by Amber Dane
‘Again, all I asked of you was for a simple aye or nay. The rest of your nonsense, this babble- I could have done without.’
Caroline fisted her hands and stamped her foot as she faced him. ‘What does it matter now? You would not believe me.’
‘Of course not.’ His scoff sliced another piece of her heart away. ‘But I need to hear it.’
His words nigh made her want to jump out of her skin. How could he be so cold? So different? What had killing his brother done to him?
‘Ah. Silence. It will have to suffice, I suppose as confirming what I need to know.’
Caroline was shaking and she stepped back from him. ‘You bastard.’
He shrugged, his eyes watching her like a hawk.
Caroline straightened her spine and shoulders. She thought she knew this man, but she’d been wrong. Very wrong. Sucking in a painful breath, she expelled it slowly before she was able to speak again. ‘I will take my son and my father’s ring.’
‘Nay.’
Her wide eyes shot back to him. ‘Nay!? They belong to me.’
‘The ring and the Kelbie stay here.’
Caroline came out of her shock, wiping her sniffles with the back of her sleeve. ‘Nay. He comes with me.’
‘Nay. He is my ward now. He stays here. Where I go so shall he.’
His stern tone only infuriated her further. She did slap him then. His features hardened. Tears of indignation ran down her cheeks. He had some nerve and she told him thus.
He remained still and the only sign that he was affected by her act of violence was the brief flicker of something unreadable in those blue darkening eyes. He was tearing her apart, shredding her to pieces and he stood there like a cold unmovable mountain feeling naught.
On a ragged breath she continued. ‘You want me to just leave my son behind? He is mine. Not yours.’
‘Nay. He is not your son, remember. You did not birth him. He will be safe here till you settle wherever it is that you…end up.’
He licked his lips and his expression of disgust rankled her. Caroline swiped at a wayward tear. ‘Why take mine? Why keep him when you leave poor little Cal abandoned and alone?’ She wanted to hurt him as he was hurting her.
But his stoic expression revealed no change.
‘I will come back for Kelbie.’ The tightness in her chest made it difficult to breath. He was right. Kelbie would be safe with him till she got everything together. Oh God, what was she to do? ‘I would see him first ere I leave.’
‘Nay.’
‘You cannot mean to deny me of this too? I will not-‘
‘Aye, I do.’ His look was fierce as he shot to his feet again to glare down at her. ‘Try to see him and I shall tell him everything.’
Her eyes burned from the tears she held in check, her throat scalded from them and her pain. ‘Everything? That you think me a whore? A liar? I will not have him think I have abandoned him again!’
‘I will think of something.’
She leaned in, shaking from her fury and told him. ‘Beast of hell you are. I have done naught wrong. Casting me out will not change things, Darc.’
‘Aye, it will. I will no longer be reminded of what you have done.’ The vein next to his scar jumped and his gaze dropped to her belly.
Caroline’s head snapped back so hard, she nearly stumbled. Her heart breaking, she pressed a trembling hand to her belly. ‘I told you I was with child before your brother took me prisoner. You would have known that had we talked of what happened after he returned me here. I have never lain with another besides you.
‘You are willing to do whatever it takes to not face the truth of what truly eats at you. Fine! Stay the recluse, wallow in your malaise and keep yourself brooding for the rest of your life. I must suffer for being the fool to believe my love could have ever penetrated that wall you have allowed to grow thicker between us.
‘When this child I carry is born, you shall never see it. Your brother lies dead and naught has changed in you. ’
‘Your aim to wound me has been a success. Seek your desires within your darkness. But know this, I will return for my son and take him from you. And all else that which belongs to me.’ Her eyes fell on the ring. ‘I shall hate you forever for tearing me from his side. You Normans are all unfeeling beasts.’ Caroline choked on the last and saw him visibly wince at her words. ‘Twas too late now. She was too mad, too hurt to care about his feelings now and she turned from him before the torrent of tears shamed her even further and walked out.
Taking up a short lance left leaning against the curtained wall left by one of the bailey sentries, Caroline mounted the nearest horse by the group of soldiers in the yard. She managed to balance the sharpened weapon across her lap and pressed her heels to the horse urging it into a full gallop out of the ward as his men shouted behind her. Though the gatehouse guard and sentries nearby paid her no heed as she thundered past. Aye, she had no true friends here, save Mildred and Laur. She knew the two women would see that Kelbie remained safe too.
With each heart breaking step, she hoped Darc would call her back but he did not. Caroline was across the drawbridge and almost to the trail near the wood when she heard his men shout not far behind her.
She goaded her mount to go faster, the wind catching and slashing her hair across her face as she rode off blindly, her hot tears blinding her. But she did not care and kept going.
Darc swallowed the hard angry lump in his throat and watched Caroline long after she was gone. She rode like the wind on the horse she had taken from the guard. He watched the men below scramble and ride off quickly after her.
But he steeled himself to remain where he was. He would not go after her. He refused to.
The hurt etched across her beautiful face earlier burned into him. He should have gave in and pulled her into his arms and told her how sorry he truly was to cause her such vicious pain. She had pleaded with him to believe her, but the wall between them that she’d spoken of was too thick and he had not. She was right. Raven’s death had not rid him of the demons that plagued him nor the bad taste in his mouth over faithless bitches.
He had killed his brother, butchered him as he had lived. As he deserved.
He’d been wrong. He was more like Raven than he realized. Darc raged as he looked back once more to where she had disappeared into the forest.
He tried to will his heart to remain hardened against what he’d done, but only pain and heaviness responded and the hole opened once more.
So be it. He could live with it. He would not yield.
How far could she really expect to get?
What did he care? They always lied. They always left. Women. The feeling eating away at his gut belied his thoughts and he let out a feral cry that stunned those around him on the parapets and he turned and stormed back inside the castle.
Like a raging bull he stomped all the way through back to his chambers. Time ceased as he paced like a caged animal and he picked up and threw the candle she had lit across the room. Let the room catch fire, he did not care. But he had thrown it so hard, it blew out.
When he finally dropped his large frame down into the chair in front of the hearth, his elbows on his wide spread legs, he dropped his head slowly into his hands and did what he had not done since that day Adelay had said she’d murdered their son.
He gave in.
The beast cried.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Caroline squinted in the darkening night to take in her surroundings. She was not sure how far she had ridden from Renald Castle or when she had lost her husband’s men. She had given them the slip when she had hid behind a thicket of gnarled and heavily foliaged trees as they’d ridden past. Let Darc be furious when he discovered she had not gone off to Gest Manor. She would make her own way.
She crossed the back of towns, villages and kept close to the forest edge.
When the horse tired and slowed barely to a trot she dismounted on quaking legs and tethered him to a tree, where she cru
mbled at the base of a thick oak next to it to shed the rest of her sobs. She had never cried so much in her life and even now, as her eyes swelled, she was surprised she still could.
Damn his stubborn Norman and stupid arse!
Did she mean so little to him that he would cast her away without hesitation?
Had she truly believed she could have breached that wall around his heart?
Aye, a part of her had.
What a fool she had been. To think the love she held for him would win out.
And she did love him.
Sharing her body with him had meant nothing to him.
He loved her son. Of that she was sure. But, her? Nay! He did not.
Carline sucked in a harsh breath. She needed her wits about her.
With an effort of sheer will she lifted her chin and rose to her feet. She straightened her backbone and took a steady step toward the horse. She ran her hands along its brown shiny coat and patted its thick neck. It was just the two of them now.
Later, she plodded further along paying little heed to the fact she no longer was on a trodden path but on fresh unmarked green. She swatted away a swarm of flies that came at her. She did not know where to go or what to do and it would be dark soon.
Hell, she did not even know where she was. She laughed. Ha! If he were to find it within himself to come after her, if only for the sake of Kelbie, he’d not find her.
She laughed and sobbed some more over her dilemma as she curved a hand over her belly. The babe she carried had not even begun to show yet. She needed to take every precaution.
Coming to a clearing, she saw a road. With nothing else or no buildings nearby, she decided to take it and see where it led.
Perhaps in the next town, she would find out where she was.
She had gotten what she wanted. She’d prayed for freedom when William had forced her to marry the cold Norman beast. Now she had it.
She could make the trek somehow, someway to London to William’s court to plead her case despite Darc’s words. But Caroline knew her words would fall upon deaf ears or worse. The king held her husband in high regard. Nay, William would not show her mercy over the complaints she would throw at his feet about one of his favored lieutenants.
She would have to make a different way. Find a way to get all that had been taken from her and return for Kelbie. She had to focus.
She simply would have to make enough coin to return for him and start over. If only Darc had let her take her father’s ring.
Her heart bled at the thought, the sharp knives lancing her heart and shattering it into a million pieces. There was no time to cry about it now. Her despair would have to wait.
The only thing that gave her solace was that Kelbie would indeed be safer with him for now.
She had to do what needed to be done.
Let her husband go back to his reclusive life and brooding self. Caroline pulled her short mantle tighter to her chest and rode on down the well-trodden path with a prayer she had chosen the right one.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Two days had passed and Darc still had no idea where his wife had gone. It gnawed at his gut till he was close to physically ill from it. He had gone out looking for her the moment he’d spotted his first man returning over the rise. Now he was hell-bent on finding her. Where had she disappeared to so quickly?
All she’d known outside of castle Halvard no longer existed.
Stubborn fool that he was, he had sent her out there. If something happened to her, to the babe, he could fault none but himself. Guilt and heartache ate at him night and day.
Crossing the small wooden bridge over the swollen river, Darc halted his horse as he looked around the small meadow.
Where are you Caroline? He voiced aloud in frustration looking up at the star filled sky. The moon was bright this night and full. An owl hooted to his right as if mocking him in response.
Darc hung his head and inhaled a long shaky breath. He had to find her. He prayed in silence.
Mounting the stairs after another exhaustive and unsuccessful search, Darc wallowing in his grief found himself at her chamber door. He entered as he’d done each eve since he had cast her away.
Her sweet scent lingered and he inhaled deeply of it, wishing it could last. He stepped further into the room and felt the cold.
What had he been thinking? He hadn’t and that was his mistake. Her smiling honey-colored eyes, beautiful chestnut colored hair and those lips that curled ever so gently when he plied her sweet mouth with his kisses haunted him.
How could he beg for her forgiveness? Her bid to return to him?
His anger, his jealousy and his pride had ruled him since the day they’d met. Painful memories and unbearable sorrow filled his days and nights now. No sleep. He could not eat.
His mind played tricks on him. Mayhap it was best he if he simply let her go. Let her be free.
Never had a woman captivated him in such a way as Caroline had. Not even Adelay had had this effect on him.
Caroline’s beautiful face swam before him. His foolishness in falling into Raven’s diabolical trap had been his own folly. His own stupidity had wrought all this and his hurtful words. Darc stumbled to her bed and clutched one of her gowns over his heart. He had grieved too long.
A fortnight now had passed since she had ridden away from him.
Kelbie needed her. She was the only mother the child knew and he had torn her from his arms as surely as if he’d severed the cord himself.
A presence drew his gaze to the door. Laur stood there with Kelbie by her side. Darc rose to his feet, Caroline’s gown gripped in his fist.
When they found her would she even want to return to him after all he’d done to her?
He did not know but if it meant he had to crawl on his belly naked as a newly born babe, then he would. He would do whatever he had to as long as she came back to him.
He called Kelbie over to him and spoke his promise to him. When Kelbie threw his arms around his neck, Darc had a hard time swallowing back his emotions as he returned the hug. Laur watched from the door, nodding.
Caroline counted her coins for the final time before shoving them back into the small pouch at her waist and tucked them away as she heard footsteps coming her way. Looking up, she went to the door of the small bedroom and stepped out into the hall. The small inn was built sturdy and the smell of the hearty stew filled the long hallway.
She greeted the other server, Mary as she gave her a beaming smile. ‘Your turn, Caroline.’
‘Thanks, Mary. ‘
‘You well rested?’ Mary’s hand stayed her by the arm, her tone laced with concern. Caroline rubbed her small round belly and smiled. ‘All is well. A bit hungry, but we can wait.’
‘Oh no you don’t. You have to eat first. John will have both our heads if you do not. Last thing he wants is to see you faint away. He worries us both about it enough now. Come. The stew is almost done and the crowd has not come yet.’
‘Mary-‘ Caroline’s words were cut off as the girl dragged her by the hand down the hall. Caroline’s gown and apron swished around her feet as they descended the stairs to the dining area of the inn below.
She had stumbled upon the place a month ago when she’d followed that trodden road. She had been so weak, tired and had been ready to give up when the innkeeper, John, riding his cart by had stopped.
She had shed hard tears of relief at his kindness and John had been taken with her ever since. And had brought her here and taken her in, no questions asked. Another thing she’d been thankful for.
He had given her food and board and all she had to do was see to the rooms with Mary in cleaning for the guests.
The small town was a close knit one and the people here were only trying to survive with what they had left after the Conquest. No trouble. And Caroline liked it.
The stew John served was the heart of the town and brought all together. ‘Twas the best Caroline had ever tasted along with his delicious fish pie
s. John paid her a hefty wage even though of late he lessened and lessened her load once he’d found out she carried a child.
She had settled in easily enough thanks to him. No one neither suspected nor asked her questions and she was able to hide her true identity. Though she had an inkling John knew she was more than what she appeared for he called her lady too often. Aye, his old eyes saw the truth but the sweet man that he was, he said naught.
Soon enough, she would have enough coin to start anew and carry out her plans, and return to get Kelbie.
Caroline blinked back stinging tears as she dug into the hearty stew from the trencher Mary placed before her.
After all this time she hoped Kelbie had not forgotten her. Every day she wondered if he missed her. She hoped he believed she had simply gone off again to visit a friend as before. She would kiss his little face till he was sick of her kisses when she returned for him. Her heart bled and longed to feel him in her arms again.
She tried not to think of her husband. But despite her efforts, his face filtered in and he haunted her nights. The bags under her eyes told all she had a terrible time sleeping. Caroline was angry at herself that she still yearned for him too. But she could not help it. ‘Twas not so easy to fall out of love with that Norman beast.
Finished with the stew, she saw it was just in time as the first wave of patrons swept through the doors for their daily bowl.
Caroline quickly returned above stairs with Mary to start on the rooms. They had only one guest that remained from some small wedding feast yestereve. So today would be a short day and Caroline was glad for she wished to take a walk later down by the small river.
Her heart heavy with her thoughts, she pulled off the coverlets of the bed as Darc’s image swam in front of her face. Did he miss her?
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO