by Soraya Lane
Luke was the father of her child. She’d never intended on giving him a second chance, not after all this time, and now she was turning herself inside out at spending one day with him? She wasn’t unhappy about how things were changing between them, but it didn’t mean it was easy.
She heard Charlie squeal with delight and wondered what he and Luke were doing. It scared her, having Luke here. It had been one thing having him in the house when she’d thought it was temporary, but ever since that night in the hospital, things had been different. There was a slow fire burning beneath the surface, simmering between them. A fire that she wanted to keep stoking, but didn’t want to let burn too hard. Or be extinguished.
She was so confused.
Luke had earned this opportunity. When he’d asked her that night, just after he’d returned, she’d said yes to him out of duty. Wanting to provide a family for Charlie, yet wary of the pitfalls of doing so. She’d still been attracted to Luke, very much so, but she’d had no true intention of letting him back into her heart. She’d thought that part of her was shut away.
But now? Now she was on the brink of opening herself up to him, of telling him she’d shred the damn divorce papers. It terrified her, but at the same time was exciting. And that’s why a day away together was adding to her worry, because in that length of time she’d probably know whether they were ever going to give their marriage a true second chance.
It was time to let go of the past and see if they had a future.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
A WHISPER OF almost-cool wind touched Olivia’s cheeks and made her smile. Senses she’d once ignored, feelings she’d pushed back while Luke had been away, were all starting to return to her.
And the biggest sensory experience right now? Luke. One month ago, she would have said her wounds were too deep to ever heal, that the skin had only just sealed over what still hurt like a raw sore. But now fresh skin had grown, and she’d seen the man she’d once loved in a new light. As a possible dad to their son, rather than a long-distance no one.
As a rogue wave splashed over her toes, Ollie took a silent gulp of air and glanced at Luke. He smiled back, the kind of toe-tingling smile a teenage crush might give a girl, and it had the exact effect on Olivia that she was terrified of. Luke walked closer and reached for her hand. A simple touch that conveyed nothing and everything all at once, and made her toes curl deeper into the sand.
It was then that she knew she was lost to him. That despite all her protests, despite that shallow voice of doubt still urging her to resist, she was going to give him a second chance. A real, no-holds-barred second chance.
“You okay?” Luke asked her.
Olivia nodded. She didn’t trust her voice not to wobble if she tried to answer. Luke squeezed her hand and they started to walk, silent, yet more connected than they’d been in years.
“Do you remember this spot?”
She kept hold of his palm as Luke stopped and searched her eyes for her answer. Ollie looked around, slowly at first, then her gaze raced about them. Oh, yes, she remembered this place.
“Mmm-hmm.” She searched for words and found none.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d remember...” His voice trailed off and he dropped her hand.
Olivia forced her head up, trying not to blush at the dream she’d had about this exact spot when Luke had first arrived back. This had been their beach, their place. Where, like teenagers, they’d made love out in the open, in the dark, with only the roar of waves as their witness. It had been so unlike her, so out of her comfort zone, but it had been incredible.
“The night I fell pregnant with Charlie,” she told him.
Luke looked into her eyes and Olivia forced herself to meet his steady gaze, not to shy away from his attention. Because this was Luke. Not the Luke who had deserted her, but the Luke she’d fallen in love with. The man she’d so desperately hoped would come back to her when things had started to become strained between them. When she thought she’d lost him forever.
“Do you regret it?” he asked, his voice low.
Did she regret Charlie? Absolutely not. Her marriage? She honestly believed that if given a choice, she’d rather say she’d loved and lost than never loved at all.
“No, Luke. I don’t regret any of it.” She took a deep breath. “Except for the years we spent apart, and the arguments we had before you left.”
Luke brought his face nearer, eyes trained on hers. She wanted so badly to flee, but more than that she wanted to feel his lips, to be lost in his kisses.
He paused, hovered, his mouth so close to hers. Olivia parted her lips, her breathing shallow, eyes almost shut.
“You don’t regret me?”
She shook her head. Never. But there were things she’d have done differently.
It was obviously the response he wanted, what he’d been waiting for. Olivia stifled a moan as he closed his lips over hers, a soft press that had her aching for more, reaching out to hold on to him.
Luke circled his arms about her and pulled her close, one hand pressed firmly into the curve of her back. As the doubts tried to rise, tried to stifle what she wanted so badly to just enjoy, Ollie closed her eyes tighter, savoring the way Luke felt against her. What it was like to be in his arms again.
When he pulled back, he didn’t let go, and Ollie stayed in place, feet planted in the sand. His eyes, brown and honest, stared straight through her, straight to her heart. She reached one hand to trace his face, over the stubble on his handsome jaw, then down his neck and to his chest. It was strong beneath his T-shirt, the cotton doing little to conceal his muscled frame.
“What do you say we stay here the night?” Luke asked, his voice husky.
His question almost took her more by surprise than his kiss had. “What about Charlie?” No matter how good this was, could she actually stay away for a whole night?
“Let’s see how he’s doing,” said Luke, his voice barely more than a whisper as he spoke into her ear.
That deep, throaty voice was enough to sway her. Because if she said yes, then maybe they really could test the waters, see if they could make this work on every level.
“Okay,” she agreed, before she could change her mind.
Leaving Charlie wasn’t something she wanted to do, but if it meant a chance of Mommy and Daddy coming back home a couple again? She doubted he’d mind one night without them.
And maybe this time she’d believe that Luke wanted her, rather than thinking his actions stemmed from some deep-seated sense of duty.
* * *
Olivia ended the call and glanced at Luke. Charlie was fine and Kelly was happy to let him stay over, which meant Ollie had no excuse to change her mind. She looked out the window at the people going past, gazing out toward the water from the room they’d just checked in to.
A noise from behind made her turn. She instantly wished she hadn’t. Luke was pulling his T-shirt off, exposing a serious set of abdominals and a tan to envy. She tried to look the other way, but her eyes just wouldn’t obey her, and she could hardly blame them.
“Thought I’d better scrub up for dinner.” Luke had a big grin on his face as he stepped out of his jeans, as if he knew exactly what he was doing to her, teasing her like that. “Because I’m guessing he’s still doing fine?”
Olivia gulped. It was like trying to swallow an apple. Whole. So she’d phoned home twice already. She was a mom; what did he expect?
Before she could say anything he walked into the bathroom, wearing only his boxer shorts.
The next thing she heard was running water, and steam came billowing out the door a few moments later.
Olivia took the chance to tidy herself. She wound her long hair up into a loose knot, fiddling with some shorter pieces at the front. She pulled some makeup from her handbag and reapplied her foundation, lipstick and mascara.
“You look beautiful.”
Olivia looked up into the mirror. Luke was standing in the doorway to the bathroom.
“Thank you.”
He scrubbed at his head with a white towel before tossing it back into the bathroom. Another towel was tucked low around his waist, meaning she got another eyeful of his body. A tingle ran through her again, telling her that no matter how much she wanted to be careful, to make sure she wasn’t hurt again, saying no to Luke wasn’t going to be an option. Not with his body on display in front of her, reminding her just how much she’d enjoyed being with him...
“What do you say we have fries and calamari down the road, just like old times?”
Olivia nodded, dragging her eyes away from him. “Sounds good to me.” And it would give her longer to swallow some more of her fear.
She turned as Luke dressed. It wasn’t as if she’d never seen him naked, but she didn’t want to ogle him quite that openly yet.
“We’re going to have a great time tonight, Ollie.” Luke dropped a kiss on her head as he passed, fingers skimming her shoulder as he took the towel back into the bathroom.
Tonight. It was a loaded word, could mean so much, and that’s what terrified her. And excited her at the same time. Because she had no idea whether they’d end up talking about the past over dinner, or lying on the beach in one another’s arms again.
Luke stood near the door. “Ready to go?”
She rose and took the hand he offered her. “I think I can already taste those shoestring fries and aioli.”
Olivia interlaced her fingers with her husband’s and tried not to think about how hard it would be to lose him again. When she’d finally accepted him back into her life. When she’d finally opened up to trusting him again.
* * *
The sun had started its descent, but fluffy clouds hid it from view. The wind had a hint of coolness, but then Olivia thought she was probably oversensitive right now. Luke had his eyes trained ahead and she couldn’t stop watching him.
His face had been ingrained in her memory for so long. She’d spoken to other army wives who’d worried they would forget the memory of their husband’s faces, but that was never something that had concerned her. It seemed as if every day, week, month that had passed made her remember Luke more vividly. As if he was a constant presence in her life rather than an absent one.
The breadth of his shoulders, even from side on, the curve of his dark eyebrows, the length of his eyelashes. They were things she would never forget, and yet had hoped so hard sometimes that she could. The memory of him had made every other man she’d met since unappealing, and yet the reality of him had, until now, disappointed her more than she could ever have imagined.
Luke. She breathed his name through slightly parted lips. Her husband. Would he still be her husband next week, next month? It seemed an age ago that she’d demanded he sign the divorce papers, and she wanted so badly for him to tell her he was going to stay. For good this time. But she was too scared to ask, didn’t want to know, because she didn’t want anything to cloud her judgment or the way she was feeling about him. What was developing between them.
“I think we’re both a little lost in our thoughts.”
Olivia turned her gaze back to Luke and nodded. “That could have to do with how beautiful it is here.”
He leaned closer and slung his arm around her shoulders. “Thinking about Charlie?”
She shook her head. “Funnily enough, no.”
“I was,” he admitted.
She would never have guessed, had expected him to be thinking about war. “What about Charlie were you thinking?”
“How lucky he is to have a mom like you.” Luke turned to face her, his eyes looking straight into hers, not letting her glance away. “You’re a great mom, Ollie, and Charlie’s a lucky boy. I just hope that one day he can say the same about his dad.”
Ollie smiled even though tears flooded her eyes. “He’s always been proud of you. Told everyone everything he could about his dad who’s away at war. I guess you just have to live up to the hero he’s created.”
“No pressure, huh?” Luke grinned.
“Oh, there’s plenty of pressure!”
They both laughed and started to walk again. The little place they planned to eat at was just ahead. “Come on,” Luke said.
And when he put his arm around her this time, she fell into his embrace and let her head touch his shoulder. Because it was where she wanted to be. Snug under her husband’s arm, rid of the memories of being left, and with a real chance at a future. Now she just needed to trust in him when he told her how he felt.
* * *
From across the table, Luke watched his wife. It was a word he’d said over and over in his mind when he’d been away. Wife. He knew he had one, but it hadn’t seemed real. From the moment he’d shipped out, it was as if the life he’d had for such a short time as a civilian had disintegrated. He’d been a soldier for most of his life, created a family for himself there, and the loyalties he had were so conflicted. Ollie was everything he’d ever hoped for. Sweet, kind and fiercely loyal. And that face. It had been her eyes he’d noticed first, from across the bar, where she’d sat laughing with girlfriends. Luke had abandoned his mates without a backward glance to go talk to her, and the rest was history.
Even now, he couldn’t explain how they’d managed to let their marriage fall apart as it had, and he was done with blaming it on his past. Yeah, he’d lost his parents, and foster care had been tougher than hell. But he and Ollie had had a good thing, only he hadn’t been able to convince his wife that he hadn’t just married her because she’d been pregnant. Because the truth was, he’d never wanted children, and he’d made the mistake of telling Olivia that...before she’d told him she was carrying his child.
“What are you thinking about now?” she asked him.
Luke jumped out of his thoughts and into the present. “You. Charlie. Everything.”
She smiled back at him, her eyes shining. This honesty thing was easier than he’d thought.
“Are you pleased you’re back here?”
He placed his beer bottle down and touched her hand across the table. “More than you’ll ever know.”
Ollie giggled. Luke looked down at his hand. Salty and greasy from the fries, not exactly romantic.
“We used to have fun, you and me. Before things went and got all complicated.”
She grinned and passed him a napkin. “I think we still do. Have fun, that is.”
He watched as she ate another fry, before pushing her plate away.
“I’m done.” She’d hardly left a scrap on her plate.
“If I didn’t know you better I’d say you hadn’t eaten in a while.”
It had always been a joke between them, how much food the girl could eat without putting on a pound.
“You know me,” she teased.
Luke caught her eye. He had once known her so well, and he almost, almost had that feeling back again.
“I know I’ve said it before, Ollie, but I need you to know how sorry I am for what happened between us. For the way I left.”
He watched as she swallowed, fingers twitching beneath his. “I know you are, Luke. I believe you.” Ollie hesitated. “And it wasn’t just your fault. I can’t keep blaming you and acting like it was all your doing.”
“Ollie, I’m the one who left.”
“Yeah, but who pushed you into it, Luke?” She had tears in her eyes now, which she brushed away, and he squeezed her hand again, laced his fingers tight around hers. “I know I was to blame, and I need you to hear me say it.”
“Let’s just say that neither of us helped things, huh?” he suggested. The last thing he wanted was for her to be hurting when they should both be feeling more positive. “I...” He cleared his throat, made himself tell her what he’d held back for so long. “When I told you I didn’t want children, I never told you why, and I’ve wished all this time that I’d at least tried to explain myself.”
She laughed. “You mean before I jumped down your throat and told you I was pregnant?”
Luke lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Something like that.” He looked away and then back at her. “When my parents died, I was old enough to remember them, and it made everything I went through so much worse, because I knew how different things would have been if they’d still been here.”
Olivia grasped his hand tightly.
“When I decided to become a soldier, I also decided that I never wanted to be a dad. Because I knew how dangerous my job was, and I didn’t ever want a child of mine to experience what I had. I didn’t want them knowing what it was like to have a dad, then lose him, and when I knew I was being redeployed, part of me honestly thought that Charlie would be better off not knowing me.”
“Oh, Luke!” Olivia was shaking her head. “I hope you know that’s not true. And all the things I said, how sleep deprived we were with a difficult baby at the time, and me thinking I’d somehow trapped you into a marriage you didn’t want...”