by Soraya Lane
And he should know. He’d almost died from an asthma attack when he was a kid, only he hadn’t had someone who loved him fighting to save his life.
* * *
The ghostly wail of a siren pierced Olivia’s eardrums. For a moment she didn’t know if it was real or in her imagination, until the flash of a red light ricocheted against the windowpanes.
It was as if she was in a dream, her legs taking too long to move, her senses heightened. All she could concentrate on were the labored breaths of her son, and Luke—his quiet words and strong presence the only thing keeping her together. Keeping her sane.
“Olivia, open the door.”
She jumped to attention, resisting the urge to flee back to Charlie and take hold of him. The paramedics were rushing up the steps as she flung the door open.
“Please, come quick.” The words came out in a jumble, but they pushed past her and moved inside.
Olivia followed them, feeling numb. Charlie’s asthma had always been manageable. They used his inhaler when they needed to; he knew how to control his breathing; they went to the doctor regularly for checkups. So how had this happened? How had she come so close to losing her boy? If Luke hadn’t arrived when he had... It didn’t bear thinking about.
“He’s stable. Good work,” one attendant said.
Olivia watched the scene unfold. The female paramedic had her hands on Charlie. What was she doing?
“Luke, what are they doing to him?” Ollie’s voice was strangled. Had he heard her? “Luke?”
Tears fell steadily down her cheeks as he took hold of her. Clasped his hands on her shoulders and drew her back to him, tight against his chest and safe in his arms. She’d thought she was stronger than this, that she could cope, but the pain in her lungs, in her heart, was almost suffocating. Charlie was her baby and she’d almost lost him.
“Ollie, it’s okay. He’s going to be okay,” Luke soothed.
She twisted in his embrace, wanting to touch Charlie, to be there for him. But Luke held her firmly, not letting her interfere.
“Let me go! I need to be with him.”
His hold tightened. “Let them do their job. He’s going to be okay, Ollie. You need to trust me.”
She wanted to believe him, but Charlie looked so lifeless, so fragile. His little body still heaved with every breath, as if he was still fighting to stay alive, only now he wore an oxygen mask.
“We need to get him to the hospital now, so they can administer a steroid shot. You can both ride in the van with us.”
Olivia nodded. Luke let her go, but held her hand firmly with his.
“Come on,” he instructed.
She leaned into him, letting him take her weight as they walked. It was like a dream, totally unreal. She’d been doing okay, thought she had the situation under control, but Luke, well, he’d been the hero.
He pulled her up into the ambulance and sat her down next to Charlie’s head. Olivia placed her palm on her son’s tiny arm, her other hand still gripping Luke’s.
“It’s going to be okay. We’re over the worst of it,” he told her.
His words comforted her, but her heart was beating a bit too fast. Her bones felt as if they’d turned to liquid and her head was pounding.
“You’re the boy’s father?”
Olivia looked up as the paramedic riding in the back with them spoke.
“Yes.” Luke responded, his eyes never leaving Charlie’s face.
“You did good back there. Where did you learn to deal with an asthma attack like that?”
Olivia watched Luke, but his face gave nothing away. She’d guessed his training made him good in crisis situations, but he had been pretty clued in about what Charlie was going through.
Luke glanced up for a beat and smiled at the paramedic. “Good army training, that’s all.”
Olivia looked from Charlie to Luke, trying hard not to cry. It was so much to deal with, so much to cope with in a day. But there was one thing she couldn’t stop thinking about, one thing she couldn’t push away.
She still loved Luke.
And it wasn’t just because their son could have died if Luke hadn’t come home when he did. It was because she’d missed him like crazy while he was gone, regretted every argument, every angry word they’d said to one another. And now she was ready to actually think about that second chance he’d been so desperate for. The one she’d said she’d consider, but deep down hadn’t really opened up to.
Well, now she was ready. She didn’t care about his burst of jealousy earlier, she just cared about him.
“Ollie, he’s going to be fine. You know that, right?”
Luke slung his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her close. She pushed in tighter to him, wishing he’d leave his weight there forever. Because Luke made her feel safe. He always had.
She smiled up at him, let her head fall into the crook of his arm. “I know.”
When he dropped a kiss to her forehead she didn’t pull away. Olivia snuggled in closer, eyes on her son as they bumped down the road.
I love you, Luke. The words sailed through her mind and tore through her heart. I love you so much. Please don’t ever leave me again.
* * *
The ambulance slowed and Olivia planted her feet on the floor to steady herself. Charlie had started to heave again, and she just wanted to get him inside and checked over properly.
“You ready?” Luke asked.
He gave her a tight smile and held her hand, pulling her to her feet so they could jump out as the doors opened. They moved fast so Charlie could be slipped out and whisked straight into the hospital. She had that feeling of complete helplessness again, as if no matter what she did it wouldn’t make a difference.
Olivia followed the paramedics with Luke by her side, but she never took her eyes from her son. Until Luke tugged her hand and she realized they were in front of the reception desk, with Charlie being rolled past and away from her.
“Are you with the boy?” the receptionist asked.
Olivia nodded. She was so numb she could hardly speak. “Y-yes.”
Luke squeezed her shoulder and moved forward, taking the forms from the woman behind the counter.
“We’ll need to get you to fill these out.”
Ollie wanted to go with Charlie, not sit around filling in paperwork! “Where are they taking him? I need to be with him. Please.”
“Ma’am, he’ll be just fine. A doctor will be looking over him already, and you can go in as soon as this is done.”
Olivia tried not to glare. She knew it wasn’t the woman’s fault, that it was procedure, but she just wanted to be by her son’s side. She watched as Luke scanned the forms and then started scribbling, fast. She’d never been more pleased to have someone with her. Dealing with everyday life was hard enough. She couldn’t have dealt with this on her own.
“Medical conditions? Medication?”
She shook her head. “No other conditions. Just his inhaler.”
Luke continued to tick boxes and write words that she couldn’t see.
“Has he had an asthma attack like this before? Anything worth noting?” He looked up, his eyebrows raised in question.
“No.”
Just reliving the moment, thinking about the asthma attack again, brought tears to her eyes. She knew her blubbering wasn’t going to help, but it was hard holding it all in check. Being in the hospital, knowing Charlie was in some room down the never-ending corridor, smelling that sterile hospital smell...it was awful. The last time she’d been in a hospital was when Charlie had been born. Before that it had been holding her mom’s hand and saying goodbye to her.
A fresh wave of tears hit and Olivia couldn’t stop it as they dropped silently down her cheeks.
“Okay, we’re do
ne.”
She sat still as Luke went back and handed in the forms. When he returned it was to offer her a hand up.
“He’s in room 105. Let’s go.”
Luke didn’t need to ask her twice. Olivia hurried after him, her sandals flip-flopping as she walked as fast as her legs would move.
He stopped outside a closed door and turned to face her, reaching for both her hands. He touched her knuckles to his lips.
“Ollie, we need to be strong for Charlie. He’s already frightened, but he’s through the worst of it.”
Olivia closed her eyes for a heartbeat and turned his words over in her head. Luke was right. Charlie needed to see them okay, coping, so no more tears. No hysteria. They needed to be a team.
“I know.” Her words came out as little more than a puff of air.
“We can do this, Ollie,” he said.
Luke took her hand and opened the door with his other. She sucked back her emotions and fought the bite of worry that gnawed in her throat.
Because right now, she had to trust her husband.
* * *
Charlie was awake. Luke had told Ollie not to cry, to sit tight on her emotions, but he was struggling to hold it together himself. On the brink of crying like he’d never cried in his life. Sobbing.
Charlie might be awake, but he didn’t look good. Gone was the slightly tanned complexion; now his son was ghostly pale. His eyes looked tired, exhausted, and Luke knew only too well how that felt.
Even though it’d been years ago, he’d never forgotten the feeling of his worst asthma attack. The panicked sucking of air, not able to fill his lungs with oxygen. The terror of thinking you were going to die, to suffocate, and then blacking out....
But Charlie had people who loved him, were fighting to save him, whereas Luke had had only himself. Had suffered through it without anyone holding his hand or hoping he’d make it. And he’d been only nine years old.
He pushed the thoughts away, kept his memories buried, where they belonged. Instead, he focused on Olivia, stayed close to comfort her as she reached for Charlie then cradled him against her.
A nurse smiled their way, standing close to Charlie’s bed. Luke was about to ask her what happened next when the door to the room burst open and a fresh-faced doctor appeared.
“You must be Charlie’s parents.”
Luke made himself smile and shake the doctor’s hand.
“I’m Dr. Lewis,” he said, standing next to Charlie. “I understand you worked on your son before the ambulance arrived?”
Luke nodded.
“Good work. You may well have saved his life.”
Olivia folded Charlie even tighter in her arms, as if just hearing the words made her relive it all over again.
“Where from here, Doc?” Luke asked. He didn’t want to discuss what might have happened if he hadn’t come home when he did, about what it said about him that he’d almost wanted to take a promotion instead of toughing it out at home and being a dad.
The doctor picked up Charlie’s chart before answering. “We’ll need to keep him here overnight, but he should be ready to go home tomorrow, so long as all his test results come back normal.” He studied the chart some more. “We’ll send you home with a nebulizer, and he will most likely need another shot of steroids in the morning.”
Olivia spoke before Luke could respond.
“What are the chances of this happening again?”
The doctor looked at both of them, then sat down on the edge of the bed.
“It’s hard to say, but Charlie certainly has severe asthma. More serious than you or your family doctor probably realized. What triggered this episode? Well, it’s hard to say. What we need to do is figure out a plan to manage his condition.”
Luke knew there was no hard and fast rule. No easy answer. But he did know that he’d been easily as bad as Charlie, if not worse, and he’d managed to deal with his asthma, to live with it. As far as he knew, he’d never have made it as a marine if he’d admitted to his condition, but he’d done what he had to do and he’d made it work. Hadn’t let it hold him back. Although his asthma had started to fade as he grew up.
“He does carry an inhaler, doesn’t he?” the doctor asked.
Luke looked to Olivia. It was the first he knew about Charlie’s asthma, so he couldn’t answer for that.
“No,” she said, touching a hand to her forehead. “I mean, I usually keep one in my handbag, but he’s never been this bad before. Never.”
“From now on, you’ll want to make sure he always has one with him. I’ll consult with a specialist to make sure we have him on the correct dosage.”
Olivia had silent tears falling down her cheeks again, but Luke kept listening, wanting to absorb everything the doctor was telling them. When he finally left and closed the door behind him, Luke moved to the other side of the bed, across from Olivia.
Charlie smiled up at him, but he looked so weak, so small and vulnerable on the big hospital bed. Luke took his hand, so tiny in his own. So pale against his skin.
“You were so brave tonight, Charlie,” he told him.
Charlie’s face filled with a touch of color and his smile grew wider, as if he was lapping up the praise, had already forgotten about why he’d ended up in hospital.
“You’re a fighter, you know that?” Luke told him.
“Like you, Dad?” he wheezed.
Olivia grabbed hold of him when he spoke, as if it was a miracle he was even talking, let alone breathing.
“You would make any soldier proud, bud, you hear me?” Luke said.
Charlie closed his eyes again, but the smile that played over his lips gave Luke the boost he needed. What if he hadn’t come back? What if he’d sulked over what had happened at the party and not gone home again? What if... He cringed, refusing to play that game. Because he’d learned on tour not to think like that. Not ever.
His little boy needed him. And for the first time since he’d come home, Luke finally felt needed. He’d saved his son, and unlike so many of the men he’d tried to rescue over the years, Charlie had survived. No blood. No putrid stench of death. Just his little boy tucked up under a blanket, safe and alive.
Almost losing his son was something he didn’t ever want to experience again. And from the look on Olivia’s face, she was feeling every ounce as drained as he was.
“Ollie, I’ll be back in a moment,” he told his wife, giving her a reassuring smile. “I just have to make a quick phone call.”
The old Luke would have run. Would have said yes to any promotion offered his way, would have bolted when the going got tough. But that wasn’t him anymore. The new Luke was a dad, then a husband and then a soldier. Because if he couldn’t put his priorities in that order? Then he had no business being back here at all.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
OLIVIA LOOKED UP as Luke, his hands full, backed through the door. She wanted to get up to help him but her legs were dead, her body like an iron weight that was just too heavy to lift. Her nose was the only thing up to the task of reacting. Real coffee. Not the machine rubbish she’d been living on these past few hours.
“He’s asleep.” Olivia kept her voice low, almost a whisper.
Luke passed her a take-out cup and grinned. “One skinny large latte, two sugars.”
“Mmm, you’re my savior.” Even as she said the words, she knew they went deeper. After tonight, he was her savior—hands down, no question about it. Her knight in shining armor, complete with the white horse.
“He looks so peaceful. Like he’s dreaming about something good.” Luke sat down next to her, his leg touching hers. Denim to denim, thighs brushing.
“Luke, how did you know what to do today?” She’d been wanting to ask him for hours.
They were talking at
a normal level now, no more whispering. Charlie was sound asleep and she doubted that beating drums would wake him.
When Luke didn’t answer, she continued. She could tell from the way he suddenly avoided her gaze that there was something he wasn’t telling her. That there was something else. Something she needed to know.
“Don’t tell me it was in your army first aid training course.”
Luke delayed by taking a sip of his coffee, but she wasn’t going to let him stay silent. He’d saved Charlie’s life, but his actions had been practised. He’d known precisely what he was doing. What he had to do.
“I got some practice when I was a kid.” His tone was flat.
Olivia didn’t get it. What did he mean by practice? “Luke, I don’t understand.”
He gave her a half smile, and she wondered if she’d missed something. Was she so sleep deprived she was missing what he was telling her?
“I have asthma, Ollie,” he told her. “Or at least I did when I was younger.”
Wow. How did she not know that? “I can’t believe all this time I’ve never known. That you’ve kept it from me.” But it made sense. Of course it made sense, when she thought back to how he seemed to know exactly what Charlie was going through, how he felt.
Luke shook his head slightly. “I mostly grew out of it, so it’s no big deal.”
He was lying. She knew it was a big deal, whether he wanted to admit it or not. “How did you even make it into the army with asthma?”
He stretched out his legs and placed his coffee cup on the floor. She could tell he was uncomfortable, but she wanted to know. Had to know. It affected her son and her husband, so the more she knew about it the better prepared she’d be.
“I almost died when I was a little older than Charlie,” he said, voice low. “The doctors told me if the ambulance had come five minutes later I would have died waiting.”
The force of his words shocked her. Who had looked after Luke when he’d been suffering, when he’d been rushed to hospital? Who had been there for him? Olivia gulped. “Was it just like Charlie?”