Promise of Springtime

by Marie Savage

  Julie

  I’m up early the morning of the funeral, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I got here a few nights ago, Holly hugged me and wouldn’t let me go. I was so scared she would feel my quickly growing baby bump and question me, but she didn’t. I want to tell her so badly about the babies. I want to tell someone. My first instinct is to make a coffee, but Dr. White advised me to avoid caffeine, so I search for some juice instead.

  Mike strolls in just as I finish pouring a glass of orange juice, looking sleepy and searching for coffee. “Oh, good, you’re up. Is the coffee maker heated up yet?” he asks.

  “Umm, no, I’m sorry, I don’t feel like having any. I’m just having juice.” I quickly try to find an excuse.

  “It’s okay. Holly said you were cutting back on caffeine, I just forgot,” he says, turning on the machine.

  “You’re up early. Everything okay?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep. It’s been a rough couple of days.”

  “How’s Holly?” I ask, sitting down at the table.

  “Better. She’s resting, at least. She’s worried about her mom, of course.” His cup finishes brewing and he joins me at the table. “So, how’s Texas treating you?” he asks me.

  “Good,” I reply, not having much to add.

  “I take it you haven’t seen Ben yet?” he says before taking a sip of coffee.

  “How do you know that?” I ask, surprised he is bringing it up now.

  “I spoke to him last night,” he admits to me.

  “Mike you didn’t …?” I ask him.

  “No, I didn’t tell him about your move, but I think you are being silly for keeping it from him.”

  “I have my reasons.”

  “Must be damn good reasons.”

  “They are,” I answer, feeling crappy for holding back the truth. I then wonder how Ben is. Even though I’m angry that he is back with Renee, I still worry about him. “How is he?” I ask before I think better of it.

  “He sounds tired. He is busting his ass at some factory job and looking for a second job.”

  “A second job?”

  “Yeah, I guess money is really tight for him.”

  I think about the fact that he has moved Renee and Dustin in. It must be hard. When I saw her that day, she wasn’t working. Is he really trying to be the sole earner?

  “He also mentioned something about going back into the Marines or maybe the National Guard,” Mike adds.

  “What? He can’t do that! Why would he do that?” I become alarmed at the thought of him going back into the military.

  “You know, you could find all this out yourself, if you would just go see him,” Mike reminds me.

  “I did.”

  “You did? But he didn’t say anything about seeing you. In fact, he asked me how you were.”

  I look up at him in shock.

  “Don’t worry, like I said earlier, I didn’t tell him anything about where you were. I just said you were doing okay.”

  I’m surprised by the revelation that he asked about me. I figured since Renee was there, that I was no longer in his thoughts. Strange … I wonder why she didn’t tell him I dropped by. Or maybe she did, and Ben didn’t want to say anything to my friend, knowing it would get back to me.

  “He probably didn’t mention it because he doesn’t know. She probably didn’t tell him I stopped by,” I announce, thinking it is the only logical explanation.

  “She who?” Mike asks, looking at me oddly.

  “Renee.”

  “His ex-wife?” Mike says as his eyes grow wide.

  “Yup, apparently she has moved in with him. I bet he didn’t mention that, did he?”

  Mike sits back in his chair, amazed at my revelation. “Damn, Julie. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. He didn’t say anything about her last night when we talked.”

  “Apparently he doesn’t need to. She is pretty good at speaking for the both of them.”

  “What do you mean?” Mike asks.

  “She made it very clear. I’m not welcomed and I need to just move my butt back here.”

  “Are you going to?” Mike asks, looking concerned.

  “No worries. I’m staying in Texas. I like it there. It’s a new beginning for us.”

  “Us?” Mike gives me another strange look.

  “Me and Bo,” I quickly add off the cuff, realizing I almost made a slip.

  “Oh.”

  Holly and her family are alone in the family viewing room an hour before the public is allowed in. I sit quietly outside in the cold, bundled up in my coat. I could go inside, but funeral homes are not my favorite places to be. Especially this one—I have been here three times before.

  I still don’t have the courage to tell Holly that I’m pregnant. She has enough on her plate, and I know she will insist I move back home. The way I feel right now, I probably would, but truth be told, I can’t. Buying the home and all the fixing it will require, plus two babies on the way, has left my bank account very tight. I won’t be able to work once they are here, and I will need the income.

  In fact, I have scaled down what I need to do in the house for a while. I can live with some of the room colors and the wallpaper for now. If Ben is struggling to pay for just him and his family, how can I ask him to help with us too? When I return to Kerrville tomorrow, I will need to find a job and fast. I just hope I can hide the fact that I’m pregnant.

  What could have been my salvation just pulled up in the parking lot, and is now heading my way—Tyler McCandless. He is the only one, besides Mrs. Winston, who knows about my pregnancy. He asked me to marry him but I turned him down. If I was a selfish person, I would have jumped at the chance, but Tyler deserves better than settling for a girl in love with another man, who is also carrying that man’s child. Or in my case, children.

  “Hey, Julie,” he says as he smiles at me.

  I’m so thankful that he is no longer mad at me. At least, I hope he isn’t. He looks so handsome, and thoughts of giving in to him weigh heavily on my mind.

  “Hi,” I say, standing up and happily walking into his open arms. This hug is for me, and I so need it right now. I squeeze him tighter against me.

  “Are you okay?” he whispers before kissing the top of my head.

  “Yes, I just missed you,” I reply. What I wouldn’t give for my heart to be in love with him. Realizing that I’m once again being unfair, I quickly release him and sit back down.

  “I missed you too,” he says before sitting down beside me, still holding my hand.

  “How have you been?” we both ask in unison and start laughing.

  “You first.” He smiles.

  “I’m good. I have moved into a nice country home and things are looking good,” I lie. “How about you?”

  “Well, finals are next week and then I will graduate and transfer over to the University of Alabama. Roll Tide,” he exclaims.

  “Roll Tide.” I smile back.

  “I also start my new job working as a therapist at the hospital next to the campus.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  “Thanks, it’s a start.”

  “So, you will be moving there?” I ask him, now realizing that he is moving on with his life.

  “Yeah, I found an apartment near the campus and the job. But enough about me, how are you doing? Have you been to the doctor yet?” he asks me, looking down at my stomach.

  “Yes, a few days ago.” I begin to feel self-conscious as he continues to stare, fearing that I’m already showing.

  “And?” he prods.

  “And, I’m still pregnant.” I smile.

  “Very funny. You know what I’m talking about. What about Ben?” he asks.

  “Ben’s moved on. He’s living with his ex-wife and son now,” I admit, but as soon as I say the words, I realize I shouldn’t have, especially not to Tyler.

  “And you’re still staying there?” He raises his voice slightly.

  “Yes. I love my new home
and I don’t want to give it up,” I declare.

  “But who’s going to take care of you and the baby?” he asks, and I can hear the emotion in his tone.

  “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself and my babies,” I say.

  Tyler is about to argue with me, when I notice him pause and stare at me for a moment, before finally speaking again. “Babies?” he asks. “Did you just say babies?”

  “I’m having twins.” I laugh, relieved I can confide in at least one person.

  “Seriously?” He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

  “I know, I was shocked too when they told me the other day.”

  “Have you told anyone else besides me?”

  “No, and please promise me you won’t either. I want to tell everyone in my own time.”

  Tyler’s smile drops and I get ready for the speech I’m about to hear. “Julie, you got to tell someone. Holly or at least Carl. You’re going to need help.”

  “I’ll be okay, Tyler. I will tell everyone soon. I promise.”

  “Even him?”

  “Yes, of course, I’m still going to tell him. He has the right to know.”

  He takes my hand and holds it in his, warming it and squeezing. I take it as a sign that he still wants to be there for me. “You know my offer still stands. I won’t be making a fortune right away, but the pay is pretty decent. I could take care of you, Julie, you and the babies.”

  My heart breaks, as once again, he shows me how much he cares. If it were only that simple to say yes and pretend to love him like that. If he would have asked me this again, on the day I found out that Renee was living with Ben, I might not have been strong enough to say no.

  “I know, and I appreciate that more than you could possibly know. But I need to do this my way. Do you understand?” I squeeze his hand.

  “Honestly, no, I don’t, but I’ll support your decision as long as you promise that if you ever need me, you will call me.”

  “I promise.”

  Keeping my hand in his, he stands, helping me up with him. “Come on, it’s cold out here. Let’s get you inside, mommy.”

  “Okay,” I respond as we begin walking inside.

  “Twins … wow,” he exclaims once more before we walk inside the funeral home.

  Chapter 5

  Ben

  I am standing in line for Mr. Winston’s viewing at the funeral home. He was a veteran of the Marine Corps, and I recall him once patting me on the back and telling me how he was glad Julie had found a Marine. Now he’s gone, and I wonder if he had ever met Tyler. When I step up to sign the condolence book, I take a few seconds longer to search for her name. I find Julie Walsh written immediately after all the Winston family. I have to admit I am pleased, but a few lines down, I also see his name, Tyler McCandless.

  I continue to stand in the line filled with so many unfamiliar faces until one guy stands out in the crowd. I see Carl, and right by his side, is his lovely new wife Evelyn. I move to the back of the line to join them.

  “Hi, Carl.” I reach my hand out and shake his. He seems happy to see me and so does Evelyn, who reaches for me to give me a welcoming hug.

  “We didn’t know if you were coming. Are you staying the night?” Carl asks.

  “I guess that depends if I have a couch I can crash on,” I respond, hating the fact that I can’t even afford a cheap hotel. I have just enough money for the gas to get back home and that’s it.

  “Of course, you’re always welcome,” Evelyn chimes in as Carl nods his head in agreement. They seem hospitable, so I guess that means Julie isn’t bad-mouthing me to everyone. Speaking of Julie, I look around, trying to find her. I don’t see her in the progressing line, but knowing how close she is to the Winston family, my bet is she is with them up front.

  When we move up the line and reach the family, I shake hands and give my condolences to everyone standing by the coffin. Finally, I am in front of Mrs. Winston. She smiles and puts on her bravest face. She is an incredible lady and one of the strongest women I have ever met.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper as she pulls me into a hug.

  “Thank you, Ben. Please take care of Julie, she needs you now,” she whispers back before releasing me. I pause a moment, confused by her words. Is something wrong with Julie?

  I move along as this is not the time to confront her with questions. I again look for Julie, and finally see her quietly sitting next to Holly, who must have bowed out of the family receiving line.

  As if she can feel my eyes upon her, Julie looks over and stares directly at me. At first, her expression is one of surprise, bordering on fear, but then it changes to a face I’ve only witnessed a few times since I have met her—anger.

  She quickly looks away, snubbing me, and letting me know right away that I’m not welcome to join them. Then I see him, Tyler McCandless, the one who stole my girl, easing his way to sit beside her. Now my suspicions are confirmed, she’s with him and we are officially over.

  Julie

  I am so distracted helping Holly get through her father’s funeral that I put my own worries aside until I look up and see Ben. He is staring over at me, and instead of being happy to see him, I get angry. Son or no son, how could he go back to that witch who hurt him?

  Was everything he told me just a lie? A lie to get into my pants? A lie that now I will have to face the consequences of and raise alone? Why is he even here? God, I hope he didn’t bring Renee and Dustin with him. I don’t think I can handle seeing the happy family together. I quickly look away, hoping he gets the message that I have nothing to say to him.

  As if God hears my wishes, Tyler appears and sits next to me. I welcome his support as he puts his arm around me and hugs me close to him. Through the entire service, he never once leaves my side.

  Ben

  After the service I come straight over to Carl and Evelyn’s. I wanted to head home right after, but they insist I have dinner and a good night’s rest before taking off. I am so tired that I can’t resist their hospitality. They seem to be the only ones in my corner. Mostly because they don’t discuss Julie with me and I avoid talking to them about her. It’s like a silent understanding. I know if Carl is forced to choose sides, he will side with Julie.

  I need to talk to her to, just to apologize at least. Carl does inform me that most likely, her cold attitude toward me is because my letter upset her, but that’s all he says on the subject. I feel like he wants to say more but is holding back.

  I hate that it upset her; that wasn’t my intention, at least not on purpose. Maybe this is why I have failed relationships, I have no business being in one. The hurt in her eyes yesterday burned a hole in my heart. Even if it’s too late for us, I have to at least try to be her friend. Mrs. Winston’s words keep running through my head. Julie needs you. I have to find out why.

  I wake up early this morning and get dressed, saying my goodbyes to Carl and Evelyn before heading over to Julie’s. I don’t tell them my plan, in case they try to talk me out of seeing her. I just need to know she is okay and then I will step out of her life.

  I pull up into the familiar drive, longing to hold her in my arms and beg her to forgive me. I gather my courage to face the one person who matters the most to me. Ringing the doorbell, I expect to hear Bo start barking, but I don’t. Something feels off. Before I can look around some more, the door opens, and there to greet me is Mike.

  “Mike?”

  “Ben?” Mike says as if he is also surprised to see me.

  “Can I come in?” I ask, wondering why he is answering the door instead of Julie and where the hell Bo is.

  “Yeah, sure, come in,” he says, allowing me to pass before closing the door.

  I step inside, only to find that what was once my home, even if it was just for a brief few weeks, has drastically changed. Julie’s pictures are gone and have been replaced by Mike and Holly’s. Julie’s furniture is also gone and has been replaced with theirs. Everything of Julie�
��s is gone.

  “Mike, what’s going on? Where are Julie’s things? Where’s Julie?” I demand.

  Mike sighs. “I thought by now she would have told you, but she moved.”

  “What?” I walk over to the fireplace, still not understanding what is happening here. “She moved? Moved where?” I ask him.

  “I can’t tell you.” Mike frowns.

  “Why not?” My concern for her starts to grow.

  “Sorry, dude. She asked me not to.”

  Mike could have taken a knife and shoved it into my gut, and I doubt it would hurt worse than these words. I am reaping what I sowed. My concern for her, however, is more important than my feelings. “Can you at least tell me if she’s okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s fine.”

  I look at him, doubtful if he’s telling me the truth.

  “I promise you, she’s fine.”

  “Why did she move?” I ask, feeling more confused than ever.

  “She said she wanted a fresh start, too many bad memories,” Mike explains.

  One of those bad memories is me, I think to myself. “Was she staying with you guys for the funeral?” I ask, hoping that maybe she is just out buying her favorite bagels at that little bagel and book shop we loved to go to, and will soon be back.

  “Yeah,” he answers.

  “Is she still here?” I ask, hoping and praying that she is.

  “I’m sorry, Ben. She left yesterday, right after the service.”

  And I’m sure she left with Tyler McCandless, I think to myself. “I don’t believe this.” I shake my head. I never imagined in a million years that she would willingly leave her only home.

  “I think it’s for the best. After all, you can now work on your relationship with Dustin and his mother,” Mike says, confusing me even more.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re back with your ex-wife, right?” he asks.

  “What on earth makes you think that?” I look at him, wondering if he’s lost his mind.