Bein' Dead Ain't No Excuse

by Penny Burwell Ewing

  “Attempted murder?” Deena shot Ryder a panicked look. “Good gracious, who would commit such a vicious crime?”

  Ryder took her hand. “I believe we should take this outside to the waiting room. I’d like to place a call to Chief Nichols. He owes me a favor, and this seems like the time to collect on that debt.”

  Becky clutched her stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Billie Jo clamped a hand over her mouth and tore out of Roddy’s grasp. “Oh, God, me too.” She held out her hand toward Becky. “There’s a ladies room just outside the unit.” Hand in hand, they exited the room.

  “I’d better keep an eye on them,” Roddy said with a worried expression. “All this drama isn’t good for the baby, and Billie Jo refuses to go home. God, she’s so stubborn.”

  “Like Jolene,” Deena added with a sob. “I believe I’ll join them in the waiting room.”

  “Ryder is right.” Mama tugged on Daddy’s hand. “Let’s go make some calls. I have a connection of my own.”

  Subdued, the rest of the family trailed behind Roddy out of the intensive care unit and to the waiting room. Scarlett and I waited as Dr. Moore completed his examination on my listless body, and leaving a nurse behind, left the same way as my family.

  “That was an interesting conversation,” Scarlett said in an off-handed manner. “Attempted murder. Too bad we can’t rat out Lilith. She’d disappear in a heartbeat if the cops were hot on her trail.”

  “Damn, Scarlett, you’re right,” I pointed out. “The person known as Lilith Lacewell wouldn’t take the chance of going to jail. But how to prove it? There’s no evidence. And even if the police dusted for prints on the ventilator, how could they determine Lilith’s fingerprints with so many medical personnel having touched the switch?”

  She touched the sheathed sword at her side. “Personally, I hope we get to stab her in the back when she’s doing her seduction dance with Roddy. It’s been awhile since I’ve stuck it to someone, and I’d just as rather it be her. Slimy bitch.”

  My eyes strayed to the nurse straightening the sheets over me. “I’d prefer we set the police on her. I’m not fond of the idea of her seducing Billie Jo’s husband while he’s sleeping. C’mon, let’s see if I can get Deena’s attention. The sooner I make contact, the sooner she can point the finger of suspicion at Lilith Lacewell.”

  Deena wasn’t in the waiting room, but we arrived in time to hear Mama drop another bombshell.

  “Well, he’s on his way.” She snapped shut her cell phone and dropped it into her purse. “Sam is catching the next flight out of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. He’ll get a shuttle flight from Atlanta and rent a car in Albany. He should arrive late tonight. I told him he could stay with us at the farm, Harland.”

  Daddy nodded his head in approval. “Good man, Sam Bradford. It’s a relief to know he’s on his way. He’ll get to the bottom of this. Yes, siree, Sam’s a good man to have around in a pinch.”

  My spirit soared with the announcement, and I zipped through the roof and into the endless blue skies above doing flips and swirls through fluffy white cumulus clouds.

  Hot damn, Bradford was returning to Whiskey Creek!

  Chapter Sixteen

  Come Fly with Me

  Scarlett and I returned to Dixieland Salon to find Deena frantically cleaning an already spotless shop. Scarlett discreetly retired to the facial room for a quick nap, leaving me alone with my sister. Now that the time to materialize had arrived, I found myself nervous and uncertain how to proceed. One doesn’t just magically appear out of thin air. The surprise of seeing me here in the shop instead of the ICU could very well send her into shock or a nervous breakdown. Deena had been restless and agitated for weeks leading up to her wedding, and my diving into near death had only exasperated her condition.

  Caution was the keyword here.

  My opportunity came when she’d worn herself down to a frazzle and had plopped down in an exhausted heap on her office sofa. I drifted through the doorframe and watched her for several minutes. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing even, if just a mite jerky, and I could detect the soft sniffle of tears.

  Saint Pete said I could materialize into solid form for five minutes. Still, I remained invisible, uncertain of her reaction. The silence of the salon was complete. Even the hum of the refrigerator was absent here in the front office. With slow deliberation, I wafted into the room until I stood before the plush sofa. I whispered the quick prayer he’d given me and willed myself present.

  “Deena, honey, open your eyes.”

  Her eyes popped open, and with a screech of delight, she launched herself at me. I caught her body against mine, and we both staggered to the hardwood floor. We rolled over laughing as we’d done as children. She pushed a tangle of bangs from her eyes and cried, “Oh, Jolene, you startled me. Shame…”

  Her voice trailed off as her gaze swept my warrior attire. “What are you doing here in that getup?” She climbed shakily to her feet. “Wait a minute. I was just at the hospital not less than two hours ago. You were in a coma.” She looked wildly about. “How can you be here with no aftereffects?” She stepped back from my outstretched hand, a hand pressed to her lips. “You can’t be here. I’m hallucinating. No, I’m dreaming, caught in a nightmare.”

  A pang of remorse ripped through me, knowing I’d made a huge miscalculation with my sister. Deena was still too fragile to accept my physical presence, but now I had no choice but to move ahead quickly and bring control and reason to my sudden appearance.

  “You’re not dreaming,” I said in an even tone meant to calm her. “I’m real. You can touch me and see I’m real.”

  She struggled for breath and looked as if she might faint. “No, don’t touch me. Stay away, or I’ll scream.”

  “Okay, enough time wasted. I have five minutes before I disappear and you’re going to listen to me. Got it?” I bolted toward her and grabbed her by the arm, and keeping a tight grip shoved her into one of the chairs facing her desk. “Allow me to refresh your memory.” I pinched her hard on the upper arm. “Bring back memories?”

  “Ouch!” She jerked her arm out of my grasp. “Knock it off, Jolene. I swear to God, you get on my last nerve.”

  I gave her my best sisterly smile. “As you do mine, Sister Dearest, but that’s beside the point. Now, do you believe me?”

  A bewildered look crinkled her face. “I’m divided on this one, Jolene, but I’m willing to meet you halfway. You’ve pulled some stupid stunts in the past two years, but this one takes the cake. How is this possible?”

  “I don’t have time for a lengthy explanation, but I’m here because of a monumental mistake on Heaven’s part. Scarlett and I are here to right a wrong.”

  She groaned. “Scarlett’s here? Why am I not surprised?”

  I pointed to my wristwatch. “I have three remaining minutes left, so listen up.” She nodded, and I continued, “Bradford is on his way here. Lilith is the one who turned off the ventilator in an attempt to stop me. He needs to find enough evidence to convince the police to investigate her. She’s not who she presents herself to be, Deena. She’s a demon from the pit of Hell.”

  Doubt came into her eyes. “You want me to convince Sam that Lilith Lacewell is a demon? Good gracious, Jolene. Sam Bradford will never go for it. He doesn’t believe in the afterlife. This is crazy. You’re crazy. It won’t work.”

  I blew out a frustrated breath as the precious seconds ticked away. “Yes, it will and don’t underestimate Bradford’s belief system. I don’t have time to explain but leave ghosts and demons out of it, sis. Just point the finger of suspicion at Lilith. Give him a reason to investigate her. If she comes under the police microscope, she’ll be forced to disappear.”

  “This is so confusing. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Go with your gut, sis,” I encouraged. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

  Her brows spiked. “Oh, yeah, many times.”

  “She’s after Roddy.”
r />   That got her attention. “How do you know?”

  “She told me just before she pulled the plug.”

  “What does she want with Roddy? He’s happily married.”

  “Simple. She wants sex. Lilith is a succubus, Deena. She’s after his life energy through his semen.”

  “OMG! I’ve never heard of such a thing. A succubus? Really? You’re for real?”

  “Yes, Deena. I’m not trying to shovel manure at you. I’m trying to save Billie Jo’s marriage. Keep an open mind, please.”

  She twisted her lip between her teeth. “I’ll try, Jolene, but you’re right, this could destroy Billie Jo if she caught him cheating. Even possibly cause her to miscarry the baby.”

  “The Devil’s mistress doesn’t care about life. I’m proof of that.”

  “Okay, I’m in. What do I do first?”

  “First thing is to keep Lilith out of my hospital room. Ryder has the chief’s ear. See if he can request Diamond Pressley as my bodyguard. She’s trustworthy and loyal and on the police force. This will give the family a break from the constant vigil. Bradford is scheduled to arrive late tonight. See if you can arrange to meet him out at the farm and speak with him in private. I don’t want Mama or Daddy to be involved in any way. Hopefully, Bradford will take it from there. I know he’s no longer on the force, but that won’t stop him. Just point him in the right direction and let him run.”

  “What about Roddy and Billie Jo? How do I keep Lilith away from him when he’s renovating her shop?”

  “Don’t worry about that. Lilith works her magic during the darkest hours of night, and that’s where Scarlett and I come in. We’ll be on guard duty tonight. If she gets anywhere near him, we’ll slash her to pieces with our swords.”

  “I was wondering about that sword. I know I shouldn’t ask, but how do you get yourself in these situations?”

  “Because I’m a neurotic, control freak and can’t mind my own business. However, I’ve learned my lesson this time around, I promise.” I raised my right hand. “I pledge to turn a blind eye to any and all ghosts, murders, and mysteries if I make it out of this alive. I promise.”

  She didn’t challenge my statement but asked instead, “What about the shop? Should I shut it down?”

  “No, business as usual. We can’t afford to lose our health insurance. Hire a manager and a couple of additional stylists if the staff can’t handle the workload, but keep the doors open by all means.”

  Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I don’t know how I’m going to explain all this to Ryder. We haven’t had much time together since our wedding. And on top of everything else he has the added worry of his parents. They have to somehow get back to Atlanta for Helen’s next chemo treatment. We were going to drop them off before we caught our flight to Hawaii. I guess he’ll have to make a quick trip to Atlanta tomorrow.”

  Guilt assaulted me at her expression of mute wretchedness. Geez, I’d been so consumed with my own problems that I hadn’t spent one millisecond considering Deena. She and Ryder should be, right now this moment, off on an exciting honeymoon. Instead, they were trapped here in Whiskey Creek by unforeseen circumstances.

  I took her hands in mine. “Sis, I’m so sorry I spoiled your reception and honeymoon, but I promise to make it up to you both when this is over. Which won’t be long if my plan works out. Please, hang in there and know that all your dreams will come true in the long run.”

  She squeezed my hand. “They already have, Jolene. You’re here now, and I’m Mrs. Ryder Matheson.”

  A feeling of weightlessness spread through me, and I knew only seconds remained before I would rejoin the dead. “My time is up. Please do as I asked, and if you need me, leave a note in the facial room. Scarlett and I are using it as our mission control.”

  “You’re haunting the salon?” Her laughter rang loudly. “I never imagined those words would be music to my ears.”

  With her amusement assaulting my ears, I drifted out of the office and back to the facial room for a little shut-eye. Tonight, Scarlett and I would stand guard over Billie Jo and Roddy’s house for any intruders of the nasty kind. Seeing Scarlett curled up on the loveseat, I settled into the rocking chair and fell into a dead sleep if you know what I mean.

  ****

  Nightfall comes early this time of the year, and twilight had turned to darkness when Scarlett and I shot through the ceiling of the salon and soared high above the rooftops of buildings and homes in the center of town. The workday was over, stores were locking up, and supper was on the stove in most of the homes. We circled the statue in the courthouse square, upsetting a nest of sparrows in the tall, ancient evergreen magnolia, and skimmed down Main Street until we reached Park and Sixth Street and the beautiful old historic clapboard house Billie Jo and Roddy were painstakingly restoring back to its 1890s glory.

  Over a century old, the two-story house still needed a ton of work and lots of paint, but I knew Billie Jo loved the place. Roddy had hated it upon first sight, but my sister chiseled him down until he caved. They’d bought it at an auction for a fraction of its worth, and on weekends and holidays, both worked tirelessly to put the grand ole dame back together again.

  I liked the pale pink wooden house with crisp white trim and spacious front porch. A fall wreath of red and orange leaves graced the glass-paneled decorative front door. Warm, yellow light spilled from the windows and from my perch in the crape myrtle tree, all three vehicles were parked in the driveway.

  Perfect, they were all safe at home.

  “We’re not alone,” Scarlett said from the branch above me. “Lilith’s henchmen have arrived.” She pointed to several black shapes and glowing eyes lurking in the neighboring yards, then patted the sword strapped to her back. “I hope we get to use these bad boys. I’m aching for a fight.”

  “Any sign of Lilith?” I forced myself to remain calm and focused. My gaze swept the roof of the house for any movement or shadows. “And don’t be too quick to start a fight. We’d lose, you know. We’re outnumbered and amateurs.”

  Scarlett joined me on my branch. “Speak for yourself. I happened to be pretty good with this thing. As for Lilith, I don’t believe she’s arrived for the party.”

  “Stay here and keep a lookout,” I directed. “I’m going to scope out the inside for any sign of trouble. Lilith could be anywhere.”

  She tapped her sheathed sword. “Are you sure I can’t rout a few nasty imps out of hiding? I’m bored.”

  “Keep your panties on, Scarlett. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

  The cloudy night sky kept the moon under wraps, and I skirted around the front porch to the backyard where a dim light shone above the steps to the screened porch. I moved ahead eagerly and passed through the rear door and into the brightly lit kitchen. Solemn voices drifted back from the dining room, and I could tell by the conversation they were discussing the doctor’s latest prognosis on my deteriorating condition.

  I wafted through the doorway for a quick peek at my sister and her family. Roddy was at the head of the table, and Lynette sat to his left. Billie Jo, picking at her meatloaf with her fork, occupied the chair to his right. Her weary face looked pinched and sad and frighteningly pale. Although I wanted to linger, I needed to check out the rest of the rambling house. The downstairs contained no surprises from the spirit world. I drifted upstairs to the master bedroom. Nothing. Lynette’s room, clean as a whistle. The nursery, empty. Not much work had been done in here, only Lynette’s old crib had been set up by the window. Evidently, a theme had yet to be chosen. I paused there over the light oak crib and imagined the new life that would soon occupy this space. A nephew if Lilith was correct, a little boy to complete their family.

  I finished my sweep of the house and found nothing of concern. Downstairs, I paused in the kitchen as Billie Jo and Lynette cleaned the dinner dishes. From the living room, a TV blasted. Since he was Lilith’s primary target, I would verify Roddy’s safety, then rejoin Scarlett outside. Roddy, stretch
ed out on his recliner, was flipping channels when I wafted in from the kitchen. He yawned several times, and I knew it wouldn’t be too long before went upstairs to bed. Roddy retired early, according to Billie Jo.

  Not finding any paranormal threat in the house, I surmised Lilith was nowhere in the vicinity, and I could rejoin Scarlett. We would continue to monitor the house from the safety of the trees and intercede if Lilith appeared. Which I suspected would occur in the wee hours of the morning. Good thing, Scarlett and I had caught a few extra winks.

  Outside the moon hung low in the crisp night sky, and a gentle breeze rattled autumn leaves from a big sweet gum tree and tall pine in the backyard. Scarlett was still hunkered down in the skinny crape myrtle tree.

  “Several more of Lilith’s cronies arrived while you were gone,” she said when I settled down beside her on the branch. “No hideous warriors of hell. Just pesky imps with no leadership. We could take them, you know. Wipe ’em out in one sweep.”

  “Too risky,” I muttered. “And it would blow our cover and ruin any chance of an ambush.”

  “I’m fairly certain they know we’re here.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Not a cotton-pickin’ thing, dumbass,” she snickered. “I’ve been ghosting for a while now. I’m good at what I do. You, however, have no concept of stealth.”

  “Are you saying it's my fault?”

  Scarlett's eyebrows shot up, but instead of answering, she unsheathed her sword of lightning, and screamed, “Fight like hell, because here they come!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chances Are

  I snapped out of my paralysis at the sight of two, bulb-eyed things barreling toward me, their dark wings whirring and strings of yellow sulfurous ribbons pouring from their open, snarling mouths. Profanity filled the cool autumn night with spews of hatred and damnation for the heavenly as one of the beasts clashed with Scarlett in midair.

  “Holy crap,” I screamed in a blind panic and drew my sword and scrambled off the branch to meet the incoming missile speeding toward me. With both hands clasped on the hilt of the sword, I could hardly maintain flight, so I dipped close to the ground and did a backflip as the bat-like thing took a swing at me with his fiery sword. It grazed my ankle, and a burning sting set my flesh on fire. Wounded, I hit the ground and rolled over on my back. Our swords met and clashed. Sparks flew in every direction as we fought for dominance.