Their Most Forbidden Fling

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  ‘I can’t do it,’ he said. ‘I won’t do it. You’re not thinking straight. You’re caught up with the nostalgic notion of me being your brother’s best friend. That’s all it is, Molly. You’re not attracted to me for any other reason.’

  ‘This is not about Matt,’ Molly said. ‘This is about us.’

  ‘There is no us without Matt,’ he said. ‘Can’t you see that? He’s a shadow that will always be over us. You will always see me as the person who was responsible for his death. I get that. I totally understand and accept it because it’s true. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being reminded of it. Every time I look at you I see Matt. Every time you look at me you see the man who tore your family apart. How long do you think a relationship with that sort of backstory will last?’

  ‘There is such a thing as moving on,’ Molly said. ‘We can’t change the past but we can move on from it.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Molly,’ he said. ‘You’re a sweet girl. You’re exactly the sort of girl I used to think I would one day settle down with. But that was then, this is now. I don’t want to complicate my life with emotional entanglements.’

  ‘There will come a day when work won’t be enough any more,’ she said. ‘What will you do then?’

  He gave her a wry look. ‘I’ll get myself a cat.’

  ‘Funny.’

  ‘That’s me,’ he said. ‘A laugh a minute.’

  ‘You’re never going to allow yourself to be happy, are you?’ Molly said. ‘This is the hair shirt you’ve chosen’to live the rest of your life without love and connection. But it’s not going to bring Matt back. It’s not going to do anything but make you and the people who love you miserable. I feel sorry for you. You’re like a tiger in a paper cage. You’re the only one who can free yourself but you’re too stubborn to do it.’

  ‘Why are you so interested in my happiness?’ he asked. ‘You’re the last person who should be worrying about how I feel.’

  ‘You’re not a bad person, Lucas,’ Molly said. ‘You just had a bad thing happen to you. You need to forgive yourself for being human.’

  He touched her on the cheek with a slow stroke of his finger. ‘Sweet, caring little Molly,’ he said. ‘You’ve always had a soft little heart. Always rescuing lame ducks and hopeless cases and getting yourself hurt in the process.’

  She looked into his hazel eyes as tears welled in her own. ‘I don’t know how to live any other way.’

  He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the middle of her forehead as if she were ten years old. ‘Go back to bed,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’

  Molly slipped out of the room but it was a long time before she heard him make his way upstairs.

  CHAPTER SIX

  LUCAS WAS RECALIBRATING Tim Merrick’s respirator the following morning and talking Catriona, one of the more junior nurses, through it. ‘The pressure has gone up, which indicates pulmonary oedema,’ he said. ‘This means the lungs are stiff, and the ventilator pressure has to be turned up to inflate the lungs and get enough oxygen on board to give the brain the best chance of recovery. If the oxygen level in the blood drops, the brain damage will worsen instead of improve.’

  ‘Is he likely to recover?’ Catriona asked with a concerned look.

  ‘We’re doing all we can to make sure he does,’ he said. Don’t die. Don’t die. Don’t die. It was like a chant he couldn’t get out of his head.

  He had visited young Hamish on the ward first thing this morning. It was like looking at himself seventeen years ago. Hamish had the same hollow look of anguish in his eyes, the same shocked, this-can’t-be-happening expression on his face. It was gut-wrenching to witness. It brought back his own anguish and guilt in great swamping waves.

  Lucas turned to the nurse again. ‘Can you run some blood gases through the analyser? I’ve got inflation pressure up another notch and oxygen is on one hundred per cent. I’m going to administer some frusemide to increase urine output to try and dry out the lungs a bit.’

  A few minutes later Catriona called the readings out to Lucas.

  ‘Damn,’ he said. ‘He’s getting respiratory acidosis and we still haven’t got the O2 up.’

  ‘The X-ray’s here for his chest film, Lucas,’ Molly said as she came over.

  ‘Maybe that will show something reversible,’ he said. ‘If we can’t get that oxygen level up then the chance of recovery is going to slip away. Hypoxia and cerebral oedema is a bad combination.’

  They looked at the images on the screen. ‘You still think he’s going to make it?’ she asked.

  Lucas stripped off his gloves, tossed them in the bin and walked over to the lightbox. ‘It’s still too early to say with any certainty,’ he said. ‘It might be a couple of weeks or more before that swelling goes down.’

  ‘He’s got a decerebrate posture’the clawed hands,’ Molly said. ‘I can’t imagine how his parents must be feeling, to see him like that.’

  ‘Emma Wingfield looked as bad at this stage, if not worse,’ he said. ‘Young brains have a knack of beating the odds and recovering. By the time people are admitted here with a tube in every orifice even their relatives don’t recognise them. A few months later they’ll walk in here with a box of chocolates’you’d never have guessed it was them under all that technology.’ He just hoped Tim was going to another one of them.

  ‘He’s got a big effusion on the right,’ Molly said.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, looking at it. ‘That’s definitely worth draining. Might significantly improve lung function.’

  Su Ling came across. ‘Dr Banning?’ she said. ‘We’ve got a response from Claire Mitchell.’

  Lucas called to Aleem, who was coming in with blood reports. ‘Can you get set up here for me to do a drain?’ To Molly he said, ‘Come with me. It’ll take half an hour for him to set up. I could use you over here.’

  ‘What’s happened?’ he asked, when they got to Claire’s bed.

  ‘She’s opened her eyes and she’s fighting the ventilator,’ Su Ling said.

  It was the best news Lucas had had all day, maybe all year. ‘Talk to her, Molly, while I look at the pressure.’

  ‘Claire, can you hear me? It’s Dr Drummond,’ Molly said gently. ‘You’ve had an accident and you’re in Intensive Care. You’re going to be all right. We’ve got you on a machine to help you breathe.’

  ‘Her intracranial pressure’s through the roof,’ Lucas said. ‘It’s good she’s responding but we’re going to have to sedate her to get the pressure down. We need a few more days to wean her off the supports.’

  ‘I’ll give ten IV diazepam and up the sedation for twenty-four hours,’ Molly said.

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Another twenty-four hours and we’ll turn down the sedation, see if she’s less agitated and the IC pressure doesn’t go up so much. I’ll go and have a word with her parents. Are they here?’

  ‘They left just half an hour ago to grab a coffee,’ Su Ling said. ‘They won’t be long.’

  ‘Right,’ he said. ‘I’ll do that drain first.’

  ‘I can do the drain,’ Molly said, swinging her gaze to his. ‘You can’t do everything all at once.’

  She had a point but Lucas wasn’t going to let her know it. ‘Call me if you have any difficulties,’ he said, and left to find Claire’s parents.

  * * *

  ‘Dr Drummond,’ Jacqui said as Molly came into the office after a break later that day. ‘This is Emma Wingfield. She’s a previous inmate of ours. Emma, this is Dr Drummond. She’s from Australia, like Dr Banning.’

  ‘Hello,’ Molly said with a smile. ‘I’ve been hearing wonderful things about you. Dr Banning told me you were one of his star patients.’

  Emma blushed, making her look far younger than nineteen. ‘I owe him my life. He’s the most ama
zing man.’ She held out a plastic container. ‘I’ve made him brownies. They’re his favourite. Is he here? I’d love a quick word with him.’

  ‘I don’t think he’s back from a meeting with the CEO,’ Jacqui said, glancing up at the clock. ‘It’s been a pretty crazy day around here. He was late leaving so the meeting will probably run overtime.’

  ‘That’s OK,’ Emma said. ‘I’ll wait. That is if I’m not in the way?’

  ‘Not at all,’ Jacqui said. ‘Why don’t you take a seat in one of the counselling rooms and I’ll get him to come to you as soon as he gets back?’

  Emma tucked the brownie container under one arm and left with another shy smile.

  Jacqui turned and looked at Molly. ‘I didn’t have the heart to tell her you were living with Lucas,’ she said. ‘Her first real crush. Don’t you just ache for her?’

  Molly felt a blush steal over her cheeks not unlike the one young Emma had just experienced. ‘I told you I’m not involved with him. I’m just sharing his house temporarily.’

  ‘Yeah, but I’ve got two eyes in my head,’ Jacqui said. ‘He can barely take his eyes off you and you blush every time he walks into the room. So what gives? What’s the deal with you guys? Did you have a fling in the past or something?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ Molly said. ‘I was just a kid when he left to come over here.’

  Jacqui tapped her finger against her lips. ‘But there’s something between you, isn’t there?’

  Molly gave a little sigh. ‘He and my older brother were best friends,’ she said, hoping to fob her off.

  ‘Ah, now I get it,’ Jacqui said. ‘Lucas thinks your brother wouldn’t approve of him making a move on his kid sister. That’s typical of him, ever the gentleman. So what does your brother do? Is he a doctor too?’

  ‘Um...no.’ She paused for a moment before continuing, ‘He died a while back. A car accident.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Jacqui said. ‘How dreadful for you and your family. And for Lucas too, to lose a best mate.’

  ‘Yes...yes, it was dreadful,’ Molly said. ‘But it was an accident. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just one of those things.’

  Jacqui looked past Molly’s left shoulder. ‘Ah, here he is now,’ she said as Lucas came in. ‘You have a visitor’Emma Wingfield. She’s waiting in one of the counselling rooms. She’s brought you brownies.’

  ‘Right.’ Lucas gave a brisk nod and walked back out again.

  Jacqui rolled her eyes. ‘One of us should probably tell him,’ she said. ‘You know what men are like. You have to hit them over the head with something before they see it.’

  Molly chewed at her lip. ‘I’ll have a word with him later.’

  * * *

  Molly found him in his office, going through some journals at the end of the day. ‘Can I have a quick word?’ she asked from the door.

  ‘Sure,’ he said, placing the journal he’d been reading to one side. ‘What’s up?’

  She rolled her lips together to moisten them. ‘Um...it’s about Emma.’

  He frowned. ‘Emma?’

  ‘Emma Wingfield.’

  ‘What about her?’

  Molly shifted her weight from foot to foot, feeling a little out of her depth and uncertain. Maybe she should have got Jacqui to say something. Would he misread her motives for bringing Emma’s infatuation to his attention? ‘I may be speaking out of turn but I couldn’t help noticing she’s rather attached to you,’ she said.

  His eyes held hers steady. ‘And your point is?’

  She felt her cheeks fire up. ‘She’s very young. You should be careful you don’t give her the wrong idea. She could get very hurt.’

  ‘I was her doctor, for God’s sake,’ he said. ‘Anyway, she’s just a kid.’

  ‘She’s nineteen, almost twenty,’ Molly said. ‘That’s old enough to have a relationship with a man who is technically no longer her doctor.’

  ‘I’m not having a relationship with her,’ he said. ‘She comes in from time to time to say hi to all the staff who looked after her. I told you that the other day.’

  ‘She only wanted to see you today,’ Molly said. ‘She barely said a word to anyone else. I think she fancies herself in love with you.’

  ‘That’s rubbish,’ he said. ‘Why would she be in love with me?’

  ‘You’re handsome and kind and you saved her life,’ Molly said. ‘That’s just for starters. I’m sure there are a hundred reasons why she has a crush on you. Just about every single woman at St Patrick’s fancies you like crazy so why should she be any different?’

  His eyes measured hers for a pulsing moment. ‘Why indeed?’

  Molly knew her cheeks were bright red but carried on regardless. ‘I think you need to let her down gently. She’s young and vulnerable. She’s been through a traumatic experience and is still finding her way.’

  ‘Emma wants to do something for the unit,’ he said. ‘Some fundraising. That’s why she wanted to meet with me as unit director. I said I’d help her do something. I’m not sure what. We’re still at the brainstorming stage. Maybe you could offer some suggestions. I haven’t got a clue about that sort of thing.’

  ‘I’d be happy to help,’ Molly said. ‘I was involved in a dinner dance for our unit back home. It was a great success. Everyone talked about it for months afterwards.’

  ‘I’ll arrange a meeting between the two of you to get things rolling,’ he said.

  ‘I still think you should be careful in handling Emma,’ Molly said. ‘I’m sure her reasons for the fundraising are very noble, but you still have to keep in mind she could be actively seeking time alone with you.’

  ‘Thanks for the tip-off,’ he said. ‘But I’m sure you’re mistaken. Anyway, I think she already has a boyfriend.’

  ‘Yes, well, that doesn’t always signify,’ Molly said.

  His brow came up in an arc. ‘Are you speaking from experience?’

  ‘Not necessarily.’

  ‘How is Simon what’s-his-name?’ he asked. ‘I saw him chatting up one of the young midwives in the cafeteria this afternoon. He sure gets around, doesn’t he?’

  ‘He’s a free agent,’ Molly said. ‘He can chat up whoever he likes.’

  ‘So you’re no longer an item?’

  ‘We weren’t really one in the first place,’ she said, blowing out a breath. ‘I was what you’d call a rebound fill-in for him. I was feeling a bit lonely at the time but now I wish I’d never let him cry on my shoulder. I can see why his ex left him. He’s quite narcissistic and controlling.’

  ‘And possessive.’

  ‘That too.’

  There was a little silence.

  ‘I might be a bit late coming home this evening,’ Molly said. ‘I’m going to a movie night with Kate Harrison’s group. I was...um, wondering if you’d like to come too.’

  ‘Why would I want to do that?’ he asked.

  ‘It would be good for you,’ she said, ‘to take your mind off work for a change. Things have been pretty stressful what with Tim Merrick and all. I thought it’d be nice to get out and socialise a bit so’’

  ‘I already have an engagement this evening.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Do you really want me to spell it out for you?’ he asked with a sardonic quirk of his brow.

  Molly blushed. ‘Oh, right... Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you or anything...’

  He picked up his journal again. ‘Close the door on the way out, will you?’

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  MOLLY WAS DISTRACTED all the way through the movie. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Lucas was up to and who he might be with tonight. Who was it? She didn’t think it was anyone from the hospital. She felt agitated at the thought of him bringing someone back
to his house.

  What if his lady friend spent the night? She herself would no doubt encounter her in the morning. It would be beyond embarrassing. It would be heart-breaking to see him with someone else. She couldn’t handle it. She didn’t want to handle it. She hated the thought of some woman coming back just to sleep with him. Would they be interested in who he was as a person? Would they take the time to get to know him? To understand what had made him the quiet, reserved man he was?

  Of course not.

  He wouldn’t allow them to. He had let no one into his private world of pain. He shouldered his guilt and anguish with dogged determination. He had no joy in his life, or at least none that she could see. He was isolated and deeply lonely but he wouldn’t allow anyone to get close to him.

  Molly didn’t join the others for drinks after the movie. She caught a cab back to Lucas’s house and went inside with an ear out for the sound of voices, but it was as silent as a tomb. She checked the sitting room but it didn’t look like anyone had even been in there. The cushions on the sofa were all still neatly arranged. The coffee table was neat with its glossy book of iconic photographs from around the world centred just so. There were no condensation rings from drinks or crumbs from nibbles.

  Maybe he’d decided to stay at his date’s place, or maybe he’d booked a hotel room, she thought in stomach-plummeting despair. She didn’t want him to make love to someone who didn’t know him, who didn’t care for him...who didn’t love him.

  Molly was about to head upstairs after feeding and playing with Mittens when the front door opened and Lucas came in, bringing a waft of chilly air with him.

  ‘How was your date?’ she asked.

  ‘I had to take a rain-check,’ he said as he shrugged himself out of his jacket. ‘I got a call from the hospital. Tim Merrick’s temperature suddenly skyrocketed. He started leaking CSF from one ear.’

  ‘Oh, no...’ Molly frowned in concern. Leaking cerebrospinal fluid and a fever probably meant meningitis had occurred. The damage to his brain could increase if it wasn’t quickly controlled.