Love Always, Mia

by Cecily Wolfe

  “Let’s go to my office.”

  Mr. Duncan sputters incoherently, then delivers the sentence I was hoping to avoid.

  “Two week suspension for you. I'll deal with Eli in a moment. I’ve had it with that boy, and he knows it.”

  “But,” I begin, and he holds up his hand to shut me down. I don’t let that stop me. “He helped me. Why would you punish him for that?”

  He slaps his hand on the desk and I jump. The nurse takes my elbow, encouraging me to stand up, and guides me to the door.

  “The secretary will give you the paperwork. We’ll see you after winter break, Miss Hunter, and I hope your first infraction here is your last.”

  That sounds ominous, as if he hopes I won’t come back, although I know exactly what he means.

  Go back to being good again.

  Don’t take chances.

  Don’t have fun.

  Don’t hang out with Eli.

  “Mia.”

  Eli’s voice is breathy and low, his concern for me like a physical thing I can feel in the space between us.

  The nurse and the secretary are watching us, but I don’t care as I hug him tight.

  After a moment, he puts his arms around me and I tuck my head into the side of his neck, breathing in the faint strawberry scent I find in his hair.

  “Duncan is going to be really hard on you. I’m sorry.”

  I feel the nurse’s hand on my arm and as Eli lets me go, I fight the urge to hold onto the back of his shirt so he can’t move away.

  “Let’s go, Mia.”

  The nurse’s tone is gentle, and she glances at Eli, nodding.

  “You’re next, mister. You know where my office is.”

  Eli is no stranger to getting injured here at school, and I wonder again why he is so reckless.

  Not for attention, when he avoids it.

  Or at least he says he does.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  I smile at him as my knees start to ache, the stinging in my hands beating like a second heartbeat up my arms.

  “You know it.”

  He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, turning away and stepping into the vice principal’s office like he owns the space in front of him, fearless and certain.

  I don’t envy Mr. Duncan right now.

  “Would you like to tell me what made you think it was a good idea to climb up to the roof?”

  I’m washing my hands in the sink in the nurse’s office as she questions me, and I shrug, an answer I know she won’t accept.

  “That hallway is blocked off for good reasons, and the two of you shouldn’t have been down there. I’ve never had you in my office before, but Eli . . .”

  If she’s trying to get me to tattletale on Eli, to say anything that will make this worse for him, it won’t work.

  I keep my mouth shut.

  “You two seem close. I thought you were dating that Josh kid all the girls chase around.”

  I can’t help laughing out loud at this assessment.

  That Josh kid.

  Clearly the nurse keeps up to date on school gossip.

  “When your mother comes, what will you tell her?”

  I’m prepared for this, not the question itself or the arrival of my mother, and I stop in the midst of patting my hands dry.

  She points to a chair beside a table full of bandages and bottles, where a covered glass jar full of fluffy white cotton balls completes the stereotypical image of a medical office.

  “Why did you want to be a school nurse? I mean, instead of, you know, a nurse.”

  She’s wearing a name badge on a lanyard around her neck, like all school employees do, and I realize I didn't know her name until now.

  Kady Parks.

  “I planned to be a teacher, but the classroom management stuff drove me nuts. Besides, I wasn’t a great student myself, at least not in high school.”

  Obviously she had to be good at science and math to get a nursing degree. Kayla’s friend Cassidy is in the Air Force, working as a nurse, and the stuff she had to study when she was going through their program was difficult.

  “Right now, you need to focus on yourself. If you’re still interested in my story once you return from your suspension, we can talk. What sort of punishment will be waiting for you at home?”

  Honestly, I have no idea. A two week suspension means missing midterms, and I’m not sure if I’m allowed to make those up.

  My grades have always been excellent, so it won’t mean I’ll fail any of my classes, but . . .

  I won’t come back until the second day after winter break.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Something shifts into place in my mind when Ms. Parks leaves her office to check to see if my mother is here, something that reminds me I have newspaper work to do and a dangerous teacher to expose.

  How can I do either if I’m not allowed in the school building for a month?

  I hear shouts in the hallway, female voices I recognize as the door bangs open and my mother, her face red and furious, marches in.

  “Let’s go. I’ve already signed you out.”

  “Mrs. Hunter, I think we need to talk before the two of you leave.”

  The nurse gestures to a chair in the corner of the room, but my mother ignores her.

  “Did you hear me, Mia? We’re leaving. Now.”

  I jump up without a second thought, holding my breath to keep myself steady as I walk towards her.

  She turns around and steps out into the hallway, but Ms. Parks is right behind her.

  “I have some concerns, and I’d like to talk to you about them before you take her home. Will you please wait a moment?”

  Usually my mother is worried about how she looks to everyone, how her actions reflect on others’ judgment of her, of our family.

  She wants to be seen as a good parent; she doesn’t want to be blamed for Kayla’s death, most of all.

  But she doesn’t care right now about anything but getting me home, where I’m not sure what she has planned for me.

  If she has a plan at all.

  We walk past the school office in line, the three of us only a few feet apart, and I see Eli just inside the office door, standing at the window watching us go by.

  He presses his hand against the door and I shake my head slowly.

  All this time, Ms. Parks continues to try to reason with my mother, which continues to be ineffective.

  “Get your things. All of them.”

  My mother knows where my locker is from open house back in the fall, but I’m surprised she knows how to get down the right hall to find the number.

  I fumble with the lock and finally get it open as she stares me down.

  Should I apologize now, I wonder, or stay silent?

  Sometimes it’s worse if I respond to her when she’s angry, but other times she gets madder when I say nothing at all.

  “What if she meant to fall, Mrs. Hunter? Have you considered this as you’re pushing her around, or will you think about it once she’s home alone, with no friends to talk to?”

  I drop my now-full backpack on the floor, and the thump that echoes down the hall goes on forever as I stare at the nurse.

  What did she say?

  Of course I didn’t mean to fall, and she has no idea what this idea might trigger in my mother.

  Nothing good for me.

  “It was an accident, that’s all.”

  I speak as loudly as I dare, hoping they can both hear me.

  They stare at each other instead, as if I’m no longer part of this conversation.

  As if I never was.

  The bell rings and suddenly, the hall is full of laughter and shouts as students burst from classrooms, cutting off the showdown in front of me, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever been so grateful for the usual noise and scramble of high school life.

  My mother points her finger in my face but I can’t hear what she’s saying, and I don’t look at her so I can’t see what shape her lip
s take.

  I grab my backpack and slide it over my shoulders, keeping my gaze on my shoes.

  There’s no need to change into my boots, not when I’m riding home in the car with her.

  What will Eli’s parents think?

  Will they be this angry with him, especially since it’s not the first time he’s been in trouble?

  The nurse follows us as my mother threads through the mass of bodies, many of the students turning to watch us.

  To watch me.

  “The vice principal will want to expel him. I think it’s better for you to know than to worry. I’ll be advocating for him.”

  Ms. Parks rests a hand on my shoulder, and I jump at the touch.

  “And for you.”

  While I appreciate the thought, there’s nothing she can do for me now, as we’ve reached the front door and my mother isn’t stopping.

  I want to thank the nurse, but after what she said to my mother, I don’t know what she’s done to me.

  I’m trying to keep up with my mother, who kicks at a few chunks of ice as if it wouldn’t hurt her toes in her high-heeled boots.

  “Don’t think I’m chauffeuring you around, not after this display. You can walk like you normally do, and I expect to see you home with no detours.”

  When she lifts a hand in front of my face, I cringe involuntarily, and her eyes widen.

  “As if I’ve ever hit you in your life, Mia. What an ungrateful way to behave.”

  I shiver as I tuck my chin down, thankful I’m still wrapped in Eli’s jacket.

  But now, he has nothing to wear.

  I look back at the school building, but my mother snaps her fingers close to my ear.

  “Get moving. I’m not leaving until I see you leave my sight.”

  She points towards my usual path home, and I’m so used to making the short trip with Eli after just a few days I can’t imagine taking it alone.

  I don’t want to go alone.

  But I do.

  My mother drives past me, the car speeding up once she’s moved by, and I watch the taillights glow until they are out of view.

  It’s only when my feet start to make sloshing sounds that I remember I’m wearing my tennis shoes, and worse, I’ve left my boots in my locker.

  If I turn back, she’ll know, and she might already realize I don’t have my boots on or with me.

  I plod on, my knees aching and my hands freezing without my gloves.

  I’m not sure if they would hurt more with the fabric brushing up against the scrapes, since now, as they grow colder, I don’t feel any pain in them anymore.

  Maybe if I stay out here instead of going home, the same will happen to the rest of my body.

  But what about my mind?

  Or my heart?

  Dear Kayla,

  I start to write to my sister as I sit on my bedroom floor, still in my damp clothes and Eli’s jacket.

  My mother told me to come up here as soon as I stepped in the house, with no further instructions or threats.

  No warnings, no tirades.

  My pen, a faded pink ballpoint that Sarah gave me as part of a stationary set two years ago for my birthday, is smooth between my fingers as I roll it back and forth, the cool of the metal casing soothing as my palms sting.

  Such a simple movement, but it calms me somehow, and I keep it up as I wander through my thoughts, wondering what I would tell Kayla right now if she was here in front of me.

  Nothing good.

  I shove the journal off my lap and stand up, dropping the pen beside it.

  I’ve been looking forward to seeing my sister’s friends over winter break, but there’s no way my mother will let me spend time with them now.

  She doesn’t approve of us keeping in touch in the first place, and now she has an actual excuse for keeping us apart.

  At least for now.

  My head feels fuzzy, as if it’s full of those cotton balls I saw in the nurse’s office, and I swallow against the dryness in my mouth that feels the same.

  I want to take a hot shower, but I don’t dare leave my room, so I unpack my books and notebooks and dig out my phone, which is still on silent as it always is during the school day.

  Maybe Eli has sent a text, or called.

  But there’s nothing.

  Not even a message from Krystal, Bethany, or Megan.

  And fortunately, none from Josh.

  I’m sure everyone knows what happened, though, especially since we had an audience.

  I feel a smile grow on my face as I think of my few minutes of fame, of voices calling out my name from the ground as Eli struggled to keep me from dropping those three stories to join them.

  As much as I have never aimed to impress my classmates, this is the one bright spot in my situation.

  I’m no longer invisible, although I prefer to be, and I suddenly realize why Eli enjoys being in the limelight now and again.

  It makes no sense for me to like that aspect of today’s fiasco, but a part of me does.

  I change into a clean pair of jeans and a soft sweatshirt, smoothing the cotton over my growling stomach.

  I don’t feel hungry though, and the sound annoys me even as the feel of the worn fabric, once red and now a dark pink, soothes my skin.

  “Mia?”

  My father’s voice surprises me, as does the knock on my door, and I wait for him to let himself in, just as my mother would do.

  But he doesn’t, and I realize he’s waiting for me to answer.

  “Come in.”

  He rubs his forehead as he enters the room, pressing hard before dropping his arm and looking at me.

  “Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Your mother says you were suspended from school for the next few weeks, but she won’t tell me why.”

  I push a stray lock of hair out of my face and slip the hood of my sweatshirt over my head before I sit on the edge of my bed and look down at my scraped palms.

  “She didn’t say you were hurt.”

  My father steps closer, slowly, and frowns again as he stares at my hands.

  I give him a short version of today’s events, with no explanation or embellishment, no reason for going on the roof, only that I did and a boy kept me from falling.

  “You should clean those up. I know your mother sent you here but that doesn’t mean you can’t use the bathroom.”

  Honestly, I don’t know what it means, and I wouldn’t put it past her to make me sit in here until I burst from having to pee.

  “She’s worried about you, and also . . .”

  His hesitation speaks volumes, and not just because of the lie he spoke before it.

  “The cruise. She’s looking forward to getting out of this Ohio weather for a few days, and she’s concerned about leaving you here alone now.”

  Oh, yes.

  The cruise she doesn’t want me to go on with them.

  The one that means I would be on my own for a week.

  But how is that any different from life here as it is?

  “Can we trust you, Mia? I don’t understand what went on today, but I don’t think condemning you for one mistake is the right way to handle it. Your mother will see things differently once she’s had some distance from it.”

  I stare at him, because we both know his lies about my mother aren’t doing him any credit.

  Nor are they helping.

  What she wants is distance from me, but she already has it.

  She’s already created it.

  I nod at my father, agreeing to whatever he wants me to acknowledge to get him out of here.

  He touches the top of my head gently, and I blink away unwanted tears that rush to the back of my eyes.

  And then he’s gone.

  Chapter Nineteen

  There's a flurry of text messages the next time I bother to look at my phone, but I merely glance through them, scrolling down to see if a certain name jumps out at me.

  It doesn’t.

  I wonder if Eli is gr
ounded, and if his parents took his phone away, but then I wander over to my bedroom window, leaving my phone in the midst of the clutter on the floor.

  It’s early morning, and after I finally snuck out of my room and took a shower, I slept for a couple of hours, a dreamless sleep for once with no visions of my sister, no memories crawling out from the back of my mind to leave me in tears when I woke up.

  With the palm of my hand pressed against the cold glass, I look outside, where I find my neighbors’ houses lighting up one after the other in the dark morning, front doors opening just enough to reach out and grab the rolled up newspapers left on concrete porches.

  I step back when I notice a dark haired figure on the sidewalk nearly out of my sight, close to the end of the street.

  Eli.

  The moment he realizes I’m here and I see him, he startles to attention, just as I have, and takes quick but careful steps closer to my house, as if he’s worried that being seen will get him, or maybe me, in trouble.

  But no one is outside now, the papers collected and everyone tucked away inside, going through their usual routines.

  Very slowly, I unlatch the lock at the top of my window and slide it up, hoping it won’t make a sound in the fragile quiet.

  My parents shouldn’t be awake yet, but I don’t want to draw any attention to myself.

  Eli stops at the edge of the driveway so he isn’t quite on our property, and looks up at me, his cheeks bright red against the dark hue of the scarf I gave him.

  I want to call out but instead, I hold up my hand in a silent, still wave, and he smiles.

  But his smile disappears as he makes a gesture towards his ear, like he’s holding a phone, and he shakes his head.

  I nod to let him know I understand, and on impulse, blow him a kiss.

  The only person I’ve ever seen do this in real life was Kayla, who did it with her friends and boyfriend all the time.

  Eli reaches out and grabs at the air, then holds his fist to his heart.

  It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, and it’s hard for me to stay here alone when he’s out there, in the dark and cold, and I wish I could run out and away somewhere with him, somewhere no one would ever find us again.

  When he glances around, I wonder what he’s planning to do next.