Under Ground

by Alice Rachel

  Chapter 25

  The officer opens the door on my side of the car and helps me out. I take deep breaths—three, four, five, ten of them—but nothing helps me relax. I’m shivering. I try to find my bearing as I set my foot on the ground. I get out of the vehicle, and two officers lead me to the house. One of them rings the chimes. Someone comes to the door—Emily. She calls for my mother. Footsteps rush down the stairs and I start shaking harder.

  And then, here she is, my cold mother, except that she's not cold at all. There is relief in her eyes where superiority usually lies, and she comes running to me. She pulls me into her arms and holds me in a strong embrace. I’m confused. I don’t understand.

  “Are you okay? We were so worried,” she says.

  I don’t get it at first, but then I remember the words on TV. Mother thought I’d been kidnapped. Is it possible William didn’t even tell my parents what really happened? Is it possible that he lied and hid the truth from everyone? But why would he do that?

  “I’m fine. I’m okay,” I reply.

  Guilt pierces through me for lying and creating so much trouble. But when Chi appears in my mind, I know I'd do it all over again if given the chance. I won’t be able to stay here. I have to find him, somehow. I can’t let him rot wherever they took him.

  Mother leads me to the living room and has me sit down on the leather couch. The officers follow us in. They’ll be here for a while. They still need to interrogate me. I don’t want my mother to be here. There are things I have to say and I don’t want her to hear them. But she sits next to me. Too bad, because I need to let it out, no matter the consequences. I will be thrown out of this house, but I will not lie. I won’t pretend Chi is something he’s not. I won't even try to save myself, not at the cost of his reputation.

  An officer sits across from me, on a different couch, and he starts with the questions right away. “Did Chi Richards tell you why he chose you? Why he kidnapped you?”

  I clear my throat and take a breath. For a while, I say nothing. I don’t want to talk, not to these people. They wouldn’t understand. But the officer repeats his questions. When I finally answer, my voice trembles at first. But when I remember the way these people have treated Chi, what he had to go through his whole entire life because of them, anger finds its way through my veins, pumping hard, flaring. I speak and whatever I have to say, it won’t be pleasant; it won’t be what they want to hear.

  “Chi did not kidnap me.”

  “Yes, of course he did,” my mother interrupts.

  “William Fox reported you missing, saying you were kidnapped by Chi Richards right under his nose," the officer insists. "There was nothing he could do about it.”

  “No, Chi did not kidnap me.”

  “But, of course—” my mother protests again.

  This ticks me off. I raise my voice now, seriously mad. “No! I’m telling you! Chi did not kidnap me! I told him about my pre-nuptial night with William and he came for me. I followed him willingly. He did not kidnap me.”

  “But how is that possible?” my mother asks. The sense of betrayal underneath her tone stabs me deeply, but I don't let it take me down.

  The officer cuts her off. “So, let me get this straight. You walked out on your promised fiancé, with an Unwanted, on your pre-nuptial night? Is that what you’re telling us?”

  The self-righteousness and disgust ooze out of him like something putrid, as if I were some excrement he has just walked on, soiling his shoe in the process. I’m boiling on the inside now, but I can’t take my anger out on him or I’ll get arrested for sure. Assault on an officer is punishable by death. I have to pretend to be the dumb girl I’m sure he thinks I am. I need to keep calm and make it through this until I find a way to get Chi out of this mess. But my tone is short and harsh when I answer. I can't quite help myself. “Yes, yes I did!”

  “And how did you meet Chi Richards?” he asks.

  “That is none of your concern,” I reply, a bit harder than I meant to.

  I’m surprised at how bold I’m being. The words come out before I can think. But the way these people have been treating Chi is driving me over the edge. Instead of reprimanding me, the officer sends me a cursory glance of arrogance.

  “You do realize that boy killed his promised fiancée, don’t you?”

  “No, he did not, and she was not his promised fiancée,” I snap at him.

  He sneers. “Awh, is that what he told you?”

  Faked pity rises through his voice. The officer thinks I'm an idiot who got swept off her feet by some lying scoundrel.

  “You don’t know him,” I simply reply.

  “Oh, and I suppose you do?” he retorts, snickering at me again.

  His snide remark finds resonance inside me this time, and it hurts. After all, it is true I don’t know Chi as much as I wish I did. But I believe him. He exposed too many lies used by the authorities to cover things up. I know how they’ve been swaying people into believing in their perfect vision of the world. I'd rather be on Chi's side than theirs, no matter what. But the officer doesn't stop. He means to break me down.

  “Did you know your boyfriend is part of a rebellious group trying to overthrow our government?”

  Chills course through my body. They know about the Underground. Fear grabs me by the throat like a tight vise around my windpipe. They leave me no other choice. Now, I do have to act dumb, or I could get arrested for complicity in rebellion. I can’t show that I know anything. I have to pretend Chi didn’t share any information with me. I’m sure the officers have been trained to see through lies, but my whole life has been a big wide stage, filled with pretence. This isn’t hard for me. I hold his gaze, bolder than I truly feel.

  “He is not,” I exclaim, faking indignation. I let myself fit this role I'm playing: I am a girl who didn’t know the horrible truth about her boyfriend and is only just now discovering it all.

  “Yes, he is. He is the son of criminals and he is a felon himself.”

  “He is not!” I protest and start crying.

  I want the officer to believe I’m crying out of frustration and fear for myself, but I’m actually worried sick about Chi. I’m not sure I’ll ever get to see him again. The officer watches me like I'm truly idiotic, my tears fooling him into thinking what I want him to believe. But then, he insists on telling me how Chi killed his girlfriend, how he bashed her head in and left her to die on her parents’ kitchen floor. He explains how Chi’s parents are criminals serving time in jail. My mother gasps. All his lies fill me with rage. Chi has spent the past two years looking for his parents. They are not felons. They are ordinary people whose only crime was to refuse to kill their second son or give him away. They wanted to give him a chance at life, and because of that, they were arrested and put in a work camp.

  I’m getting riled up. His perversion of the truth makes my blood boil, and the anger inside me grows stronger. But I pretend to be upset at Chi instead. This is the best way to protect his plans.

  “You’d better be careful whom you meddle with from now on, miss,” the officer says. “Your promised fiancé believes you were kidnapped. It might be best to leave it at that. I shall see you again soon.”

  The officer is treating me like some dumb girl; that’s exactly what I was hoping for. He must believe Chi didn’t respect me enough to reveal his plans. But before he gets a chance to leave, I want to know how they found us at Oliver’s house. I'm sure my stupid tantrum is what brought attention to us, but I need to make sure.

  “Well, I shouldn’t give you that information," the officer says, "but someone sent us a tip saying they knew your exact location. I guess the Underground can’t trust all their buddies.”

  This news feels like a knife, and I have to swallow the bile rising to my mouth. The officer sends me a self-satisfied, sardonic smile as he stands up. Mother walks him to the door, but I remain behind. I’m relieved my statement was taken at face value. It’s easy to pretend you’re stupid and careless when
you’re a female in this world. Men never give us enough credit.

  My mother wishes the officer good night and closes the door behind him with more force than necessary. Her footsteps tell me she's returning to the living room. My stomach flips. I fear her more than I fear the authorities. I sit up straight and prepare myself to face the wrath coming my way. My mother closes the glass-doors to the living room after telling Emily we are not to be disturbed under any circumstances. Mother comes to sit down next to me. She takes both my hands in hers, and I jerk back, surprised by her gesture. I’m not used to physical contact with her. I don’t understand what this means.

  “Thia,” she starts, her voice low, concerned.

  I don’t dare look at her. I know what’s coming, so I bow my head in submission. A tear rolls down my cheek. I’m still conflicted. I feel guilty for bringing this trouble on my family, for being brought home by officers.

  “Thia, look at me,” she says, but not unkindly.

  I force my eyes to face hers. Her features reveal no emotions. I can’t tell what she’s thinking. This is quite typical of her, ever illusive and impossible to read.

  “Thia, what did you do, dear?”

  I swallow a sharp breath. My mother just used an endearing term. Is this a trick? Is she trying to get me to confess? I’m at a loss what to do, what to say. But I decide to speak the truth. “Those are all lies. Chi is not a murderer, Mother.”

  “But why did you do it? William was so frantic. He was so worried about you.”

  “Mother, William knows,” I say.

  She blinks at me and questions fill her eyes. She’s not as intimidating as I thought she would be. She’s really calm, her attitude inviting.

  “William knows this wasn’t a kidnapping," I explain. "It happened right in front of him, and he knows I don’t love him. I don’t know why he lied to you about it.”

  “You mean that he knew you weren’t kidnapped and he lied to us, your parents, about it?” she asks, surprised.

  “Yes.”

  She seems disturbed by this. Somehow, William's lies upset her more than my running away with Chi. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but it’s quite unsettling.

  “He saw me with Chi before,” I confess.

  “Before?”

  She ponders this new information, and her eyes glaze over, lost in the distance. “Yes, of course. I should have known. I didn’t want to believe it, but I could tell something was different about you. I just thought you were worried about the wedding, though that didn’t quite explain it. When did you meet him?”

  “I met him at the ball, at William’s school, and then I lied to you. I’m sorry, Mother. I didn’t go to the library all those days; I went to meet Chi.”

  “Yes, of course. How could I be so blind for so long?”

  Her shoulders sag as if she has failed me. I’ve never seen her like this before. She’s always so strong and confident. Why isn’t she yelling at me? Putting me back in my place and kicking me out of the house?

  “Do you know how I met your father?” she asks.

  “Well, yes, you were introduced to him through pre-marital arrangements.”

  “Yes, yes I was.” She sighs. “That’s how it is for all of us, isn’t it? It’s safer that way, Thia. I only wanted you to be safe.”

  “Mother, I don’t understand.”

  “You see, before I met your father, I was a lot like you. I was confused and there was this boy in my life. His name was Tyreese Lefort. I think I was in love with him. But of course, we could never be together. It wasn’t up to me to choose whom I wanted to be with. And then, your grandparents introduced me to your father. It was difficult at first. I kept thinking about Tyreese every single day, but I didn’t have a choice. It’s safer to just obey. It’s the best way to protect ourselves. I was hoping that by introducing you to William when you were younger, it would prevent this from happening. I thought maybe you would focus on him and never look at other boys. Now, I realize it was quite foolish of me.”

  “Mother, nothing could have prevented this from happening. Chi is the one I’m supposed to be with. I can feel it; I just know it.”

  She’s not listening though. She’s caught in her thoughts, gone to a different place, a different time.

  “You know," she continues. "All those years, not one day has gone by when I haven’t thought about Tyreese. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like, had I been able to date him, or had I had the courage to speak up. But I didn’t, so I’ll never know. Your father isn’t a bad man. I can’t complain about the life I’ve had with him. But I still would have liked to find out what it’s like to be with a man one truly loves.”

  I’m not sure how I feel about this. Of course, I knew she didn’t really love my father. After all, marriage was forced upon her. But a part of me has always wanted to believe that love was involved as well. It pains me to hear for a fact that it wasn’t. This is a lot to swallow. My mother’s new attitude is hard to take in. I don’t quite understand it, and I don’t know what to think of it. I’m not sure I can trust her.

  “I believe that William likes you. I truly do. He isn’t a bad man and—”

  I have to cut her off because I’ve truly had enough of hearing how William might be a good match for me. “Mother, I am not going back to William.”

  This is the first time I've stood up to my mother like this. She looks at me as if truly seeing me for the first time, and different emotions pass through her eyes.

  “William attacked me, Mother. If Chi hadn’t walked in that night, William would have raped me. He knows I ran away willingly, and he can destroy my life whenever he decides to do so. If I go back to him, I will never be safe.”

  “I tried to protect you, Thia. All those years, I know I was harsh, but I only did it for your own good. I thought that once you were married, you might finally be out of harm's way. But I realize now that it is too late.”

  This is too much to take in. All those years, my mother never did anything to show that she cared about me. My feelings, my thoughts, they didn’t matter to her. My value has always resided in the profit I could provide my parents through an advantageous marriage. I’m wondering if this is a trick of some sort. I want to tell her about Chi, his story and his parents, but I’m worried she might betray me. The little girl inside me wants to believe I can trust my own mother. I want to have faith that she truly did mean to protect me all along and that she loves me. I've always wanted to believe it, but I’m not sure I should.

  “If William demands to see you, I believe it is best to pretend for the time being, for your own good.”

  My heart aches. Was Mother lying tonight? Did she pretend to care just to protect her own interests, as always? Of course, she did.

  I speak up. No one's making decisions for me anymore. “Mother, I need to find Chi. I'm leaving, and no one else can know about it.”

  She blinks at me a few times and exhales a sigh of defeat. “I will think about it, Thia. But if you are to leave, I want Walter to escort you. I do not want you walking the streets alone like some vulgar wench. It's too dangerous. I need time to process all this and ponder your request. Your security is what matters most to me. It seems I can no longer protect you and your life with William is deeply compromised. All I ask in return is that, in the meantime, you keep on pretending and that you do not reject him.”

  Her voice is sweet and I believe she means well, so I comply—for now.

  She pulls me to her chest. I’m so baffled that tears rise to my eyes. My whole life, I’ve been waiting for this—a kind, loving gesture from my cold mother. Then she pulls away slightly, too quickly. I want to hold her longer. She wipes my eyes with the palms of her hands.

  “Always remember, Thia, pretense and silence are a woman’s only protections in this world.”

  She stands up and heads toward the glass doors. She opens them, casts one last glance my way, and walks out. She calls Emily and asks her to help our cook prepare di
nner. My father will be back from work soon, and I still need to face him. But I know now that what I told the officer will remain between my mother and me. She will act her part as she does so well, and my father will believe I was kidnapped.

  Chapter 26

  That evening, the news is filled with images of Chi getting arrested. The authorities need to reassure the population that the criminal is no longer at large and that the situation is under control. Everyone celebrates my getting home safely and away from the dangerous psychopath who kidnapped me. Chi is now a pariah. Even if I find him, it will be difficult for us to hide. It turns my stomach just to hear the things they have to say about him on TV. I'm dizzy with thoughts racing through my mind. Someone tipped off the authorities about our location. I thought it was one of Oliver’s neighbors, but based on what the officer said, that isn’t so. Was he trying to confuse me and create chaos in the Underground? Or is it possible someone informed them from the inside?

  If the Underground has spies among the authorities, then it’s also possible the authorities have spies among the rebels. If so, the attack on the camps could be jeopardized and things might turn sour quickly. I have to get to Taylor and let him know what I've learned.

  ***

  The next day, William calls our house to speak with my mother. He asks if I may come over and see him. My mother acts as if nothing's the matter as she tells him I’m quite shaken and that it would be nice of him to come over here to visit me instead.

  It doesn’t take long for him to arrive. The doorbell rings and Emily lets him in. I’m sitting in the living room, pretending I'm reading a book, and I don’t move. I really don’t want to see him, and I don’t plan on making much effort. He walks into the living room. I don’t want to face him, but I remind myself that I have to pretend.

  I look up. His face is expressionless and cold, quite typical of him. Whatever he may be feeling is hidden behind that wall of ice he built between himself and the world. He comes to sit on the couch by my side, and Emily closes the door behind him.