His Alone

by Alexa Riley

  Her body relaxes and she hugs me back. “I know we were going to go out and talk about wedding stuff, but…” She trails off, making me pull back and look at her. “Miles didn’t want me going far, so he kinda…” She looks toward the living room.

  Oh God. When Miles does something, it’s never half-assed, especially when it comes to Mal. No one knows that better than me. I’ve been on the front lines for him, pretty much stalking her, for over four years. I shake my head, wondering what he’s up to, this time. I laugh as I pop the tab and take a drink. I walk into the living and come up short.

  “Jesus.”

  “Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have told him pink was my favorite color.”

  Mallory didn’t have to tell him anything. Miles knows all when it comes to her.

  I can’t help but laugh harder at the sight in front of me. The room is crowded with a variety of wedding-related paraphernalia, all in pink. I walk over to a rack by the sofa and pull off a wedding gown. “This is terrible. I didn’t even know they made pink wedding dresses!” It’s so ridiculous it’s funny, and I can’t stop laughing.

  Mallory scrunches her nose. “It’s not terrible,” she counters, making me laugh even harder, and her smile widens.

  “You got engaged hours ago.” I put the dress back on the rack and look around the rest of the room. There are samples of everything needed for a wedding, and a stack of books to go with them. My apartment looks like a wedding planner’s office. “Did he have this shit in storage, ready to go, for when you said yes?” I think the chances are high, but then again you can get anything at any time when you have money like Miles does.

  “You know Miles,” she says.

  Yeah, kind of. I know how he is when it comes it her. I came into Mallory’s life because of Miles. He’d hired me years ago to be her secret bodyguard. I fed his stalker habit when he hired me to be her roommate in college and watch over her while she went to school. That quickly changed from her being a job to her being the most important person in my life. The only friend I had, and it had all been a lie. One that blew up in my face when Mallory found out, and I thought I’d lost her.

  Though she started out as a job, it wasn’t that way anymore, and she knew it. Even as mad as she was at me, the job brought us together. We never would’ve crossed paths without Miles, and I’m thankful. Two people who didn’t have anyone else at the time bonded quickly, and we’ve been glued to each other since day one. But now she has Miles, my half brother, and that’s the most important thing in her life.

  Miles and I were brought together for one common reason: revenge against our father. But I don’t think he’s after that anymore. Now all Miles wants is to let it go and be with Mal, but I can’t. Our relationship revolved around this plan, and it’s all Miles and I have as far as our relationship goes. He was good to me. He pulled me off the streets and gave me a job. He sent me to school and made sure I had what I needed, but our relationship is based on the bond we formed over hating our father. Now we don’t have that anymore, so I’m not sure what will happen in the future.

  Miles isn’t the brother who invites you over to hang out. We don’t really talk unless it’s about Mal, and he’s cold to most people. I’ve never gotten that chill to melt, and I’ve given up. I’d tried at first when he came into my life. I had a spark of hope that maybe I could have some normal type of family. But he never let me close, and it probably didn’t help that I’d had some resentment toward him when he found me. He was the other family. His mom was the woman my mother used to cry over, wanting to be her, thinking the grass was greener on the other side. No part of my father was green and happy. I’m sure Miles’s mom, Vivien, didn’t make out much better when she was with him.

  Miles and I don’t really do anything together. In fact, now that I think about it, he doesn’t really even have a use for me, and I wonder what that will mean. I don’t think he’ll fire me from his company, but that would only be because of Mal. He wouldn’t do anything that might upset her.

  The thought cuts deep, and all of a sudden I feel a little bit lonelier. I put a smile on my face, not wanting to make this moment sad. This is important to Mal. Having grown up in foster care, she has always wanted a family of her own, and this is the first step toward it.

  “So he wants to get married tonight?” I tease. She lets out a little huff and I’m guessing I’m right.

  “I told him I wanted to hang out with you and talk about the wedding and other stuff. So he had everything brought here for us to hang out and go through.”

  “Do you even want all this shit?” I pick up some fancy-looking plate that was part of a dining set.

  “No. I mean, who am I going to invite to a wedding? I think he thinks I want to do some big deal. I don’t. I just kinda want to be married.”

  I put the plate down. “Did you tell him that?”

  “We haven’t done a lot of talking since I said yes.” Her face blushes a cherry red at her own reference to sex.

  I shake my head and drop down on the sofa. “Miles doesn’t even like people. I’m sure he’ll be happy with something supersmall.”

  She walks over to the stand with all the dresses and pulls out the pink wedding gown.

  “Put it down, Mal. I love you. I can’t let you wear that.”

  She puts it back on the rack and comes over, plopping down next to me.

  “You moving out?” I ask the question I already know the answer to.

  She ignores my question and asks her own. “You okay?”

  “I will be.”

  She grabs my hand. “Don’t do anything crazy, Paige. I know you want your piece.”

  I glance over at her. She’s the only one I’ve told about watching my father kill my mother. I didn’t tell her about all the other things I’ve heard about him over the years. Things I heard him say he did, too. I didn’t want to taint sweet Mal with all that. I gave her the basics. My main reason. That I stood there and did nothing before I ran. I never told a soul what I’d seen. Partly out of fear, and partly from shame. The guilt eats at me, and sometimes I feel like it’s alive inside, slowly taking over, piece by piece. Sometimes I welcome it and other times, like when I look at Captain, I wish I didn’t have it.

  “Maybe you should tell Miles.”

  “No.” I cut her off. Not going to happen. This is mine, and not only that, I don’t want to pull him back into this. I don’t want Mal in it, because if Miles is, she is. Miles is done with our father and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want Alexander’s sights anywhere on Mal, because that’s where it will end up if he and Miles go toe to toe again.

  “I know you can’t let it go. I get that, I really do. If someone hurt you or Miles, I’d want to make that person pay, too. I’m just—”

  “Let’s not think about this today,” I push. We should be fighting over what ridiculous dress she’s going to try to make me wear. I should be trying to persuade her to choose a huge and ostentatious menu, while she tries to do everything on a small, simple budget.

  “I’ve never seen your face like that, Paige. You looked so lost last night.”

  She keeps trying to push me back there. Back to somewhere I don’t want to go, because I still feel shame about that, too. I’m pissed at how easily I froze in front of my father last night. How many years have I been so good at hiding things? How come it’s all starting to show? Maybe I’m cracking. Maybe I’m not as strong as I thought I was. How many nights had I lain in bed thinking of all the things I’d say to him whenever I came face-to-face with him again? Throw my own threats in his face and show him he didn’t scare me. That I was going to haunt his dreams now. He’d lie awake at night, scared to close his eyes in case the nightmares would come. But I didn’t give him that. Instead I gave him the fear he loves to see in people.

  “I was fine. Captain brought me home.” She raises her eyebrows in surprise as I try to change the subject. Yeah, that’s how I can get her off this. She’s always eager for Captain informatio
n and wants to talk about this thing I have for him. Now that she’s happily in love, she seems to want the same for me. I bet she’s already planning double dates. I almost snort at the idea. I give her more details, knowing it will keep her off topic. “He stayed the night.”

  “Oh my God!” She claps excitedly and I shake my head.

  “Calm down. We just slept.” I can practically see little hearts floating over her head. “I don’t know what’s up with him. One minute he’s kissing me and the next he’s on the other side of the room.”

  “He’s hard to read. His face is always the same. Like a stone that sees all, but I know he’s into you. I mean, the only time he ever cracks a smile at work is when you’re poking at him.”

  I want to ask if she thinks something between him and me could really work. She’s the one who dubbed him Captain America. We’d joke about how perfect and all-American he always looked. That kind of perfection wouldn’t want me once he’d start to peel back my layers. At one time I thought I could fake it until I made it, but if I’ve learned anything over the past few days, it’s that Ryan is able to see through me too easily for my liking.

  I shrug like it’s no big deal. I get up from the sofa and walk to the rack of dresses, pulling off one that’s actually white.

  “This will rock on your body,” I tell her. It could fit her like a second skin, and Mal has all the right curves for something like it.

  “I’d have to get married tomorrow or it’ll never fit.” She stands, putting her hand on her belly. “We read the test wrong Friday. We didn’t wait long enough. I’m pregnant. You’re going to be an aunt.” Her face lights up, and now I know where that glow is coming from.

  I rush over to her, embracing her in a hug, knowing how disappointed she was, even if she tried to hide it, when the test was negative. Mal shows everything on her face.

  “I still can’t believe it,” she murmurs next to my ear. I can hear tears in her voice as I pull back and look at her. She so freaking happy it makes me smile even wider.

  “I know what this needs,” I tell her. She sniffs and gives me a watery smile. I know she’s happy, but it’s not the time for tears. It’s time for fun. “I’m going to try on that pink wedding dress.”

  Mal bursts into laughter.

  Chapter Eight

  Paige

  * * *

  WHEN THE ELEVATOR DINGS, I look up from my phone and see Miles and Mallory step out. It’s Monday morning and things are back to normal. Well, as normal as they can be now that everything’s changed. Mallory is getting married and having a baby, and I’m too happy to worry about how this is going to affect me.

  Standing up, I feel Captain move in beside me. I try to ignore the way my body heats at his proximity, and focus on my job.

  I woke up bright and early this morning to get ready for the day. I dressed in my usual attire for work: a white button-up collared shirt and black slacks. I change it up a bit with my shoes, unable to stop wearing ridiculous heels. Thank God Miles has always provided me with a hefty salary, so I can afford the things I like. I should probably wear something more sensible, but shoes are my weakness. Well, shoes and food. For a second I think about the kiss I shared with Ryan and realize I could easily be addicted to that, too. Probably already am.

  Shaking off the thoughts of him and his gloriously naked chest, I straighten my shoulders and tuck my phone into my red leather messenger bag that matches my shoes. Today I’m wearing my favorite pair of Miu Miu Mary Janes, with heels that look like big screws. They give me the height I need and make me feel industrially sexy. Is that a word? It is now.

  I’ve been waiting down here for about fifteen minutes, during which time Captain was watching me from across the street. I wondered when he’d come inside, but I guess he was waiting until the happy couple needed their security detail.

  “Good morning, kitten.”

  His low voice sends a shiver of pleasure right between my legs, and I have to blink a couple times before I can respond. No one could have heard him say the words, and I’m sure if he repeated it to a stranger they’d seem normal. Possibly playful. But to me, the memory of the last time he called me that has a whole mountain of meaning attached to it. I remember his deep voice whispered in the dark, and all those desires come flooding back.

  Thankfully, I’ve taken my mind out of the gutter by the time Mallory and Miles approach us. It’s then I realize I never responded to Captain, and it’s too late. I smile at everyone but him in greeting. Those green eyes will make my knees weak right this second and I need to compose myself first.

  “We’re going to drive in this morning,” Miles says, pulling Mallory close to him as they exit the building. Mallory flushes a deep shade of red, and I try not to think about how messy the back of that limo is going to be when they get to our building.

  I step outside and make sure Miles and Mallory are safely tucked inside the car before it pulls away from the curb. I watch them leave and then decide to walk to work. The morning is cool and I don’t mind the few blocks it takes to get there. There’s another security detail in place at Osborne Corp that will greet them when they finally peel themselves off one another and get to work. But before I can take two steps, Captain’s warm palm wraps around my hand and his body moves beside mine.

  I’m obsessed enough to know that he was standing beside me the whole time I watched their limo leave, but I thought I could walk away without incident. Why is this man my undoing?

  “I’m going to walk to work today, if that’s all right.” I don’t make a move to take my hand from his or to look into his eyes. I’m powerless at his touch, and if I see anything on his face that’s close to desire, I swear to God, I’ll climb his body like a stripper pole.

  “I saw that. Thought I might walk with you, kitten.”

  “You can’t call me that.” My eyes are on his shiny shoes, and for some reason my heart feels like it’s longing. Hearing him call me that sweet name makes me wish for something I can’t have. Something special and sweet that I’m incapable of being. But I can’t stop the want from stirring inside me.

  “Why not?”

  When he cups my chin with his other hand, I take a breath and look up at him. His dark greens are bright and soft. He’s looking at me like I’ve made his day by merely being alive, and it’s a shot to the heart. I take an involuntary step into his space, and his warmth welcomes me.

  I’ve lost my voice trying to find an answer to a question I didn’t want him to ask. He puts me in this fog where I don’t remember why he can’t call me that, or why I can’t belong to him. I get too close and I forget everything but my need to be with him, and my desire to let him protect me.

  A passing bus blows its horn next to us and I blink a few times, breaking the spell. I step away from his touch, dropping his hand and feeling his fingers on my chin slip away. The distraction is exactly what I needed, and I hate that I got it. I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself, so maybe I should send that bus driver a thank-you note. I’m cold without Captain’s touch, but I’m doing this to protect myself and it’s the right decision.

  I walk in the direction of Osborne Corp and feel him at my side. This time I tuck my hands in the pockets of my dress slacks, grateful that I’ve got them. Pockets are usually in short supply in women’s clothing.

  We walk in silence for two blocks, our steps in sync, and the rhythm is soothing. His silence and the click of my heels in time with the weight of his boots go a long way to calm my nerves. When we get to the coffee shop nearby, I look over and nod. He smiles at me, and my ovaries melt. Jesus, that man has a face Adonis would be jealous of.

  “Red Bull, vanilla latte, blueberry muffin and a chocolate scone?” He asks the question, but he knows he’s right.

  “Remembering my breakfast order is creepy, but I’ll give you points for being efficient,” I lie. It isn’t creepy at all. It’s sweet and makes me want to pull him to me for another one of those kisses. Stop it, Paige, I inwardly yell at
myself. I have got to let this kiss stuff go. It’s taking up too much of my thought processes. It can’t be normal to think about a kiss this much.

  I watch as he walks inside the shop and orders all that food. He’s going to get a large coffee and a bagel and cream cheese for himself. He never eats the bagel, always offers it to me. It’s annoying how much I like that.

  I watch from outside as he gets his coffee and waits for the food. My eyes are trained on his full lips as he brings the cup up to his mouth, forms a little O and blows on the hot brew. Then he licks his lips, and I swear everything below my waist throbs as he puts his mouth on the lip of the cup and drinks. Watching him should not be turning me on, but I have to cross my arms because my nipples are now on high beams. I’m picturing all the things that man can do to me with his mouth when I hear someone say my name from behind me.

  “Paige? Is that you?”

  Turning around, I’m shocked when I see Patrick. He was one of the kids who lived near the restaurant I grew up in. We would play together in the back alleys when we were eight, and talk about running away. He came from a shitty home like I did, and when he disappeared when I was ten, I had assumed the worst.

  “Patrick?”

  Recognition dawns between us, and we both smile as we step forward for a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck and his wind around my waist. I could cry with relief. Patrick was the closest thing I’d ever had to a friend, but we were small kids. I have an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia seeing him, and a longing for a childhood I never had.