Daniel started his car and pulled out his cell. It was after eleven, but he had to talk to Jade. He hated the way they’d left things. Hated the way Jade’s eyes had flitted around the room as if she’d wanted to climb from the nearest window and run far away.
He tapped in a text. STILL AWAKE? He hit Send and turned on the heater. Everything in him wanted to head straight to her apartment. He had to convince her to marry him still. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her now, not when he’d come so close to having her.
He checked his phone. Nothing.
Come on, Jade. Answer. She’d looked tired tonight, but he couldn’t believe she’d be able to sleep. He’d seen the fear. The sooner he addressed it, the better. Letting it fester in her would only make it worse. Even now, she probably had an escape plan. Had probably canceled the church and flowers and invitations.
He hit the steering wheel. The run couldn’t have come at a worse time. And Madison. He was so angry at her he wanted to throttle her.
His phone dinged, and his eyes flew to the screen.
YES, she’d written.
Thank You, Jesus. His heart pulsed as he tapped out a reply. CAN I COME OVER?
The response came a few seconds later.
IT’S LATE, DANIEL . . . I’M EXHAUSTED.
TALK TO ME, JADE. I’M GOING CRAZY HERE.
NOT ON TEXT. TOMORROW.
SO YOU HAVE TIME TO PLAN YOUR BREAK-UP SPEECH?
He hit Send and immediately regretted his words. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Was he trying to chase her away?
I’M SORRY. LET ME COME OVER. PLEASE?
He ran his hands over his face, anger rattling through him. Anger at Madison, at himself, at Jade for not returning his feelings. It made no sense, but there it was.
A text came in. ALL RIGHT.
He didn’t take the time to reply. Just headed toward her place, forcing himself to keep to the speed limit.
When she answered the door, his throat closed up. Under the glaring bulb of the porch light, her eyes were swollen.
I hurt her.
The knowledge was a sucker punch to the gut. He followed her to the couch where she holed up in one corner in her pink pajamas. She hadn’t bothered with her green slippers. Her purple toenails looked almost black under the lamplight, and he wished he could rewind to the night he’d painted them. Wished he’d pushed for an earlier date. They’d be married, and it would be too late to back out.
He took the other end of the sofa, wishing he’d given some thought to what he’d say. But when her red-rimmed eyes drifted to him, he didn’t have to think.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?” She sounded like she had the world’s worst cold. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I should’ve been honest with you.”
Jade gave a laugh, the humorless kind. Not good.
“This was a bad idea from the start,” she said.
His heart pummeled his ribs. “No. It wasn’t. It isn’t. We can still do this, Jade. I still want this.”
She shook her head.
She’s already given up. Help me out here, God. You haven’t brought us this far for nothing. “Just hear me out.”
She closed her eyes. She was shutting him out.
Think, Dawson. “I know where you stand. I’m okay with that. All those reasons you gave me why this marriage makes sense for me still apply. I won’t pressure you. I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you don’t feel the same, and that’s okay. I can live with that. I promise.”
“We can’t do this, Daniel. I can’t do this. And it’s not fair to you.”
She’d already made her decision. He had to talk her out of it. He was good with words. He was a politician, for crying out loud.
He moved over on the couch.
She shrank into the corner, and he stopped on the middle cushion.
“You deserve someone who can love you back.” A tear trickled from her eye. “I want you to have that.”
“I want you. I’ll take you however I can get you.” God help him, that was the honest truth.
Jade’s lip trembled. Another tear slid down her cheek, and he saw something in her eyes that made his stomach clench. “I’m so sorry.”
No. His body moved toward her before he had the thought. His hands cradled her face. “Don’t do this, Jade. Please don’t do this.”
She closed her eyes, her wet spiky lashes falling against her pale skin. But the pulse in her neck sped, thumping against his little finger. She may not love him, but she wanted him. Her body knew it even if she didn’t.
He wouldn’t let her shut him out so easily. He lowered his face and brushed her lips, tasting the saltiness of tears. Showing her everything that could be theirs if she only gave him a chance. Her lips moved against his. Hope flowed through him, invigorating him. His pulse synchronized with hers, matching beat for beat. Their lips tangled in a wild dance.
This would always be good, couldn’t she see that? It would be enough for both of them. He deepened the kiss, pulling her into him. Her little moan set off an earthquake inside him, and the kiss turned desperate. He loved her so much. He couldn’t get enough of her. Would never get enough of her.
He felt her hands on his chest and knew a moment’s satisfaction. But then they were pushing him away.
She gave a final push. “No.”
He backed away, dread crawling up his spine at the look on her face.
Tears flooded her eyes, spilling over as she stood. She fisted a trembling hand over her mouth. “I can’t do this.” She worked the engagement ring from her finger and held it out. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Daniel, but you have to go.”
She looked ready to come undone, and he wanted more than anything to put the ring back on her trembling hand. To pull her into his arms and comfort her and tell her he wasn’t leaving. That he wasn’t giving up on them.
But he was hurting her. The realization cut like a knife.
She closed her eyes. More tears. “Please, Daniel.”
He stood, numbness flowing though him where there’d been hope only seconds before. He held out his hand. The slight weight of the ring burned into his palm. He folded his fingers around it until the prongs cut into his flesh.
She backed away as he approached the door, putting distance between them. And he knew this was what she had to do. What he had to let her do because he loved her. Because he didn’t want to hurt her. And that’s what he’d done.
She had plenty on her plate without worrying about him. Hadn’t she been through enough? One week from today she’d be the mother of twins. She’d need help, but she had her family for that. He was just a burden now.
He looked at her now, makeup smudged beneath her sad, sad eyes. Trails of tears streaking her face. Quivering lip caught between her teeth, holding on by a thread.
Yeah. He was done hurting her. He leaned over, pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Try and get some sleep,” he whispered, his voice thick. “Everything will work out, Jade.”
Maybe if he said it enough, he’d believe it. He crossed the threshold, and the door shut quietly behind him. The bolt slid into place as she locked him out of her home, out of her heart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
JADE CURLED UP ON THE RECLINER, HER EYES FIXED ON THE TV. On the sofa, PJ chuckled at Sandra Bullock as she tried to convince the strangers that she was, in fact, engaged to their comatose son.
Engaged. That had been Jade before last night. She ran her thumb over her naked finger, wondering how Daniel was doing. She hadn’t heard from him, not that she’d expected to. She had heard from her family, though, one by one. It had been an exhausting day, one she was eager to see the end of. Not that tomorrow would be better. Right now she wanted to crawl into her bed and pull the covers over her head.
Except someone had decided she shouldn’t be alone and had conned her into a girls’ night in. She gave PJ a long look that went entirely unnoticed.
When was the hurt going to stop? Every time she closed her eyes she saw the look on Daniel’s face. Saw the hurt in his eyes, felt the desperation in his kiss. But this was for the best. She was damaged goods, whether he realized it or not. He deserved someone whole. Someone who wasn’t too afraid to love him back.
He would change his mind about marriage someday. When he found the right woman, they’d find a way to make his career work. His wife would be one lucky woman.
Jade wrapped her arms around her aching middle. How could she feel so hollow when there were two babies crowding her organs? Pressing on her bladder.
With no small effort, she hoisted herself from the recliner.
“Where you going?” PJ asked without looking.
“Bathroom.”
“Want me to pause?”
“No.” She’d seen While You Were Sleeping three times.
Jade was in the hall when she felt it. First a trickle, then a small gush. She looked down. Dark patches splotched her yoga pants.
A trickle of liquid ran down her ankle. Her thoughts froze. Then she was thinking of everything at once. Of calling the doctor, retrieving her packed bag, calling her family. She was thinking of the babies. Of Daniel.
No, not him.
The babies were coming. Now.
“PJ?” she called. “Um—my water just broke.”
The couch groaned as PJ left it. A flurry of footsteps stopped at the hall entry. “But—your C-section isn’t for a week.”
God love her. “Tell the babies that.” Jade smiled, hoping to ease the deer-in-headlights look from her sister’s face.
“I’ll drive you. Want me to drive you?”
“Sure.” Jade pulled up the mental list she’d gone over with her doctor. “Can you clean up dinner while I—” She waved at her wet pants. “Then we’ll go to the hospital.”
“Clean up dinner . . .” PJ hustled toward the kitchen, the dazed look still there.
Jade changed, made sure the fluid was clear, then met PJ in the living room. Once in her sister’s car, Jade called her doctor. She would meet Jade at the hospital.
She couldn’t reach her parents, but left a calm voice mail. Madison was in the middle of a vet emergency. She’d come as soon as she finished, but it could be awhile. Ryan promised to call Grandpa and head that way.
“Are you okay?” PJ asked about a dozen times on the way. Each time Jade assured her she was.
The contractions hadn’t started. It could be a long night. Part of her hoped for a natural birth, but it wasn’t likely. Besides, after the Lamaze movie, part of her was glad. The movie made her think of Daniel. He was supposed to be here. Was supposed be in the room when the babies were born. Was supposed to be their daddy.
She pushed the thought away. Couldn’t think about that right now. Had to focus on her babies.
At the hospital, PJ pulled up to the door. An orderly helped her into the waiting wheelchair. Jade checked in while PJ parked the car. A few minutes later they entered the birthing center.
They wheeled Jade into a room where she changed into an ugly gown. She waited in bed while they hooked her up to the monitors. While she was changing, PJ had reached their parents. They were on their way.
A nurse studied the screen. A few minutes later, she checked Jade for dilation. She frowned as she focused on some spot on the wall behind Jade.
Panic bubbled in Jade at the look on the nurse’s face. “What’s wrong?”
She pulled off the gloves, pushed a button, suddenly fast and efficient.
“What’s going on?” Jade asked.
“The cord is prolapsed.” The nurse fixed a tight smile on Jade even while she began unhooking the monitors. “Looks like you’ll need that C-section after all, sweetie.”
Jade tried to remember what she knew about prolapsed cords. It wasn’t much. People were suddenly in the room. Her bed was lowered and adjusted. “Are the babies okay?”
The nurses were moving around, quickly but calmly performing tasks.
“Your doctor just arrived and is scrubbing in. We’ll have your babies out of there before you can blink twice.”
Jade’s heart rate tripled while she answered the nurse’s questions, her thoughts spinning. She had questions of her own, about a thousand, but everyone was in a rush, and her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.
They pushed the gurney from the room, heading quickly down the sterile hall. Ceiling tiles whirred past.
PJ scurried beside her. Her hand tightened on Jade’s. “It’s going to be okay. You’re prepared for a C-section. They know what they’re doing.”
Please, God. Let my babies be all right. Jade’s eyes stung at the thought of them, all snug inside, depending on her to keep them safe. But they weren’t safe. Something was wrong.
They reached a set of double doors that swung open.
“You’ll need to wait here, Sis,” the nurse said.
“No,” PJ said. “I want to stay with her.”
“Sorry, not for an emergency C-section.”
Emergency. Jade suddenly remembered covering this in Lamaze.
“She’ll be on general anesthesia,” the nurse said. “I’m sorry—hospital rules.”
Jade squeezed PJ’s hand. “I’ll be fine. Call the family. Give them an update.”
PJ looked down at her, her eyes liquid brown. They were already pulling the gurney through the doors. “I know you will. I’ll be right here.”
Jade knew a moment of terror when her hand left PJ’s. In the OR the staff of uniforms buzzed around her. She’d never felt more alone. They explained what was happening as they darted around under the bright lights, all business.
A mask was slapped on her face. Fear trickled in. What if something happened to her babies? She couldn’t lose them. It was her job to keep them safe. What if something happened to her? Who would take care of them? Why hadn’t she thought about this before now, when it was too late?
The room blurred, her thoughts became distant and fuzzy. Then blackness closed in.
CHAPTER FORTY
WHERE WAS SHE? JADE COULDN’T SEEM TO PRY HER EYES open. Feet shuffled nearby. Something was beeping. That smell. Antiseptic. She drifted off again.
“Jade?”
Something moved against her arm. Her head was full of fuzz, her thoughts thick and unfocused.
“Can you hear me?”
Mom. What was she doing here? Where was she? Curiosity pried her eyes opened. White sheets. Handrails. She looked back to the white sheet, to her belly, barely rounded.
My babies. She palmed her stomach, her eyes flying to Mom. Her heart fluttered like a baby bird’s.
“They’re fine. Both of them.” Mom squeezed her hand. “Two little girls. And they’re beautiful like their mama.”
Girls. “They’re okay? Where are they?” Her eye scanned the room, but they weren’t there. Of course not. They’d be in the NICU.
“Your Dad and PJ are with them. We’re already head over heels.”
“They’re breathing all right? They’re really okay?”
“The last Apgar scores were excellent.”
Jade relaxed into the bed, her empty arms aching. “I want to see them.” She wouldn’t believe they were okay until they were in her arms.
Mom smiled and squeezed her hand. “Let me see what I can do, Little Mama.”
Daniel clutched the vase of flowers in his hand as he approached Jade’s hospital room.
“Go on now.” Mama Jo ushered him through the door and backed out, shutting it behind him.
Jade lay against the pillows, sleeping, her dark lashes fanning her pale face. She looked so beautiful, ethereal, even with her hair in disarray, wearing an ugly hospital gown, with dark circles under her eyes.
He walked forward, hardly breathing.
“Jade?” he said quietly.
She didn’t so much as twitch. But then she’d been through quite an ordeal, and the anesthesia hadn’t worn off. Poor thing was bushed. He’d come as soon a
s Ryan had called.
He reached out, moved a strand of hair off her face.
She probably didn’t even want to see him, but he had to see her. Had to make sure she was really okay. He’d seen the babies too. Two tiny, squirming bundles. They were a lucky pair.
He watched her sleep a moment, watched her stomach rise and fall. She needed her rest more than she needed to see his face. And he already felt better just seeing her. She’d be okay. She had her family. Her girls. She didn’t need him anymore. He set the vase quietly on the bedside table and turned to leave.
Jade must’ve fallen asleep, because she was in a different room when she opened her eyes. A nurse was wheeling two bassinets into the room. Her parents and PJ were on her heels.
Jade tried to sit up, but the pull at her abdomen stopped her.
“Hang on, sweetie.” The nurse raised the bed until Jade could see the babies cocooned in their hospital blankets, knit caps on their tiny heads.
“Their lungs are okay?” Jade asked. “And the prolapsed cord didn’t hurt them?”
“We got them out lickety-split, and they recovered just fine.” The nurse picked up one of the girls and set her in Jade’s arms. “This one’s awake. Her sister likes to nap.”
Jade stared down at her baby. Her girl. Her skin was pink and wrinkly, and her glassy blue eyes stared into Jade’s with rapt attention.
“Hi there, baby girl. I’m your mama.” Her throat closed up. “That was quite an entry you made.”
“Aren’t they beautiful?” Mom leaned down, the other baby in her arms. Her eyes were closed, her dark lashes fanning her translucent skin. “Want to hold them both?”
“Yes.”
Mom set the other bundle in the crook of Jade’s arm. Jade looked between the two. “They’re not identical.”
Mom propped pillows under Jade’s elbows. “No worries about mixing them up.”
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