Do Re Mi

by A. D. Herrick

  Makayla had been my hero, my savior. Every moment she spared allowing me to get to know my daughter through facetime chats and texted pictures and videos. Carefully disguised gifts, mementos from my daughter were crafted into my decor. Pictures my daughter drew fashioned into giant paintings adorned the walls of my apartment, disguised as abstract art.

  Everywhere I looked when I was home I was reminded of her. My phone was filled with photos of the girl who owned my heart and the woman who gave her to me, the love of my life, Makayla.

  “Daddy, is you ready for you party?” Avery’s bright eyes shined with happiness as she tugged gently on my pant leg.

  “Of course baby girl. Are you ready to see your Grandma and Grandpa? I bet they will have a wonderful surprise for you.” Lifting my daughter into my arms I held her close, burying my face in her neck. I inhaled her scent, sweet cotton candy, and bubblegum. She smelled like home.

  “You’re my prize daddy.” She giggled squirming in my arms.

  Blowing raspberries in the crook of her neck I savored her girly squeals of delight.

  “You’re silly, daddy.” She continued to giggle. Her tiny arms were wrapped around my neck nearly choking me.

  “Daddies aren’t silly.” I intoned gently tickling her ribs.

  Avery’s laughter filled the room and my heart, making it swell in my chest until I thought it might burst.

  It felt unreal to have my little girl in my arms. To know that when I set her down I wouldn’t be going anywhere. I would never leave her side again.

  I had enough money saved up that I would never have to work again. I had watched every penny I ever spent knowing my career could possibly be over at any moment.

  The five-year contract wasn’t a guarantee, as Angela proudly displayed. It didn't stop me from taking advantage of every opportunity to secure a future for myself and for my daughter.

  Before I left LA, I had a realtor place my apartment up for sale. I would no longer need it.

  The house I purchased for Makayla and Avery here in Grand Rapids was paid off and large enough for our family to grow into.

  The moving company had already packed my apartment. All of my belongings would be here within the week. I was finally home. Home for good. The deep satisfaction I felt was like no other.

  Knowing I would wake up to Makayla in my arms every day and be able to play with my little girl was the best feeling in the world.

  “Let’s help mommy get the table set, everyone will be here soon.” With my little girl in my arms, I went to join her mother.

  Our families were getting together to welcome me home and also giving me the chance to explain to them about the rumors they have heard. It was my chance to prove to them that I was here to stay.

  Our families were all familiar with my deal with Howard and how Angela fit into the equation. I was thankful they had banded around me in support. They had all see the headlines in the papers. Tonight they were allowing me the opportunity to share my side of the story with them. Allowing me to dispel the speculation that surrounded my name.

  I had never kept any details of my life from our family, but I knew there would be doubts when it came to drug use. How many famous rappers out there do you know that could honestly claim to be drug-free? I could only guarantee one, me.

  Chapter Seven

  Makayla

  “Are you serious? That bitch Angela is the one who started all the rumors about Lenny?” Lisa was furious as I explained Lenny’s story to her.

  Lisa wasn’t able to make it to the dinner we had with our family where Lenny was finally able to tell his side of the story. She had a court case that had run over and we decided to table the discussion for girl’s night.

  Because she was both mine and Lenny’s best friend I had never kept her in the dark when it came to mine and Lenny’s situation. Even though she didn’t agree with the way we handled everything. (She agreed with Lenny, that he should have given up the contract.) Lisa had always supported us both in our decision.

  “We knew she was ruthless.” I offered by way of explanation as I picked at the tortilla chips that lay in the red plastic basket in the center of the table.

  “Makayla, there is ruthless and downright slanderous. What she did was not only wrong but illegal.” Lisa’s brow rose daring me to deny it, her half-full margarita tipped in my direction as though it also agreed.

  “The fact that she let Lenny out of his contract only to smear his name is unacceptable. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he is finally away from her, but what about His career? His reputation?” she continued ranting on, the lime green slush in her glass sloshed up the sides as her hand jolted forward.

  “I know and I agree, but she’s out of our life now. That’s the important part.” I raised my glass in salute and tipped my margarita in her direction as if to prove a point.

  As promised I was spending girl’s night out with Lisa. Instead of our usually overnight slumber party in which we made homemade tacos and drank margaritas until we passed out, Lisa allowed me to spend a half night with her at the local Mexican restaurant.

  “Yeah, I get it. She’s out of his life. But if you ever and I mean ever need me, I will slap a lawsuit on her ass so quickly she won’t know what hit her. I know Lenny’s your man, but he’s also like a brother to me. When that bitch took him away she stole more than your boyfriend. She stole my Goddaughter’s father, my big brother, and my best friend.” Lisa punctuated her statement hammering her long red acrylic nail into the chipped Formica tabletop.

  Lisa had one of the biggest hearts of anyone I ever met but she was the scariest person I had ever seen in a courtroom. She made the Judge's quake in their boots when she walked into the courtroom. The look on her face as she spoke nearly had me quaking.

  If you ever had a case you needed to win, Lisa was your attorney. She had yet to lose.

  “I know, Lis.” I tried to sympathize with her, hoping to calm her down. “But Lenny’s home now and he wants nothing to do with anything LA related. He’s washed his hands of it all and is focusing on Avery. On us.” I gave her an encouraging smile, trying to hide the fear I felt about Angela worming her way back into our lives.

  It had been a constant thought throbbing at the back of my braid. Completely irrational, yet ever-present.

  The contract had legally been voided. Lenny had assured me he had tied up all loose ends before coming home.

  I believed him. I knew there was nothing that would have kept him away from us any longer than necessary. But I didn't trust her. I didn’t trust Angela.

  The doubt and fear hung in the air, like a poisonous cloud looming over my head.

  A sly smile took over my best friends face at the mention of Lenny and I being an ‘us’. “So, you and Len, are you two…?” She made a circle with one hand touching the tip of her thumb and index finger together will running the index finger of her other hand in and out of the circle, imitating intercourse.

  I felt my face flush red. Bashfully looking down at the drink in my hands I shook my head, hoping the hair covering my face would hide the deep red embarrassment coloring my face.

  “Lisa,” I hissed out incredulously.

  “Hey, I’m just curious about whether or not I’ll be expecting a new niece or nephew. You know Avery would be lonely without one.” Her perfectly plucked brow rose salaciously before wagging.

  Lisa continued to pump her index finger through the circle on her other hand, slowly, as she made low mewing noises. The entire act causing me further embarrassment. Kissing noises were added, pressuring me to answer.

  I knew she wouldn’t stop until I gave in. Taking a long shaky breath I lifted my head. Shaking my hair out of my face I gently tucked it behind my shoulders.

  “For your information, no. We haven’t.” I replied with false bravo as I sat proudly across from her.

  Lisa’s jaw dropped in bewilderment. “You’re lying?” She accused, her hands making a loud smacking sound as she slapped them flat agains
t the tabletop.

  “I’m not.” I gasped shocked that she didn’t believe me.

  “Why not? Before he left it took a water hose to keep the two of you apart. Had to spray you both down like dogs in heat.” She admonished.

  I gasped in astonishment, my mouth working like a fish out of water. I couldn’t believe she said that.

  “You’re so vulgar.” I accused gathering my bearings.

  “And you’re a prude. Get in there and claim your man.” She demanded giving me a pointed look, a long red nail pointed in my direction.

  “Its girl’s night. Can’t.” I replied haughtily with the shrug of my shoulder.

  “Girls nights over. Problem solved. I got the check.” Lisa winked audaciously not letting it go. With her hands, she made a shoo-ing motion.

  Sometimes I swore she was like a dog with a bone when she got a bee in her bonnet about something. I just wished it hadn’t been my sex life or lack there off that she latched onto.

  “You can’t just call girl’s night over. It has to run its course.” I wrinkled my face in her direction, scrunching up my nose the way I know makes her shiver with disgust.

  “Just for that, you can pay the tab.” She replied circling her red nail around my face before tossing her long auburn hair over her shoulder. Lisa rose, tucking her clutch under her arm.

  “Go fuck your man.” She intoned, giving me a pointed look.

  Defeated I slouched back against the booth. I watched as Lisa walked away, her hips swayed dramatically as though taunting me.

  How could I tell her that I tried? I had laid all the moves on Lenny every night since he had come home. Nothing seemed to waive him. Not the scantily clad lingerie, the tiny boy shorts, and thin sheer cami I wore to bed, not even the shower door left wide open as I took my time lathering and shaving every square inch of skin I could reach. Nothing seemed to work.

  Every night I was met with the same resistance. Lenny wrapped me in his arms pulling my back flush against his chest. He held me, his hot breath caressing my neck, sending shivers of need down my spine. Things never progressed.

  The closest we had come to sharing an intimate moment was the morning after his arrival. The morning Avery came calling at our door. Since then that morning no matter how charged the air came between us, Lenny pumped the brakes, tucking me into his arms and holding me.

  “I just want to hold you in my arms.” He said the same thing every night. And every night I felt my heart breaking. How could I compare to the women he met in LA?

  While Lenny was out chasing his dreams I was a stay at home mom, clad in baggy sweatpants and a loose t-shirt that was somewhat clean. I didn’t have the movie star looks, the designer wardrobe, let alone the time to practice the art of makeup.

  I was fortunate in the fact that Lenny bought us a house with his first big check. Every month I received a deposit in my account. A deposit that helped to raise our daughter.

  Unlike Lisa, I was unable to go to college after graduation. I had a little girl to raise and Lenny and I both agreed that since he couldn’t be home with her, he wanted me home with her. He never wanted our daughter to feel alone, to not have one of us by her side.

  I had started taking online college classes. But raising a baby on your own was more time consuming than I had ever imagined. I still took classes, but I was going at a slower pace than most.

  Chapter Eight

  Lenny

  The lights were off as I sat in the dark corner of the living room. The high back chair, stiff beneath me. With my laptop perched on my knees, I found myself staring off, unfocused. The weight of the previous week resting heavily on my shoulders.

  Avery was already in bed, sound asleep. We had spent the afternoon at the park. The thrill of the playground had quickly worn her out.

  The tiny three year old laughed and played until her eyelids drooped, too exhausted to hold them open.

  After a short nap in the car, I let her help me cook dinner. An easy meal of boxed Mac and Cheese filled her tiny stomach before her bath.

  I tucked her into bed. Her bright pink princess pajamas wrapped around her like a warm blanket.

  I didn't miss the way she fought to stay awake, her dark blue eyes begging for just one last peak. I fought the tears that stung behind my eyes when she asked if I would be there when she woke.

  I didn’t think my heart had the ability to shatter any further.

  I was wrong.

  A child should never have to worry about their parent going away.

  My child should never have to worry.

  With a promise I swore to keep, I reassured her I would be there, always.

  I had taken advantage of the silent reprieve to work. I needed something to take my mind off my heavy heart, from the pain that radiated through me.

  I knew I had said I was finished with LA but that didn’t mean I was finished with music completely. It was in my bones. Something I couldn’t walk away from. It also offered a pardon. A distraction from the reality crashing around me.

  I had failed my daughter.

  I failed Makayla.

  They didn’t deserve the worry I ingrained in their hearts. Though Avery was more vocal about her fear, I didn’t miss the looks Makayla shot in my direction when she thought I wasn’t looking. It was as if she couldn’t believe I was actually here. The fear that shadowed her eyes. The fear I would disappear.

  It was part of the reason I had failed to respond to her advances. Night after night it killed me to ignore the way her petite frame looked wrapped in thin scraps of lace.

  My dick stayed hard. I walked around in a constant state of arousal in her presence.

  I bit my knuckles, catching a glimpse of her in the shower. The door left open. The room filled with steam.

  I watched rivulets of water drizzle down her skin. My eyes followed the droplets across her curves. I fought against the urge to run to her, take her in my arms and lay claim to her body.

  It broke my heart to watch her face fall when I denied her. I stayed rooted, ignoring my body's desire to slay her. To lay into her and make her remember who she belonged to.

  I wanted her.

  I wanted her more than anything in this world.

  But I couldn’t bring myself to push things that far. I couldn't yet take our relationship to that level. It killed me to not be buried deep within her, owning every inch of her body. But more than the silent death I was suffering, I wanted her to believe I was here to stay.

  I wanted more than her body.

  I wanted her forever.

  For a man that performed in front of millions, spitting out rhymes with ease, forming the words I needed to say to Makayla felt thick on my tongue, choking me.

  How could I make her believe? How do I convince her I wasn’t going anywhere? They say actions speak louder than words. I was stumbling, struggling to find my way, faltering around like a blind man.

  The only thing I could do was be here, be present, and hold her. I hoped that she could feel it in my touch, in the way my heart beat rapidly against the smooth expanse of her back as I held her through the night.

  Inside I was trembling with fear. Unease crowded me, making me second guess every word that spilled from my lips, every caress and touch of her skin.

  I was terrified I wouldn’t be enough. That the past four years had been too much.

  So I sat her in the dark, attempting to bury myself in work. I didn’t need LA or Ron Howard to keep my career on track. I let my talent speak for itself.

  Using my connections I sent out some feelers. I knew the rumors started by Angela would hurt me, coupled with the fact my label dropped me. I didn’t let that stop me.

  I knew people were going to believe whatever they wanted. I also knew that those weren’t the kind of people I wanted to associate myself with.

  Never again would I sacrifice myself or my family for my career. Once was enough. It almost killed me. It almost broke me. My family.

  If I did get pic
ked up by a label again, it would be on my terms. I refused to hide my family away or commit myself to anyone unwilling to accept me as I was the complete package, family and all.

  The sound of the front door opening pulled my attention. I turned from my seat, closing the lid of the computer, and watched as Makayla walked in. The darkness shrouded me from her.

  Something was eating at her. I noticed it the moment she walked in the door. I had expected her to be out late into the evening. Typically, when Lisa and Makayla went out for girl’s night it ended up being an all-night affair.

  Makayla walking in the door just over an hour after she left was almost unheard of. I watched, studying her, as she stopped in the entryway.

  The dim light from the lamp on the entry table cast an angelic glow around her. Her long blond hair hung in loose curls down her back, catching the light. I watched as she gingerly kicked off her black pumps, leaving them by the door.

  Her shoulders dropped. The thin strap of her flirty aqua summer dress slid down her shoulder, teasingly. Unaware of my presence, I watched as the mask she wore slipped. Her emotions unsheathed, on display. Defeat permeated the air around her.

  My heart lurched.

  Staggering to my feet, I set the computer on my abandoned chair. With careless abandon, I walked across the room.

  A light sob halted me in my steps. Freezing my heart. Makayla’s shoulders shook.

  Without a thought I rushed to her, wrapping my arms around her thin waist. Her body went rigid. Ignoring her stiff posture, I tucked her against me, holding her tightly. Her small frame fit against me perfectly, as though her body were carved to fit mine.

  Slowly she began to thaw. Her body becoming languid in my arms. Hunching over her, I tucked my face into her neck, inhaling her sweet floral scent. Magnolia and sandalwood, filtered through my nostrils, mingling with a fragrance that was all her. I cling to her like she was my lifeline. In truth- she was.