare Micah off again?”

  “No, not that.”

  “Well, forget it. You’re not driving to Lorne, in the dark, by yourself.”

  “I’m thirty-two years old, Simon. I think I can manage it.”

  “No!” Furious, I started the car and heard the engine grind. Dec winced. “We’re in this together, just like we always are. And you’re going to stop being mad at me, and then I’ll stop being mad at you for being mad at me, and then we’ll find bloody Micah, bring him home, everyone’s happy, roll credits. Okay?”

  His lips twitched, but he forced down the smile. “Whatever you say, boss.”

  “Damn skippy. Now let’s blow this pop stand.”

  I hit the accelerator, and we screeched out of the Johnsons’ driveway.

  THINGS STILL weren’t perfect between us, but at least Dec wasn’t threatening to go solo anymore. When I unlocked our apartment door and walked in I let out a hoarse yell at the sight of Jasper Brunswick sitting on our couch.

  Even Declan looked disturbed.

  “We were let in!” Coby yelled, jumping out of the kitchen into our line of sight.

  “Who would be stupid enough to do that?” I demanded.

  Roger emerged from our spare room. “Oh, hi.”

  “Figures,” I muttered.

  “And me,” Fran said, following him out.

  “You!” I pointed at her, accusatorially. “Roger, I expect this of. I’d think you’d have more sense!”

  “Thanks a lot,” Roger said, but as usual it just rolled off him.

  “What’s going on?” Dec asked. He looked as if this was the last thing on earth he needed.

  “I rang them,” Coby said. “I was just making coffee—do you guys want one?”

  “He’s in our kitchen, unannounced, making coffee for other people,” I told Dec.

  “I noticed.”

  “Okay,” I said to Coby.

  “One for me, too,” Dec said. “But then we really have to be going.”

  “As do you lot,” I added.

  “Rude,” said Fran.

  “Why did you ring them, Coby?” Dec asked, trying to get back to the initial conversation.

  “Jasper came back home not long after you guys left.” Coby started pouring from the kettle into the mugs. I frowned at his laziness in using instant. “He felt really sorry about what happened.”

  “Can he not talk for himself?” I asked, looking at Jasper.

  Jasper shrugged. “It’s not like you’d believe me.”

  “So you both thought you just had to come over here and wait for us?”

  “Simon, you’re being really rude,” Roger said reproachfully.

  “What’s new?” Jasper murmured loud enough for us all to hear.

  Coby came out of the kitchen, carrying the mugs on a breakfast tray. All he needed was the maid’s outfit. He probably had one at home. “This is rescue headquarters.”

  Declan looked as confused as I felt.

  “You know?” Fran said, taking her cup from Coby with relief. “Like when someone goes missing?”

  “I don’t have time for this.” Dec ignored the cup of coffee Coby was holding out for him and headed to the bedroom.

  “He’s in a foul mood,” Roger said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that.”

  “I guess it had to happen sooner or later.” Jasper lazily jiggled his foot. “Simon has been infecting him all these years. It would have some effect on you.”

  I handed Coby my coffee, heard him hiss something at Jasper, and followed Dec.

  “They’re only wanting to help,” I said, closing our bedroom door.

  He was throwing some things into a duffel bag. “They’re wasting our time.”

  “They’re our friends,” I reminded him.

  This made him pause. He turned to look at me. “What, even Jasper?”

  I made a face. “I wouldn’t go that far. But he’s here. He didn’t have to come. He knew how pissed we both are. But he’s here. And maybe we don’t know if it’s for an article or—”

  “It’s not” came a voice from behind the door.

  I threw it open to find Jasper, Coby, Fran and Roger all squeezed in the small hallway that led to our bedroom.

  “What is it then, Jasper?” Dec asked, as if this were an everyday occurrence.

  “What Simon said earlier was right.”

  I almost collapsed.

  “I should have done more when I got that message from Micah. And now it’s all exploded, and I just want to he
lp make things right.”

  There was nothing either of us could really say to that; Dec gave a short nod.

  “So, what’s the plan?” Roger asked.

  “Dec and I are going to Lorne.”

  “Lorne?” Fran asked. “You think that’s where he is?”

  “It’s where his boyfriend is,” Dec told her. “Who wouldn’t want to see their boyfriend when they’re upset?”

  He had paraphrased me deliberately. I watched him from the corner of my eye, and saw he was looking at me.

  “Okay, we’re coming,” Coby said.

  “No.” Dec’s response was immediate.

  “But—”

  “There isn’t enough room, for a start.”

  “We could borrow my uncle’s minibus,” Coby said.

  “This isn’t an adventure!” Dec turned back to his bag and zipped it up. “We’re not doing this for fun, and Micah is not going to be wanting an audience.”

  “Look,” Jasper said, and I inwardly groaned, “I know you want to be all Lone Ranger hero here, Declan, but all of us feel in some way responsible—”

  “I don’t,” Fran said, and Roger nodded.

  “Okay, except for them,” Jasper added, “and if Micah sees that we’ve come after him as well, then he’ll know that there are people who give a shit about him. And maybe that will help bring him home.”

  “Wow, Jasper. That almost sounded… sincere,” Dec said.

  Because it hadn’t come from me, Jasper accepted the slight without argument.

  “Road trip!” Roger cried.

  “No,” Fran snapped her fingers in front of his face. “We have two tiny babies out there in the spare room, remember?”

  “Two very cute babies,” Coby added.

  “You want them?” Fran asked. “Seriously, you can have them.”

  “Fran!” Roger cried, an agonised look on his face.

  “I was going to put an ad on Gumtree. Free to a good home. Or in your case, a home.”

  “That isn’t funny,” Roger told her.

  “You know I don’t mean it. But because you’re being their biggest defender, you can stay and look after them.”

  “I don’t get to go?” Roger protested.

  Fran fixed upon him with a steely gaze. “There’s already too many dicks going on this road trip. They don’t need one more.”

  Coby crowed at this, and Fran turned on him. “I was including you, Coby!”

  Chastened, Coby shut his enormous gob.

  “Thanks, Fran,” Dec said, who must have felt wrongly included in the generalised dick rant.

  “I wasn’t including you. You’re never a dick.”

  This time I snorted. “You haven’t been with him all day.”

  Dec glared at me, picked up his bag, and headed out. The others all parted like the Red Sea to let him through.

  “Isn’t this fun?” I asked everybody.

  Coby and Jasper exchanged glances; Roger stared disconsolately at his wife; Fran had her arms crossed and was impatiently tapping her fingers.

  “Road trip!” I yelled, in imitation of Roger.

  Fourth Quarter

  Chapter 16

  NOT EVEN two hours later, I was on a minibus with Jasper Brunswick. I’d never have believed such a thing would happen in my lifetime. And what was even worse was that I had a hand in allowing him to come along. Once we had joined Dec in the lounge, he was still under the assumption that just he and I were going to Lorne—and I was only allowed to go under duress. He had only caved in when he realised that more time was being eaten up arguing about it.

  Coby’s uncle, at first, was reluctant to lend us the minibus—apparently the last time Coby had borrowed it was to cart various drag queens around Midsumma events, and it had taken months to remove all of the glitter they’d left behind. This had not gone down well with his cricket club, who started shining on the fields in more ways than one. “They started calling us the Fairfield Fairies,” he told us, and was not amused when the assembled gay men laughed at his pain.

  However, the star power of Declan Tyler™ won him over, and with a quick stop at a petrol station we were on the Princes Highway heading for Geelong.

  Dec drove and I sat beside him in the passenger seat. The others were scattered throughout the other seats. Truth be told, there would have been enough room for Roger, but two small babies were not conducive to such a long road trip. Since leaving Melbourne Fran had been noticeably silent, and I didn’t even know why she was here. She resisted any opportunity to chat with me, and Dec was playing hot and cold—there was no way in hell I was going to cosy up to Jasper Brunswick—so I was reduced to just staring out the window into the cold night and feeling a little sorry for myself.

  Then I remembered why we were doing this and started feeling sorry for Micah instead. Even if he was a total arse.

  “He’s probably there by now,” Dec said.

  I was so glad that he had initiated conversation I didn’t want to blow it. “The bus would have gotten in twenty minutes ago. Do you want me to try Jeff’s number again?” There hadn’t been any success with previous attempts.

  This had resulted in Dec now worrying that Micah would turn up to an empty house and have nowhere to go, and we would lose track of him before we even arrived in Lorne. Micah’s parents had already been in touch, and Dec had hated saying we were only just leaving the city.

  “How about some music?” I suggested, and before Dec could refuse I was plugging my phone into the stereo and putting an ’80s playlist on random.

  “I Ran (So Far Away)” by A Flock of Seagulls started, and the irony was not lost on the inhabitants of the minibus.

  “Good one, Simon,” Coby yelled out above the synthesiser.

  I hit the next button, and wouldn’t you know it? “Run to Paradise” by the Choirboys.

  Coby cackled.

  “Give it up,” Fran said, her first words in an hour.

  I ignored her sage advice, and the next song I skipped to was “Take the L (out of Lover and it’s Over)” by The Motels.

  Considering the set of Declan’s jaw by now, I decided not to tempt the fates with that particular song choice and hit skip again. Luckily this time the B-52s came on, and I was heartened by hearing Fran singing along about the faded sign on the side of the road that designated a particular number of miles to the Love Shack.

  And even more so when I heard Dec mumbling along, badly, with the lyrics.

  Maybe all of us coming had been the best thing to do.

  “YOU HAVE glitter in your hair,” Fran said, inspecting my scalp. She was hovering over me, talking to Dec until she was distracted by said glitter.

  “You sure it’s not grey hair?” Coby asked.

  “Not unless Simon is getting gold flecks with old age.”

  “If my uncle knows the glitter is starting to turn up again, he’s going to kill me,” Coby muttered.

  “God bless the drag queens,” I said.

  “Hey!” Coby protested.

  “Are we having a loo break soon?” Jasper asked.

  “Yes, dad, please!” Fran said to Dec.

  “You all have the smallest bladders out of anybody I know,” Dec sighed.

  “Me big tough AFL star,” Fran mocked, “me have giant bladder.”

  Dec rolled his eyes.

  “Don’t take your eyes off the road, mister!” Coby cried.

  “If he’s going out, he’s taking us all with him,” I said.

  “Cheery!” Fran slumped back in her seat. “I really need to pee.”

  Outvoted, Dec agreed to stop. It took another twenty minutes for us to find a roadhouse guaranteed to have loos, and when we pulled in to a space Coby and Jasper were out the door before Dec had even put the handbrake on. Dec turned to look at me, but I jerked my head towards Fran, who was staring out the window. Dec let himself out and disappeared into the night.

  I laid my hand upon her arm, and she startled. “What’s wrong, Franny?”

 
; “Nothing.” She went back to staring out the window.

  “Bullshit. I thought you said you had to pee?”

  “I do.”

  “Then why aren’t you going?”

  “I’m just thinking, okay?”

  “Thinking about peeing? Maybe you should just do it.”

  She glared at me.

  “Are you missing Roger? I’m missing Roger.”

  “Figures,” she said. “We’ve only been away from him for an hour.”

  “He’s a very missable guy.” After Fran, I was the one who loved him best. I guessed I would slide further down the scale once the twins became more sentient.

  “I guess he can be.”

  “Is it the babies you’re missing, then?” I humoured her.

  “Oh, god, of course, it must be the babies. Now I’m a mother I couldn’t possibly think of anything else, could I?”

  I was taken aback by her vehemence. “Sorry, just asking.”

  Her face fell. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I do miss them,” she mumbled. “All three of the babies. But I had to come.”

  “You’ve always cherished a dream of being the token het on a grand gay road trip?”

  This brought a small smile from her. “It’s the dream of a lifetime. Especially when they’re all sniping at each other.”

  “I would have thought that would be the most obvious part of the trip. Did you think it would be more like the setup to a real gay porn?”

  She winced. “Oh, don’t make me vomit. You just put the thought of you and Jasper Brunswick rubbing up against each other in my head.”

  “Now I’m going to vomit. I almost did when he tried it.” At Fran’s expression I quickly added, “Years ago! Way before Declan! Anyway, I told you that.”

  She shrugged. “Baby brain.”

  “So why did you have to come? Not that I didn’t want you to come!” I said quickly, at her expression.

  “I had to escape being a mummy for a while. I’m more than a mummy, you know. Just like I’m more than a wife, except nobody ever really straitjacketed me into that role before.”

  “They are? About you being a mum?”

  A withering look. “Of course they are. Roger doesn’t get it. You obviously don’t get it. Must be a guy thing.”