“And?”
“You have your secrets, and I have mine,” Jen said flippantly, but Selena could tell she was smiling.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that clearly you had more than your boring conversation with James, and you’re not sharing. So neither am I.”
“Look, all he did was mention Mike checking up on you when I told him you were home and I was still at the hotel. That’s all.” Liar, liar, liar.
“Oh…well, in that case, there still isn’t much to tell. He came in, checked the house and made sure that everything was locked up and secure, went around the property with a flashlight, and that’s about it.”
“He didn’t stay and hang out?”
“I offered him something to drink and he looked at me like I was crazy.” The disappointment was obvious.
“That’s not a good sign.”
“No,” Jen said dejectedly. “It’s not.” She sighed. “Apparently I am only capable of attracting crazy-stalker guys. The normal ones have no interest.”
“Let’s not throw in the towel just yet,” Selena said, trying to sound reassuring. “Maybe he just wants to wait until all of this stuff with Todd gets settled. You know, when you’re not part of a case he’s working on.” Selena had watched enough legal dramas on TV to know that was plausible.
“You could ask James about him tonight,” Jen suggested.
“Sure, while we’re talking about our long-ago breakup, his deserting me, the loss of our baby, and why he’s clearly blaming me, I’ll just throw in a little Q and A about whether or not Mike thinks you’re cute.”
“Sarcasm really doesn’t suit you, Selena,” Jen said with her own hint of sarcasm.
“Then be realistic. Tonight is going to be hard enough; we have a lot to talk about. If I can find a way to bring you and Mike up, I will, but I can’t guarantee anything.”
“Fine. So what time is he coming over?”
“He said he’d be over after nine.” Selena looked at her watch. “Clearly I’ve got some time to kill. I’ve already eaten my early-bird dinner; want to meet up at the diner for coffee?”
“I can totally do the diner. I haven’t had dinner yet. What do you say? Thirty minutes?”
“See you there!”
* * *
A small salad, a Coke, and much laughter later, Selena returned to her hotel room to freshen up and wait for James. With any luck, he wouldn’t be detained with work, and they could finally have the conversation they should have had last night. Or this morning.
Or ten years ago.
The thought of talking about the past and bringing it all back to the surface was something she was not looking forward to. For so long, Selena had done her best to push the memories away. It hadn’t helped; the pain was still as raw and fresh as if it had happened just yesterday. Pacing the length of the living room, she questioned whether or not she was going to even be able to do this without breaking down. They both had a lot of reasons to be angry; the question was, whose anger was still the strongest right here, right now?
Thinking back, Selena remembered she had tried to find James for weeks after she was released from the hospital. Her father had used every threat possible to keep her from reaching out to James, so she had to get the help of her friends. No one was able to find him. If Kent had known, he hadn’t said anything. Not that she could blame him; to Kent, James was family and Selena was just a friend, a classmate. Still, she had hoped if she begged enough, Kent would have seen how sincere she was and how important it was for her to find James and explain what had happened.
While Selena knew what her father had done, she still struggled with one question: Why hadn’t James come back for her, even after the dust had settled, so to speak? Surely after a little bit of time, he had to know that everyone would have calmed down, that she’d be waiting for him.
But he never did.
And her father never calmed down, hence their estrangement.
Okay, she thought to herself, maybe she should have stood up for herself more, been more assertive with her parents, but to what end? She couldn’t find James. What was the point in being rebellious and standing up for herself when she was still going to be alone? Going off to college had been a godsend. Not having to live under the same roof with the person responsible for ruining her life definitely had its perks, and back then, Selena was sure it would be then that James would come and find her.
But he didn’t.
All thoughts and warm feelings from making love earlier in the day were quickly fading, and the anger she had lived with for so long was slowly making its return.
He wasn’t the only one who suffered a loss, dammit! It was her body that had been broken. It was her life that had been turned upside down, and it had been her baby who had suffered the ultimate loss. How dare he forget that! How dare any of them forget that! All that time, Selena had been made to feel bad or guilty for what had happened when the truth was that she was the victim. In the blink of an eye, she had lost her tenuous relationship with her parents, James, and her child. Why did no one seem to be able to acknowledge that fact? They had all acted selfishly while Selena, like a fool, had tried to bend over backward to make everyone feel better. Why didn’t anyone think she needed comfort?
Looking around the suite, Selena had originally planned on ordering some wine and putting on some music, but she no longer felt the need to make things pleasant to help soften the mood. To hell with softening anything. She had needed someone to do that for her so long ago. Why should she go through the effort to do it now? And for that matter, why had she even gone into this whole closure thing feeling like she owed anyone an explanation? He owed her one. And if James Montgomery thought he was going to show up here and make it like he was the only one who had suffered, he was sorely mistaken.
Unable to help herself, Selena did go and freshen up. It was more for herself than for James. At least that’s what she told herself. A little lipstick never hurt anyone. Fluffing her hair and giving it that sexy, just-out-of-bed look made her feel pretty. Changing her clothes and putting on her skimpiest black lace underwear was just because she enjoyed frilly things.
It had nothing to do with James.
“What am I doing?” she scolded herself after fluffing the pillows on her bed. “What is wrong with me?” She stalked from the room and went out to the living room to get herself something to drink, only to realize that she hadn’t restocked the mini refrigerator. The easy thing to do that wouldn’t make her seem like she was putting in an effort was to go down the hall to the vending machine and just grab herself something to drink, but good manners prevailed and she called room service.
The fact that she remembered James’s favorite beer made her cringe. Ordering it along with some light snacks and wine for herself made her want to smack her own face. She was still trying to please everyone. It was like a sickness. “I’m just being hospitable. That’s it; I am so not trying to impress him.”
Liar, liar, liar.
With nothing left to do, Selena checked her watch and saw that it was only eight thirty. “Great,” she muttered. “Now what do I do?” The TV seemed the obvious choice, and so she did her best to make herself comfortable on the sofa while channel surfing. Back at home, she rarely had so much spare time on her hands. Her business kept her busy, and she considered most television shows to be a waste of her time. Still, it couldn’t hurt to see if New York television stations offered a better variety than what she had back home in North Carolina.
Nothing captured her attention, and in her boredom, she began to wonder if she should have changed out of her jeans and sweater when she’d changed her underwear and put on something a little more low key. She was not going to use the phrase “more comfortable” because that implied slipping into something slinky and easy to get out of, and she wasn’t supposed to be going ther
e—no matter how pleasurable she knew it could be.
“Dammit.” Rising from the couch, she stalked back to the bedroom and stripped down to her underwear and rummaged through her things until she found a pair of silky lounging pants that she normally did wear around the house and a T-shirt. Checking her reflection in the mirror, she grimaced. “I’m trying too hard to look like I’m not trying too hard.” A growl of frustration escaped before she could help herself. “Why is this so damn hard?” Of course no one was there to answer, and throwing up her hands in disgust with herself, she padded barefoot back into the living room to await both room service and James while watching the latest in house-hunting on HGTV.
“Living the dream,” she mumbled as she curled back up on the couch and did her best to not check the clock again.
The knock on the door came as more of a surprise than it should have, and the remote control flew into the air as she jumped up in fright. “Smooth, Selena…like you weren’t expecting anyone,” she berated herself as she struggled to get her heart rate under control while walking to the door.
“Room service,” the voice on the other side called out, and she nearly wilted with relief. She wasn’t ready to face James yet. Opening the door, she ushered the uniformed waiter inside and watched as he set up the food and drinks on the small dining table and asked her if there was anything else she needed.
“No, thank you.” Forcing a smile, Selena thanked him, tipped him, and sent him on his way. Glancing at the inviting display, she could practically hear the wine calling her. “What the hell,” she said with defeat and walked over and poured herself a glass. No sooner had she put the bottle back on the table than a second knock came. Selena glanced at the door and then to the glass in her hand. With a shrug, she took a long swallow of the fruity beverage and placed the glass back on the table before heading toward the door.
“Showtime.”
* * *
James was faring no better. His concentration had been shitty all day. He couldn’t focus on anything, and what was worse was that everyone seemed to notice. More than once, one of his coworkers had simply given him an amused look as they took over some of his basic tasks. It was damn embarrassing.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Selena, feel her, want her. It was maddening. How could one night—or one morning—affect him so strongly? What was it about her? It was like she was a part of him, in his blood. Even though he knew he was going to see her tonight, walking away just to go to work had caused a physical ache in the region of his heart. If anything, it was worse than losing her back then.
If there was a way to forget about the tragedy in their past and focus strictly on the emotions, attraction, and what they felt for each other right now, James would gladly do it. No woman had ever made him feel the way Selena did, and he knew now that no one ever would. After so much time apart, it was still there; it was like living without a limb part of your life and then getting it back.
She completed him.
Unfortunately, there were things that couldn’t be ignored, and wouldn’t he rather deal with them now and try to get through them together than let them continue to fester and then burst out at a later time? He could only imagine what it would be like to try to ignore the past and to move forward with a future with her now that they were adults. They were older now and could have all of the things they had once only dreamed of. But wouldn’t it be harder to actually have all of that and then lose it?
Maybe.
All day, he had wondered what tonight really was. A date? A meeting? After last night and this morning, he wanted nothing more than to show up here with flowers and wine and to sweep Selena into his arms and make love to her again all night long. But there was something about that scenario that refused to sit right. What if it was all a fluke? A matter of just getting one another out of their systems? That thought made him angry; he’d be damned if he’d let her use him like that. Then again, he’d feel like a complete ass if he showed up with all of the trappings of a romantic evening and she was prepared for a more businesslike discussion.
Why didn’t relationships come with a damn handbook?
Getting involved with Selena again could be emotional suicide. He knew she had a life back in North Carolina, and for all he knew, she was just passing the time with him while she was here in town. That just simply pissed him off. The girl he had known wouldn’t be so cruel, so callous. Then again, he didn’t know Selena as a woman, only the girl of eighteen whom he had fallen in love with. Could she have changed that much?
How was he going to survive her leaving again? How could he ask her to stay? Raking a hand through his hair, James cursed himself. He was getting way ahead of the situation. For all he knew, they would talk, hash things out, and find out that all they had was sexual chemistry and a whole lot of anger. He shook his head. They had more than chemistry. You didn’t make love with that kind of passion again and again with simple chemistry. Hell, he’d only made love to one woman who brought out that kind of passion in him.
Shit.
He was still in love with Selena Ainsley.
He heard her footsteps approaching from inside the room. He swallowed hard. She held all of the cards in her hands, and she didn’t even realize it. At the end of the day, anger or no anger, James knew everything he wanted, everything he had ever wanted, was waiting for him on the other side of that door, inside that hotel room.
Selena opened the door, and all of the pent-up tension from the day left his body. No matter what happened next, no matter what was said, James wasn’t going to let her walk away this time without a fight.
Chapter 8
One look.
One look was all it took for all the fight to leave her. Mirrored on James’s face was the same uncertainty, the same level of wanting, needing, that she knew she was feeling. It was good to know that she wasn’t alone in all of this, that clearly he was feeling the exact same way. A slow smile crept across her face because the reality was that she was pleased to see him and relieved that he was finally there.
Stepping aside for him to enter, Selena wasn’t sure if she was supposed to kiss him hello or hug him or…anything. This was foreign territory for her. How was someone supposed to behave after a morning of mind-blowing sex with your ex-boyfriend when you really needed to sit down and have a serious discussion? She chewed her bottom lip nervously as she wracked her brain for the right thing to do, to say.
James took the decision from her hands when he closed the door, stepped in close, and kissed her. It was gentle. It was tender. It was exactly what she needed. Her entire body softened against his, and with nothing more than a simple nudge, Selena’s back was to the wall and her arms wound around his neck to hold him close. She wasn’t sure who sighed with contentment first; all she knew was that never in her entire life had she been so in sync with someone.
Only with James.
It was a good feeling.
All too soon James lifted his head and rested his forehead against hers. “I know that probably wasn’t the best way to start the night, but I couldn’t resist,” he confessed. Pulling back, he looked at the dreamy smile on Selena’s face and then leaned back in and kissed her still-closed eyes. Then he breathed her in—the scent of her perfume, the shampoo she used, and sighed happily. “How was your day?”
It was so domestic, so comfortable, that Selena had no problem falling right into it with him. “Mmm…it was good.” Opening her eyes, she took him by the hand and led him over to the sofa before offering him a beer and refilling her glass of wine. Handing the beer to him, she walked around and sat beside him. “I had a wonderful visit with my grandmother.”
“Was she surprised to hear from you?”
Selena chuckled. “Yes, she was, and no one needed to bring in a crash cart.”
“Smart-ass.”
She chuckled at the expression on his face. “It was s
o great to have the afternoon together. We talked; she showed me around the gardens of the retirement community and introduced me to about a hundred people before going for an early-bird dinner.”
“Four thirty?”
“Four o’clock,” she said with a smile and reached for her forgotten glass of wine. “I left around five, spoke to Jen, and then met up with her at the diner. There are no diners in North Carolina; I had forgotten how much I love them!”
“So you had two dinners?” he teased.
Shaking her head, Selena couldn’t help but laugh. “Absolutely not! I had a sensible snack while she ate.” She took a slow sip of wine, watching him over the rim of her glass. “It was good to sit and talk with her. She had a rough day at school and is still feeling anxious about what’s going on. Any chance that you found Todd?”
“I’m not at liberty to say,” he replied seriously. “Let’s just say it will be over soon.” He knew all of the reasons he wasn’t supposed to share the information with Selena, and he wished it could be different. He wanted to talk to her, to share with her the things about his job that frustrated him—like Jen’s case. Shaking his head, James knew that he needed to wait and see how things played out before he totally opened up to Selena and thought about breaking any rules for her.
“That’s a relief. I know Jen is anxious to get her life back to normal.” Waiting a beat, she watched James as a slow smile crossed her face. “So she told me that Mike stopped by last night. You know, he checked the house, the perimeter, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, did he mention anything to you?” James looked at her and smiled broadly before laughing. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Selena, I’m a thirty-year-old man. I’m a little beyond this kind of gossip.”
“It’s not…gossip…per se. Let’s just say that I’m a little curious.”
Leaning in, he placed a quick kiss on her nose. “Well you’re going to have to stay curious because Mike and I don’t sit around braiding each other’s hair while we talk about girls.”
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