Mission: Soldier to Daddy

by Soraya Lane

  “It’s not your fault, Ollie.” He took his hand from hers so he could pick at the label of his beer bottle. “I still could have come back, tried to make things better, but I honestly believed you were both better off without me. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many times I tried to call you. How many times I picked up the phone or a pen, wanting to tell you how I felt, or to find out if you wanted me to come home.”

  They were staring at one another, neither breaking their gaze.

  “It’s like war made me immune to pain on so many levels, let me block things out that I shouldn’t have been able to. I was putting so much energy into the younger guys serving with me sometimes, wanting to help them so bad, and at the same time ignoring what I should have been dealing with, who I should have been looking after.” Now it was Luke’s eyes crowded with tears, fighting to look at Ollie for fear of what he might see in hers. “My real family.”

  “What matters is what we do now,” Ollie told him, plucking his fingers from the beer bottle and holding on tight. “We both did things we shouldn’t have, but if you’re prepared to start over, then so am I.”

  Luke had no idea what he’d done to deserve a second chance, but he wasn’t going to waste it. “I know my priorities, Ollie. Now you just have to let me prove to you that it’s not just about Charlie. The fact we have a son together means a lot, but it was you I fell in love with, and nothing could ever change that.”

  * * *

  Olivia didn’t want to cry, and that meant they needed to get out of here and into the open.

  “Do you want to go for a walk down the beach again?”

  It was as if he’d read her mind. “Sure.” Even if being on the beach in the dark with him was kind of daunting.

  And there were so many things she wanted to ask him, so many questions she still had, but was afraid to hear the answers to.

  And she also didn’t want to ruin what had been a really nice night.

  She turned and waited for Luke to finish paying the bill. The beach was across the road, and standing outside, Olivia could hear the rumble of water hitting the sand. But there was one thing she knew now that she hadn’t before, something that had troubled her from the day she’d found out she was pregnant, the day Luke had proposed to her.... That her husband hadn’t just committed to her out of a sense of duty. Maybe he’d done it because he wanted to.

  Luke appeared. “Let’s go.”

  They walked close, side by side, but Ollie craved his touch. When he had his arm around her, it made her forget every insecurity that plagued her, made her want to exist in a world where they never discussed the tough stuff. Where him leaving wasn’t an option.

  Luke again seemed to read her mind, and placed his hand on the small of her back. “Do you want to sit or walk?”

  She looked down and immediately wanted to sink into the cool sand.

  “Sit,” she said.

  They walked a few feet and dropped to the ground. A little farther down the beach, a group of teens sat around a glowing campfire. The echo of their chatter drifted to them, and Olivia was pleased they weren’t completely alone. It settled her jumping nerves, and gave her the confidence she needed to ask Luke a question. The final question she needed to know, to try to understand him and what his career truly meant to him.

  “What was it like at war? I mean, what was it really like for you, Luke?”

  He stiffened and she wished she’d kept her curiosity to herself. She remembered watching footage and movies of Vietnam veterans, and the one thing they’d said was that they liked to keep their memories between comrades.

  “Nothing you want anyone at home to know about,” said Luke, his words low and hard to hear. “It’s...well, it’s hard to describe.”

  “You don’t have to tell me,” she insisted. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

  Luke turned to her, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “Ollie, you’re my wife. If I can’t tell you, then we shouldn’t be sitting here together, and we sure as hell shouldn’t be married.”

  “I just mean that...” Hell, she didn’t know what she meant. The truth was that she desperately wanted to know, but still felt bad for asking him.

  “Sometimes it was okay, nice even. We’d kick a ball around, talk, play cards, that sort of thing.” He looked out to sea as he spoke. “Other times, the dust drove you mad, the heat made you angry, and the terror in the faces of young men who’d seen their friend killed, or witnessed something gruesome, was enough to tip you over the edge.” He shook his head, as if he didn’t want to confront some of those particular memories. “Special Forces was pretty exhilarating, but nothing about that was easy, either.” Luke paused. “The hardest thing to describe, though, more than anything I’ve ever witnessed, is what it feels like to be part of that army family.”

  Olivia nodded. “I want to know,” she told him, because maybe she’d never truly understand him if she didn’t acknowledge, didn’t comprehend, the way he felt about his men.

  “They meant everything to me, Ollie, for so many years. The fact that I knew someone always had my back, that I always had someone around me I could count on, that I was good at what I did and could protect those guys, who would do the same for me.”

  Olivia had gone from wishing she’d never asked him, to wanting to talk more, to really try to understand what he’d been through, what made him the way he was.

  “Iraq was full of plenty of good times, hanging out with the guys. The tour I did before I met you wasn’t so good, but I can’t complain. All I can say is that Delta Force took me to some places that I’d rather I hadn’t seen, but it never stopped me from being grateful for the people I served with. That’s the one thing I’ll never be able to let go of.”

  Luke smiled at her, shaking his head slightly, as if he wasn’t sure how else to explain it to her. “We all made a decision to put our lives in danger, to serve together, to do our duty for our country, and I guess that’s what the difference is. We all knew our lives could end, and that was part of being in our army family. But being a dad and a husband? You two never signed up for that, Ollie. And I didn’t want you to ever have to deal with explaining to Luke why his daddy never came home.”

  Olivia blinked away tears. “But that’s exactly what I had to do, Luke. I had to tell him all the time that you weren’t coming home, that I didn’t know when we’d see you again. And that’s every bit as painful as what you were scared of.”

  Luke dipped his head. “It wasn’t until I came home that I realized that, Ollie. Which is why I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am.”

  They sat in silence, both staring ahead. Olivia hadn’t wanted to make him feel bad, to punish him all over again, but she was pleased it was out there in the open. That they were confronting their problems instead of just bottling them up inside.

  “Can you tell me anything about where you were serving? What you did wherever you were?” she asked.

  He shook his head, a smile touching the corner of his mouth. “Not really. But what I can tell you is that I was immersed in a culture I found terrifying, that every day I worried I’d be found out by the enemy.” He shrugged. “Every guy in the army wants the bragging rights of being Delta, Special Forces, but really? It’s a dangerous game of cat and mouse, and only the best survive till the end.” He was staring into the distance. “But it meant a lot to the counterterrorism effort, and I’m proud of how I served our country.”

  “And how do you fee
l now?” she asked.

  He turned his focus back to her. “Honestly? I miss the guys. Real bad. When you’re with someone 24/7, put so much trust in what they do, it’s hard not to be on that team still. But Ollie?” He looked up, a big breath making his shoulders rise, then fall. “I don’t regret coming home. I’m so pleased I’m here with you again, with you and Charlie.”

  She didn’t ask him about the future, didn’t want to know how long or short a time together they might have. And in all honesty, right now, at this very moment, she didn’t care. For the first time in her life, she made the first move.

  Olivia reached out to touch Luke’s face, her fingers splayed and resting on his cheek. And before her confidence wavered, before she could worry about what he was thinking, she leaned forward and kissed him, her lips brushing his.

  Luke didn’t take any convincing. He pulled her against him, his mouth hungry and possessive. He tugged her onto his lap, fitting her against him as if she was made to be in his embrace. His hands tangled in her hair, as if trying to touch as much of her as possible all at the same time, and she greedily indulged in wrapping her arms around his shoulders, kissing him for what seemed like forever.

  “Get a room!”

  Olivia pulled back, embarrassed. Luke rumbled with laughter. A gaggle of teens were sniggering, poking one another in the ribs as they shuffled past. Ollie tucked tight into Luke, giggling along with him even though her cheeks were burning.

  He pulled her even closer, pressing one more kiss to her lips.

  “What do you say?” he asked, eyes never leaving hers.

  Ollie looked down, her nervousness back. Her stomach was filled with static and her mouth drier than the sand beneath her. But she needed to say yes. They did need a room. And they’d already arranged for one.

  Luke helped her to her feet and they walked back to their hotel, hand in hand. With her hair blowing in the breeze, her lips plump from all that kissing, Olivia was the happiest she’d been in as long as she could remember.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  OLIVIA’S CONFIDENCE WAS wilting like a flower on a desperately hot day. Luke suddenly seemed too handsome, too charming, too dangerous. Could she cope with the heartache?

  The rapid beat of her heart told another story completely. That waiting wasn’t an option. Luke was her husband. This wasn’t some one-night stand, something she should be ashamed of. This was her accepting her husband back into her life, and she wasn’t going to judge herself for it.

  Luke squeezed her hand and caught her eye, winking before leading her into the hotel. And in that moment she kicked the sensible fairy off her shoulder, and listened to the naughty one instead.

  “No second thoughts?” he asked.

  Olivia shook her head, boldly grabbing hold of the collar of his jacket and kissing his jaw. “No,” she whispered.

  Luke didn’t need to be told twice.

  * * *

  He swiped the key card through the door and pushed it open for Olivia. Although they’d walked in near silence from the beach, he knew she was nervous. And so was he.

  “Drink?” he asked.

  She nodded. He swallowed. Their spontaneity had disappeared, turning into a nervous energy that charged between them. Luke quickly scanned the minibar, desperate for a drink of anything that would give him his courage back. He pulled out a small bottle of whiskey for himself and one of champagne for Olivia.

  “Too cliché?”

  “It’s fine.” Ollie smiled at him, her cheeks flushing pink.

  Luke found a glass and poured the champagne, holding it out to her and fixing his gaze. She was his wife, and since when had he ever been nervous about a night with a beautiful woman?

  “To us,” he announced, taking a gulp of whiskey straight from the tiny bottle, trying not to grimace as it burned a hot path down his throat.

  Olivia raised her glass, eyelashes hiding her round blue eyes until she was brave enough to look back at him, her chin tilted as she took a sip. “To us,” she said, only now her voice was husky and low.

  They both sipped again, but Luke was past needing alcohol. Or maybe the whiskey was already searing his veins, giving him the courage he’d temporarily lost when they’d first arrived back.

  Only, it wasn’t courage to take his wife into his arms he’d lost. It was not wanting to push her too far, in case he pushed her away. Now, he needed to know what her final decision was, and he wasn’t going to play games any longer.

  “Hmm, very nice choice.” Olivia said as she sipped, eyes downcast again.

  She was lying. He had no doubts the bubbly was average, but he didn’t care.

  “Luke...” she started.

  He didn’t have time to find out how her sentence ended. “Ollie.” His voice was deeper than he’d ever heard it, his hand closing around the whiskey bottle so hard he could have crushed it.

  And it wasn’t whiskey he wanted.

  Luke stalked toward her, ready to claim what he did want, ready to kiss the gasp from her lips and crush her body against his. Olivia fell into his arms as if as desperate as he was, sliding against him as he possessed her mouth with a desperation he’d been holding back all these days. Ever since he’d arrived home.

  Luke wrapped one arm around her waist, anchoring her to him despite the bottle he was still holding, his other hand searching for her face, keeping her chin tilted so she couldn’t break their kiss if she tried.

  * * *

  Olivia was breathless, her mouth moving fast to keep up with Luke’s. He pushed her roughly back onto the bed, his hungry lips, his touch even more ravenous. She arched into him, desperate to feel him against her, to carve herself into his frame.

  When he pushed up, she fought not to fist her hand in his shirt and pull him down again. She didn’t want him looking down at her; she wanted his body heavy over hers.

  “Ollie, are you sure?”

  His words surprised her. No longer shy of him, she gazed up into his honest brown eyes, at the pupils so comfortably transfixed on her own. Luke stroked her hair from her face, traced the length of her cheek and rubbed his finger over her lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

  When she nodded, there was no going back. His lips found hers again, more gently this time, tender, and she sighed into his mouth as she kissed him back.

  “I love you,” he whispered, as he nibbled down her neck, dangerously close to the top of her bra.

  I love you, too, Luke. But the words never left her mouth, because Luke’s hands and mouth drifted lower, and all she could think about was that she never, ever wanted her husband to stop touching her.

  * * *

  Olivia tried not to surrender to sleep, but her eyelids refused to obey. Luke traced a circle around and around on her back and she snuggled closer to him, scooped into his body.

  “Ollie?”

  “Mmm.” She could do little else other than murmur while he was touching her, her body like liquid beneath his hands.

  “I thought you were asleep,” he said.

  Olivia opened her eyes and wriggled onto her other side so she could face him. As he stretched she ran an open palm down his chest, hovering when she reached his stomach, until in the half light she saw a thick, jagged scar that curved from the edge of his belly around his lower back.

  She woke up fast, leaning forward to see how far it went. How had she not noticed this before? When he’d walked out of the bathroom before dinner?

  Luke stayed still as she stared.

  “How did you get this?” Her fingers wouldn’t leave his skin, tracing it over and over.

  “Afghanistan.”

  He didn’t look worried about her asking, but he shut his eyes.
Olivia put her hand on his chest again, her head tucked into the hollow of his arm as he flung it out over the pillow. Seeing his injury had jolted her wide-awake.

  “I was shot. Had to pull the bullet out myself, then I blanked out,” he told her, his tone grim. “I woke up alive, so that’s what counts, and I didn’t even need surgery.”

  She hadn’t known how close she’d been to losing him for good. That he could have died without them ever having the chance to make things right. Before she could even say goodbye to him.

  “I’m glad you’re home safe now,” she said, tucking in tighter against him. Her only problem now was thinking about him going back again, being sent somewhere with more bullets, with more chances of him coming home in a body bag.

  Luke leaned closer and dropped a kiss on her head. “Me, too.”

  Olivia wanted tonight to be just about them, about what they’d just shared, what had changed between them. But the idea that all this could be over when he left again, that he could die and leave her a widow? She shuddered.

  “Luke, did you...I mean...”

  He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. She could see the question in his face, in the way his eyebrows drew closer together.

  She took a deep breath and pushed it out. “Did you lose anyone close to you over there?”

  The color drained out of Luke’s face, but he didn’t pull away.

  “Yeah. I lost more than one man over there.”

  She didn’t know what to say. Olivia just held him tighter, hoped that he would feel her strength.

  “There were guys everywhere I served, guys that I lost.” He paused, but she didn’t look up at him. Just kept tucked into his arm as she listened. “Then when I was on my last tour, with Delta, after months and months of being undercover...”

  Olivia waited. She squeezed her eyes shut as she heard his voice choke.

  “I lost my partner.”

  She clasped him close, wanting to protect and cocoon him, yet not knowing how. What could she even say to that?