A Straw Man (The Clay Lion Series Book 3)

by Amalie Jahn

  I remembered. I remembered barely being able to rouse him. After calling repeatedly and pounding on his bedroom door until I’d woken all of his roommates, I finally resorted to picking the lock. What I found nearly brought me to tears. I’d never seen him looking so much like a corpse.

  He carefully peeled the banana I slid across the table as a peace offering. “Thanks,” he mumbled through his first mouthful.

  I picked at my muffin and considered what to say. I’d confronted him before about the pills and the stealing and each time he shut me out. He didn’t want help. He was punishing himself. I decided not to drag his demons into the light of the hospital cafeteria.

  “I’m an aunt,” I said finally, forcing myself to be cheerful.

  “She’s a lucky little girl,” he replied.

  “I wonder what she looks like?”

  “I guess we’ll see in a little while.” He paused, peeling his banana a bit further. “Don’t be surprised if she looks like a monkey though.”

  His comment caught me off guard. It had been a long time since he’d cracked a joke. I couldn’t resist playing along, thankful for these glimmers of the past, as fleeting as they had become.

  “What?” I gasped, feigning anger. “I’ll have you know there hasn’t been a single monkey in our family in at least four generations.”

  “Maybe she’ll be a throwback.” He took another bite. “Monkey is recessive.”

  I shook my head. It was nice to see him smile and even nicer to hear him laugh. It felt almost like our first year. Second year had been another story altogether. Thinking about it reminded me of final exams.

  “We were supposed to be studying today,” I said, changing the subject. “So much for that.”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t going to help me anyway. Even if I ace them all, the best I can hope for is a D average.”

  “You can retake biology this summer. If you do well, they might still let you play in the fall.”

  He shoved the last bite of banana in his mouth, chewed and swallowed before responding. “I’m not gonna play next year.”

  “But you might still be able to…”

  “I’m not playing either way.” He looked out the window, unwilling to meet my gaze. “I already told you that.”

  I took a sip of orange juice and resisted the urge to break into full-blown mother mode. “I know that’s what you said. I just thought maybe it would be good for you to be out there, with the rest of the team, having fun like you used to.”

  “Sam doesn’t get to be out there, having fun like he used to, does he?” Nate snapped.

  I bowed my head. I’d hit a nerve. “It wasn’t your fault,” I whispered for the hundredth time.

  “It was all my fault,” he replied.

  Victoria, as it turned out, didn’t look anything like a monkey. She was terribly small, weighing just over five pounds, but she was perfect and precious in every way. As she lay sleeping in my arms, I could think of no better reason to blow off studying for my American Politics final.

  The family had gathered in Brooke’s hospital room just after she was released from recovery. There were more people than seats, so a bench had been dragged from the hallway for her parents while my mother sat in the only chair in the corner of the room. Nate perched precariously on the window ledge between the floral arrangements and gift baskets stuffed with balloons and teddy bears, the proverbial bull in a sea of breakable things. I stood beside him, unconsciously swaying the baby as I rocked from side to side.

  “You’re a natural, Melody,” Charlie said from across the room where he was curled up on the tiny hospital bed with Brooke.

  “Only while she’s sleeping,” I replied. “As soon as she cries, I’m giving her back.”

  As I adjusted the tiny knitted cap Victoria wore, I considered everything in life that had come together to ensure her creation.

  The story of Brooke and Charlie’s romance was a legend retold countless times at every possible family event. Christmas, birthdays, their wedding, Fourth of July… inevitably someone would bring up the tale of their happily-ever-after. Everyone knew how Brooke took multiple trips back in time to save her brother’s life, accidentally meeting Charlie along the way. But of course, when things didn’t work out as she intended, she was forced to let them both go in order to preserve her own timeline. In the end, we were all glad Fate had different plans, ensuring the two were reunited later on, without the help of time travel.

  Years later, Charlie nearly ruined everything by taking his own trip back in time when he attempted to find his birth mother, Victoria. I still felt partially responsible for encouraging him to track her down through space and time. Unfortunately, he’d inadvertently saved her life in the process and was sentenced to 15 years in prison for breaking one of the most highly punishable traveling rules. Luckily for Brooke and Charlie, Fate stepped in once again in the form of Victoria, who took her own trip back in time to restore the original timeline.

  As a result of all the turmoil, he ended up proposing to Brooke before she’d even graduated from college. We all thought he was nuts, committing to marriage at such a young age, but he wouldn’t be dissuaded. Love makes you do crazy things.

  I should know.

  It was clear to all of us that Vicki’s birth was nothing short of a full-blown miracle, knowing the number of timelines where Fate intervened to ensure her existence. She wriggled in her blanket and scrunched her tiny face into something between a grimace and a smile. And then she opened her eyes.

  “Hey, Vicki,” I cooed as she stared vacantly past my head.

  “She can’t really see you,” Brooke said. “Her eyes aren’t fully developed yet. She might recognize your voice though.”

  I whispered to her about how pretty she was and what fun we would have when she was able. And then, like a demon possessed, she began to wail.

  “She sounds hungry,” Mom said.

  “And it certainly doesn’t sound like she’s having any trouble with her lungs,” Brooke’s father added as I delivered the squirmy bundle into Brooke’s arms.

  Nate coughed loudly from the window ledge which I took as an indication that he was ready to leave. It broke my heart to know that obligation, not desire, was what kept him by my side. He was only at the hospital because after almost two years together, some small piece inside still considered himself part of my family. I missed the days when he enjoyed spending time with all of them, especially Charlie, but even their relationship had become increasingly estranged as his addiction grew. Gone were the days of week-long visits, holiday celebrations, and family vacations. Now he was more comfortable being alone with his pain than among the warmth of a loving family.

  I was torn about leaving. Being with Brooke and Charlie felt safe. They were easy. They weren’t constantly reminding me that my love would never be enough to compensate for the pain of loss. And on top of everything else, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Vicki. But it had been a long day, and I knew beyond the three hour drive back to school, I still had a full night of studying ahead of me.

  And of course, Nate was ready to go.

  “Since you have to feed her, I guess it’s a good time for us to head back,” I relented.

  I gave the baby a kiss on the head and ran my fingers against her petal-soft cheek. As I turned from the bed, Charlie reached for my hand.

  “I’m glad you came, Mel,” he said, sensing my sadness. “Just do well on your finals and then you can come hang out whenever you want this summer.”

  I smiled at him. He knew how difficult spring semester had been for me, both academically and emotionally. He knew I needed a break even if I was reluctant to take one.

  But Nate needed me too. I couldn’t just walk away.

  “Thanks,” I said. “Next weekend. I promise.”

  Brooke gave me a knowing wink and her parents waved as I joined Nate in the doorway.

  “Congratulations,” he said to my family. “She’s beautiful.” />
  “Thanks,” Charlie said. “And you’re welcome to come visit too, Nate. Anytime.”

  I felt for his hand and curled my fingers beneath his. He rocked nervously in his sneakers. It was time to go.

  He lagged behind as we made our way silently through the parking garage. At 6’5” and 230 pounds, Nate was an average size football player. Off the field however, he seemed enormous. The difference in our size was something people seemed obliged to comment on, as if we wouldn’t notice without it being pointed out, so it felt strange when the parking attendant didn’t say a word as we walked past. It made me sad to think that perhaps he didn’t realize we were together and made me long for the days when people could tell just by looking that we were a couple. Sometimes it didn’t seem so long ago. Sometimes it seemed like a lifetime.

  C HAPTER FOUR

  FALL SEMESTER - FIRST YEAR

  Although first year students were forbidden from having cars at school, Nate managed to sweet-talk a woman who owned an adjacent property into giving him a parking spot at her house. Two days after our first meeting, he attempted to impress me by suggesting going into town for dinner, away from the dining hall’s questionable entrees. The hostess at the restaurant was the first person to ever comment on our height difference.

  “How’s that work?” she asked before taking our names for the waiting list.

  “How’s what work?” I replied.

  Her eyes darted between us. “You two. He’s what, two feet taller than you?” She winked. “I bet that’s interesting.”

  I hadn’t known how to respond and stood paralyzed, my mouth gaping open. Luckily, Nate came to the rescue.

  “Usually I just push her around in our baby stroller, but tonight she threw such a fit when I tried to put her in, I just gave up and let her walk. What’re ya gonna do?” He shrugged he shoulders.

  I grinned up at him. He was funny. And kind of irreverent. But he stood up for me so how could I not like him?

  After instructing me to choose whatever toppings I wanted for the pizza, I watched as he systematically pulled off every mushroom from the slices on his plate.

  “We could’ve gotten it half and half,” I said.

  “Nah. I don’t mind. You want them? Extra toppings for you that way.”

  He slid the mushrooms onto my plate and devoured his first slice. He was an eating machine. Even at the height of swim or soccer seasons, I’d never seen Charlie eat so quickly.

  “Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who doesn’t eat,” he remarked as I gaped at him with my pizza raised in midair.

  I took a bite, chewed, and swallowed deliberately before giving him the satisfaction of an answer. “I eat, thank you very much. I just choose not to inhale my food.”

  He set his pizza back on the plate and considered me from across the table, boring a hole into me with his pewter eyes. “I’m the youngest of eight,” he said matter-of-factly.

  I was taken aback. “Eight?”

  “Yeah, eight. And when you have seven older brothers and sisters who are faster than you and bigger than you, you learn real quick to get all the food you can and eat it fast before somebody snatches it away from you.” Dimples formed at the corners of his mouth as he waited for my reaction. His smile was amazing.

  “I can’t imagine what that would be like,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

  He sat back in the booth and cocked his head to the side. “It would be like musical chairs but with food. There’s never quite enough to go around, so you better get what you can before the music stops and you’re the one left without a chair. Or a sandwich.”

  I took a sip of my soda. “It looks to me as though you managed to get plenty. You certainly don’t seem malnourished, that’s for sure.”

  He laughed. A deep, throaty laugh that reminded me of the way my grandfather sounded when he played with me as a child.

  “What exactly are you saying, Mel?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. “Are you telling me I’m fat?”

  “No.” I took another bite of pizza. “Just that somewhere along the line, you must have started being the bigger, faster one.”

  “Maybe,” he said. “I really think they all just grew up and moved out, one by one. But my mom still only knew how to cook for a small army, so by the time I was a teenager and there were only two of us left, there was plenty for me and Will.”

  “So how big’s Will?”

  “He’s about my size. We’re the tallest of the boys. Joe, Adam, and Ben are all around 6’1” or 6’2”.”

  “Shrimps,” I said.

  “Don’t tell them that. My sisters are smaller, of course. Beth, Kay, and Alice. They’re all like 5’9”. Maybe a little taller.”

  “You’re a family of giants!” I declared.

  He laughed again and helped himself to another slice of pizza. “What about your family?” he asked.

  I thought for a moment. What about my family? There was so much to tell. Was it prudent to tell the truth to this guy I barely knew?

  I decided to go for broke.

  “My family’s about average in size, but they tend to be a little complicated,” I began.

  “Whose isn’t?”

  I wiped the corners of my mouth with a paper napkin. “No. Mine’s actually extremely complicated, and I don’t really know where to start. You’re probably the first person I’ve ever had to explain them to, since everyone in my home town already knows about them. We were kind of all over the news at one point.”

  “Am I dating some sort of a celebrity?”

  Were we dating? My heart fluttered involuntarily inside my chest.

  “Is this a date?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he replied without a moment’s hesitation.

  “Uh, then no. You are not dating some sort of celebrity. You may have heard of my father though.”

  “Who’s your father? Please tell me he’s not a homicidal maniac or something.”

  Close but not quite, I thought. That would be my grandfather.

  “His name was Phil Johnson. He was the Virginia senator who died during a climbing expedition about five years ago.”

  Nate’s expression softened. “I don’t remember anything about it. I’m not big into politics, but I’m really sorry to hear about your dad.”

  I picked at the extra mushrooms Nate kept tossing on my plate. “It’s okay. It was a really weird time for all of us. I still have my mom and my older brother, Charlie. The funny thing is that Charlie is only my half-brother, but we didn’t know it while we were growing up. We thought we were full brother and sister, but when my dad died, we discovered from my mom that Charlie was actually adopted. He went searching for his birth parents and discovered that our dad was actually his biological father. So even though for a little while we thought we weren’t blood related, it turned out he’s my half-brother after all.” I took another sip of soda and wondered how ridiculous I sounded to Nate, who sat staring at me as though I’d grown another head.

  He took a deep breath and leaned in across the table toward me. “So what you’re telling me is your dad had a baby with someone else and then he and your mom adopted the baby?”

  “Yes.”

  “And that’s your brother, Charlie?”

  “Yup.”

  He threw his arms in the air. “Your mom’s a saint!” he declared.

  I couldn’t have agreed more. “She didn’t know at the time that she was raising her husband’s illegitimate child, but yes, she is.”

  “Well,” he said, finishing off the last bite of crust and pushing back from the table, “your family’s really something.”

  “Someday maybe I’ll tell you about my sister-in-law. I don’t want to scare you away though.”

  “I don’t scare easily. I just can’t believe there’s more.”

  “Another story for another time.”

  The waitress arrived with the bill. Nate snatched it from my hand.

  “I told you this was a date, remember? I’m p
aying.” He wouldn’t take no for an answer and I didn’t protest for too long.

  As we said our goodbyes on the front steps of my dorm, it occurred to me that we really didn’t have anything in common with one another. He was easy to talk to and easier to look at, but he was popular. Played football. Was adored by the masses.

  And I wasn’t.

  So while I expected him to cross me off his registry of available co-eds and move on to the next girl on the list, I was surprised to discover that having nothing in common with me didn’t seem to matter to him. And it turned out that it must not have mattered to me either since I quickly agreed to join him and his teammates for a movie marathon later in the week.

  “I don’t know that I’m actually going to fit in with your friends,” I worried aloud as he sat beside me on the stoop. I’d chosen libraries over athletic fields at every opportunity growing up. Now I was going to be expected to fraternize with people who knew which games were played in quarters and which were played in periods. My head spun just thinking about it.

  “They’re all pretty much just like me. Tons of fun,” he said. “And as I recall, you said you were looking for some fun.” He hoisted himself from the step and reached for my hand to pull me up beside him. “So, are you in or not?”

  “I guess I’m in,” I replied, wondering what exactly I was signing myself up for and how I was going to make it until Wednesday without seeing him again.

  He took two steps down the stairs toward the sidewalk, and just as I thought he was going to leave without saying goodbye, he turned to face me. We were almost nose to nose and without any further warning, he reached around to place his hand on the small of my back and kissed me. It was sweet and soft and completely different from the way I’d been kissed by other boys in the past. This boy knew what he was doing and I realized immediately that I was in really, really, big trouble.

  “I’m glad you’re in,” he said, grinning from ear to ear when he finally released me from his embrace. “Maybe I’ll see you around tomorrow. Hopefully.”

  “Ok,” I replied, unable to manage any higher level of communication.