“How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?” I demanded.
“Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with,” he growled.
“I’d rather die than be with Mike Newton,” I protested. “I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.”
“Don’t be melodramatic, please.”
“Well then, don’t you be ridiculous.”
He didn’t answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black.
I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn’t come up with anything.
He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.
“Will you stay tonight?” I asked.
“I should go home.”
The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.
“For my birthday,” I pressed.
“You can’t have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don’t. One or the other.” His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.
“Okay. I’ve decided that I don’t want you to ignore my birthday. I’ll see you upstairs.”
I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.
“You don’t have to take those.”
“I want them,” I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.
“No, you don’t. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.”
“I’ll live.” I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.
“Let me carry them, at least,” he said as he took them away. “I’ll be in your room.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“Happy birthday,” he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine.
I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.
The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd.
“Bell?” Charlie called.
“Hey, Dad,” I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.
“How was it?” Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.
“Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents—the whole bit.”
“What did they get you?”
“A stereo for my truck.” And various unknowns.
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Well, I’m calling it a night.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
I waved. “See ya.”
“What happened to your arm?”
I flushed and cursed silently. “I tripped. It’s nothing.”
“Bella,” he sighed, shaking his head.
“Goodnight, Dad.”
I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I’d gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room.
He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.
“Hi,” he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing.
I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.
“Hi.” I snuggled into his stone chest. “Can I open my presents now?”
“Where did the enthusiasm come from?” he wondered.
“You made me curious.”
I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.
“Allow me,” he suggested. He took the gift frommy hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluidmovement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.
“Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?” I muttered, but he ignored me.
Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information.
“We’re going to Jacksonville?” And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.
“That’s the idea.”
“I can’t believe it. Renée is going to flip! You don’t mind, though, do you? It’s sunny, you’ll have to stay inside all day.”
“I think I can handle it,” he said, and then frowned. “If I’d had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you’d complain.”
“Well, of course it’s too much. But I get to take you with me!”
He chuckled. “Now I wish I’d spent money on your present. I didn’t realize that you were capable of being reasonable.”
I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one.
He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.
“What is it?” I asked, perplexed.
He didn’t say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began.
I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn’t talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.
“Does your arm hurt?” he asked anxiously.
“No, it’s not my arm. It’s beautiful, Edward. You couldn’t have given me anything I would love more. I can’t believe it.” I shut up, so I could listen.
It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.
“I didn’t think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here,” he explained.
“You’re right.”
“How does your arm feel?”
“Just fine.” Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.
“I’ll get you some Tylenol.”
“I don’t need anything,” I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.
“Charlie,” I hissed. Charlie wasn’t exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn’t feel too guilty for deceiving him. It wasn’t as if we were up to anything he wouldn’t want me to be up to. Edward and his rules...
“He won’t catch me,” Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door...and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.
I took the pills he handed me without arguing—I knew I would lose the argument. And my arm really was starting to bother me.
My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.
“It’s late,” Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me—on top of the blanket so I wouldn’t get chilled—and put his arm over me.
I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.
“Thanks again,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome.”
It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme’s favorite.
“What are you thinking about?” I wondered in a whisper.
He hesitated for a second befo
re he told me. “I was thinking about right and wrong, actually.”
I felt a chill tingle along my spine.
“Remember how I decided that I wanted you to notignore my birthday?” I asked quickly, hoping it wasn’t too clear that I was trying to distract him.
“Yes,” he agreed, wary.
“Well, I was thinking, since it’s still my birthday, that I’d like you to kiss me again.”
“You’re greedy tonight.”
“Yes, I am—but please, don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” I added, piqued.
He laughed, and then sighed. “Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don’t want to do,” he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.
The kiss began much the same as usual—Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn’t stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.
When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands.
I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges.
“Sorry,” he said, and he was breathless, too. “That was out of line.”
“I don’t mind,” I panted.
He frowned at me in the darkness. “Try to sleep, Bella.”
“No, I want you to kiss me again.”
“You’re overestimating my self-control.”
“Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?” I challenged.
“It’s a tie.” He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. “Now, why don’t you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?”
“Fine,” I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition—what could be worse than today? Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.
Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once.
I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he’d had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when—or if—we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn’t imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.
3. THE END
I FELT ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS IN THE MORNING. I HADN’T slept well; my arm burned and my head ached. It didn’t help my outlook that Edward’s face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I’d spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.
Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn’t be sure of—and it scared me. I didn’t want to bring up last night, but I wasn’t sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.
He opened my door for me.
“How do you feel?”
“Perfect,” I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.
We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice: How was Jasper this morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn’t seem to shake?
The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn’t be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.
Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn’t have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn’t at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn’t eat.
Edward didn’t say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late—until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.
“Where’s Alice?” I asked Edward anxiously.
He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. “She’s with Jasper.”
“Is he okay?”
“He’s gone away for a while.”
“What? Where?”
Edward shrugged. “Nowhere in particular.”
“And Alice, too,” I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.
“Yes. She’ll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali.”
Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the Cullens—lived. Tanya and her family. I’d heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James’s little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there.
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I’d run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.
“Is your arm bothering you?” he asked solicitously.
“Who cares about my stupid arm?” I muttered in disgust.
He didn’t answer, and I put my head down on the table.
By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn’t want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.
“You’ll come over later tonight?” I asked as he walked me—silently—to my truck. He always came over.
“Later?”
It pleased me that he seemed surprised. “I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off.”
“Oh,” he murmured.
“So you’ll come over when I’m home, though, right?” I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.
“If you want me to.”
“I always want you,” I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.
I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.
“All right, then,” he said indifferently.
He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car.
I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton’s.
He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I’d never set foot there again. That didn’t matter. I’d still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway. She wouldn’t want to hurt Charlie’s feelings by staying away.
No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency room.
After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down—that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than
this. Was it because, this time, it wasn’t an enemy he’d had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?
Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn’t be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that’s what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn’t even seem like that much to me.
I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locales.
Mike interrupted my fantasy. “How was your birthday?”
“Ugh,” I mumbled. “I’m glad it’s over.”
Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.
Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It’s nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will go back to normal.
The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward’s silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.
I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.
“Dad? Edward?”
As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN’s SportsCenter coming from the living room.
“In here,” Charlie called.
I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.
Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.
“Hi,” I said weakly.
“Hey, Bella,” my father answered, eyes never moving. “We just had cold pizza. I think it’s still on the table.”
The Twilight Saga Collection Page 43