He pulled her tight against him, her belly pressing into his stomach. She knew her pregnant body was no turn-on. She should pull away before he did.
She drew in a breath, ready to call it. But the clean, manly smell of him filled her nostrils, overriding common sense. Her hands drifted into the hair at his nape. It feathered softly against her fingers. They traveled to his neck, to his jaw. His five o’clock shadow scraped the tender flesh of her palm.
He pulled away, his lips leaving hers.
A whimper escaped her throat. He was leaning back against the sofa arm. She was practically on top of him. Heat rose to her cheeks.
She sat back, looking away. Was he repulsed by her body? Disgusted by her lack of control? They’d practically been brother and sister for so long. There were all kinds of reasons for him to push her away. He’d only offered a chaste kiss, but she’d taken much more.
She squirmed in the silence, needing to know, afraid to ask. But she had to ask. They were getting married. They needed to be on the same page even if that page wasn’t pretty.
“Is this—too weird?” she asked. Say no. Say no. She didn’t think she could take anything else. Where would that leave them?
“No.” He curled a finger around her chin, forcing eye contact. “You?”
Did it make her pathetic that she wanted to kiss him again? She shook her head, falling headlong into his blue eyes.
“Good,” he said.
On her way home Jade relived the kiss. After she was in bed, she relived it some more. Lying in the dark, she thought about chemistry and hormones and wondered which of the two made her pulse race at his touch. Wondered what would happen when the hormones were gone, and all that was left was an affectionate friendship and a lifetime stretching ahead of them.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
HE’D WATCHED JADE ALL WEEK FROM THE CORNER OF HIS eyes. Things had changed since their kiss three days ago. Sometimes they brushed past each other by the copy machine. Twice he’d kissed her at the end of the evening. Kisses that had lingered, kisses that had stirred a kind of desire he’d never experienced.
When she’d leave, he’d lie awake, staring at the shadows on his ceiling. Seven weeks and she’d be his. He’d never loved her more. Maybe she didn’t love him in the same way, but she did love him. She wanted him. Was it enough? It would have to be.
He couldn’t wait to get that wedding band on her finger, to have her as his own. The last week had shown him that the marriage was going to be better than he’d imagined. She actually liked kissing him, couldn’t seem to get enough, and heaven knew she was driving him to distraction.
He watched her now, walking to the front door of the office, twisting the lock. Pregnancy had given her cheeks a permanent flush. Her hair had grown long and thick, falling down her back in a glossy brown cascade.
“I didn’t make anything to bring to Mom and Dad’s,” she said as she passed their desks on her way to the back, rubbing the small of her back.
“We can stop by the grocery and pick up something.”
“Perfect.”
He gathered his things and met her in the back. She was struggling to put on her coat, so he set down his laptop and helped her.
“Thanks.” She pulled her hair from under the collar.
He caught a whiff of her spicy fragrance, a tantalizing glimpse of her bare neck. He leaned over and brushed the back of her neck with a fleeting kiss.
He would’ve been just fine with that. Except the moment his lips met her skin, her breath hitched. She tilted her head, giving him access.
What was a guy to do?
Her breaths grew shallow as he kissed a trail up her neck. She braced herself against the wall in front of her. When he kissed the spot behind her ear, she shivered.
He turned her around and backed her gently into the wall, a hand on each side of her. Then he took a moment just to appreciate her sleepy green eyes, her flushed cheeks, her plump lips. Just a moment though, because her hands came to his shoulders and her fingers wove into the hair at his nape. Then he was gone.
His lips met hers carefully. Soft, tender, easy, he reminded himself, conscious of the cruelty she’d suffered. Wanting her to feel safe with him, always.
He cupped her cheek, his fingers threading into her hair. It was as soft as spun silk and smelled of oranges. Her hands slid down his chest and around his waist, pulling him closer.
He deepened the kiss, his other arm coming around her. He was in a dream. He felt this way every time they’d kissed. Like it couldn’t be real. Like she couldn’t possibly want him this way.
But he hadn’t heard any complaints. And now the ragged sound of her breathing was making him downright heady. Heat flared inside, rolling off his skin.
When Jade’s hands fell away, he stifled the surge of disappointment. But her lips never paused. She shimmied from her coat. He helped it off her, and it dropped to the ground, one less barrier.
She clutched at his waist, tilted her head into the kiss. The brush of her tongue was nearly his undoing. He couldn’t get enough of her. And she seemed to feel the same way. Was it too much to hope that one day she could love him too?
She tugged at his shirt, pulling it from his waistband. His heart found a new gear. Something inside him stirred, hot and dangerous.
“Jade . . .” His tone rang with warning.
“Just want to feel you,” she whispered.
The tugging stopped, and her fingers drifted along his stomach. His breath hissed in through his teeth. Her touch wandered to his back, then to his stomach again, burning a trail on his heated flesh.
Jade.
Desire flooded him. He’d never wanted anyone, anything so badly in all his life. He had to stop. He knew his limits, and he was there.
Gathering the scraps of his willpower, he stopped her hands, pressing them to his sides, and broke the kiss. A whimper tore from her throat. It was all he could do to follow through.
“Slow down, slow down, slow down,” he whispered.
He set his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, breathing hard. He needed a moment. A long one. And possibly a cold shower. He could still smell her, still feel the heat pouring off her, feel her hands where he’d pressed them to his body.
“You’re killing me, woman.”
He opened his eyes and found her staring at him. She was breathing hard too, and her hooded eyes made him wish they could fast-forward seven weeks.
“When are we getting married again?” she asked.
He sighed hard. “December 20th.”
“Well, whose idea was that?” There was a pout in her voice.
His lips fought gravity and won. “Yours. Something about getting your figure back.”
“I meant November. Or tomorrow.”
He chuckled, pulling away to see her better. Her lower lip protruded adorably. He’d love nothing more than to kiss it into submission, but he knew better. They both needed to step outside and let a good cool breeze skate over their heated skin.
“We should get going,” he said reluctantly. “We’re already late.” He scooped her coat off the floor and handed it to her, not sure if she’d want it on now.
She pouted, turning her eyes to his. Her mind was clearly not on family or food, and he loved her for it. For that and so many other reasons.
“Sweetie, you look exhausted,” Mom said. “Why don’t you go lie down in PJ’s room?”
The savory smell of roast lingered in the air. A ruckus sounded in the dining room where the family had gathered for a rousing game of Pictionary. Jade had stepped out to help with the dishes. Since she was the worst artist on the team, no one had complained.
Jade glanced at the mountain of dishes in the sink. “Sure you don’t mind?”
“You know I like washing dishes. Go on now. Get your feet up.”
Jade heard the game breaking up as she climbed the stairs and passed her old room, now an office. She entered PJ’s room and fell onto the quilt, rolling to her sid
e and balling the pillow under her head. Her back muscles screamed as they loosened.
The back door slammed, and laughter sounded in the backyard. The basketball patted the concrete pad. Someone was taking advantage of the weather. They might not have another nice day until spring.
The babies stirred, poking and rolling before settling down and going still again. Jade closed her eyes. Just twenty minutes, and she’d rejoin her family. Meanwhile, she let her mind drift back to the kiss in the office.
Mercy.
She smiled as she thought of Daniel, of the look in his eyes when he’d pulled away. At the way his pupils had swallowed the blue of his eyes. She wanted him so much. Was that normal? Was she supposed to feel that kind of desire with someone who . . .
Who what?
Someone she didn’t love? Only she did love Daniel. Just not in that way.
Right?
Her heart pounded so hard the bed shook. Of course she didn’t love him in that way. People felt desire all the time without being in love. It was human nature. Maybe it hadn’t happened to her before, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t.
Right?
The only answer was the quickening of her pulse.
A squeak sounded on the wooden stairs. Probably Mom coming to check on her or Dad printing an article for Ryan.
When the footsteps stopped in the office, she decided it must be the latter. But a moment later the stairs squeaked again. More footsteps entered the office. Then voices carried through the thin wall.
“What do you want?” Daniel’s hushed voice.
“You have to stop this.”
Madison.
Jade clenched her teeth. She’d warned her sister to stay out of this. What if she talked Daniel out of the wedding? Jade sat up. She had to stop her. Her feet swung to the floor, and she cringed as the headboard hit the wall.
“I’m not stopping anything,” Daniel said.
“Tell her then.”
Jade stilled by the bed, frowning. Tell me what? Was Daniel hiding something from her?
“She deserves to know the truth.”
“It’ll ruin everything.” His voice was strained. “I know what I’m doing, Madison. Stay out of it.”
Go Daniel, one side of her cheered. But the other side couldn’t forget that he was hiding something from her.
“I’m not trying to cause trouble here, Daniel.”
Jade missed something as her sister’s voice lowered, and the basketball outside dribbled across the pad.
“I love you both,” Madison continued. “But you’re going to get your heart broken. You’re in love—it’s not fair to keep that from her. She’s my sister. I can’t just stand by and let this happen.”
Jade’s stomach bottomed out. There was someone else? That was the secret Daniel was keeping? Her heart gave a painful squeeze. No, Daniel wouldn’t do that. Why would he marry her if he were in love with someone else?
Daniel said something that was too quiet to hear. A sick feeling spread through Jade, making her stomach twist. She needed answers, and there was only one place to get them. She left the room, suddenly not caring about being quiet or eavesdropping.
Her legs shook as she entered the hallway, doing a U-turn into the office. Daniel and Madison stood just inside the door. Their heads snapped toward her.
Daniel’s eyes widened, then a spark of something flashed in them. Guilt? Fear? Were those the eyes of someone who’d lied? Someone she’d trusted?
After a long moment, Madison cleared her throat. “I’ll be downstairs.” She swept past Jade, giving her tensed shoulder a squeeze.
The stairs creaked. And then silence.
Jade folded her arms, holding herself together. This couldn’t be happening. She trusted Daniel. There was no one she trusted more.
He couldn’t seem to look at her. He palmed the back of his neck, staring at the rug at his feet. “I guess you—I guess you heard—”
“Who is it, Daniel?” Why did she suddenly sound like a shrew? Why did she care so much? And why did she feel hollow inside?
He looked at her now, his brows creased. “What?”
“Who is she? Who are you in love with?” She hadn’t meant it to come out as an accusation.
The creases disappeared. “No, Jade.” He reached out to her.
She flinched away.
“It’s not what you—you don’t understand.”
Oh, but she did. Her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces, which made no sense. It’s the plan. That’s all. Their plan was ruined now. She couldn’t marry him if he loved another. That’s why the thought cut her in two.
“Who, Daniel?” She thought he could tell her anything. He was her friend, first and foremost. Never had she thought he could keep something like this from her.
He dropped his hand, and she braced herself.
“You,” he said, his voice strained. His eyes softened. “You, Jade.”
What? He couldn’t mean it. But the look in his eyes. Warmth and fear melded together.
Me?
It was hard to argue with that look. Thoughts flashed in her mind. Daniel giving her a job. Daniel taking her to the doctor. Daniel getting angry when she proposed. Daniel kissing her passionately. Daniel painting her toenails. Daniel strumming a lullaby.
“Why didn’t—when did—” Her thoughts were scrambled eggs. She couldn’t breathe. Her lungs sucked together when she emptied them and refused to inflate again.
“It’s okay, Jade. I know you don’t feel the same.”
It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay at all. His heart was breaking. She saw it in his eyes, and her own was cracking open in response. How long had this been going on? Why didn’t she know? She should’ve known.
His pager beeped.
“Everything’s fine . . .” His tone soothed. “Nothing has to change.”
But everything had changed. He would marry her at his own expense simply because she needed him. Just like he’d given her a job because she needed work. Just like he’d gone to Lamaze because she’d needed a partner.
“Daniel!” Ryan called from downstairs. “Where are you, dude?”
“Did you hear me?” Daniel’s tone, his body language was talking her down from the ledge. “I’m not expecting anything from you.”
Not expecting anything? She was supposed to marry him. Was supposed to put him first above all else. And she couldn’t give him the one thing he needed from her.
Even now the look on his face was about to kill her. A cocktail of emotions, none of them good. She wanted to wash the heartbreak from his face. She wanted to see his eyes sparkle. Wanted to see his lips curl up. But that wasn’t going to happen.
She’d never meant to hurt him. Would rather die than cause him—
The thought slammed into her, causing a quake. Everything shook then folded in on her, suffocating. She shook her head. No. It couldn’t be true. She couldn’t love him. She didn’t want to love him. Didn’t want to love anyone. That’s why she’d picked Daniel. He was safe.
Only he wasn’t.
“Daniel! We’ve got to run. Come on, man!”
How had this happened? She’d been so careful.
He set his hand on her shoulder. The touch burned straight through. “I have to go. Don’t—” His eyes pled with her. He dropped his hand, moving toward the door. “We’ll talk later.”
He slapped the door frame hard on the way out. His quick footsteps pounded down the stairs, and then the room was silent except for the heavy thudding of her heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
JADE LAY IN THE DARK, A LONG STRING OF TORMENTING thoughts winding through her head. A permanent ache had set up residence inside, and no amount of tears had soothed it. How had she fallen in love with Daniel? When? She’d thought her heart was as callused as her fingertips, but it wasn’t. Somehow, without her knowing, Daniel had slipped right inside and made a home there.
The darkness that oppressed her when she’d lost Aaron settled over h
er now, thick and heavy. Her chest felt weighted to the mattress, felt like a boulder rested on her. She couldn’t breathe.
This was what happened when she loved.
She saw Aaron’s body in the casket, his beautiful skin all waxy, the cowlick he hated sticking up. Felt the darkness smother her with its oppressive weight. A darkness that had taken months to lift enough to allow her to breathe.
She didn’t want to be here again.
How could You do this to me, God? Haven’t I been through enough? Is this really Your plan for me? Seriously?
How could she have let this happen? She drew in a shuddering breath and blew it out. Breathe, Jade. Just breathe.
She wanted to run. She wanted to get in her car and point it away from Chapel Springs and drive until the road ended. She had to get away from here. Had to get away from Daniel and these feelings.
Somewhere under the heavy blanket of darkness, movement stirred. Her hand found her belly and pressed against it. Her babies. She couldn’t leave now. Couldn’t leave her doctor or her family. She needed their support. Now more than ever.
But she could leave Daniel. She had to. Calling off the wedding was a given. If she weren’t with him, her heart would heal. She couldn’t have been in love with him long if she’d only just realized it. She wouldn’t hurt forever like she had with Aaron.
Right?
His heart would heal too. He’d find someone who could love him back. Someone who deserved him. Someone normal. Someone not broken.
She only had to separate her life from his to allow them both to heal. How had their lives become so entwined? She closed her eyes against the hot sting of reality. She’d come to depend on Daniel for everything. She’d have to find another job. No way could she go back to that office, sit across from him, pretend everything was the same.
Distance. That’s what she needed. What he needed too, even if he didn’t realize it yet.
The accident on 62 took forever. A woman had wrapped her Toyota around a tree, and it had taken the Jaws of Life to extricate her. Her toddler had escaped with mild injuries, but the mother had been medevaced to the hospital with internal bleeding and head trauma. Somewhere a frantic husband and father was speeding through the night, his future teetering on a knife’s edge.
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