Playing Defense (A Dallas Demons Hockey Romance)

by Aven Ellis

  I feel bile rising in my throat. I’m going to be sick. I’m going to throw up.

  Another car comes up the street, but this time, it’s Matt Rhinelander’s Lamborghini.

  Matt pulls up to the curb next to me and lowers his window.

  “Reese, get in,” he says gently. “Let me take you home.”

  I freeze. “Wh— How did you know?”

  “I was running out to get some treats for Puck after dropping Holly off at home after we left the shower,” Matt says. “JP called me and said you’d be out walking in my neighborhood. He wanted to make sure you got home okay. He asked me to find you and text him the second I did. He didn’t want you out here alone.”

  My heart shatters again. That’s my JP: a sweet, good man who, even though I tore his heart apart, wanted to make sure I was safe.

  The thought causes me to sob uncontrollably.

  Matt turns off the engine. He quickly gets out of his car and puts his arms around me. I sob into his chest.

  “I—I ruined everything,” I manage to get out. “I broke his heart!”

  Matt lets me cry into his flannel shirt, soaking it with my tears. Once I stop, Matt separates himself from me.

  “You might have broken his heart,” Matt says softly, “but you can fix it.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t deserve him.”

  Matt’s light-blue eyes lock on mine. “You and I both know that’s not true.”

  “Did JP tell you everything?” I ask in a whisper.

  “Yeah, he did.”

  I look away from Matt, at the leaves rustling in the trees next to me, as shame consumes me.

  “How could I let my fears drive me to this?” I ask aloud.

  “How come JP couldn’t say what he felt?” Matt challenges.

  I turn back to Matt, surprised JP admitted that.

  “Don’t lose him over this,” Matt says, putting his hands on my arms. “You two are both afraid. I know you are. I understand it. Love can be hard and challenging, but it can also survive when tested. Holly and I went through a lot of shit to be together. Some of it was my fault, some of it hers. We’re human. We’re not perfect. We screw up, say things we don’t mean, and fight. We even broke up. But because we loved each other, we overcame it. We admitted where we messed up, forgave each other, and made promises on how to go forward. I’m glad we did because she is The One.”

  I stand still as Matt’s words wash over me. I remember everything he and Holly went through, and yet they have one of the best relationships I’ve ever seen. They are two people who have passion. They have friendship and respect.

  And love.

  Everything I had with JP.

  “Don’t let him go,” Matt urges me. “If you do, I think you’re letting a part of yourself go, too.”

  I push down the lump in my throat so I can speak.

  “What if he won’t see me?” I ask, afraid JP might throw up the walls to protect his own vulnerable heart.

  Matt grins at me. “Well, if he thinks he’s letting me into his building, you have your chance.”

  Hope flickers in my heart. “You would do this for me?”

  “I’m doing it for both of you,” Matt says. “Besides, I promised JP I’d take you home, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m taking you where you belong. With JP.”

  Chapter 35

  I’m a wreck as I enter the lobby of JP’s building with Matt. I spoke with Holly on speakerphone in the car with Matt as he drove me here, and they assured me once JP has time to think, he isn’t going to want us to be over.

  But they didn’t see his face when I claimed I was just filling a role for him. They didn’t hear the anguish in his voice when he said I broke his heart.

  I freeze when I realize there is a very real possibility that JP might not want to get back together.

  “I don’t know about this,” I say, glancing up at Matt. “What if he won’t speak to me? What if it’s too soon? What if he’s still livid?”

  “What if he’s sitting up there devastated?” Matt counters.

  I wince.

  “Sorry, I’m not trying to hurt you, but I know JP. He’s my best friend. I know he’s pissed off and he’s hurt, but I know what you mean to him, Reese. You have to face whatever feelings he has if you want to fight for him.”

  A conversation with CiCi comes flooding back to me. I’d confessed my fears about JP and she told me to communicate honestly with him. She told me she believed in me, and when my heart was ready, I would be brave.

  I’m scared, but JP is the man I love.

  I’m ready to be brave for him. For us.

  “You’re right,” I say, nodding. “I need to see him. If he tries to shove me out, I will fight to stay.”

  “Now that’s the Reese I know,” Matt says as we head up to the concierge.

  “Matt Rhinelander to see JP Rochat,” he says, lying to the woman working the desk.

  She nods and picks up a phone to ring JP.

  “Mr. Rochat? I have Matt Rhinelander here to see you. Oh? Yes,” she says, furrowing her brow. She places her hand over the receiver and looks at Matt. “He would like to talk to you, Mr. Rhinelander.”

  Matt takes the phone. I’m going to puke. What if JP says he’s not in the mood for company? What if we’re turned away? Then I’ll have to rely on JP answering a text from me, and with defeat, I realize the odds of that aren’t good.

  “Yes, I picked up Reese . . .” Matt says, carefully dancing around the truth. “. . . Yeah, she’s pretty much devastated . . .”

  Fresh tears well in my eyes. Even if JP’s furious with me, he still cares.

  Which makes me feel ten thousand times worse for ever doubting him in the first place.

  “Right. Be up in a few,” Matt says.

  He hands the phone to the concierge, who allows us access to the guest elevator. It opens and we step inside, and as soon as the doors close, I turn to Matt.

  “Thank you. I know this is putting you in a horrible position.”

  “Don’t worry about it. He’ll forgive me if he has you,” Matt says confidently. “When we stop on his floor, you get off. I’ll wait downstairs after you get in. You can text me and tell me when I can leave.”

  “Okay,” I say, drawing a shaky breath of air as the elevator ascends closer to his floor.

  “Reese, I can’t promise you the outcome, but I know JP and I know what you mean to him. I don’t believe you guys are over. In fact, I think you’re only beginning.”

  The elevator reaches JP’s floor, and I hit the stop button. I turn to Matt, fighting back tears.

  “You are such a good man,” I say to him. “Thank you for being my friend.”

  Matt gives me a bear hug and steps back from me. “You are Holly’s best friend. You’re my friend. I care about what happens to you and JP. I happen to think you two are meant to be together, like Holly and I are.”

  He reaches around me and hits the button to open the doors, and they chime open.

  “Go follow your heart,” he urges.

  I nod and step out of the elevator and watch as the doors close on Matt.

  Follow your heart.

  That’s exactly what I’m going to do, and right now, it’s telling me not to waste another second to get to JP.

  I hurry down the corridor to JP’s condo. As I reach the door, I hear the faint strains of piano music.

  I press my ear to the door to listen more clearly. My heart breaks as I realize he’s playing “Something Just Like This” by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay.

  The music abruptly stops, followed by a crash, as if JP has thrown a bunch of things on the floor.

  I need to be with him, I think. I need to tell him eve
rything in my heart. I need to apologize.

  I press the doorbell.

  “Give me a second,” JP yells.

  My heart is racing. I’m shaking. I’m scared to death, but I know I can do this. I want to do this.

  I will fight with everything I have to get him back.

  After what seems like an eternity, I hear him approach the door. I can’t breathe as I hear the door lock turn. Finally, he pulls open the door and gasps in shock when he sees me.

  “Wh-Wh-at are you doing here?” JP asks, taking a step back from me.

  I have never been more vulnerable than I am in this moment. In the next few seconds, JP will either make my heart whole again or break it forever.

  Instead of throwing up a wall and running away, I’m willing to risk everything for love.

  For us.

  “I love you,” I say, my voice shaking but strong. “I’m here because I love you. I know you might hate me. I know you might not believe me or forgive me, but I love you. I let my own fears and need to protect myself destroy what we had.”

  I’m talking at a rapid clip, the words pouring out of me, and JP is simply taking them in in stunned silence.

  “JP, there has been nobody but you since that first night we met after that hockey game. I kept track of you after that. I had no interest in dating anyone else. I kept coming back to you, even though I didn’t know much about you. My heart knew you. It knew, JP. Once we reconnected, I never wanted to let you go.”

  I pause and take a breath of air, waiting for him to react. When he remains silent, I go on.

  “I was terrified to let you in. Growing up I watched love destroy people. So, I said I wanted casual. But I never did. I fell in love with you, but I couldn’t say the words. Some people might say there is no such thing as insta-love, but there are all kinds of love, and I have no doubt about what I feel for you. It’s real. I love you.

  “I love the man you are,” I continue. “You’re strong and intelligent. You love adventure and life and engaging your brain in different ways. We have passion and friendship. You make me stronger. You make me brave. Unfortunately, it took losing you to find the courage I need to fight for you. I let voices get in my head, and I should never have. I should have come to you. I should have trusted what we have, but I was afraid of you not loving me. So, I let them in, and I’m so sorry.”

  I begin to cry again, and I see that JP is swallowing hard.

  “When you brought up your checklist,” I say, my voice breaking, “I desperately wanted you to say you wanted those things with me. I know it’s stupid of me to have expected that since we haven’t been together that long and hadn’t yet said we loved each other, but I did. Because I loved you. I wanted to be The One, not the one who worked. I should have known you would never treat me like that. I should have known you chose me, but my own fears caused chaos in my head. I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry I broke your heart.”

  I pause. JP is simply staring at me. His jaw is set. His hands are down at his sides.

  I fight for air as realization slams into me.

  His silence and body language tell me everything I need to know.

  JP isn’t going to forgive me.

  “I’m sorry,” I sob as my heart shatters all over again. “I’m sorry. I know you can’t forgive me, but please know I love you with all my heart. You are the only man I’ve ever loved and the only man I ever will.”

  I turn to leave, but before I know it, JP has closed the gap between us, turning me around and putting his hands on my face.

  “You’re The One,” JP says urgently, his voice thick with unshed tears. “You’ve been The One since the day I met you. I had been burned so many times by my seriousness I couldn’t risk it with you. Not with you. I didn’t say things I should have said, but when I talked about that checklist, you were the woman I envisioned. You. Because you are my world. My everything. No matter where I go, no matter where I end up playing hockey, I want you with me. Always. Because I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  Then his mouth claims mine in a passionate kiss. His hands are framing my face, and his tongue is rapidly moving against mine, claiming me over and over with his mouth.

  “Je t'aime,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Ti amo. Ich liebe dich. I love you. God, I love you.”

  Tears stream down my face as I kiss him back with all the love I feel in my heart.

  This kiss is the beginning of our forever. It’s passionate and caring and full of love, just like the relationship we are going to share forever.

  JP breaks the kiss, and I see there are tears in his eyes.

  I put a shaking hand to his face. “I love you, Jean-Pierre. I will tell you that every single day from now on.”

  “There’s nothing I want more. I love you, my mermaid.”

  We kiss again, this time, slowly and sweetly.

  “Don’t ever break up with me again,” JP murmurs against my lips.

  I break the kiss and smile up at him. “Never. We’ll fight, but you’re stuck with me.”

  JP grins as he pulls me inside and shuts the door. “What will we fight about?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me. “Besides me tripping on your stuff in the hallway.”

  I laugh. “Um, you not turning the ice maker on?”

  “Good one. What else?”

  “I think that’s all we’ll fight about: my messiness and you forgetting the ice. Sound good?”

  “Yes,” JP says, dropping a sweet kiss on my lips. “That sounds perfect.”

  I savor his kiss, knowing how close I was to losing it forever.

  “I love you,” I say again.

  “I love you, too,” JP reassures me. He once again cups my face in his hands. “When I look into these emerald-green eyes, I see forever. I always have.”

  “We’ll have a life full of adventure, both at home and around the world,” I say, inspiration filling my heart. “Wherever hockey might take you, I’ll go. As long as I’m with you, I’m happy. Home is where you are.”

  “We’ll compete against each other, and if you think because I told you I love you I’m going easy during our tennis match next week, you’re wrong.”

  “I wouldn’t want anything less. Though, I’m still going to beat you.”

  JP flashes me a smile. “I’ll always bring home Oreos for you.”

  “And I’ll find watching you do your math homework insanely sexy.”

  “Oh, should I do some math right now?”

  I giggle. “No, but I do find playing the piano is something else you do that is a huge turn on.”

  JP glances over at the piano, and I turn and look over my shoulder, seeing his sheet music and a coffee tumbler on the floor in a heap. That must have been what I heard crashing to the floor when I was at the door.

  “When you came here, I was playing ‘Something Just Like This,’” he says slowly, and I turn around to face him. “The truth is, I didn’t want something like this. I wanted us, exactly the way we are.”

  Love surges through me. My heart is whole. I’ve fallen in love with a good man, and he’s fallen in love with me. We’re forever.

  “That’s what I want, too. Us. Exactly the way we are.”

  As we kiss again, I know we’ve come full circle. Two people who were afraid of love found it, briefly lost it, fought for it, and now will have it forever as a result.

  It turns out The Swiss One was The One.

  No matter what happens, I will have JP by my side. For the good times. The bad. For adventure. For Laughter.

  And love.

  Epilogue

  February 12th

  Today’s Schedule: Outdoor Couples massage at Mauna Lani Spa, 11 AM

  Snorkel with manta rays, 4:00 PM

>   “We need to end this vacation now,” I say to JP as we head back to our bungalow at the Mauna Lani Resort on the Kohala Coast. “Because nothing will live up to day one. This has been perfect, Jean-Pierre,” I say happily, stopping him on the moonlit path. “Absolutely perfect.”

  JP slides his arms around me and drops a sweet kiss on my lips, and to this day, months and months after our first kiss, I still feel happiness when he does.

  “Snorkeling with manta rays was a great way to start our first vacation together,” JP agrees, stroking my damp hair with his hand.

  “It was the most amazing thing ever,” I declare excitedly. “Snorkeling with manta rays? I’ll never forget it! They were so beautiful, and we got to be in their world. I feel so lucky to be able to do it. And do it with you.”

  I kiss him again, caressing the stubble shading his jawline with my hand.

  “Can I tell you how much I love this bye week already? Four days in a Hawaiian paradise. With you,” JP says, his eyes shining affectionately at me.

  “We could stay in that bungalow the rest of the time for all I care,” I say, smiling up at him.

  JP cocks an eyebrow at me. “So, no stand-up paddleboarding lessons tomorrow?”

  I bite my lip. Well, he’s got me there. I really want to learn how to stand-up paddleboard.

  “Okay, maybe that.”

  “Or the volcano and waterfall tour?”

  “You’re right. We’re too adventurous to spend all our time making love.”

  JP smiles mischievously at me. “Don’t worry. I think we can spend our days and nights being thrill-seekers, my mermaid.”

  “I love that you have that spirit in you,” I say, staring up at him, “and we can share these exploits together.”

  “You are the only one I want to have adventures with,” JP says. “Big or small, doesn’t matter. I only want to have them with you.”