Without Hesitation

by Talia Jager

She was right. I knew she was right, but I was so frustrated that I couldn’t stop from shaking. Why couldn’t we catch a break? Were we ever going to get off this planet? Or would we be stuck here forever?

  “Breathe,” she said.

  I sat down, put my head between my knees, and took deep breaths. After a few minutes, I looked at her. “I can’t believe how lame that sounds—breathe—but I don’t know what else to say.”

  She scoffed and her smile disappeared. “So…we have to get to the other side of the ice?”

  I stood up and she followed. Behind us lay the desert, but backtracking almost seemed like a better idea than trying to get through the ice and snow in front of us. “I don’t know. We don’t have the clothes to keep us warm. Nothing to build a fire. We don’t know how far it spans.”

  “You should have thought about that before rescuing me. You should have let me die there.”

  Spinning toward her, I said, “Our plan was a damn good one. The only way he could have known where the Artemis was is if he had the technology that can detect cloaked ships. Not many people have that.”

  “I don’t know if I can make it. Maybe you should go. Find help.”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  She nodded, rubbing her wrist.

  “We’ll stay the night here. Leave in the morning.”

  “Okay.”

  With the ice so close, as night fell, it got chillier than it had any other night. I positioned my back against a large boulder. Akacia’s eyes glanced at the ground and then at me. I patted the ground in front of me. She sat in between my legs. Her back against my chest. I opened the blanket and put it over us. Then wrapped my arms around her. She nestled into me and let out a sigh.

  The night was clear and we could see the stars. They were beautiful. Being on a planet made it seem surreal that I spent all my time traveling among them.

  “What do you dream of?” I asked, wondering if she’d even answer.

  She didn’t respond right away, but then she said, “I used to dream of exploring the galaxy. Then it became to be a good leader to my people. Now, food would be great.”

  I laughed. “Big plates of food. Meat and vegetables.”

  “Dessert.”

  “And all the water we could drink.”

  “A nice soft bed,” Akacia said. “And someone to fill it.”

  We grew quiet again and I listened to her breathing. It was rhythmic and relaxing.

  Akacia ran her thumb over the tattoo on my left wrist. “Tell me about this?”

  “It’s the warrior symbol of protection. The nine points of the triangles each stand for noble Viking warrior virtues: industriousness, hospitality, discipline, honor, truth, courage, fidelity, self-reliance, and perseverance.”

  “I like that.”

  “What about yours?” I interlocked my fingers with hers and turned her arm over. The simple black tattoo ran from her left wrist to the middle of her forearm.

  “We believe that we’re born with a purpose and a destination. The path to that destination is the journey of life. The destination is the enlightenment. Most of us get lost, we struggle.” She traced her tattoo. “It’s called a unalome, which means reaching enlightenment. It’s an ancient, spiritual symbol. The spiral and zigzags indicate my struggle with life. Eventually, I’ll add a straight line when I find harmony.”

  “That’s really cool.”

  We were quiet for a while. I thought maybe she had fallen asleep, until she said, “The stars are brighter here. That cluster of six stars to our right, I can see that from Valinor just over the horizon at dusk. And that shape to our left is the planet, Zariah. I think we might be on Terronda.”

  “Are you trying to show off, Empress?” I teased.

  “Maybe.”

  A hint of pink colored her cheek. I was glad she was finally talking. I knew she hated me. She had told me plenty of times. The way I betrayed her was not something easily forgiven—if ever. The silence was killing me though. I wanted to hear her voice, watch her eyes light up as she talked about something she loved. Revel in her animated expressions. I moved her hair off her neck and traced her marking. Slowly I pressed my lips to it and felt her body shiver. I wanted so much more, but instead I moved her hair back into place and buried my face in it. I couldn’t get enough of her milk and honey scent.

  I thought about what she said. Terronda? What did I know about that planet? “Terronda. Dangerous terrain, erratic weather, survivable, but difficult. Seems accurate. There’s a settlement somewhere.”

  “And if we can get to that settlement, we can call for help.”

  We got up at first light determined to make it across the ice. Not that either one of us had any clue how far it spanned.

  “Ready?” I asked.

  “No,” she answered. “But we have no choice but to try, right?”

  Truth was, there was no way that either of us could be ready for this. We didn’t have the proper gear for cold weather. It didn’t take long for Akacia to start shivering.

  “Aren’t you cold?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I wasn’t as cold as she was apparently. In fact, I was surprised that it wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be. Inhaling deeply, I released my breath, which formed in a white cloud.

  The ice was beautiful, but deadly. One wrong move and we could die. The way the sun danced off the ice made me squint and I wished for sunshades.

  The ice spikes got steeper and in some places we had to crawl over them. The cold that had seemed mild at first now whipped at my face and crept under my clothes. Oh, how I wished I had something hot to drink. Or to be wearing one of those protective suits to help with the temperature.

  We walked sideways among the spikes. I shoved my foot into the snow, pressing down, making sure I had good footing. A deep, booming noise erupted and a cascade of white thundered down the mountain. We both fell backward, snow covering us. I began kicking immediately trying to get us out of there before we suffocated. The snow on top wasn’t too deep and I burst through it. Taking deep breaths, I searched for Akacia. She had been right next to me. Using my already numb hands, I dug through the snow and grabbed her, pulling her free.

  Her eyes were alight with fear and she was hyperventilating. “Breathe. You’re safe.”

  “Can’t…” she gasped, trembling from cold and panic.

  I met her gaze and repeated, “Breathe.” I took deep breaths to show her what I wanted her to do and soon her breathing stabilized.

  We were both shivering now that our clothes were wet from the snow. Her lips were tinged with blue. We had to keep going. We couldn’t stop. I took her hand in mine and pulled at her. “C’mon.”

  “Look,” she said with chattering teeth and pointed when we finally made it over a high snowdrift. “Are th…those tr…trees?”

  They were far in the distance, but I thought she was right. We could make it by nightfall if we hurried. I tugged her hand and forced her to continue on.

  “I’m so cold, Ever.” She slumped against the ice.

  “I know. We have to keep going.”

  “Rest.”

  She was getting tired and hypothermic. I had to get us out of there. I couldn’t let her die here. I needed to warm her up, but how would I do that quickly without anything?

  “No. You can’t. We can’t. We have to keep going.” I grabbed her and without thinking, pressed my lips against hers. The kiss was intense, filled with passion and fire. My heart beat hard and fast and I hoped hers was doing the same. She moaned into the heated kiss, pressed into me and our tongues met. Her hands were on my back, holding me against her. I was the first to pull away. If it weren’t for the fact that we had to get out of the cold, I would have happily kissed her all day long.

  “I need you to walk with me.”

  She nodded with eyes wider and more alert th
an they had been a moment before.

  Before we continued on, I scooped some of the snow up in the bowl. Once it melted, we could drink it.

  The ice thinned and soon our feet touched rock and then dirt. Akacia stumbled, but I grabbed her and held her up. We needed to get further from the ice. If we could make it to the trees, I could build a fire.

  Arms wrapped around each other, we finally made it. We both fell to the ground at the edge of the tree line.

  My body warmed quickly, but my hands were red and raw. Akacia was still shaking. I needed to get both of us warm. “I’ll be right back,” I told her and wandered into the forest to gather as many branches as I could. My hands were so cold that it took extra long to get the fire started. Both of us started to relax as we warmed up. I offered Akacia water first. She drank some and gave it back to me to finish.

  Once I was toasty warm, I knew I needed to find us food. I set up a trap and looked around. I saw a plant that I knew grew nuts. Kneeling next to it, I pulled it out and brought it back to the fire.

  The fire I built kept us warm. I wanted to talk to her. To hear her voice. Learn more about her. What she said before about not being able to move on circled in my head, filling me with regret. Maybe if I hadn’t turned her over to Caspar, we would have had a shot. Maybe in another life. Still, I dreaded the moment that we would part because I knew she wasn’t going to have anything to do with me once we were off this planet. So I might as well talk to her while I could. Though I wasn’t sure why I was torturing myself.

  “Tell me something.”

  Akacia turned to me and studied my face. I wasn’t expecting her to respond, but she did. “Just something? Or something in particular?”

  “Something interesting.”

  She poked the fire with a stick. “My life pales in comparison to yours.”

  “I’m sure there’s something.” I handed her a few nuts.

  “You would just call me privileged. I spent my childhood with parents who loved me. When they died, it fell to the counsel to raise me, teach me, and train me. Then when I was old enough, I took over.”

  “No special moments? No first love?”

  She looked up and held my gaze. “No.”

  “What were your parents like?”

  She laughed. “What I remember apparently isn’t who they were.”

  “They must have loved you.” I popped a few nuts in my mouth.

  “I guess. I mean, they must have, right? To do something so crazy?” The fire danced in her eyes. “My mom was a good teacher. She was kind and patient. Everyone loved her. My dad was smart. He was confident and committed. I looked up to him.”

  “So he was the Emperor of Valinor?”

  “Yes, but he was also a scientist. He was the head of Daystellar Research Incorporated. He loved science. Loved research…”

  Her words faded into the background. Daystellar Research Incorporated…DRI. My mouth went dry. Those were the people responsible for…well, my whole life. Akacia’s father was the head? It made sense, though. The experiments. Her nanites.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I…uh…think I heard my trap going off.” I stood up. “I’ll be right back.”

  My mind filled with questions. How could the universe be so small? I had always imagined myself meeting the people behind DRI. Finding out more about the experiments. I had pictured a crazy old guy. It was also bizarre to find out he had a family, was the Emperor of a planet, and that the people loved him.

  In the woods, I found a small animal in the trap. Quickly, I snapped its neck, filled my pockets with berries, and returned to the fire.

  Akacia looked up as soon as I stepped out of the trees. Her eyes lit up at the sight of food in my hand. She didn’t say anything else and I didn’t offer an explanation as I skinned and cooked the animal.

  I overcooked it a little, but it was food. We ate the nuts and berries with it. Afterward, I buried the bones.

  “What about your parents?”

  I looked up. “What?”

  “You asked about mine. What about yours? What are they like?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. She was watching me, waiting for me to say more. “They’re smart, resourceful, kind people. At least I think they are. I was taken from my parents when I was young and trained on a ship. I don’t remember much about my family. I know what they look like, but who they really are…I can’t answer that. Everything I do, I do it for them.”

  She was satisfied with my answer and I was thankful for that. Talking to her was scarily easy. I wasn’t used to it and I wasn’t sure how much I should tell her. I didn’t want her looking at me differently. More than anything I wanted a chance to make things right.

  Chapter Twelve

  Akacia

  Everleigh was behind me. Her arm over my waist. I felt safe. I didn’t want to move, but when I opened my eyes, there was a small, gray animal with a long tail and five digits on each paw sitting in front of me, staring at me. It had big, round eyes, pointy ears that jutted out from his head, four small nubs—two above each eye, and a flat, pink nose.

  It was by far the cutest thing I had ever seen, but then again looks could be deceiving. I nudged Everleigh. When she stirred, she let out a little groan.

  “Look,” I whispered.

  “What’s it doing?”

  “Watching us. Think it’s dangerous?”

  “I don’t know.”

  The little animal tilted its head, blinked and came a little closer. I stiffened unsure of what to expect. I reached out and grabbed a nut and handed it out to him. He took a few more steps and snatched it out of my hand.

  “We need those,” Everleigh said.

  “He’s cute.”

  He scurried around and found our pile of uneaten berries. He shoved the berries in his mouth until his cheeks puffed out. I chuckled at him and it felt good. Something about seeing this little creature gave me hope. If he could survive out here, so could we.

  We began our day with some nuts and a couple of those good smelling herbs. At least my breath wouldn’t be horrid. My legs ached from walking for days. I was still tired and hungry, but I had begun to heal. I hadn’t thought I could face Everleigh or talk to her again, or feel her lips on mine, but my heart was softening.

  We were walking through a meadow with small hills and a lake. A large black cloud seemed to be heading toward us. Ever noticed it almost at the same time I did. Her eyebrows arched and she stopped walking. A bug flew by me, then another, and another. “Ow!” she shouted, slapping the back of her neck.

  One of the bugs landed on my arm. It made a buzzing sound and then flew up an inch and rammed into me with its stinger. I whacked it, knocking it out of the air, but before its dead body even hit the ground, another one was on my neck and then one landed on my hand.

  “We have to take cover.” In the time it took Ever to look around, I had been stung two more times. Her eyes stopped on the lake. “We have to go under. Do you understand?” Her eyes searched mine as she waited for an answer. Another bug landed on her and stung her. She grimaced and flicked it off. “Akacia! They’re coming! We have to go under!”

  I started shaking my head. My eyes traveled from the water to the cloud of bugs still heading our way. We had been stung handfuls of times, but that would be nothing compared to if we were here when the rest of the bugs arrived. But what she was suggesting…going under the water…I shuddered.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you.” Ever yanked on my hand dragging me to the water.

  More bugs stung us as Ever pulled me deeper into the water. “We have to go under and stay there for a minute. I will hold onto you. You’ll be safe.”

  She didn’t wait any longer. She quickly spun me around so my back was to her chest, wrapped her arms around me, and she went under the water taking me with
her.

  Caspar’s face filled my mind. Lorcan dragged me to the basin of water, grabbed me by the neck, and held me under. My lungs burned and I began to kick and thrash. Ever’s hold on me slipped and I swam toward the surface. She grabbed my hands and pulled me close to her. Her eyes were wild and she shook her head. She pulled me to her and held me.

  I was going to die.

  Underwater.

  Drowning on some crazy planet with the girl I wanted to spend forever with.

  The girl who had betrayed me.

  What kind of craziness was this? Maybe I was stuck in a coma somewhere and this was a dream.

  Finally after what seemed like forever, she pushed us to the surface. I gasped for air, she hardly seemed out of breath. She scanned the area looking for the bugs. “They’re gone. Are you okay?”

  I didn’t answer. I was still trying to catch my breath.

  “Look in my eyes.”

  By now I knew what to do. I placed my hand on her chest and matched her breath for breath.

  “Good,” she said when my breathing finally evened. With my hand in hers, she led me out of the water. We sank onto the grass and I examined the places on my arms that burned. Welts had formed where the bugs had stung us.

  “Come on. We’ll find a place to camp and dry off.”

  Ever helped me to my feet and we walked a little farther until we found a good place to spend the night.

  After the fire was made she disappeared into the woods to find dinner and I laid out our clothes so they could dry. I sat on a rock with the blanket over me, staring out at the lake, wondering how I was ever going to be okay again.

  She came back with another of those small animals she’d caught before and more berries. As she cooked the food, I slipped away to the forest and found some herbs to make a paste for our stings.

  After eating, I applied the paste to the welts all over my body. It soothed the pain. Then I gestured for Everleigh to sit down and I did the same for her.

  “Sorry I froze.”

  “I understand,” she replied.

  We rested for the night and got started walking again at first light. I was a little edgy from the stings and being underwater again, so when the dark clouds began rolling in that afternoon, I panicked.