Without Hesitation

by Talia Jager

  “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

  “There’s really nothing to worry about,” I tried to reassure her.

  Our eyes met and she nodded, but something made me think she wasn’t just worried about me planting the bomb.

  “Is there something else going on?” I asked.

  “No. I just don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t.” It wasn’t a lie. I was hers. I would always be hers. Whether or not I could be with her was another story.

  Over the intercom, Briar’s voice told us that we were close.

  “Go,” Kaci said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Zabe walked onto the bridge with a sleek silver canister in his hand. “It’s finished.”

  “It’s so small,” Kaci stated.

  “This gorgeous thing will destroy the ship.” Carefully, he placed it on the table. “All you have to do is get it to the core of the ship. It’s magnetic, so you can attach it to pretty much anything there. Then you get out of there. Briar can set it off remotely as soon as you jump back. We’ll then have thirty seconds to hightail it out of the way.”

  “Let’s do this.” I picked up the device.

  “They will be able to detect us. We won’t stay stationary, we’ll have to randomly move around, but we’ll stay in jump range,” Huxley said.

  “Almost through his security,” Briar reported. “Caspar upgraded since the last time we hacked in, but I’ve got this.”

  I didn’t want to say anything to Kaci. I knew if I did, she’d worry more, but I didn’t want to go without a single word just in case something did happen. Apparently she felt the same way because she closed the space between us and planted her lips on mine for a long minute. It wasn’t a passionate or gentle kiss, but it was one that left my lips wanting more.

  Glancing at Huxley, I said, “Keep your hands off my girl.”

  He let out a loud laugh and Kaci turned bright pink, while the other two looked confused.

  I stepped into the jump circle, keeping my eyes on her, and when Briar gave the okay, I pushed the button. Suddenly I was in the core of Caspar’s ship.

  With no time to waste, I wove in between the machinery and placed the device right on the central computer. Just like Zabe said, it stayed there. Easy. With a nod of satisfaction, I placed my finger on the jump device, but before I could press the button, a voice came through my earpiece, “Ever?”

  “Yeah, Briar?” I whispered.

  “Akacia took the other jump device. There’s a gun missing, too.”

  “Fuck.” What was she thinking? That was a stupid question. I knew exactly what she was thinking. Revenge. Personal revenge. She wanted to be the one to actually kill him.

  This was what she was holding back.

  I should have seen it coming.

  “Can you tell where she is?” I asked, desperate.

  “Not for sure. My guess is she’s going for the bridge.”

  “I’m going after her.”

  “Be careful, Ever,” Briar said.

  Seconds later, I heard gunshots.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Akacia

  I landed in an unknown room. Nobody had taught me how to use the jump device, so I had to guess at some of the settings. I had to find Caspar and fast. I wanted to be the last face he saw before he died.

  As I rushed through the corridor, I passed a room with large windows that looked to be a lab. I stopped and after making sure nobody was inside, I entered.

  One wall of the room was lined with large cages, about ten of them. I saw a flash of movement in the last cage. I crept closer and saw a human-shaped figure.

  A low growl appeared to come from him. Curiosity got the best of me and I took a few more steps toward it. The closer I got, the more I realized this creature wasn’t human. Fur sprouted in patches all over his body. One of his hands looked normal and human, while the other was a paw.

  Suddenly, he let out a loud growl and started banging on the cage. Drool dripped from his sharp, canine-like teeth. Looking in his tortured filled eyes, I had no doubt that this was an experiment gone wrong.

  I backed away from the feral creature in the cage. Once I was far enough away, the creature calmed back down. I turned to the computer.

  After a few keystrokes, I was searching through Caspar’s files, trying to find out what he knew. My heart picked up its pace when I saw one labeled Splicers. Opening it, I found pictures of people that I could only assume were Splicers in cages. Looking back at the metal boxes, at the creature in the corner, something clicked and my stomach churned. I realized the reason Ever reacted in the tunnel on Terronda the way she did had to be because she was kept in one of these cages at some point. I couldn’t tell if she was one of the ones pictured, but it made sense.

  Rage filled me. I picked up the heaviest thing I could find and pounded the screen, cracking it. Of course that wouldn’t do anything—the files were stored in a central computer—but it felt good. The bomb would take care of the files.

  It took a ridiculous amount of time to find the bridge. I thought for sure I was going to die in the explosion, but I couldn’t go back. Caspar was on the bridge with one of the guards that tortured me.

  “It’s definitely the Nirvana, but they keep moving. They know we can see them,” the guard said.

  Caspar sighed like he was annoyed. “Should have killed them when I had the chance. As soon as you can, fire on them. Once their ship has been destroyed, I want to fill the cages with Splicers, kill the rest, and personally go to Valinor. I will get what I want.”

  “Like hell you will,” I said, stepping into the room with my weapon drawn.

  After Caspar’s initial shock, a sly smile spread across his face. “Empress. Miss your time here?”

  Everything around me faded away. Caspar’s smile reminded me of how he looked at me when he or his men were torturing me. In my mind, I saw the chain being swung around in his hand. The basin of water. The chair I had sat in while being beaten. The cages where they kept Splicers. My hand trembled, but I kept it pointed at him.

  “Have you ever used one of those before?”

  I tightened my grip. What was I waiting for? Why didn’t I just shoot him?

  “You pull that trigger and you make yourself a criminal. You will always be looking over your shoulder. Maybe that’s what you want. You know you’re a freak now.”

  Fury poured through my veins and I pulled the trigger. First at Caspar, then at the guard when he went for his gun. They both went down, someone shouted, an alarm rang out and I could only stand there and watch the blood pool around their bodies.

  Ever burst into the room with eyes wide and searching. When they landed on me, her face relaxed. She looked past me to Caspar and the guard.

  Loud yells came from down the hallway. Ever took my hand and in seconds we were back on the Nirvana.

  “Give me the gun,” Ever’s voice sounded far away. “Kaci…you’re safe.”

  My hands trembled but I couldn’t seem to let go of the gun.

  “Maybe it’s best if you guys leave now.”

  “We’re not leaving, Ever.”

  “You don’t have a choice. I’m ordering you to!” she yelled.

  Huxley opened his mouth.

  “Now!”

  Nobody moved. Ever let out an exasperated sigh and turned back to me. “Kaci? Can you hear me?”

  I could, but it felt like I was under water and she was calling to me from the surface. My chest started to constrict. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

  “Kaci.” She put her hands on mine. “I’m going to take the gun, okay?”

  My grip tightened.

  “You’re safe. Breathe. Nobody here will hurt you. Please, Kace, come back to me.” She positioned herself right in front of me.

&nb
sp; I blinked a few times forcing myself to hear her words. I let her take the gun. She placed it in her waistband and then wrapped her arms around me.

  “Now, Briar!”

  There was a bright light and the Nirvana lurched just before kicking into FTL speed.

  Ever cupped my face and covered it with kisses. “Why did you do that? He would have died in the blast. You didn’t have to kill him.”

  Caspar was right. I had blood on my hands now.

  Not letting go of my hand, Ever closed the space between her and Huxley. She whispered to him and he nodded.

  “Come on,” Ever led me away from the bridge and back to her room. She turned on the shower. “Take a hot shower.”

  I didn’t move. Instead I stared at the floor.

  “Hey,” she said, her thumbs wiping away my tears. “If you don’t take off your clothes, I’ll take them off for you and believe me I do not want the first time I strip you down to be remembered this way.”

  My hands moved and my clothes fell to the floor. I stepped into the shower. The hot water mixed with my tears as it flowed over my body until I finally collapsed onto the shower floor and pulled my knees to my chest.

  After a while, I forced myself to get out and dried off. Ever had left me some clean clothes in the room, so I got dressed. I sat on her bed staring off into space. Silently, she knelt behind me and started braiding my hair, which felt heavenly. When she finished, she sat beside me. I put my head on her shoulder and she took my hand.

  “Sorry about earlier,” I mumbled.

  “I know.”

  “I froze. I just…”

  “I know.”

  We stayed there for I don’t know how long, until Ever decided I had to eat. She dragged me to the kitchen and put a bowl of soup and some bread down in front of me. I took a few bites before pushing the rest of it around with my spoon.

  “Isn’t it good?”

  “Yeah. Just not hungry.”

  “I know you just did something you never thought you’d do—”

  “I just killed. Became a murderer. Yeah, so, I’m not hungry.”

  Ever looked away. “Okay. We’ll come back when you do get hungry. Briar’s waiting for us. We have to make a decision.”

  When we reached the bridge, the rest of the crew was there.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to them all.

  “Nothing to be sorry for,” Zabe said, surprising me.

  “He’s right,” Huxley said. “It’s happened to all of us.”

  “Now what?” Briar stood at the controls ready to plug in coordinates.

  I turned to Ever. “I need to go back to Valinor.”

  “I understand.”

  “I need answers.” I looked at her and everyone else faded away. “Will you come?”

  “To Valinor?”

  “I don’t want to do it alone.”

  “Yeah. Will they let me?”

  Smirking, I answered, “I think you’re forgetting who the Empress is.”

  Laughing out loud, she said, “Okay. If you promise they won’t kill me on sight.”

  “I’ll just jump in front of you.”

  All color drained from her face. “Don’t do that again.”

  “So?” Briar said, reminding us she was there. “To Valinor?”

  Ever nodded, though I noticed the look on her face wasn’t one of happiness.

  I retreated back into my head again while they talked. My finger found the tattoo on my arm and ran over it again and again.

  “We need to find our families soon,” Briar said softly. “We have no idea how long they’ll survive without Caspar.”

  “We will. We just need to get her home first.” I heard Ever say. “I’m going to get her to bed.”

  “I’ll stay here and monitor the comms for news about Caspar’s ship,” Briar said.

  Zabe and Huxley were playing an intense game of Loaded when Ever took my hand and led me to her room.

  I didn’t sleep that night. Ever sat up against the head of her bed with my head in her lap. For a long time, she was quiet, then she said, “We were on a mission for Caspar. He wanted this antique from the Mezzi Corporation. Briar and I went in for it. We were caught. A guard pushed Briar into me, knocking me over. Before I could get up, he was on top of me and pinning me down. The knife in his hand was coming at me. Briar jumped on his back and stabbed his shoulder. He dropped the knife in his hand, grabbed her and threw her into a wall, knocking her out. It gave me just enough time to get the dagger I had hidden in my boot. When he reached for his knife, I swung mine, slicing his throat. Then, like that wasn’t going to kill him, I took it a step further and thrust the knife into his heart. He fell onto me, covering me in his blood. I pushed him off, scooped up Briar and the antique, and jumped out of there.”

  I was quiet while picturing the scenario. “That’s different,” I said softly. “You were protecting Briar, defending yourself. You’re not a cold-blooded killer.”

  “Either are you.”

  I nodded, but her words meant nothing.

  The next day, I surrounded myself with the crew and Nero; staying busy, talking, playing card games, petting Nero. Anything to keep from thinking of what I had done. A few times, I found myself at the window just staring out into space. So much out there to explore.

  One time, I turned around and Briar had the maps out again. Walking over, I asked, “Are you still trying to decide where to go first?”

  “Yeah. There are a few different blue giants with planets close together.”

  “Go to the closest one first?” I suggested.

  “That’s the logical thing to do.”

  “Makes sense to me.”

  She nodded and pulled me into a hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “Me too.” My voice quaked.

  Ever and I even went to the weapons room to spar. I had forgotten just how impressive the room was. Spending time with Everleigh, Huxley, Zabe, and Briar had made me see them as less threatening than they actually were. I had allowed the fact that they were criminals to slip my mind. This room brought all of that back. They were all lethal.

  “You should try the punching bag,” she suggested, holding up the tape to wrap my hands. “It helps me with my anger.”

  I glanced over at the bag hanging from the ceiling. “Really?”

  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” She positioned herself behind the bag. “C’mon.”

  I taped up my hands and then threw a punch.

  “Harder.” Her golden eyes met mine. “Picture Caspar.”

  Opening and closing my fist, I punched the bag again and again. Anger came from places I didn’t know existed. It wasn’t just anger toward Caspar, but toward myself, toward my parents, even Galton. It was anger at impossible situations.

  “Hey guys,” Briar interrupted from the doorway. “Come with me.”

  Ever grabbed me. “You okay?”

  I nodded.

  We followed Briar to the med bay. A body was lying on the bed dressed in a silver uniform. Ever stepped closer and examined the AI. “Flawless,” she commented.

  “Do you approve?”

  “She looks great. Does she work?”

  Briar smiled. “We’re about to find out.” She rolled the AI over, pulled her shirt up just enough to slip a tiny microchip into the hidden drive under her arm. Seconds later, the AI’s eyes popped open revealing their green color and she sat up. Her gaze shifted over each of us.

  “Hello, Nirvana crew.” She looked down at her hands, flipped them over and back again. “You have given me a body.”

  “Yes, Zia,” Briar answered. “I hope you’re happy with what I picked.”

  “This is very nice. Thank you.” She stood and walked to a mirror where she placed her long auburn hair in a bun. She turned to Ever
and said, “I am ready for duty.”

  “I’m going to let Briar show you around or whatever it is she has planned,” Ever responded.

  “Wow!” I said when we were alone again. “I knew AIs were advanced, but she’s amazing. So humanlike.” My mind started wandering to my nanites. How much like her was I? Did the nanites only heal me? Did they do more? Could they?

  “You’re lost in your thoughts again.”

  My eyes met hers and I shrugged. “Sorry.”

  She opened her mouth like she was going to say more, but instead she leaned in and kissed me.

  Ever excused herself to do a few ship related things, so I wandered around. I found Zabe in the observation room stroking Nero who was purring in his lap. Zabe looked more approachable holding a cute animal.

  Nero’s eyes opened as I plopped down next to them. “Traitor,” I said, sticking out my tongue. Nero just closed his eyes again. I laughed.

  “You’re good for us,” Zabe said.

  “I am?”

  “Yes. You’re the calm in the storm.”

  Staring into the dark space, I said, “You’re all good people, Zabe, just in a bad situation.”

  “I tried telling Caspar no once. That was when he killed my brother. Two guards had to hold me back. He was just a kid.”

  I couldn’t imagine going through that. Bristow was like my brother and I didn’t know what I would do if something ever happened to him. “I’m sorry, Zabe. Caspar’s gone now. He can’t hurt anybody else.”

  “You’re brave, Akacia. Stupid, but brave.” He smiled. “Everleigh has been through a lot. Be patient with her.”

  I stood up, tousled Zabe’s hair. He looked up, shocked that I had dared to be so familiar with him. His expression melted into a smile and I left to wander some more.

  Huxley cooked meat and vegetables for dinner. We all ate quietly.

  “This is delicious,” I told him.

  “Thanks, Akacia.” His smile was sad. “These guys are so used to my cooking, they don’t appreciate it anymore. It was nice to cook for someone else.”

  “I’ve enjoyed all of your meals.” I blinked back the tears.

  “I suppose I should tell you what I am, too?” Zabe said out of the blue.