Darren grasped her hand. “Bren, for me this is a matter of life and death. Sometimes Mum says that it wouldn’t be so bad if she died soon, because then she’d be with Dad and she wouldn’t be a burden to me and the rest of the family. When she’s in those moods she refuses to eat. I really need your help with this, Bren. For Mum. Please.”
She nodded, hearing the desperation and helplessness in Darren’s voice. Ash would understand, wouldn’t he?
*****
“What?”
“You should have seen Patty, Ash,” Brenna said, pleading with her eyes for Ash to understand. “She looked really ill. But she was so pleased to see me. Darren said that most of the time she feels anxious and depressed. That’s not good when someone’s trying to prepare for a major operation, is it? And you know how close I used to be to her. Making her feel happy is the only way I know how to help her.”
Ash stared at her with a pained expression before rubbing his face.
Brenna’s heart sank. She had hoped that Ash would wholeheartedly agree with her arrangement with Darren. But instead he was upset. “Ash,” she whispered, willing him to see it from her point of view.
“What exactly does pretending to be Darren’s girlfriend again entail?”
“Nothing much! Sometimes I’ll go with Darren to Patty’s. Then we’ll have lunch or dinner with her and spend a bit of time chatting, or maybe watching a DVD or something. That’s it really. It’s only my time that’s involved.”
“What about... kissing and all that?” he asked with a big scowl on his face.
“No. No kissing,” she said definitively. “The most we’ll do is hold hands when we need to—like when she watches us leave the house.”
“Wouldn’t it seem strange if you don’t kiss? You guys didn’t have a problem being lovey-dovey around people before,” Ash said, almost pouting.
She reached for his leg under the table and gave it a comforting rub.
“We only acted like that in front of friends. We were different in front of parents. We almost never kissed in front of our folks.”
Ash was silent for a long moment.
“Do what you feel is right, Bren,” he finally said.
“We’re only gonna be pretending,” she reminded him gently. “And only while we’re around Patty.”
Ash nodded and she let out a little sigh of relief.
“Do you want to have dinner tonight?” she asked, keen to steer the conversation to something else.
“I can’t,” he answered. “I’m going through a patient case file tonight with a group of colleagues. Then tomorrow night, Mum wants me and Amanda to have dinner with her new boyfriend. She doesn’t want to make it look like a big deal, so she asked that only me and Amanda go. Then on Saturday night, I have a quarterly meeting with my fellow association board members.”
“So I won’t see you again for a few days?” she asked, more than disappointed.
“We can still see each other on Saturday day. I can pick you up early and we can do whatever you want. We can even start sorting through those boxes in my garage, if you like.”
“Oh, uh, I can’t,” she said, flushing a little. “Patty’s expecting me to turn up for lunch at her place. It’s her sister’s birthday—the one who’s looking after her full time.”
“Right,” Ash said tightly, frowning at his plate.
“What about Sunday?” she asked.
“I’m not sure,” he answered, his tone flat. “Depends on what comes up at the board meeting on Saturday night. I’m fully booked with patients for next week, so I might have to work on a few things on Sunday. I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. Just don’t overwork yourself,” she said.
Ash’s lips curved, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Oh, damn. She could tell he was trying not to look hurt, but he clearly was.
“Ash, please try to understand,” she said, desperate for him to be okay with her decision.
“I do understand, Bren,” he said softly, squeezing her hand. This time his smile was genuine, but oh, she wished there wasn’t a tinge of sadness in it.
*****
Brenna’s bottom lip jutted out when her phone indicated there were still no messages from Ash. How had his association board meeting gone last night? Did he have to do some work today? He’d said he’d let her know.
She hoped he wasn’t upset anymore. It bothered her that she was doing something that Ash wasn’t happy with. But she felt she was doing the right thing for Patty—as well as for Darren, who also needed her support.
Patty had had a rather tough day yesterday at Sally’s birthday lunch. The poor woman had had to lie down, complaining of a general feeling of discomfort.
Patty had called her to her room and told her again how grateful and relieved she was that Brenna and her son were back together. Patty had said that part of her stress was worrying about how Darren was coping, and how lighthearted she now felt that Brenna was there for him.
Guilt had hit Brenna as she nodded at Patty’s misapprehensions. But she’d pushed it away, believing that her guilt was far outweighed by the fact that she was lifting the spirits of someone who desperately needed it. When Patty was strong enough physically and emotionally, she’d tell her the truth. She could only pray it wouldn’t be too long before Patty got to that stage.
Her phone rang in her hand and her heart jumped. But it wasn’t Ash. It was Darren. Worry washed over her.
“Darren? Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Hey, Bren. Yeah, everything’s cool.”
She heaved a sigh of relief.
“Could I could pop in for a few minutes? Mum wants me to give you something.”
“Oh, you guys don’t have to give me anything.”
“You know my mother, Brenna,” Darren said with a laugh. “I’m five minutes away from your place, okay?”
“Okay,” she said resignedly.
*
“What’s all this?” Brenna asked in disbelief as she opened the door to Darren, who was carrying a big bunch of flowers on one arm and a bag on the other.
“She was very specific,” Darren said dryly as he walked into her apartment. “A bunch of gerberas and lilies, and some brand new food storage stuff that she thinks you’d like.”
Brenna shook her head in dismay. “This is so wrong,” she lamented.
“What is?” Darren asked, placing the items on a table.
“Those,” she said, gesturing towards the stuff he brought.
“These are thank-you gifts, Bren. There’s nothing wrong with them.”
“But she’s giving these to me because she thinks I’m with you!”
“No. She’s giving them to you because she’s grateful you’re around.”
“Darren, you know it’s more than just that.”
Darren let out a loud sigh. “It probably should bother me that we’re lying to her, but it’s not. She’s probably hoping for a wedding and grandchildren, and if that’s the case, they’re the only things that are keeping her interested in life. Bren, I’d lie to her every day if it means she wouldn’t give up the fight. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”
Compassion hit Brenna again like a ton of bricks and she nodded. Put like that, she could empathise with Darren about keeping up the pretense.
“I know this is a big ask, Bren,” Darren continued, his voice softer. “You don’t know how much I appreciate you doing this.”
“I care about her too, Darren. She’s been—”
She stopped talking when her phone rang. Ash! She rushed to answer it.
“Hi,” she said, just as Darren’s phone rang loudly.
“Hi,” Ash said. “Is that another phone ringing?”
“Yeah. It’s Darren’s,” she said a tad nervously, cursing bad timing. “He's here to drop some things that Patty wanted me to have.”
Silence.
“Ash?”
“Are you free at all today?” he finally asked.
“Yes.” she said
eagerly.
“Can I come over?”
“Of course.”
“What time?”
“Anytime you want.”
“In about forty minutes or so?”
“Sounds good.”
“I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
Brenna’s heart pinched at the flatness of Ash’s voice.
“Bren, was that Ash?” Darren asked.
“Yeah. He’ll be here in about forty minutes,” she said absently.
“Everything okay?”
She paused, trying to find the right words. “Ash understands what you and your mum are going through, Darren. That’s why he’s okay with us pretending to be a couple. But he’s not exactly happy about it, and I’m sure you can understand why.”
Darren stared at her. “If he asked you to stop our pretense, would you?”
“I hope it doesn’t come to that. Because I honestly wouldn’t know what to do. I have to consider his feelings, too. I’ve already hurt him enough in the past.”
Darren’s face clouded, but he gave her a small smile.
“Hey, you know how we took a video of Mum’s fiftieth birthday party?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” she answered, surprised by his sudden change of topic.
“That was Mum who rang. She asked if you have your DVD copy of it, because she couldn’t find hers. All of a sudden she wants to watch it today and she wants me to bring it over.”
“I think I have it here somewhere,” she mused, frowning as she tried to remember where she could have kept it. “I do have it saved in my computer. I could email it.”
Darren laughed. “Come on, Bren. You know Mum’s technologically challenged. She wants to watch it using the old DVD player attached to her TV.”
“Okay, let me look for it.”
“It’s a good sign, isn’t it?” Darren asked hopefully. “That’s she’s really getting interested in things again?”
She smiled. “Yes, I think it’s a good sign.”
After many minutes of searching for the DVD, Brenna had given up looking. “Maybe we should just make another copy,” she suggested. “I have some blank discs lying around.”
“Good idea.”
By the time Darren was ready to leave, half an hour had gone by. She was relieved Darren would be gone by the time Ash arrived. She didn’t think Ash would appreciate Darren hanging around after she’d told him Darren was merely dropping a few things.
She was nervous about seeing Ash today. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going very wrong.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ash had to park his car at the end of Brenna’s street, as there were no spots closer to her apartment. Traffic had been light and he had a good run on the roads. He made it there in half an hour instead of the usual forty minutes.
He was walking towards her place when he saw a familiar face exiting her building. Darren. Was he just leaving?
Darren saw him, too. “Ash,” the man said, looking none too pleased to see him.
“Darren. Hi,” he responded, keeping his voice friendly. The guy was going through some tough times and he could sympathise with that.
“Came to see Brenna, did you?” Darren said.
“Yep. I heard you stopped by to drop a few things.”
“Yeah,” Darren answered, standing in front of him like he was preparing for an assault.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mum,” he said softly. “How is she?”
Darren seemed to relax a little. “Not too good. But she’s in much better spirits now than she was last week.”
“Glad to hear,” he murmured.
“I hear you and Brenna are going out,” Darren said.
“Yes. She told me about your...err... arrangement.”
Darren smiled lopsidedly.
“I don’t have a problem with it, Darren. Just don’t take it too far,” he said with clear warning.
“This isn’t easy for Brenna, Ash,” Darren said gravely.
“I know.”
“She feels guilty that this is making you unhappy.”
He nodded. He’d sensed that.
“She feels like she’s being pulled in two different directions,” Darren continued. “She’s hiding her true feelings from you for fear of hurting you.”
He frowned, surprised. “She told you all that?” What else had Brenna confided to Darren?
“Not in those exact words, but yes. I know you care a lot about Brenna, Ash. Although you’ve always had a funny way of showing it.”
“What do you mean?” he asked with a scowl.
“Remember when you happened to mention to her that you saw me go in a cinema with another girl when she and I were on a break?” Darren asked casually, although the dark look in his eyes betrayed him.
Ash reddened, but he remained silent. He’d had suspicions that Darren had been cheating on Brenna, but didn’t have any concrete proof. He’d pulled up Darren and asked him what was going on, only for the idiot to tell him to mind his own business. So Ash had told Brenna. But it turned out the woman Darren had been with was only a cousin.
“I knew even then that you wanted Brenna for yourself, Ash. Well, congratulations. She finally noticed you,” Darren said sarcastically.
Ash fisted his hands, forcing himself not to react to the man’s goading. It was obvious that the antagonism he and Darren had for each other hadn’t lessened with time. “Is there anything else you want to say, Darren? Brenna’s waiting for me inside.”
Darren stared at him, as if considering something. “Brenna said she’s hurt you enough in the past from not realising you’ve had feelings for her for all this time. Heck, even I noticed. I think the fact that everyone saw what she didn’t see for so many years makes her feel all the more guilty. And we both know what Brenna’s like when she feels really guilty, Ash.”
Yes, Ash thought. She overcompensates and does more than what’s necessary.
“I’ll be brutally frank with you,” Darren continued. “I think Brenna’s only with you out of guilt and pity. Christ, you were like a brother to her. She cares enough about you to want to erase the hurt she’s caused you in the past. But do you really know what your relationship is doing to her? Or don’t you want to see the truth because you want to keep her at all costs?”
Ash gaped at Darren, stunned by his words.
“Do the right thing by her, Ash. Give her the space to clarify what she really wants without your presence making her feel guilty,” Darren said, before walking away and getting in his car.
Ash watched as Darren sped off, his mind whirling. Interminable minutes later, things were a bit clearer. That Brenna had opened up to Darren about her feelings meant something: she and Darren still had a very strong connection. Was Ash really getting in the way of Brenna finding her true happiness?
His heart pounded painfully. There was a time a few years ago when Brenna had told people that Darren was her great love. Was that still true? Would it always be true?
Through a jumble of memories and future imaginings, he made up his mind. The decision was easy, even though the mere thought of it hurt like hell. He loved Brenna so much that he’d always do what was best for her. Even if it meant cutting his heart from out of his chest.
*****
“Hi, honey.”
Ash steeled himself as Brenna reached up to kiss him hello, trying not give in to the need to crush her against him and kiss her until the ache in his heart disappeared. He knew that would be a short-term effect, and it would only make things harder for them both.
“How was your meeting last night?” Brenna asked.
“It went well,” he mumbled, spotting the fresh bunch of flowers on her table.
“They’re from Patty,” Brenna explained. “That was why Darren was here earlier—to deliver them on behalf of his mother.”
Ash smiled, appreciating the fact that Brenna was trying to make him feel better yet again. “Bren,” he said softly, taking her hand and leading her t
o the sofa.
They sat down and he could see a question in her eyes.
“How’s Patty?” he asked.
“Physically, not too well. But mentally and emotionally, much, much better. It’s really helping that she thinks Darren and I are back together, Ash.”
He nodded his understanding.
“You’re not upset anymore?” she asked.
He took a deep breath, unable to hide his emotions.
“Ash, you have nothing to worry about,” Brenna said fervently.
He took her hand and stroked it with his thumb. “I know there’s nothing going on between the two of you, but I can’t help but think something could develop again, given your history and the situation you find yourselves in,” he admitted.
“Nothing will develop again.”
“I admire what you’re doing for Patty, Bren,” he said gently. “And I understand why you feel you have to do it. You’re helping her, and that’s good. But how long are you likely to continue with this?”
Brenna shrugged. “I haven’t thought about that, to be honest.”
“It could be months before she gets a transplant,” he pointed out.
Brenna sniffed. “I know. This is so hard for me, Ash. And I know it’s not easy for you either.”
“Is it hard for you because you’re lying to Patty?” he queried.
“No, it’s not that. I’m at peace with that, and so is Darren. It’s hard for me because I know you get upset, even if you do understand why I’m doing it.”
He sighed. Was there really no other way? “Are there other things you can do for Patty than pretend you’re back with her son?”
Brenna shook her head. “It’s the very thought of me and Darren together that’s cheering her up, Ash.”
“Can you visit her without Darren? And still make her believe the two of you are dating?” he suggested.
“I don’t think that’s gonna work. She’d wonder why she never sees us together. And then she’d worry.”
“How often do you plan to visit her?”
Brenna bit her lip. “I promised to see her at least once a week. And she expects that Darren and I will visit her together.”
Ash inhaled sharply. At least once a week of Brenna and Darren pretending to be a couple? Hell.
Always (Time for Love Book 4) Page 9