Unexpectedly Expecting!

by Susan Mallery

  “I agree. Nora is very special.”

  “See that you remember that. She’s been hurt too many times to survive another heartache at the hands of a man. Nora deserves someone who will love her and keep her safe for always.” Her blue eyes turned knowing. “I think you might be him.”

  “I hope so,” he said honestly, because Nora did deserve the best and he wasn’t about to let her go so she could find that somewhere else.

  “You probably know this already, but I’m going to tell you just in case.” Myrna Nelson glanced around as if making sure they weren’t about to be overheard. “Nora acts tough, but she has a very soft heart.”

  “I know. Have a good lunch, Myrna. I’ll want details when I see you this afternoon.”

  She chuckled again. “But, Doctor, a lady never kisses and tells.” She gave him a quick wave and left.

  Stephen stared after her, but he wasn’t thinking about Myrna and her gentleman friend. Instead he was thinking about his softhearted wife and all the men who had hurt her. Was he going to be just one more in a long line? Had he made a mistake by insisting that they marry? In some ways he was as bad as David Fitzgerald. He didn’t love her, either. At least he’d been honest from the first, telling her that he couldn’t.

  But what had seemed wise and reasonable a month ago no longer made sense. His deathbed promise to Courtney had been about trying to right a wrong. More guilt than true feeling. Did that mean he could let it go? Was he free to love someone else, and if so, did he want to love Nora?

  He thought about being with her, living with her and enjoying every minute of their time together. What if he fell in love with her and then lost her, too? What about their baby? He couldn’t survive the death of another child.

  Then a voice in his head asked an uncomfortable question. Did he hold himself back because of Courtney, or because he was trying to keep himself safe?

  He couldn’t answer that by himself. He reached for the phone and dialed the number for the Snip ’n Clip. But Jill told him that Nora had gone home for lunch. Stephen thanked her and hung up, then rose to his feet and grabbed his keys. It was time he and his wife got this matter settled once and for all.

  He walked into the small house ten minutes later. Nora wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. He called her name, then heard a loud thunk from the direction of the bedroom.

  “Nora?”

  He walked down the short hallway and into the bedroom. She stood with her back to him. His large suitcase was open on the bed and she was frantically tossing in clothes. His clothes.

  He watched her in stunned silence. She was throwing him out? Just like that? No conversation, no questions. His chest tightened and his midsection tensed as if he’d taken a sharp, unexpected blow to the gut.

  “What are you doing?”

  She gasped, then spun toward him. That morning she’d pulled her long, dark hair into a French braid, so he could see all of her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears, her eyes and mouth swollen from crying.

  She sniffed, then turned away, reaching for a pile of sweaters. His sweaters. “What does it look like. I’m helping you pack. If you’re going back to Boston, you better get going.” She walked to his dresser and scooped out an armful of socks. Instead of walking back to the bed, she simply threw them in that direction. Two or three pairs hit their target, but the rest fell on the floor. Nora didn’t seem to notice.

  “Boston?” Is that what she’d said? “How did you know about that?”

  She glared at him. Fresh tears trailed down her face. “I knew it,” she said, her voice low and defeated. She leaned against the dresser. “You were keeping it a secret. When did you plan to tell me? Before you left or after you were gone? If you were leaving, then why did you bother marrying me?” Her expression turned hostile. “Don’t for a moment think you’re getting custody of this baby. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep my child here, in Lone Star Canyon.”

  He took a step toward her. “Nora, I’m not going anywhere. The only thing I know about Boston is that I received a letter from someone I used to work with. He offered me a position running an emergency room. I haven’t spoken with him or written back. But I intended to tell him I wasn’t interested. I don’t want to go anywhere. My life is here with you.”

  “Don’t expect me to believe that line of crap. If you meant it, you would have told me about the letter.”

  “I just got it this morning. How did you find out about it?”

  Her gaze narrowed, telling him he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way out of this one easily. “Some man left a message on the answering machine. Neil somebody. He said that he decided a letter wasn’t good enough, so he was calling and wanted to know what it would take to get you back where you belonged.”

  She brushed away the tears on her cheeks. Her shoulders rounded as if some of the fight had gone out of her. “He’s right, you know. You do belong there. You can’t be happy here. The town is too small, there’s nothing to do.” She looked directly at him. “Go home, Stephen.”

  “I told you—I’m not leaving. I didn’t have to make a decision. When I read Neil’s letter, I wasn’t the least bit tempted.”

  “But you will be. It’s just a matter of time.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I just do.”

  “No. You’re wrong. This is everything I’ve ever wanted. Emergency medicine was a mistake for me. I got sidetracked, but now I’m where I belong.”

  She straightened. “That sounds really good, but I don’t believe it for a second. If Courtney was still alive, you’d still be in Boston.”

  “That’s because she wouldn’t have wanted to live anywhere else.”

  “It always comes back to her.” Pain filled her eyes. “I can’t do this, Stephen. I should probably hang on longer, but I don’t see the point. Nothing is going to change between us. You’ll always be in love with her and I can’t spend the rest of my life being second best. I don’t want to wake up every morning and wonder if this is going to be the day you walk out on me just like every other man.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  He moved toward her and reached out to touch her arm. She ducked out of range.

  “I’m not them,” he said, fighting frustration, not sure how to get through to her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Why would I believe you? My father and David both claimed to love me and they left. You don’t even have those feelings, so why would you stay? What’s going to keep you here? The baby? For how long?”

  “Dammit, why do you keep bringing up love? What do you want from me?”

  She shook her head. “The one thing I can’t have. I realize I only have myself to blame. You gave me plenty of warning, but before I knew what had happened, I found that I’d fallen in love with you. I’d sworn I’d never do this again, yet here I am. But instead of being smart and falling for someone who would at least try to love me back, I picked you. Someone in love with another woman.”

  He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t think about anything but what she’d said. In love with him? Nora? When? How?

  “I suppose it could be worse,” she continued, “although I’m not sure how. Because you’re not just in love with any woman. You’re in love with your wife, who died in childbirth. Courtney will always be young and perfect in your mind. I can’t compete with a ghost and I don’t want to.”

  She brushed away her tears. “I recognize that I’m an idiot. I won’t ever have possession of your heart. I’ve set myself up for a life of unhappiness and I’m sorry we got married. We need to find another way to deal with the baby.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t care if you’re going to Boston or not. Either way, I want a divorce.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  S tephen couldn’t believe they were actually having this conversation. He didn’t know which shocked him more—the fact that Nora had said she wanted a divorce, or her confession that
she loved him. He wanted to freeze them in place so he could have time to think about all that she’d said. He wanted to start at the beginning, back when they’d first met and do things differently…better. But most of all he wanted to gather her in his arms and hold her close while she told him again that she loved him.

  Nora—the most beautiful, funny, honest woman he’d ever known. How on earth had he won her? And how could she tell him she loved him in one breath and then ask for a divorce in the second?

  “Quit looking so happy,” she told him, moving past him and heading down the hall.

  “You love me,” he said, trailing after her. “Why wouldn’t I be pleased?”

  “I guess you would. Typical man. Is that all you heard of our conversation? Parts of what I said were more important.”

  He caught up with her in the center of the kitchen. He touched her arm so that she turned to face him.

  “I heard everything you said,” he told her. “I don’t want a divorce. I want to be with you. I’m not leaving Lone Star Canyon.”

  Her brown eyes flashed with temper. “I can’t see where that makes a difference. What is the point of staying together? You’re still in love with Courtney.”

  “We’re having a child together. Nothing has changed for me. I want to be a part of my baby’s life.”

  “I want to win the state lotto but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. We all want things, but that doesn’t mean they happen.”

  “This is going to happen. I’m not leaving,” he repeated. “And I will be involved with the baby.”

  “Fine. Be involved. I still want a divorce.”

  Her words cut through him like a sword. He liked being married to Nora. He liked how she was feisty from the moment she woke up, and how she was so careful to separate the colors when she did laundry. He liked the sound of her laughter and her off-key singing in the shower. He liked the way she felt next to him in bed, just before they fell asleep. He liked knowing she was going to be there when he got home.

  “Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” he asked.

  A look of agony flashed across her face. For the first time he genuinely understood that he was hurting her. Then she blinked and her emotions were concealed behind an unreadable mask.

  “I don’t want to live half a life,” she said. “If I’m going to be stupid enough to give my heart to a man, I want that man to love me back. You’re not going to do that, so I want to be free to find someone who will.”

  “You’d marry someone else?” Outrage filled his words.

  She looked at him as if he was as stupid as a rock. “Of course. What did you think? That I would spend my life pining for the likes of you? I’m weak, but I’m not insanely moronic. Why would I try to stay in love with someone who’s determined not to return my feelings?”

  He didn’t have an answer to that, but he knew he didn’t want her to go and he didn’t want her with anyone else.

  “I won’t give you a divorce,” he announced.

  “I’m not surprised. However, this isn’t the Middle Ages, oh great master. I don’t need your permission.”

  She started walking out of the kitchen. At the doorway, she turned and looked at him. “The thing is, Stephen, you’re wrong not to love me. Not just because I’m a hell of a catch, because I am, but because you’re cheating yourself out of something very special. Hearts aren’t meant to love just one person. They stretch and grow to accommodate any number of people. But you don’t believe that.”

  “It’s not that simple.” Even to him the words sounded lame, but how was he supposed to explain about Courtney and his guilt?

  “It should be. Even though I said I wouldn’t go to Boston, I didn’t really mean it. If you loved me back, I would go anywhere with you.” She leaned against the door frame, her dark eyes staring into his soul. “Are you going to love the baby?”

  “Of course. How can you even ask?”

  “It’s surprisingly easy. What if I have twins? Can you love both children equally?”

  Her question didn’t make sense. “Of course.”

  “Why? You can’t love two women but you’re willing to love two children. What’s the difference?”

  He stared at her but couldn’t answer.

  “That’s the point,” she said, her voice soft now. “Which you didn’t get at all. You assumed it was an either-or proposition, but it isn’t. Yes, I want you to love me, but that has nothing to do with your feelings for Courtney. I think there’s room for both of us, but you don’t agree. I’m not going to waste my life trying to change your mind.”

  She headed for the front door. He hurried after her. “You can’t just leave right in the middle of this.”

  “There’s nothing more to say. Besides, I have clients waiting. I’d like you out of here by the time I get home.”

  And then she was gone.

  Stephen stood at the front window and watched her drive away. He’d always known that Nora was gutsy, but he hadn’t had a clue as to her inner strength. She wouldn’t let him treat her badly, no matter how much she was in love with him. She would never be a victim.

  He could only imagine how strong her child would be and the wonderful lessons he or she would be taught. Nora wasn’t a quitter, but she wasn’t a fool, either. She evaluated the situation, weighed the possibilities, then did what had to be done. Even if that meant facing the scandal of a divorce coming so quickly on the heels of a sudden marriage.

  He walked into the bedroom and stared at his half-full suitcase. Clothes were scattered across the bed, with socks in a pile on the floor. Obviously her temper had gotten the best of her. Not that he could blame her. Hearing a message for him about a job in Boston would have set her off. That combined with her feelings and his insistence that Courtney always come first would have destroyed her.

  Because he knew the truth about Nora. All her life she’d been second best to the wealthy Fiztgeralds. While she’d been growing up, the Darbys had been the poor family. Russell hadn’t loved her enough to stay; David hadn’t loved her enough to be true. She’d given up on men because she’d found them unworthy of her perfect, giving heart. Then he’d come along with his brilliant idea about an affair rather than true love. Maybe it would have worked or maybe it wouldn’t have, but her getting pregnant had changed everything.

  He moved into the small second bedroom. Several boxes of his stood in a corner. He hadn’t unpacked them at his apartment and he’d only intended to store them here until they were settled in a larger house. He read the labels and found what he wanted in the third box from the bottom. He shifted the cartons until he could open that one. Inside were several mementos and photo albums from his past.

  He picked up the wedding album and studied the pictures inside. Both he and Courtney looked young. He’d been so in love with her that day. He remembered how happy he’d been. He’d decided to give up his dream of being a small-town doctor and had changed to emergency medicine. He’d—

  Stephen froze in the act of turning a page. He hadn’t been happy about the change at all. He’d been angry and resentful. Courtney hadn’t demanded or tried to coerce him, but she’d made her opinions known. If he wanted to go live in some town in the sticks, that was fine with her, but she wasn’t going with him. Once he’d agreed to emergency medicine, she’d pushed him toward more prestigious hospitals, urging him to study with prominent doctors. She’d talked about what it would be like when they were both teaching as well as practicing. She’d been as concerned about the hierarchy of medicine as with the practice.

  He thought about all the times she’d given up time with him to attend a cocktail party or a seminar. She’d worked hard for her fellowship, but she’d also ignored the toll it would take on her in terms of time and their relationship. It’s not that he’d wanted her to change her dreams or work less, it’s that he’d wanted her to realize there was more in the world than her career and his. After all, they’d had a marriage to nurture.

  Or
there had been. Stephen closed the album and realized that he’d been angry with Courtney for a long time before she died. His love had been fading a little each day, and the last of the flame had gone out when she’d talked about terminating her pregnancy. He hadn’t loved her anymore when she’d passed away.

  He hadn’t loved her, so why had he made that damn promise? Why had he sworn never to love anyone else?

  The truth echoed in his brain. An ugly truth that made him ashamed of himself. He’d promised not to love anyone else because he felt guilty for forcing Courtney to carry the baby to term. When the pregnancy had caused her death, he’d felt responsible. But it was more than that. He’d sworn his inappropriate oath because he was afraid. If he didn’t love anyone else, he could never lose a piece of his heart again. Not feeling, not getting too involved meant not hurting. Because he’d not only had to mourn the death of his wife and his marriage, but the loss of his son.

  He closed his eyes against the image of that tiny stillborn body. So perfect, yet so cold. A part of himself had died with his son. He hadn’t been enough of a father to save him—even though he was a doctor and on the cutting edge of medicine. There were some things mortal man couldn’t fix.

  Pain and loss swirled inside of him. He wanted a second chance with his son. He wanted to hold that baby in his arms and somehow create a miracle that would allow him to breathe life into tiny lungs.

  But there was no second chance. Only God could create a miracle. And perhaps He had. Another life…another chance…another baby.

  Stephen had been holding himself back because he was afraid to connect and lose again. But what if it was different? What if this baby lived? Nora had asked if he would love his child and he’d said he would, but was that true? Would he open his heart to another infant, knowing there were no guarantees?

  Pain filled him. Pain and hopelessness. He’d done everything wrong. He’d lost Courtney and his baby and now he’d lost Nora. She was going to leave him and marry someone else. Someone who loved her.