The Hearts That Hold

by Rosie Clarke

  Jack smiled at me as we stood together in our hotel room after the wedding party was over and we were alone. We had invited over three hundred guests to the reception held at the Savoy Hotel, and the press had been there in droves to watch and take pictures.

  ‘Anyone would have thought it was Audrey Hepburn or Vivien Leigh getting married,’ Sheila had said, looking slightly envious. ‘Jack certainly didn’t mean your wedding to go unnoticed.’

  ‘Jack never does anything by halves. He never did.’

  He had filled our suite with flowers. Champagne on ice, a basket of exotic fruit and all kinds of fancy chocolates were waiting for us. I believe if I had asked, he would have reached up and pulled down the moon.

  The man I had married was larger than life. He lived in the fast lane, and from now on I would go with him wherever he went.

  ‘You look wonderful in that dress, Emma … more beautiful than the night I first saw you.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, darling.’ I shook my head at him. ‘I was twenty-one then. I’m thirty-eight now.’

  ‘Some women just get more lovely,’ he said. ‘You will never be anything less than beautiful to me …’

  ‘Oh, Jack,’ I said, going into his arms. I lifted my face for his kiss. ‘I love you so very much.’

  He smiled and kissed me, then presented me with a large flat velvet box he produced from his inner pocket.

  ‘More diamonds?’ I raised my brows, then gave a cry of surprise as I opened it and saw not the necklace I had expected, but what was obviously a deed. I gave him a teasing look. ‘And what is this?’

  ‘It’s the deed to a rather exclusive boutique in New York,’ he said, and grinned. ‘I wanted to give you something special as your wedding present, and I knew you would like this – besides, I want to tempt you to come to New York with me.’

  ‘You didn’t have to give me this to get me to come,’ I said, smiling into his eyes. ‘I am looking forward to it, Jack – and to meeting Rachel, of course.’

  ‘I telephoned her and told her to expect us,’ he said, looking slightly nervous. ‘I’ve never left her for as long as this before. I was anxious about her. When we’ve collected her, we can come back here if you like, Emma. It’s your choice, my darling.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said. ‘When I was young and very foolish I used to dream about going to Paris and New York. Well, I’ve been to Paris several times, so here’s to the next adventure …’ I lifted my glass to toast him and our new life together. ‘Here’s to us, Jack, and the future.’

  We flew in one of the new large airliners that were making travel so much easier these days. A huge shiny black car was waiting for us at the airport, and the uniformed chauffeur greeted Jack with respect.

  ‘Welcome home, sir.’ He nodded to me as he held the car door wide. ‘Nice to see you, Mrs Harvey.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Did Rachel come with you, Michael?’

  ‘No, sir. She wanted to wait until you got home.’ He winked at me. ‘I think she is planning a surprise for you, madam.’

  I could not help feeling a little nervous. What kind of a surprise was my step-daughter planning? Would I like it? Would she be pleased to see me – or feel resentful of the woman who had taken her mother’s place?

  Jack smiled at me as the limousine negotiated the crowded streets. I craned my neck to see the huge tower blocks. Jack had told me about them, and of course I had seen news programmes on the TV, but I was amazed – and excited.

  New York was everything I had expected and more. I saw large, impressive shops, their windows bright and full of expensive goods. The pavements thronged with people. The whole city seemed to be alive and thrusting with energy, throbbing like a beating heart.

  ‘Oh, Jack,’ I breathed. ‘I like this … I like your city …’

  ‘I thought you might,’ he said and grinned at me. ‘What was that you said about retiring?’

  ‘Retiring – at my age? I’m far too young …’

  The sound of his laughter warmed me. I was no longer afraid of Rachel’s reception. Somehow I knew that I had come home …

  Epilogue

  ‘Do I look all right, Mumma?’ Rachel asked. She was nearly sixteen now, still a little shy and awkward despite all my encouragement over the years we had known and loved each other. ‘Only I do want to look nice for Lizzy’s big day.’

  Rachel had been waiting to love me the day I arrived in the very beautiful house Jack called home. It was ancient and gracious, built with old money by a family who belonged to the ruling elite of a strict society, and filled with precious antiques and the flowers Rachel had ordered herself to welcome me … vase after vase of roses and other exotic blooms in every room of the house.

  Her gesture had touched my heart, and I had opened it to her.

  She had wanted, needed love so badly, and I had so much to give. Lizzy and James were grown up now, and no longer needed me as much – but Rachel was a delicate flower to be nourished and cherished. I loved her from the moment I looked into her anxious eyes and felt her need.

  I looked at her now, my heart filled with tenderness as I sensed her anxiety.

  ‘You look just right, sweetheart,’ I assured her. ‘Some girls look awful in miniskirts, but you have lovely legs – long and slender.’

  Her legs were tanned from lying in the sun on a sun-drenched beach at Martha’s Vineyard. We had spent three weeks at Jack’s house there, another splendid mansion, before leaving for England and the chill of an English autumn.

  ‘You must be so proud of Lizzy,’ Rachel said, reassured now and smiling. ‘I wish I was clever enough to be a doctor.’

  ‘You help me,’ I said. ‘I would never keep up with all of Jack’s social engagements if it were not for you, darling. I could never remember all their names! You write the invitations so beautifully. And you help me keep up with all the latest fashions. I am going to miss you when you go away to college.’

  ‘I don’t have to go, Mumma.’ She looked at me hopefully.

  ‘Oh, yes, you do. Your father wants you to have the best of everything, and you know what he’s like. Besides, he is right: it will be good for you. You will make lots of new friends, darling – and you can come to us in the holidays.’

  She pulled a face at me. ‘I suppose I shall have to – but I want to come and help you with the boutiques when I leave college. Can I, Mumma?’

  ‘Of course you can.’ I smiled at her. ‘You can share them with me. I’m going to give the shop in London to James when Gwen retires. He and Lizzy have managed on their income so far – but James needs something …’

  I was a little worried about my son’s lack of interest in a career. He had made a good job of bringing up his daughter while Lizzy was training, but surely he didn’t want to stay at home for the rest of his life? If I gave him the shop, he would have to look after it when my aunt retired, and she would this Christmas … at least she was threatening it was her very last Christmas in charge, but with Gwen you could never be certain.

  At nearly sixty-nine, she had more energy than most thirty year olds these days!

  ‘I like English fashions,’ Rachel said, looking thoughtful. ‘Biba and Mary Quant. I think we should have more things like theirs in the boutiques. Some of your things are too stuffy, Mumma.’

  ‘If only I could find someone to supply something similar to the clothes you are talking about, exclusively for us,’ I said. ‘Francine used to design especially for me – but I don’t buy her things these days.’

  ‘Do you mean Just Francine?’

  ‘Yes – why?’

  ‘I saw some of her dresses in a shop yesterday when I went out to look round Oxford Street,’ Rachel said and pulled a face. ‘I don’t think they are very special, Mumma. You want something fresh and new … something that makes you stop, go back and buy.’

  I smiled at her. She might still be a little shy at times, but she certainly had something of Jack in her. I did not need to fear that
my steadily growing chain of clothes shops in New York would, in later years, become too much for me, when I had a daughter ready and willing to step into my shoes.

  ‘I agree with you, sweetheart. But where do I find a designer who is willing to work for me? If they are any good, they want their own business. Besides, I’m not sure I would trust anyone again …’

  ‘Supposing you did find someone you could trust – would you have your own workshops in New York like you used to here in London?’

  ‘Yes, I might. Why?’ I looked at her, wondering what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. ‘You haven’t been trying your hand at designing – have you?’

  ‘Oh, no, I’m not clever enough,’ she said, and her gaze veered away from mine. ‘I just wondered, that’s all.’

  I smiled and gave her a little push. ‘Well, you had better stop wondering and finish getting ready or we are going to be late for Lizzy’s party.’

  Rachel laughed and ran out of the room. I took a glance at myself in the mirror. I was forty-four, but my figure was still trim. My smart white suit had a straight skirt that ended just above the knee. Mini skirts might be high fashion, but I wasn’t going to flash my thighs at Lizzy’s party.

  It had taken six years, but she had now passed all her exams and finished her medical training. She was a fully fledged doctor and could work wherever she chose. I was so proud of her – and James for helping her through the struggle. He had supported her throughout and I believed they were very happy together.

  I moved towards the bed to pick up my hat – a wide brimmed white straw with pink silk roses on the underside of the brim – then I grabbed at the bed rail to steady myself, breathing deeply until the unpleasant sensation had passed. That was the second time this morning I had felt dizzy. What could be wrong with me?

  I straightened up, glancing at my face again. I had gone white, and there were faint shadows beneath my eyes. It was true that I had been feeling a little out of sorts recently, but with all the excitement of coming to England for the party I had put it out of my mind. I could not be ill. I had no time to be ill.

  I was not ill! I was going to the party and I would enjoy myself.

  ‘I’m so proud of you, darling,’ I said as I kissed Lizzy on the cheek. She looked so grown up and so dedicated, her youthful prettiness maturing into real beauty. ‘And of James, of course. I think you both deserve a share of the credit.’

  ‘Here is Emily,’ Sheila said, leading her forward. ‘Say hello to Grandma, Emily.’ She laughed wickedly. ‘How does it feel, Emma – to be called Grandma?’

  ‘Wonderful.’

  I smiled and bent down to kiss Emily.

  ‘You remember me, don’t you, my love? And Grandpa? You came to see us last Christmas and we went to all the big shops to see Father Christmas.’

  ‘And Jack spoiled her – the way he did me when I was little,’ James said. ‘Fortunately, he doesn’t get the chance to spoil Emily too often.’

  I nodded, but didn’t say anything. Bending to kiss Emily had made me feel dizzy again. I moved towards the settee and sat down. There were a lot of James’s and Lizzy’s friends, young people I didn’t know. I was surprised as I saw some people I did know.

  I hadn’t seen Pam for years, but somehow Lizzy had persuaded her to come. She looked much the same, except that she seemed happier – and had a rather attractive man with her. I guessed he must be her husband when I glimpsed the wedding band on her finger. I smiled at her and she came over at once, eager to talk.

  Paul and Sol were standing together sipping their drinks, and looking my way. I had known that James was in contact with his father, but I was surprised to see that Paul had been invited to the party – and yet I was also glad. It was good that they had found some kind of a relationship.

  Paul merely nodded to me, but when Pam went to help Lizzy bring in the food, Sol came over to sit beside me. He raised his brows as he saw the expression in my eyes.

  ‘Surprised to see me here, Emma? James visits me from time to time – in my flat …’

  ‘You are not at the house now?’

  ‘I gave that to Francie when we separated last year,’ he said and pulled a wry face. ‘It was too big for me anyway. I prefer my little flat. Francie took two thirds of the business, but I kept one workshop and showroom … in the Portobello.’

  ‘So you are back where you started?’

  ‘For the moment, but I have plans …’

  ‘And you are happy?’

  ‘Yes, I’m happy. Life moves on. There’s no point in looking back.’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘You look wonderful, Emma – as lovely as ever.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I smiled and leaned across to take Rachel’s hand as she hovered near by. ‘This is my daughter Rachel. She is very interested in learning about the fashion business.’

  ‘She is not the only one of your family …’ Sol clapped his hand over his mouth. ‘That’s blown it. It was supposed to be the big surprise for when we cut the cake.’

  James had been watching us and listening. He grinned and went into the next room, then came back a few moments later with a big folder, which he laid on the table in front of me.

  ‘I hope you will like them, Ma. Sol has made up a few samples, which I’ll show you when the party is over. I’ve put your name on the label – but you may not approve …’

  I stared at him, then at Sol, Jack, Lizzy and Rachel. They were all in the secret! Whatever had been going on, I was the only one who didn’t know.

  I opened the folder and gasped as I saw the drawings of dresses, suits, casual outfits. They were very professional, but they were also young, fresh and exciting.

  ‘Who did these?’

  ‘I did,’ James said. He was trying to be very laid back and casual, but not succeeding. I could see he was nervous, and I realized that my approval was very important to him. ‘I suppose I took it from you, Ma. You were always leaving fashion magazines about the house. I didn’t tell you what I was planning, because I’ve changed my mind so many times, and this might not have worked out either. I thought I wanted to be a film director once, then I thought I might be a war correspondent – but since Lizzy has been training, I’ve been learning as much as I can about the rag trade. I went to see Sol and he helped me a lot …’

  ‘I helped a little,’ Sol said. ‘He has done most of it himself, Emma.’

  I kept them all waiting while I went through the sketches one by one, then I glanced up and smiled.

  ‘These are wonderful, James. How on earth did you ever find the time to do them with a child to look after?’

  ‘I managed,’ he said and let out a sigh of relief. ‘So you think they are all right then?’

  ‘I think they are very professional and very clever. You’ve caught the new young image that is prevailing at the moment, but you haven’t gone too far. I can sell clothes like these in my boutiques. My customers are looking for quality and style as well as image, and these have all that and more.’ I looked at Rachel. ‘So this is what you were talking about earlier – when you told me I needed something fresh and new? You naughty girl! All of you … never breathing a word.’

  ‘James wanted to surprise you,’ my husband said and grinned. ‘He wasn’t ready to show you at Christmas – besides, he wanted to wait until Lizzy had got her certificate.’

  ‘We would like to come out to you,’ James said. ‘Our main workshops are going to be here … but we would like to set up something in New York. And we want to sell exclusively through your boutiques … if you are interested?’

  ‘If I am interested?’ I jumped up and took two steps towards him, intending to hug him, but the dizziness washed over me in a great wave and I gave a cry of distress as I felt myself falling. The floor was rushing up to me and I felt very, very ill.

  When I came to myself a little later, I was lying on Lizzy’s bed. She, Rachel and Jack were gathered about me anxiously.

  ‘What happ
ened?’

  ‘It’s all right, darling,’ Jack said, taking my hand. ‘Probably something you ate at the hotel this morning.’

  ‘You fainted,’ Lizzy said, looking upset. ‘James is phoning for a doctor … he thought a stranger would be better because we’re too close, but I think …’

  ‘Oh, that isn’t necessary. I don’t need a doctor,’ I protested and sat up. The next moment I fell back as my head started to spin again. I did feel very unwell. ‘This is so silly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

  ‘Just lie there until the doctor comes,’ James said from the doorway. His scolding tone hid his anxiety. ‘I expect you’ve been overdoing things as usual, Ma.’

  ‘No, not at all. I had three weeks holiday before I came over …’

  I heard Sol’s voice welcoming the doctor. As he came in to the bedroom, Jack shooed everyone else out.

  ‘Leave her to rest,’ I heard him say. ‘You know your mother, James. She will never admit she’s not well …’

  ‘So, Mrs Harvey …’ The doctor smiled at me as he came to the edge of the bed. ‘What seems to be the matter with you?’

  ‘Oh, just a little dizziness,’ I said. ‘I’m perfectly all right …’

  ‘Has it happened more than once?’

  I hesitated, then sighed. ‘Yes, a couple of times this morning – and I’ve been feeling a bit odd recently.’

  ‘What do you mean by odd?’

  ‘Sick … just not well. Rather tired …’

  ‘Perhaps I should examine you? It might be some kind of an infection.’

  He sat on the bed and felt my neck, then listened to the beat of my heart with his stethoscope. He held my hand, frowning as he looked at me. ‘Perhaps you could ease the waistband of your skirt, Mrs Harvey? It is a little tight. I should like to feel your stomach …’

  ‘Yes, it is tight. I noticed when I put it on this morning. That’s odd …’ I frowned. ‘I only bought it a couple of weeks ago. I don’t usually put on weight, but we have been on holiday. I suppose it was that.’

  He nodded, and went on with his examination, then looked at me. ‘How old are you, Mrs Harvey? Thirty-nine – forty?’