He let that information sink in and watched his wife widen her eyes and heard her intake of breath.
"I know you are right. I just let my feelings and emotions get the better of me. I do love you, honey." Katie wrapped her arms around her now smiling husband, squeezed hard, and felt her hug returned.
Ciarán said, "Let's go to our room and finish this conversation."
Katie smiled and giggled while he picked her up and carried her upstairs, beginning his 'conversation' as they walked up the stairs.
"Ciarán, just so I am clear, you were okay that I went to Missoula and visited my friend, right?"
"Yes, mo chroí, I was fine with that. I was not fine with you not letting me know ahead of time and then not talking to you while you were gone because it was so long. I am protective, sweetie, and a male type 'A' personality, but I don't want nor need to be so controlling that you feel I am your prison guard."
As they topped the staircase and began to enter their bedroom, Katie reached to turn on the light and said, "Can you be my protector without control?"
Ciarán laughed. "Not without some control, mo ghrá. I don't need total control to be completely protective. We will find our perfect balance and then we will try to keep to those parameters, okay?"
She just nodded as his head came down to claim and totally control her lips, which was perfectly all right with her. She surrendered with a moan of contented release to her husband. Sometimes totally submitting to his desires was a wonderfully fulfilling thing.
April appeared with warmer days, still interspersed with cold days, but nature was in its season of change complete with rains, mud, budding, mating, and building. The ranch was very busy and by mid-month, the O'Connor brothers were back, Shane and brother in law Andrew, along with their families for a visit. The men were here for a discussion of the building needs of the ranch, with calculations and agreements to make. They were prepared to put in bids for the project that Jocelyn was heading up, which was expected to close within the week.
The list being discussed included chicken coops and fencing, two out buildings for the dog breeding; one for breeding and birthing, one for raising until weaned, with a puppy proof meshed yard on one and a dog proof fenced yard on the other. Equipment was decided upon and Ciarán's business manager, Cash, had put in the order. The brothers were deep in discussion about whether they needed a new business manager for the additional business, splitting one from the other. They pulled in Kelli and her attorney boss to discuss these issues. They felt that this year, Cash could do it all for Ciarán's equine and canine businesses and if it grew more, then they would re-examine it next year. Donald, Liam's manager, could handle the rest. Liam always dealt with his own guide and forestry work. In the next few years, that workload was expected to change as well, but for now, things seemed to have been settled.
During the week that everyone else was working hard on business, Katie tried to be content with Caoimhe and Alisha and their little ones. They took Paddy with them when Jos needed to work on her project. Caoimhe had just announced the expectation of their second child in November. That sparked more conversations with Caoimhe and Alisha sharing expectations and experiences all over again with Jocelyn able to join in now, cuddling little Paddy, with even Kelli joining in some of the memories she had shared with them.
Katie tried not to feel out of place and knew the women, her sisters now, tried to be considerate and not bore her with all their sharing of motherly experiences. Though she shared the excitement about the baby on its way, she again felt like an outsider. She knew she was the only one who felt that way. The rest of the family would have been horrified if they had known she was feeling disconnected in any way. While that should have made her feel better, it really didn't. She could feel her mood lowering and because more of the family was here, she knew her mood change would not be noticed. Therefore, she was surprised on the fourth day after their arrival when Ciarán grabbed her hand after having dinner with the family, and took her outside for a walk.
"Ciarán, you should spend time with your family," Katie protested to cover her own resistance to being with her husband right now. Her mood was just not going to accept this walk as well as other times.
"No, I should have noticed how sad you are. I should have noticed before my sister pointed it out. Come on, mo chroí, tell me what is getting you down? Is the noise and people too over-powering? Are you possibly missing your husband these days?" Ciarán wagged his eyebrows insinuating what else she might be missing.
"No, I don't know. I just don't feel that I really belong yet." Katie held up her hands to slow down the rush of response she knew would be his reaction to her statement. "I don't know. I haven't shared the experiences they have and while they are so sweet to try to pull me in, and I know the mechanics of being married, pregnant, delivery, I don't know the rest. All the filler. I don't know the family as well as everyone else. I am just feeling new. Don't worry, Ciarán, that will pass with time."
The sadness and loneliness of not being part of the family memory bank was painful for Katie and while she understood it, it was hard to fit in without that. That and knowing that her own growing up alone with her dad for a full half of the time sent her into self-pitying moroseness that she breathed in instead of blew away.
"Why don't you take some time off and go visit your new family? How about going back with everyone when they go back home or visit Mom and Da now while everyone is still here. This way you have some time to learn about the family without the pressure. You will be able to spend time with the other part of the family, and they can help you fill in the blanks and at least give you some knowledge of some memories so everything is not so new. Look at family photos and let mom fill in the blanks. I cannot leave right now, but you could take a week off now that there is a relief nurse. How about it, mo chroí?"
"Okay, I'll set it up and leave the day after tomorrow. Let me make sure that Doc is agreeable and that my relief is available for next week. Thanks for understanding. Your family there won't think I am intruding or your family here won't consider me rude for leaving, will they?"
"No, and it wouldn't matter because they are your family too. Your husband thinks it's a good idea."
"Maybe because it was his idea." Katie laughed and reached to give her concerned husband a kiss, which he deepened. He offered to walk her home and possibly end the evening with some entertainment they would both like. She accepted.
The next day, Katie set up the week off and planned her trip. Last night had been fun and calming with plenty of 'entertainment' but more than that, she felt that Ciarán understood her and did not disregard her feelings. He seemed to embrace them and, for her, he could not do more right than that. Her heart was full of love and pride for her husband and the joy she found in being his wife. She was a bit trepidatious going to his parents' home, but they had been so warm and welcoming when they were down for her wedding and the family had worked so hard to make her new home perfect. She wanted this family. No, she longed to be a part of and she just needed to jump in and get wet.
The family wished her a safe and happy trip and Katie had said she was flying out of Missoula on the afternoon flight. That had been the plan, but she forgot to make the reservation until it was too late for that flight and found she was going to have to wait until the next morning. She didn't want to tell Ciarán until she was a ways down the road. She figured she would just drive there and arrive faster than if she waited for the next flight. She called Ciarán and told him she was not going to make the plane she had intended. She told him she would be able to catch the next flight.
Technically, that was right, but she just wasn't going to use that available seat. She said she was going to stay with a friend; she simply neglected to say the friend wasn't in Missoula as he thought. While that was not the exact truth, she had to avoid him trying to come to Missoula and order her home.
She called Siobhan and told her that she was going to stay with a friend and would
arrive in the morning. Siobhan said she would pick her up from the airport causing Katie to break down and tell her that she was driving there. She begged her not to tell Ciarán and promised that he would know before she arrived at their house. Siobhan agreed that she did not want to be in that conversation and promised to tell no one.
I am just as bad as Jocelyn, afraid to tell her Liam when she drove to her parents and then his. I am going to call and tell Ciarán when I stop tonight because I don't want him worrying and I don't want him to think I drove late at night.
Katie felt guilty and then she felt angry because she was not used to feeling guilty. It was coloring everything that she was thinking and her anxiety about his reaction was rather high by the time she had arrived at her friend's home. Therefore, while she sat outside her friend's, she called Ciarán.
He answered the phone and Katie immediately teared up because she knew he would think that she chose to ignore him. While he never told her that she could not drive alone, she knew from conversations about Jocelyn that he did not think it was safe for her any more than Liam had thought it safe for Jocelyn.
"Ciarán?" She could hear her voice waver and determined to try to sound as in control as possible.
"What is wrong, mo chroí? Are you okay?" His concern was evident.
"Yes, oh, I'm good. I just need to tell you something. I am afraid to, but I am so miserable because I don't want you to think I don't respect you or listen to you or…"
"Katherine, tell me what is going on. Where are you?"
"Billings."
"Why are you driving when you were going to fly?"
"Well, see I didn't buy my ticket early enough and the flight was full and then, since I would have to take the next flight and it was in the morning, I thought I would make it here before the flight and then I thought you would be furious and…" The tears flowed.
"Slow down. Hear me. Hush, baby, you need to calm down. Listen, where are you?"
"At a friend's house, I was going to spend the night with her, but it is still early. I know I can get there in a couple of hours, but I knew you would be irritated. You would think I didn't listen or I disrespected you. Oh, Ciarán, I am so upset about all of this. Are you angry with me?"
Ciarán laughed. "Sweetheart, you are upset enough for both of us. What do you want to do? Do you want to stay or drive?"
"I would rather just get there. It will be around nine by the time I arrive. I don't mind and I figure that the traffic in the morning will be worse. Do you think it would be okay if I just drive there now?"
"How is the weather and are you too upset to drive?"
"It is clear and if you're not upset with me, then I'll be okay. I really did not mean to defy you or do it just because I wanted to. It just seemed more practical getting me there much faster."
"I can understand that. I wished we had this conversation about six hours ago, but we will talk about it again when I get there. I don't want you to drive back alone. I will fly out next Friday and will drive back with you. So promise me, mo chroí, you won't start back before I get there."
"I promise. I will be there when you get there. So I can go on tonight and you aren't angry with me and you don't think I ignored you or disrespected you or…"
"Katherine, stop. You're fine. You're over reacting. Just call me when you get to mom's and I will stay up until you call. Stop and get something to eat and I'll call mom and tell her you will be driving in around nine tonight so someone is looking for you. Stop your crying, lómhara, or I will think that you need to stay the night because you are too upset to drive. Are you listening to me?" Ciarán's voice took on that familiar authoritative tone that she was sure was made of steel.
"Yes, dear, I hear you and will not feel so bad now. I love you."
"I love you, mo chroí, please be careful, and call me when you get there."
When Katie arrived at the O'Connor home, Quinlan, Quinn to the family, his lady friend Cheyenne, Sean and Siobhan, met her. Siobhan smiled and said that Ciarán had called her a few hours ago telling her when to expect Katie and that she was glad to have gotten that call. It not only told Katie that Siobhan knew that her son was aware of her driving, but that he was okay with it. Sean was not as comfortable with it, but he shrugged after engulfing her in a bear hug.
"It's Ciarán's issue and he will handle it at the end of the week. But while you're here, lass, Mom or I will need to know where you are. I don't think we need to discuss how we handle naughty women around here, hmm?" Katie blushed and shook her head.
Quinn kissed his newest sister's cheek. "Yes, I am sure she is glad she is married to Ciarán. Some of us might not have been so lenient or accommodating," he said.
Cheyenne gave her a big hug and whispered in her ear, "He is really a teddy bear."
"Yes, a teddy bear with a big paw," Quinn added with a smile, letting Cheyenne know her whisper had been audible.
"Now you know that I picked the mellower brother for a reason." Katie laughed and was joined by the others.
Cheyenne whispered much softer to Katie again, "You know about Quinn's, um…"
Katie interrupted to whisper back, "What I know is that he is an O'Connor and that says it all."
Katie focused her attention back on what Quinn was saying.
"Just know that if any of had been asked to watch over you, this little adventure would not have come to the same conclusion." Quinlan raised his eyebrows before wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"Funny, that is what Ciarán said to Jocelyn when she took off driving this way. In fact, I think he said Liam would have to stand in line. I think it was because they didn't know where she was and she was pregnant. I don't think I would be so bold as to drive pregnant alone this far because sitting would probably be optional very soon after my husband got to me."
Katie explained that speaking of Ciarán, she needed to sit down and call him before she did anything else.
"Kie, I made it safe and secure. I am still very sorry, honey. I know that your brothers would have been angry and I am so thankful that you were not so angry that I would be a nervous wreck to see you. I remember how upset you were with Jocelyn and I really thought you would be that upset with me now. At least I am not pregnant."
"Yes, that would most likely have been a game changer. Katie, each of us is different and each wife must deal with her own spouse as is appropriate. I love you and I am trying to be in tune with you. You only need to meet my requirements, my expectations and answer to me alone. How we handle our life is our business. We are going to talk about it face to face, but we would do that anyway. We're learning each other, what we think, how we deal, and what works best for us will be different in some ways from Liam, Quinn, and the rest. Enjoy your time, sweetie, and I will see you on Friday night. Come to the airport and pick me up, okay?"
"I love you so much, Ciarán. I will miss you and I'll pick you up at the airport. I'll call you every day." They rang off with Ciarán chuckling and Katie sighing in relief.
The week was full of learning the history of the O'Connors in Sheridan. There were stories of how Liam would go up into the mountains with a group of friends and forget to tell his family where he was. She learned about the time that Caoimhe tried to go to Las Vegas without getting permission but didn't make it out of Sheridan before her brother caught her, and many more family held secrets were revealed to its newest adult member.
Katie must have looked at every picture that was ever taken of Ciarán from prenatal to the wedding. She took their photos of her wedding and made digital copies so that she could add them to her wedding album. Then she looked at a copy of Jocelyn's wedding album, Caoimhe and Alisha's, hearing all of their wedding disasters and their poignant moments. An interesting fact was that only Caoimhe and Katie had a honeymoon. Liam and Jocelyn were on their way to Montana and Shane was busy trying to finish their house and two other projects, so leaving was not possible. Shane and Alisha did have a honeymoon later and Liam and Jos would have o
ne soon.
Shane and Alisha were the first to marry, but not the first to have a grandchild. Caoimhe and Andrew married close behind but had the first grandchild. Then it was a few years later before Liam married Jocelyn and then closely behind, Ciarán had married Katie. Three children remained before all were successfully married and well on their way to having more little ones for Sean and Siobhan to love. Katie told Siobhan that she and Ciarán were going to take it three months at a time. They didn't want to be pregnant yet. Maybe next year they would be ready. Siobhan just smiled and nodded her head.
"Don't rush, honey," she advised. "Once you begin to have children, you will be with them forever. A little alone time is good. Besides, you need to learn each other. Learn what it is you will need to compromise on and those things that you don't need to compromise. Let Ciarán learn how to cherish you in the daily life and you learn to honor him in the hard times. These O'Connor men are truly, what Jocelyn likes to call them, 'lord of the manor types' and unfortunately, they marry strong willed women. But it makes for an exciting life and the making up is, well, anyway…"
"I love your son, Mrs. O'Connor. I just have trouble giving up some of my autonomy to him. He is much more open to me exercising my freedoms than Liam seems to be with Jocelyn, sometimes. But she pushes back so much at times that I think she wants his reaction."
"Oh, I think she likes the spark as much as the calm so I have no doubt that she pushes the envelope to get what she needs from him as much as he tries to extract his needs from her." She smoothly changed the subject. "Don't you think that grandson is beautiful? Padraig, what a good Irish name. Not that he needed one, but it does sound nice and naming him also after his other grandfather is an excellent choice. Now Caoimhe is having another one. We need another girl. Caoimhe has our only girl so she needs to have a son if she can; we will get a girl from you or one of the others. Call me Siobhan or mom but no Mrs."
Rancher's Creed (Ciaran O'Connor Book 2) Page 5