Yukon Cowboy

by Debra Clopton

  “The singles’ mingle?”

  Joleen chuckled. “That’s what I call it when the singles get together over at the church.”

  “Ohhh.”

  “You should come with me next time—though, with the way that Nate McMann was hanging around, I don’t think you need to. Did he ask you out?”

  How had it gone from talking about Joleen to talking about Nate? “No. He didn’t—wouldn’t.”

  “And why not?”

  “Well, because, well…I don’t want him to.” Bethany glanced up as Penelope passed by with her bags in hand. She gave them a hesitant smile before heading out the door.

  “You know that is not true.” Joleen placed a red-tipped fingernail against her chin and studied her. “I saw the way you looked at him yesterday. I tell you what, next week you are coming to the singles’ mingle with me. Maybe Nate will be there. Some of his friends come. Harry was there last night,” she whispered the last part and looked over Bethany’s shoulder. “Hi, Harry,” she said, turning up the volume on her smile. “I sure had fun last night. Didn’t you?”

  Harry looked sheepish. “I did.” He looked at Bethany. “Do you want me to ring those up for you?” He glanced at Joleen.

  Joleen gave him her big smile.

  It didn’t take much for Bethany to realize she needed to hit the road. “That would be great,” she said.

  “What?” Harry asked, distracted by the blinding display of pearly whites Joleen was flashing him.

  “If you let me pay.”

  “Oh, right,” Harry said, snapping to, and practically snatching her things out of her arms. Within seconds, Bethany was paid up, and he practically ushered her out. Smiling, she waved at Joleen and said a prayer that things were about to go her way.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Bethany went to church on Sunday. It was a good day. She was approached by Casey Donner and her fiancé, Jake Rodgers, both of whom she’d known in school. Casey asked if she would help plan their wedding which was that month, and she agreed. Bethany thought they were a great couple, and it was so nice to see how Jake’s teenage daughter and Casey got along. It was obvious they loved each other; Bethany was reminded again that adopting a child was an option for her.

  It was as if God was pushing home a point when Gage Parker introduced her to his new wife, Karenna. She was holding his brother’s baby and it was obvious she loved and adored her new nephew. Bethany held little Matthew, and a longing so strong she could barely stand it came over her.

  She sat with Amy and her boys, Dexter and Sammy. When Bethany looked at them she saw Ben, and her heart ached for Amy. But at the same time, she knew that these two darling boys were gifts of love, blessings from the Lord for Amy.

  When the service started, Bethany was disappointed when she looked about and didn’t see Nate. She listened as Pastor Michaels gave a sermon based on the verse 1 Thessalonians 5:18—“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

  He pointed out that the verse didn’t say, give thanks for all circumstances, but in all circumstances. A reminder from the Lord that, even when circumstances were not to our liking, we were still supposed to give thanks to God and trust Him.

  Trust Him.

  When the sermon was over, she had barely stood up when someone touched her shoulder. Turning, she found herself looking up into Nate’s blue eyes. Instantly, her heart faltered, dropping with the speed of a diving eagle—then, like the eagle spreading its wings and catching wind, it soared. She swallowed and tried hard to hide the silly grin that instantaneously sprang to her lips.

  “Hello,” he said. He was holding his hat in his hand, it rested across his heart leaving him with a mat of pressed blond hat hair.

  “I didn’t think you were here.”

  His eyes brightened. “I slipped in the back during the first song. It was a good sermon.” She nodded.

  Amy gave him a hug. “Hi, Nate. It’s good to see you here.”

  “Hey, Nate,” Dexter said. “See my buckle?”

  “Mine, too,” Sammy said, echoing his big brother. Both boys leaned back awkwardly to show Nate their new silver buckles.

  Nate dropped to one knee, reaching out to touch the gold bucking bull on Dexter’s buckle. “Oh, doggy, but those are some cool lookin’ buckles, buckaroos. You win those riding bulls?”

  “Nope,” Dexter quipped, while Sammy wagged his head from side to side. “But when I do, you can come watch me.”

  Nate chuckled. “I’ll do that,” he promised, then stood up. “Bethany, have you made any lunch plans?”

  “Now she has—with you,” Amy smiled. “Come on, boys, let’s head home. It’s lunchtime for you, too.”

  “So, did you?” Nate asked, as soon as Amy was gone. The church had cleared out and they were the only ones left in the sanctuary.

  Bethany took a few moments to calm her racing heart. “According to Amy, I do.” That got her that slow smile that tended to curl her toes every time.

  “But what about according to you? I really would like to talk. I think we need to.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  They chose Martelli’s. By the time they got to the table, they’d visited with over half a dozen people who had also gone there to eat after church.

  Nate wanted to come clean with Bethany, but the place was too crowded for what he needed to tell her.

  “So, how’s everything going?” he asked, when they finally got shown to their seats. They were in a bad spot, probably the worst seat in the house, since it was the table that sat at the front of the restaurant, near the entrance. They were basically on display. Both of them were very aware of the fact.

  “I’m getting booked quickly. Casey and Jake even hired me.”

  “Hey, that’s great.”

  The waitress took their order. They both ordered the special of the day, sirloin and grilled vegetables. Nate didn’t know if Bethany felt the same way as he did, but it didn’t really matter what they ate. He wasn’t going to taste any of it.

  “Have you heard anything from Reed?” Bethany asked, after a dead silence stretched between them.

  “Not yet,” Nate said, glad she’d asked. “But this next week we’re sure to hear something. I spoke to Jake this morning.”

  “Good. It will be good to finally know. I talked to Shelly yesterday. They are home, and had pictures developed, and couldn’t get over how beautiful the trip was. They wondered about the man’s identity, too.”

  “They were a neat couple. I keep thinking about Cody.”

  “Me, too.” Bethany looked troubled.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No—I thought the sermon was great today. I needed to hear what the pastor had to say. I think people who adopt children are wonderful. I’m thinking I might—”

  “What?” he asked, when she cut off midsentence.

  “Nothing,” she said, as their food arrived.

  Before he could coax her to continue, people who had finished eating began leaving slowly, in what seemed like timed intervals, each one stopped by their table to talk before they left. Bethany smiled and laughed and enjoyed visiting with everyone she hadn’t seen in years. She never tried to finish what she was about to say.

  When the meal was finally over, Nate was about as frustrated as a trapped bear. He’d started out to tell Bethany the truth about their past. But he should have taken her somewhere quiet. He needed to tell her the truth. But had she been about to tell him she was thinking about adopting? He needed that question answered. He needed to come right out and ask it. But would that make a difference for him now?

  She was looking as beautiful to him as always, and sitting across from her, he saw her as he’d always dreamed of her—his wife.

  They finally walked outside. The day had turned overcast and the wind had picked up. In the distance, the mountains were a mere shadow through the heavy mist hovering around them. The weight about Nate’s heart felt heavy.

  “Na
te,” she asked, when they reached her shop, “what’s on your mind?”

  Bethany had always been able to tell when something was bothering him. “I need to confess something to you. But out here isn’t the place.”

  “Then come inside.”

  He waited as she opened the door, and then stepped into her shop. Glancing about the room filled with wedding photos, china displays, flower displays and all manner of wedding paraphernalia that made dream weddings into reality, he instantly wished he’d gone home.

  “I can’t have children, Bethany.” There was no use not cutting to the core. It needed to be said, and if he’d tried any other way, he might not have gotten it out.

  Bethany had her back to him, and she slowly set her purse on the table and turned. “I’m so sorry.

  When did you find this out?”

  Nate yanked his hat off. It was time. “I learned about this the day before graduation.”

  Bethany inhaled sharply. “What are you telling me?”

  “I couldn’t let you stay. Not when you had such big dreams. Not when I couldn’t give you the children you wanted.” He didn’t need to fill in all the spaces, say it word-for-word. Her expression said it all.

  “So you lied to me to make me leave? You told me you didn’t love me.”

  He wanted to reach out to her—wanted to tell her he still loved her, but what difference would it make?”

  “I was wrong to lie to you. In my heart I thought I was doing what was right for you. I couldn’t have you marrying me when you knew I could never give you all those babies you wanted. I didn’t want you confused. You were young. You might have married me, given up your career and your dream of children, and I couldn’t live with that.”

  “So you made the decision for me,” she said flatly. “All these years apart have been based on a lie.”

  “Yes. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I think you should leave.” She walked to the door and opened it. “There’s nothing to forgive Nate.

  You didn’t lie, as far as I can see. You didn’t tell me you couldn’t have children, and that’s your business.

  What you told me instead was that you didn’t love me. And I don’t think that was a lie either. If you had loved me, you would have trusted me enough to make my own decision about what was right for me.”

  “Going to follow your dreams was right for you.”

  She shook her head. “So why are you telling me this now?”

  “Because it’s the right thing to do. I realized it when we were on the trail.” He could tell it was hitting her hard. She was too calm.

  “Well, thank you.” She opened the door wide, his signal to exit.

  Her eyes were wounded, yet she was trying to hide it by holding her chin up. But her hand shook as she reached for the doorknob. He still couldn’t tell what she was thinking. He should say some thing, but what? In the end, he decided the best thing was to leave and let her digest what he’d just told her.

  If she was going to hate him, then so be it. All he could hope was that she might eventually forgive him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  After Nate left, Bethany locked up the shop and trod heavily up the stairs to her apartment. It had started to rain, and the wind had picked up. It was a miserable day.

  Running on remote, she unzipped her black, calf-high boots, kicked them into the small closet, then curled up on the couch with a blanket.

  Fear clung to her, a fear that she would never find a man who could make her forget Nate McMann. The thought depressed her. And now, to find out he’d lied to her! She was furious and sad, and felt betrayed. She was so full of conflicting emotions that she could barely function.

  The man had promised her the beautiful life she’d wanted, only to take all those promises away, had betrayed her far worse than she’d believed. All these years, she’d not been able to get him out of her mind, was unable to figure out what she’d done to make him not love her anymore. And all these years he’d been lying.

  How could he not have told her he couldn’t have children? How could he decide she didn’t have the right to know something so important?

  The pain he must have been in when he’d found that out. Nate loved children. He’d wanted as many children as she had. The news must have devastated him.

  Still, to lie to her like that… How little he must have thought of her.

  How much he must have loved you.

  No! She swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat and angrily brushed a tear off her cheek. She was not going to cry.

  She wasn’t. Really, she wasn’t.

  She had to be strong. She would move forward.

  She’d gotten through this once and she’d get through it again.

  Maybe knowing what she knew now would help her get past this shadow Nate had thrown across her path, blocking her from falling in love with any other man. Maybe now she could finally allow herself to have the man and family she’d always wanted.

  Nate couldn’t have children.

  She closed her eyes. None of it made sense. What had happened? The doorbell rang, so unexpected in the silence that Bethany jumped. Not feeling like seeing anyone, she decided to ignore it.

  But it came again, this time twice. And then again. And again.

  Deciding she’d better see what was going on, she hurried down the stairs and opened the door.

  “You have to help me,” Joleen cried, bursting past her the instant the door was opened. She wore a towel wrapped around her head with a parka over that.

  “What’s wrong?” Bethany asked, alarmed by the anxiety on Joleen’s face.

  “He asked me out! Harry really asked me out! He didn’t yesterday, when I thought he might, and I was feeling really horrible. I mean, he was almost there—I could tell it—but then I didn’t ask him out. And when I left the store after a bunch of kids came in, I was so disappointed. And then today, when I was coming out of my boarding house, there he was, pacing back and forth with a box of chocolates. For me! He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner tonight.”

  She rambled onward, wringing her hands and pacing back and forth as she spouted off what had happened. Now she paused and looked frantic. “I’m just so nervous that I accidentally turned the shower on when I took my bath and I soaked my hair! I don’t do my own hair. I have absolutely no talent in that department, and my hairdresser is out of town!

  Oh, Bethany, can you help me?”

  Bethany’s heart went out to Joleen. She was worse than a nervous teenager getting ready for her first date. “Show me what you’ve got under all those layers.”

  Looking resigned, Joleen yanked her hood off first, then the towel.

  Her usually perfect blond helmet was plastered, half-dry, to her head. Bethany took one look, locked her arm in Joleen’s and headed them up the stairs.

  “Come on, my friend, and let’s get you ready for this date. I’m not the best with a blow-dryer and a curling iron, but I’m sure I can help you.”

  “I hope so,” Joleen cried. “This is my big chance.”

  “Nope. It’s not,” Bethany said, leading her into her bathroom and pulling out the vanity stool. “This is Harry’s chance. The man would be a number-one fool not to fall madly in love with you. You’re a treasure.” She gently pushed Joleen to sit, and met her gaze in the mirror.

  Joleen stared at her reflection. “I hope Harry thinks so. I’m just so nervous I don’t know if I can even talk. What if I don’t talk?”

  Bethany laughed and reached for her blow-dryer. “Relax, Joleen. Just be yourself and he’s going to love you.”

  The way Bethany felt right now, if he didn’t, she just might have to go over there and put a knot on his head.

  Joleen’s hair was very fine, and Bethany found a great respect for the hair stylist that coaxed it into a style and got it to stay. Struggling a little, Bethany curled it with the curling iron, only to have it fall limply.

  “See, I can’t get it to do anything,” Jolee
n moaned, biting her lip.

  Determination filled Bethany. She would put a smile on Joleen’s face and a curl in her hair. Bethany didn’t have to use a lot of hair products on her own hair, but she did have hair spray. Grabbing it, she doused Joleen’s hair, then picked up the curling iron and met Joleen’s gaze in the mirror.

  “This will work,” she assured her, and then clamped the hot iron to a swath of fine, blond hair. The hair sizzled ominously, but to Bethany’s relief it didn’t stick to the metal. And when she brushed the hair, it retained some curl—but…

  “Oh, no,” she gasped, getting a whiff of scorched hair. “Do you smell that?” It was awful! She felt awful! What had she done?

  Joleen sniffed, touched a curl and to Bethany’s surprise gave her a big, bright smile. “Oh, don’t you mind a bit about that,” she said, waving her red-tipped hand. “You got some curl in it, girrrl, and that is what counts. My perfume will knock that itty-bitty burnt scent right out of there.”

  Bethany chuckled and felt better. “See, there, that’s what I’m talking about. You just go out there and be your sweet, wonderful self, and everything is going to be perfect. I just know it.”

  In the end, she was able to give Joleen a style similar to what she normally wore, though it wasn’t exactly as stiff as usual. It was actually a softer look for her.

  “I love it,” Joleen said, giving her a big hug. “You will never know how much this means to me.”

  When she left, it was with a calmer spirit and high hopes.

  Bethany prayed as she watched her new friend leave. Please, Lord, please let this be a great first date for Joleen and Harry.

  He loved her. Nate drove out of town slowly. His heart told him to turn his truck around and go back and get Bethany to see that what he’d done had been for her. Yes, he’d lied, no other word for it…it had bothered him all these years, but he’d talked himself out of feeling wrong by believing he’d done what was right for Bethany. But had he?