Under Ground

by Alice Rachel

  “So what happens to homeless girls?” I ask again.

  “The officers take them away. They either serve in the camps or in joy houses.”

  “Joy houses? Do you mean they become prostitutes?"

  He nods and I shudder.

  "But those girls are upper class!”

  “Yes, they are," he replies. "But once they lose their status, they become disposable."

  How could I not have noticed that before? I’ve been too self-absorbed to pay heed to those without influence over my life. Grief fills me quickly, a surge of shame flowing over me. I've been so self-centered for so many years, it nauseates me.

  “Do the families know about this?” I ask.

  “Most of them don’t, and those who do know just don't care. A lot of families have been brainwashed. They believe their daughters have dishonored them. They think they shouldn’t have to pay the price for it. After a girl reaches a certain age, the authorities cut down the amount of resources her family is allowed to get. These people can keep their daughter and have a lower standard of living—they need to share their supplies with her and it’s often not enough—or they can push her away and keep on living the way they’re used to, by not having to feed a useless mouth. I thought you knew all this. Isn't that why you were willing to marry William?"

  I don't answer. Of course, I knew that each family was allowed to buy a certain amount of food and resources each week. It’s illegal to go past that quantity, but I wasn’t aware that the amount got cut once the girls reached the age of marriage. Now I understand why my mother has been so harsh and intransigent. A sudden pang of guilt stabs at me for being here. My wedding isn't just about Father's promotion, it's about our very survival. A tremor of fear shudders through my heart.

  Chapter 12

  Chi has opened a door to a different world, a place even nastier than the one I’ve been living in. The terror growing inside me is mixed with anger that's slowly turning into rage. A part of me wants to know more while the other part wishes to remain innocent and ignorant of all those terrible things happening in New York State.

  When Chi and I meet that week, our conversations are serious. He's been taking a big risk in meeting me and an even greater one in telling me the truth about our society. I can’t believe he trusts me enough to expose himself in such a way. I feel lighter every time I get to see him, but the burden on my shoulders gets heavier as his secrets bring me down under their weight.

  “How do you know for sure your parents were taken to a camp?” I ask one day.

  Chi's good mood disappears within seconds as sudden pain crosses his eyes. “I know because I was there when it happened,” he replies. He lowers his gaze as if to examine the ground. He moves the dirt around with the tip of his foot, and his jaw clenches as well as his hands.

  “Mom and Dad weren’t exactly what you'd call ordinary people,” he says. “They never believed in the system. You see, my father was very much in love with my mom, and their feelings were mutual. He always treated her with love and respect. To him, she wasn't an object or anything like that; she was his equal."

  Chi looks in the distance, his memories bittersweet. “Then the rebels appeared and the authorities started hunting for those who were different. I didn’t know it at the time, but my parents were part of the rebellion. I never found out what their role was in it. But I know we weren’t like other families. I have a brother, you see. A twin.”

  Looking at him, Chi seems so ordinary. It's hard to believe he's an illegal born above the amount allowed.

  “My mother explained it all to me when I was five years old. I was a second child born in a family only allowed to have one. My parents were upper-middle class, so only one child was authorized. I was born a few minutes after my brother. That small amount of time made me the Unwanted, you see. Mom told me that if the authorities found out about me, they would take me away, and she didn’t want to risk that.

  "When she was pregnant with us, she knew twins had already been born in her family before, so it was a high probability. Abortion was never an option for her. She simply refused it. She went to see a friend of hers, a doctor from the Underground.”

  The Underground? What's the Underground? I try to cut Chi off and ask, but he's too caught up in his own story to stop.

  “The doctor confirmed she would have twins, so my mom gave birth to us at home and hid me from the very beginning. Because of my condition, my brother and I were never allowed outside at the same time. We couldn’t have normal family outings or usual play-dates with friends. Only my brother went to a regular school. I was homeschooled by my mom.”

  He stops and looks at me, his eyes searching mine for a reaction. I'm stunned into silence, unable to offer any comfort.

  “Didn’t you have to share resources?” I ask.

  He stares at his hand for a while, flexing his knuckles and opening his fingers a few times, before lifting his sullen eyes again.

  “Yes, we had to share food and everything. It was hard, but my parents never complained about it. They just seemed happy to have both of us home.”

  “How did they manage to hide your existence for so long?”

  His hand reaches out for the grass next to him and he starts pulling at it while talking, his eyes pinned on that spot, avoiding mine the entire time. “They didn’t. When I was nine years old, I’d had enough of being inside one day and I sneaked into the backyard when my brother was already there. Mom was upstairs doing the laundry. The phone rang inside the house, and when my mom came downstairs, she couldn’t find me and she freaked out.

  "When she found us wrestling on the grass outside, she pulled me back inside. A neighbor had seen me." His voice fills with deep heartache, almost choking him. "It was such a stupid thing to do. I didn’t even understand the consequences yet.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid,” I try to comfort him.

  His eyes meet mine, the sorrow in him pouring through his gaze like a flood of despair. “It doesn’t matter. What I did cost them too much.” He raises his voice with woe. Then he looks away again, the anguish in him still transparent. “My mom called my dad at work. All I heard was, 'they're coming for the kids.' She couldn’t talk about it on the phone, and my dad couldn’t leave work 'cause it'd be too obvious. My parents had already planned everything in case this ever happened.

  "My mom took my brother and me to the car, and then we drove for over an hour. My brother and I had to hide under a blanket for the entire ride. Mom said we'd be staying with some woman for a while—that it was like a vacation or something and that she'd be back for us soon. I didn’t understand. I’d never been away from home before. I thought she was abandoning us.”

  I try and envision Chi as a child—a little boy who never should have been born. Back then, he already knew he wasn't supposed to be alive. I imagine him left behind with some stranger, not knowing what was going on, worried that his parents might never come back. My heart aches for that frightened little boy.

  “How come your mom had a car?” I ask, the question gnawing at me.

  “I actually never found out. We've always owned a car. My parents probably got one through their relationship with the Underground.”

  He pauses, as if pondering this puzzle. “I don’t know what happened in the meantime, but we stayed with that woman for a few weeks," he says. "When Mom and Dad finally came to pick us up, we had to hide during the entire trip again. We drove for over an hour. My parents had moved us to a different county. We couldn't cross the state line, but we all had new identities. We didn’t own a house anymore; they just left our home behind, without selling it. We had to rent a new place. My parents had lost everything because of me.”

  “You were just a kid,” I tell him again.

  “That’s what I keep telling myself, but it doesn’t change what I did. I was old enough to know better."

  I want to reassure him, make him feel better, but I don’t know how. And he just keeps on blurting
words out, in a failing attempt at freeing his chest from all the guilt.

  “My dad got a new job, but it wasn’t nearly as good. I have no clue how my parents managed to get resources. But I know they had relations in the Underground. They knew rebels who worked for the authorities. You can change your identity and get a new life if you’re skilled enough and know the right people.”

  That’s quite surprising to hear. I always thought the authorities kept good track of everyone. After all, that’s the only way to prevent overpopulation. If people can pull strings to become someone else entirely, then our system is flawed and there may be no sense or reason behind the way it works.

  “My brother went to a different school, and I stayed home with my mom. Our new location was hidden in the woods, so I had a lot more freedom. We lived like that for a good eight years. I don’t really know how we made it, honestly, 'cause our resources were cut really short. But my dad started hunting a lot and stuff.

  "One day, I was upstairs reading when some officers broke down our front door. The authorities had found us. My mother came to my room. We had already discussed this before, and I knew what to do. I hid in a concealed space in my closet. Mom ordered me not to come out, no matter what I might hear. She wanted me to wait till it was safe to get out. She told me she’d meet me at her friends' house when she could. And like a freaking idiot, I believed her.”

  He shakes his head before looking away again. A crease has appeared on his forehead and his hands have balled into fists of anger.

  “Then a gunshot resonated through the house and someone screamed. It was her, my mother. But I’d made a promise. I couldn't get out. People were coming up the stairs, talking—officers, you know. They wanted me, the child born beyond their supervision—the affront to their authority."

  Chi gives a deep sigh, his shoulders sagging. I’ve never seen a boy so strong and yet so fragile before. The look on his face cuts like a knife. I want to hold him, tell him that everything’s okay, but that would be a lie and I don’t know him well enough to give him such comfort. Nothing I could say would alleviate his pain. I press my head against his shoulder instead and take his hand in mine, intertwining my fingers with his. He looks at me, shocked, with questions in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything and we remain like that until he's ready to talk again.

  He pulls back eventually and resumes his story. The emotions are still flowing through his voice. “I waited for hours in that closet. When everything was silent, I came out. I assumed the authorities would be watching out for me, but for some reason, they had deserted the place. It must have been pretty late 'cause it was dark already. It took me hours to reach the Wilcoxes’ house. They were my parents' friends, you know. When I got there, their lights were turned off. But when I showed up on their doorsteps, Mrs. Wilcox just took me in without any questions. I didn’t even need to explain; she already knew what my presence meant. I never saw my parents again after that.”

  I squeeze his hand. “What do you think happened to them?”

  “They were taken to the camps. There’s no doubt about it. I’ve been looking for two years and I've finally found their location.”

  “How?”

  “I’m not alone. There’s a group of us, in the Underground. There are others looking for their families or simply seeking freedom.”

  “Freedom? You mean that you hang out with rebels?” The question sounds wrong the moment the words come out, but it’s too late to take it back.

  “My own birth was a rebellion, Thia! There's nowhere else I can go. That’s where I belong!”

  I try to change the subject swiftly. My question obviously stung him and I don't want him to be upset with me. “How did you manage to get a legal status and go to school?”

  “The Wilcoxes used to have a son. He committed suicide a few years ago. They never knew why, and it’s been a sore subject we’ve always avoided. They never told anyone about it. They saw it as parental failure and they were ashamed of it. They didn't want to attract unwanted attention to themselves because of their link to the Underground. They didn't want people prying into their privacy, so they buried their son in secret. When I stepped on their threshold, they gave me his name and I became their son.”

  "No one ever wondered about his disappearance?" I ask, confused.

  "The authorities worry more about births than deaths. And their system is far from perfect. It has a bunch of flaws they're not even aware of."

  “So, Chi isn’t your real name?” I ask, still shocked at how defective the system is.

  “No, it is. No one knows it except for the Underground though. But I told you my real name. I guess I just wanted to be true with you. I figured you wouldn’t go brag about meeting me in secret, you know, so I’d be safe. I took a pretty big risk now that I think about it. Don't know what I was thinking.” He winks and sends me a lopsided smile. I chuckle.

  “How did you manage to get the identity of the Wilcoxes’ son? What about his ID?” I ask.

  “Well, he’d gone to a school outside the city. So, when I enrolled in my new school, no one knew him, or me. His records were changed so they looked like mine for the ID.”

  “Why are you telling me all this?" I ask. "I could just talk to the authorities, you know.”

  "Well, yeah you could, but you’d have to explain how you know my story to begin with. It’d be just as risky for you. And I assumed you knew what it was like to have a life forced upon you and never be free. I thought you might understand.” His eyes pin me on the spot, daring me to contradict his hopes.

  “Yes, I do understand. Your life makes mine look like a party though.”

  “I doubt that.” He sends me a lazy smile. How can he smile after telling me such a horrible story? I guess Chi isn't the type of person to cry easily. Maybe he did too much of it as a child. Maybe he decided to just take the pain in and live with it.

  “I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” I reassure him.

  “Yeah, I kinda counted on that,” he replies and laughs lightly.

  Chapter 13

  My life has turned into a long, deceitful tale that I craft carefully to fool my mother and Melissa. My friend believes I'm too busy with my wedding to come and study with her anymore, and my grades are good enough to fool my mother as well.

  Two weeks have passed since Chi told me about his family. And each time I meet him, he reveals new truths about our society—horrible things that have altered my vision of the world forever. I understand his poem now. I know what the word "darkness" is referring to. It’s the obscurity looming over us all, controlling us and suffocating us. The light is the truth that shall set us free.

  The time I spend with Chi always goes by too fast. I try to hold on to it, as much as I can, but it’s like air between my fingers. I can’t grasp it as it flies me by, gone too soon.

  Even though I know him better now, Chi still hasn't told me what happened to his brother; it's a subject he seems to avoid. He hasn't brought it up once, and when I can't contain my curiosity any longer and just ask him one day, his face turns to stone in an instant.

  “They took him too, that day,” he says and pauses. His face is so hard it scares me. “I was frantic when I couldn’t find him. I thought they would execute him or use him for war.” He stops again and remains a few minutes without talking, his fingers meddling with a thread sticking out of his uniform. “But what they did with him is almost worse. They took him and turned him into one of them.” His gaze meets mine, his eyes darkening as his brows narrow close together.

  “What do you mean?”

  “They took him and brainwashed him into believing our family was an aberration. He’d always hated us anyway, me especially, so I doubt it took much convincing.”

  Chi is shaking now, and I wonder what has been upsetting him the most, that his family is in a camp, or that his brother is now an enemy.

  “Stephen always blamed me. For the life we had, hiding, you know. He could have been born second, but he w
asn’t. So, in his mind, I was responsible for it all. And then, when we moved, it got worse. He always held a grudge against my parents for so many stupid things. He used to throw tantrums and be such a jerk. He broke my mother’s heart, really.

  "I did all I could to try and fix it, but there was nothing I could do to make up for his behavior. He was mad he had to share resources with me, too. When the officers came, they took him and made him one of them. He’s betraying his own parents and everything they stand for. He’s become everything they’ve always been against. And it makes me sick!”

  Chi's fingers wrap around the loose thread he's been messing with, and he tears it off in anger.

  “How do you know for sure?” I ask.

  “I have my own sources. I’ve heard what they’ve made of him. He got a job as an officer. I'm sure he’s been on the look-out for me.”

  “How come he hasn’t found you yet?”

  “My mother never told him about the Wilcoxes. Because of the way he was acting, she didn’t trust him with all the information. I think that, deep inside, she knew what he was. She wanted to protect me, so she didn’t tell him everything. If my parents were to be taken, Stephen was to go to another family. A few months after my parents were captured, I heard that something had happened to those people. I’m sure my brother betrayed them. I guess he thought I was with them.”

  His shoulders slump forward, but Chi seems a bit calmer now, as if he has turned the story over and over in his head before and is now relieved he finally let it out. He places his hand over mine and runs his thumb over my skin, sending electricity through every spot he comes in contact with. I feel strangely alive. Being with him feels like I finally am where I belong—a peculiar sensation to have next to someone I'm still getting to know.