Nearly Departed

by Max Patrick Schlienger

  Chapter Eight

  As far as dramatic entrances went, Dennis thought, this one left something to be desired. After taking a deep breath and nodding to Bobo, he had moved to open the way into Evy’s room and found it locked. Unfortunately, he had been leaning into the motion, and had slammed rather awkwardly against the solid wooden door. The setback, minor though it was, had thrown Bobo into a fit of giggles that seemed out of character for a man his size. Dennis stood in silence for several seconds while Bobo continued to laugh, and irritably wondered if bringing the bigger man along had been the best decision.

  “Are you done?” Dennis asked. Bobo continued to snort and chuckle as he wiped a tear from his eyes.

  “Oh, god, that was funny,” he wheezed. “Really, you should have seen it from where I’m standing.”

  Dennis rolled his eyes and grumbled. “Wait here,” he said. “I’ll go ask Elspeth for the key.” He stalked back down the hallway, fully aware of Bobo’s continued laughter behind him. After a couple of wrong turns, he managed to find Elspeth still in the kitchen, loading the dishes from the morning meal into a giant stainless steel dishwasher.

  “Something wrong, Dennis?” She didn’t turn from her task.

  “No, not really,” replied Dennis. “I just remembered that I need the key, is all.”

  “Ah, yes,” Elspeth said. “I was wondering what that thump was.”

  Dennis could feel himself blushing as Elspeth opened a drawer and withdrew a nondescript key. He mumbled his thanks and hurried back to where he had left Bobo, who was still chortling quietly.

  “Knock it off,” muttered Dennis. “You want to make a good impression, don’t you?”

  “Seems to me that I’ll be doing that more than once,” Bobo replied. “I mean, with her memory and all.”

  Dennis sighed and fumbled with the key until finally the door swung open. The room appeared exactly as it had before, with the brown armchair standing resolutely at its center. Bobo leaned through the doorframe and stared.

  “Doesn’t look like much, does it?”

  “Wait until she shows up,” replied Dennis. He searched the room until he found the wooden stool, which he positioned in front of the armchair. Then, without further ceremony, he sat down and took a deep breath.

  “Hello Evy,” he said carefully. “My name is Doc… My name is Dennis. I’d like to talk to you.”

  For a few minutes, nothing happened, and the only sound was Bobo shifting his weight. “Quite dramatic, this is.”

  Dennis was uncertain as to whether Bobo was joking or not, but he didn’t offer a response. Instead, he kept his gaze focused on the worn upholstery, looking for a hint of the ghost’s appearance.

  “Evy,” he said again, leaning forward, “can you hear me?” He was growing tense. Had he done something wrong? Or maybe – he had to consider it as an option – this was the punch line to an incredibly elaborate practical joke.

  “Whoa!” Bobo suddenly exclaimed. “Now that’s something you don’t see every day!”

  Dennis glanced back at Bobo with a confused expression. His eyes had gone wide, and were locked on the chair. Dennis turned back to it, hoping to see something new, but came up empty.

  “What?” he asked finally. “I don’t see anything.”

  “That’s a bloody big spider there!” Bobo responded, jabbing a finger forward. Dennis looked to where the man was pointing and saw a large, eight-legged shape taking a slow walk down the side of the chair. He shivered involuntarily, and scooted back slightly. His motions did not go unnoticed by Bobo, who grinned with amusement.

  “Oh, come on, now,” he said, chuckling. “Don’t tell me Doctor September is afraid of a little bug.”

  “It’s not a bug,” Dennis replied, feeling queasy.

  “It’s a creepy-crawly bugger,” Bobo replied. “I don’t care if it’s an insect.” He stepped forward and slapped the interloper with a broad palm. “There,” he said, brushing his hand against his leg. “All dead.”

  Thank you, said a voice in Dennis’ head. He jumped and looked back at the chair, which was suddenly occupied by the young girl he had seen during his last visit. There was no subtle fading-into-existence this time, either. One moment, the chair had been a dull piece of furniture, and the next it was providing a seat to a spectral teenager. She was still clad in the v-necked day dress, and nothing else about her had changed, at least not that Dennis could see.

  “Whoa!” Bobo exclaimed again. This time, it was his turn to jump, and his voice tightened. “September, look! Look at that!”

  “Please excuse him,” Dennis said to the ghost, not bothering to hide his triumphant smile. “He’s not the most diplomatic person on the planet.” He was secretly pleased by Bobo’s reaction, as it made him feel much less cowardly. Even so, he was dimly aware of his heart pounding in his chest.

  “I can see as much,” Evy replied. Her transparent form shifted on the chair as she adjusted to what was presumably a more comfortable position. Then again, Dennis mused, the chair probably didn’t offer much in the way of cushioning to a person who was weightless. Evy rocked her head from side to side, and her brows knit in concentration. “I’m sorry, sir,” she said finally, “but I’m afraid you have me at a loss.”

  “It’s alright, Evy,” Dennis replied. “My name is Dennis, and I’m here to talk to you about…” He paused. Come to think of it, what exactly was he here to talk about? It seemed like a bad idea to say that he was here to drive her off, regardless of whether she would remember it.

  “Yes?” Evy prompted. Her voice had a coy ring to it, and she pursed her lips expectantly. Dennis opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Bobo, who stepped forward with a disarming smile.

  “We’re here because we need your help,” he declared. “I’m Barnaby, but you can call me Bobo.”

  Evy’s expression changed to one of annoyance as she shifted her gaze upwards. “Thank you… Bobo.” Her voice held a tone that was generally reserved for inept children. “I’ll be sure to tell you if I need anything.” Her eyes flicked back to Dennis, who was still wracking his brain in an attempt to find conversational topics. “You were saying, Dennis?” she asked.

  “Well,” Dennis stuttered, “I was hoping that you could answer some questions for me.” Evy let out a seductive laugh and leaned forward.

  “And what,” she asked suggestively, “will you do for me in return?”

  Dennis didn’t know which part was more disturbing: That he was being propositioned by a ghost, or that she would have been almost forty years his senior if she had been alive. He heard muffled laughter from behind him, and looked back to see Bobo clamping his hand across an amused grin. Dennis gave him a pointed glare and turned his attention back to Evy, who was still displaying a sultry smile and a clear view of her celestial cleavage. He wasn’t particularly familiar with the culture at the time of Evy’s death, but her behavior seemed much more well-suited to the lusty barflies that he sometimes encountered at Thoreau’s.

  Probably best not to tell Luke too much about this, he thought wryly. He cleared his throat. “Well, we can discuss that later on,” Dennis said, tilting his head towards Bobo. Evy followed the motion with her eyes, and understanding registered on her face.

  “Bobo, dear,” she said suddenly, batting her eyelashes once. “I’m so terribly thirsty. Would you go and find something for us to drink?”

  “Oh, right away, missus,” Bobo replied in a fair approximation of a Jim Crow accent. “I jus’ get right on that.” He remained where he was, and gave Dennis a humorless smile and a shrug. Evy did not appear to notice, and once again turned back to Dennis.

  “What did you want to ask me, Dennis?” Evy inquired. Then she giggled and touched a finger to her bottom lip. “You know, you remind me of Cary Grant.”

  “Uh, thank you,” Dennis replied. “I think.” Evy giggled again and lounged against one side of the armchair, bringing her legs up underneath her.

  “I just love the cinema,�
�� she said with a sigh. “Don’t you?”

  Dennis started to respond, but closed his mouth over the words and shook his head. “Evy, what did you do yesterday?” he asked. It was a decidedly frail attempt at a topic change, but he realized that the question might actually yield pertinent results. If nothing else, maybe he could get a handle on how Evy had died.

  Then again, that would require that she provide a helpful response, which she seemed disinclined to do. She threw back her head and let out a moan of mock frustration.

  “Oh, let’s not discuss anything so boring, Dennis,” she said. “All that arguing and fighting over something so silly.”

  “What was silly?” Bobo interjected. Both Dennis and Evy turned to look at him. “Who was arguing?” he added.

  “Where is our tea, Bobo?” Evy asked with obviously feigned patience.

  “Not ready yet, ma’am,” Bobo replied. Evy rolled her eyes and gave Dennis a knowing look.

  “Really, Dennis,” she chided with a patronizing smile, “I hope you don’t let him act quite so brashly towards you.” Bobo muttered something about a bruise on his head, but let the remark slide.

  “Actually, I was curious about that myself,” Dennis said. “Who was arguing? About what?”

  Evy sighed again, this time with genuine frustration in the sound. “It was just something to do with father’s work, of course. Does he ever talk about anything else?”

  “I don’t know,” Dennis replied. “Does he?”

  Evy leveled a dark look at him. “I’m not sure I like where this is going, Dennis. Why did you say you were here, exactly?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and she pulled herself upright. “I think perhaps it would be best if you left.”

  “Now you’ve done it,” Bobo commented dryly.

  “Done what?” snapped Dennis, looking over his shoulder.

  “Trod too close to the fire, you did.”

  “Bobo, did you not understand me when I asked you to bring us tea?” Evy demanded through a saccharine smile.

  Dennis made an aggravated noise and buried his face in his hands, and he suppressed a humorless laugh when he heard Evy say “There, now, you’ve gone and made Dennis get all worked up.” Apparently, he could either endure the flirtations of a ghost, or he could get himself ousted by pissing her off. Neither option seemed to be a particularly effective method of exorcism, unless it was Dennis who was the target. He tried in vain to get the conversation back under control, but after a few more minutes, it proved to be an entirely hopeless endeavor.

  “Please excuse us for a minute, Evy,” Dennis said. He rose and beckoned for Bobo to follow him. “I’ll be back soon.” Evy replied with a skeptical hum, and turned to examine a blank spot on the wall. It was dismissal enough for Dennis, and he made a hurried exit.

  Back in the kitchen, the pair found Elspeth in the midst of putting dishes away. “That was certainly a fast conversation.”

  “Your sister has quite the attitude, ma’am,” Bobo said.

  “Yes, well, I did warn you.”

  Dennis coughed softly. “You didn’t mention that she was quite so, uh…” he trailed off, searching for the word.

  “Horny?” offered Bobo. Elspeth sniffed with what could have been either distaste or amusement, and finished placing the dishes in their various cabinets. Dennis considered punching Bobo, but the gesture died before it reached his hand. He was frustrated, but he had to admit that he was scarcely an expert at dealing with any aspect of the situation, regardless of what his alter ego claimed.

  “Anyway,” Dennis said firmly, trying to keep his thoughts from derailing, “she doesn’t seem too inclined to talk about anything that happened around the time that she died.”

  “No, I wouldn’t expect so,” Elspeth replied. “Not the happiest of times, really. I don’t remember much of it.” She stood on her toes and stretched her petite frame to put the last of the dishes back in the cupboard. Bobo made a move to help her, but shrank back under the force of a warning frown. Dennis smiled quietly. Elspeth didn’t strike him as being willing to accept help from anyone. She made it clear that her independence was her most precious possession.

  Dennis’ smile faded and dropped into a thoughtful frown. Come to think of it, Elspeth’s decision to hire an investigator seemed drastically out of character for her. This was a woman who did her own gardening, her own cooking, and presumably kept the entire house in its spotless condition of cleanliness. Dennis’ frown deepened. Looming death sentence or not, he couldn’t picture Elspeth as the sort of person who would willingly ask for help unless there was something incredibly important at stake, and her attitude about her sister seemed almost blasé. Something, Dennis decided, was missing.

  The feeling of a hand gripping his arm pulled Dennis out of his thoughts. Elspeth was staring up at him with an expression of very slight impatience on her face, and he was suddenly aware that Bobo was whistling tunelessly in the background.

  “Sorry, I was off in my own little world there,” Dennis said. Bobo’s quiet whistling shifted, and went through a few lines of what might have been “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Elspeth’s attention remained on Dennis.

  “I asked if you agreed with your musically-inclined partner,” she said, her look of irritation growing in proportion to the volume of Bobo’s noise.

  “Bobo, knock it off,” Dennis said. The whistling stopped, although it may have been less out of choice and more due to the broad smile that suddenly stretched Bobo’s face. Dennis gave him a look, and then smiled apologetically down at Elspeth. “I’m sorry, I must have missed something while I was thinking. What are you asking me?”

  “Barnaby has suggested a rather… unique solution,” explained Elspeth. Behind her, Bobo made a cross-eyed face and pantomimed an explosion with his hands.

  “Oh, that,” Dennis said. He raised an eyebrow at Bobo as he spoke. “We discussed it, but only as a last resort.” He looked back at Elspeth, whose face was now touched by a skeptical if not patiently amused smirk.

  “You’re welcome to try it, of course.” She turned to look at Bobo, who was not quite fast enough in dropping his arms. “I don’t imagine you’ll have very satisfying results, though.”

  Bobo was talking before Elspeth was halfway through her disclaimer. “Great!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “I’ll set about moving the chair outside, then.” He marched out of the room, the sounds of his whistling following him. Dennis watched the man go, and a few seconds passed before he realized that Elspeth was staring his way.

  “I’m sorry about him,” Dennis said in a low voice. “I’m sure he means well. I’ll ask him to stay behind tomorrow, if you’d like.”

  “Oh, hardly, Dennis,” replied Elspeth. “He’s an entertaining young man. A bit quick to resort to drastic measures, perhaps, but his enthusiasm is endearing.” She beckoned for Dennis to follow her. They walked through the kitchen’s side door and entered a spacious living room which Dennis had yet to see. Elspeth approached a slender wooden cabinet at the room’s far side, and fiddled with a decorative key set into one of the doors.

  “I’m afraid that I haven’t any gasoline handy,” she said. There was a metallic click of a latch, and Elspeth pulled her canvas purse from the cabinet’s recesses. “There’s a station near the highway, though, and I should think that you can buy a gas can there.” She handed Dennis a few bills, which he took reluctantly.

  “I could convince him to let me talk to her a bit longer,” Dennis said. He could already hear the grunts and thumps of Bobo wrestling the chair through the house. “I mean, we only tried for a few minutes. I’m not ready to give up yet.”

  Elspeth smiled cryptically. “Humor your friend for now, Dennis. If it doesn’t work, you’ll have plenty of time to do things your way.”