The Marriage Clock

by Zara Raheem

  I took another deep breath, folded up the card, and began once more.

  “Ammi, Abba,” I said, facing the center of the room, toward my parents. My mother, in a lovely blue sari, and my father, in a suit, smiled back at me, beaming with pride. “You’ve only ever wanted the best for me. And I may not have always understood your ways of showing me that, but I see it now. Marriage is a beautiful thing. It takes two separate people and unites them into one, and there is nothing more special than that. The proof is right before us.”

  I paused. “Knowing what you two have, I understand why you’ve been pushing so hard for my own marriage. You want for me what you’ve found for yourselves, and as your daughter, I can appreciate that.”

  “But I also understand that marriage is not the only thing that defines our worth. It is a choice. It is one option of how we can choose to live our lives, but it is not the only one. And our worth should not be determined solely by that choice.” I looked directly at my parents as the rest of the room blurred into the background.

  “I hope that one day, I can find the kind of love you both share. I truly do, insha’Allah. But I’ve realized that my life doesn’t begin once I’m married. It’s already begun—whether I’m married or not—because my happiness comes from within me as well as those around me, not from those whom I have yet to meet.” I drew in another breath.

  “You both are amazing parents, but this has nothing to do with you. This is about me and the life that I want. That is the reason I have decided I will no longer spend my life waiting for someone to come along and ‘choose’ me. Nor can I allow you to choose for me. I choose myself. And that is a decision that I am okay with. I just hope that you can be okay with it too.”

  I placed the microphone on the stand and walked back toward the table. The room fell quiet. The only sound came from the clacking of my heels. I stared at the floor, refusing to look up. With each step I took, my heart felt lighter. Freer. Like a heavy burden had been lifted. Despite the silence in the room, there was a thunder roaring in my chest.

  As I made my way to my seat, there was a sudden clap in the back of the room. Then another. After a few hesitant seconds, the rest of the room joined in with broken applause.

  “Yeah, Leila!” I heard Tania yell from the back.

  I looked at my parents and saw pain in their eyes. As I braced myself for all the guilt they would no doubt inflict on me, this time, I felt ready. No tears, no lamentations over cut noses and absent grandchildren would change my mind now. But to my surprise, my mother stood up and quietly took me by the arms and pulled me in close.

  “Oh, Leila, we have only ever wanted your happiness,” she whispered into my ear. “How could you think otherwise?”

  My father got up and wrapped his arms around the both of us. “Leila, we are proud of you, beti,” he said. “Marriage or no marriage, you are our daughter and we love you.” And with those words, everyone and everything in the room seemed to fade and the three of us just stood there, locked in an embrace.

  Despite all their craziness these past few months, my parents loved me, and I’d never felt it more than I did in that particular moment. Would they continue to pester me about marriage? I had no doubt they would. But this time I felt stronger, more certain of myself. This time, I wouldn’t allow myself to succumb to the pressures like I had before. Because I, Leila Abid, realized that not all happy endings need to include a Bollywood hero. Sometimes the scene ends with just us, on our own, picking up the broken pieces so that we can start over again. Sometimes it’s letting go of cultural expectations in order to pave our own paths for the future. Or sometimes, the happy ending is simply moving forward.

  Regardless of what happened, I had grown. I had learned. I had discovered my own self-worth. Hero or no hero, I was still the heroine of my story, and truth be told, my story was just beginning.

  Acknowledgments

  I’ve always believed that every person has a book within them. For me, this was the book I carried with me long before I even began writing it, so to see its transformation over the years into the very thing you are now holding has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

  A part of me wants very much to thank every single person I have ever come into contact with because I feel that every presence, interaction, and moment has in some way led me to this exact point. However, for the sake of those reading this, I will resist that urge and focus on the specific few, without whom this book would not have been possible:

  To my parents, both of whom I owe more to than words can ever express. My mother, whose unconditional support and love (and endless supply of chai), has always been my greatest source of strength. My father, who taught me the importance of patience and perseverance, and who never once discouraged me from following my passions.

  My sister, Zunera, for being the first one to (voluntarily) read this book from cover to cover and for dubbing herself my “biggest fan.” Your sincere enthusiasm toward everything I’ve ever written motivates me more than you know. To my nieces, Ahyana and Amanah, my sources of light, you both are the inspiration behind everything I do.

  Some say writing is something that cannot be taught; however, I owe so much of my writing accomplishments to the amazing teachers I’ve had the fortune of learning from throughout my life. Peggy Keller, I’m so grateful that our paths crossed when they did, and that you were willing to take the time to advise me even when this book was nothing more than a distant dream. Ellen Kleiner, thank you for your keen eye during the beginning stages of this manuscript. Your encouragement and guidance instilled a sense of confidence in me that I didn’t even know existed. Nick Taylor, you gave me an opportunity to take part in my first writing workshop at SJSU after reading a sample chapter from this novel, and for that I am forever thankful. To my professors in CSULB’s MFA program, my heartfelt thanks for your always kind generosity toward me and my work, and for shaping me into a better writer. Au-co Tran, my most trusted writing partner, I can always count on you for your honest feedback, and I thank you for being the perfect sounding board to all my rants and raves.

  My deepest appreciation to Maria Cardona—my agent, my friend, and my closest confidant through this whole process. Thank you for your unwavering belief in this book and for helping this dream come to life. To Anna Soler-Pont, Marina Penalva Halpin, Leticia Vila-Sanjuán, and everyone else at Pontas who read an early draft of this manuscript: thank you for seeing its potential and for always being in my corner. To my editor, Lucia Macro, you took a chance on me, and I cannot tell you how honored and grateful I am to have been given the opportunity to work with you. To my copyeditor, Laura Cherkas, thank you for your patience and diligence while working out the kinks in this manuscript. Asanté Simons, thank you for taking care of all the details. I truly couldn’t have dreamt of a better publishing house or team of people to work alongside with.

  My immense gratitude to my friends who have supported me through this process in innumerable ways: Lexi Solesbee and James An, for always lending an ear and for helping me maintain my sanity through all the ups and downs over the years. Helen Netramai Mollenbeck, for your constant encouragement and words of wisdom, most of which were imparted on our “early” morning hikes. Atinuke Adediran, for your selfless support and love through every major milestone. And Amy Patel, my long-lost twin, for blessing me with your friendship for the past seventeen years.

  Last, but not least, to my husband, Matheen: you have held my hand through every major disappointment and celebrated with me even the most minor successes along the way. I am in constant awe of your unconditional belief in me, and without you, this book—this dream—could not have been possible. Thank you for being my biggest supporter, my most loving critic, and my best friend. I would not have had the courage to embark on this journey with anyone other than you.

  P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . .*

  About the Author

  * * *

  Meet Zara Raheem

  Abo
ut the Book

  * * *

  The Inspiration Behind The Marriage Clock

  Q&A with the Author

  Reading Group Guide

  About the Author

  Meet Zara Raheem

  ZARA RAHEEM received her MFA in creative writing from California State University, Long Beach. She is the recipient of the James I. Murashige Jr. Memorial Award in fiction and was selected as a 2019 Harriet Williams Emerging Writer. She resides in Southern California, where she teaches English and creative writing. The Marriage Clock is her first novel.

  Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.

  About the Book

  The Inspiration Behind The Marriage Clock

  Like many South Asian American children who grew up in the nineties, I feel very much a product of what I consider to be the golden age of Bollywood. Bollywood in that era was dominated by the Khans and the collective belief that Prince Charming wore ripped denim and yellow hoodies with oversize Gap logos across the front. The predictable story lines, saturated with sequins and cheesy song-and-dance numbers, were my first glimpse into the world of romance; however, it was not until my twenties that I finally realized that IRL love stories rarely—if ever—begin with dimpled, floppy-haired men serenading you in a field of bright yellow poppies.

  The idea for The Marriage Clock transpired somewhere in the midst of this realization. After witnessing many of my closest friends find love the arranged way, I couldn’t help but question why it was not happening for me. I had spent several years entrenched in the matchmaking process, ranging from rishtas to arranged dinners without so much as feeling a spark or a flicker, and I wondered if perhaps I was doing something wrong. So, I began keeping a journal that documented details of every “date” I went on in an effort to make sense of the various emotions that arose throughout the process. At first, it was only a way of analyzing my experiences and viewing them from a different perspective; however, it wasn’t long before I started sharing these details with other single friends and discovered that I was not alone in the confusion and frustrations that I felt.

  Dating is hard. Finding love is even harder. But the most surprising thing I learned is that the pressure to satisfy cultural and familial expectations is not exclusive to South Asian communities. The challenges of finding love within a traditional framework also exist for those across a wide range of ethnic cultures. And once this became apparent, I began to view my incessant journaling as the beginnings of a universally complicated love story that needed to be written regardless of how my own story panned out.

  When I began writing The Marriage Clock, I had no idea how I wanted the story to end. All I knew was that I wanted it to be told from the point of view of a female protagonist who resembled the women I saw around me. Leila Abid does not fit within the stereotypical narrative of a Muslim South Asian American woman. She is outspoken and strong-minded. She is complex and multidimensional: unapologetic in her Americanness, yet simultaneously possessing a sense of pride in her culture and traditions. Seldom in mainstream media do we see women like Leila step into the spotlight. South Asian American women are often seen straddling one of two extremes: they are either too South Asian or too American—rarely do we allow them to simply occupy the space in between. Thus, Leila’s existence in itself redefines what it means to be a Muslim South Asian woman living in the West because her story does not hinge on her willingness to sacrifice any part of her identity, but instead acknowledges and celebrates that she is both South Asian and American, a true conglomeration of Eastern and Western values.

  My hope with The Marriage Clock is that it will entertain readers and allow them to see a part of themselves through Leila’s journey. Most importantly, however, I hope that this novel will challenge women to resist the social pressures of marriage and family placed upon them, and step outside of these expectations in order to discover their own definitions of happiness.

  Q&A with the Author

  Q: You mention how the idea for The Marriage Clock stemmed from your own experiences. How much of the story would you say is fact and how much is fiction?

  A: I would say that the majority of The Marriage Clock is fiction. While there are minor details interspersed throughout the novel from my own life, I would not claim Leila’s journey to be a full reflection of my own. I think the aspect that is most autobiographical is perhaps the range of emotions that Leila experiences throughout her journey—her frustration, disappointment, confusion, and self-doubt. Having Leila grapple with these feelings was incredibly cathartic for me to write because I drew upon precise moments when I felt those same emotions during my own process. However, while the emotional threads of the story can be said to come from a more intimate, personal place, the same cannot be said about the various characters and situations that Leila finds herself in.

  Q: In what ways does The Marriage Clock shed light on some of the larger issues existing within the South Asian community?

  A: On the surface, The Marriage Clock is a story about modern dating and the difficulties of finding love within an arranged process. And while that alone is a challenge that many South Asian women (and men) face, there are also other, less talked about issues embedded within the culture. Even today, there still exists a preference for lighter-skinned brides; there are still biases and assumptions made about unmarried women over a certain age and negative stigmas attached to women who have been previously married. Yet, since the tone of the book is fairly lighthearted, I didn’t want this information to be presented in a way that was too prescriptive or heavy-handed. However, from a storytelling aspect, I felt it would be impossible for readers to fully comprehend the challenges of Leila and Tania’s struggles without at least touching upon these issues in some way.

  Q: Why was it so important for Leila to seek out a love interest who shared her same culture and traditions?

  A: I think oftentimes when you have a protagonist who is South Asian or belonging to a nondominant culture, the story revolves around that character falling in love with someone outside of their culture in order to be accepted into dominant society. I didn’t want Leila’s story to perpetuate this narrative by reinforcing the hierarchal binaries between South Asians and their American counterparts. I wanted to show Leila making a conscious decision to be with a South Asian man (even when presented with other options) because I feel it is important to shift this mind-set that nondominant cultures are somehow less than or secondary to white, mainstream culture. Therefore, teasing out Leila’s relationships with Zain and Hisham was especially important because both characters subvert stereotypical perceptions of South Asian men by proving themselves to be equally desirable and viable love interests for Leila.

  Reading Group Guide

  Leila’s friend Annie says about the search for love, “The longer you hold on to these notions of perfection, the more disappointed you’re going to feel when you don’t find it.” In what ways do you think Annie might be wrong? Are there ways in which she might be right?

  Leila’s parents clearly just want her to be happy. Are there ways that their hopes for their daughter’s happiness are reasonable? Are there times when they cross the line, and do they even realize it when they do?

  When Leila agreed to the three-month deadline, did you believe her parents would really hold her to it? Why or why not?

  Would you ever try speed dating? If you have tried speed dating, what was your experience like?

  Were you surprised that Meena agreed to get married after knowing her fiancé for such a short time?

  Leila’s parents are undeniably happy together. Are there times that “love after marriage” might actually work? How do you think they made it work out?

  Leila says, “Hero or no hero, I was still the heroine of my story, and truth be told, my story was just beginning.” In what ways did you think Leila would get to this point? Did you ever think that she was waiting until she was engaged to start her own life? In what ways did she seem more inde
pendent than that?

  Describe Leila’s relationship with her mother. Do you think they have a close relationship? Are they always as honest with each other as they should be? Do you feel that their relationship is stronger or weaker than most mother/daughter relationships? Why or why not?

  Family and cultural tradition play a strong role in this novel. In what ways do you feel the generational differences between Leila and her parents influence the rishta process? Do you think Leila is genuinely open to the process, or is she agreeing just to please her mother and father?

  Describe the most embarrassing date you have ever been on.

  Extra credit for the book club: Watch a Bollywood movie and enjoy! You can even pick one of Zara’s favorite Bollywood romances from the nineties and early 2000s:

  Dil To Pagal Hai

  Hum Aapke Hain Koun . . . !

  Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

  Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam

  Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

  Mohabbatein

  Pardes

  Dhadkan

  Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai

  Devdas

  Copyright

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint an excerpt of “Venus” from Wild Embers, copyright © 2017, by Nikita Gill.

  P.S.™ is a trademark of HarperCollins Publishers.

  THE MARRIAGE CLOCK. Copyright © 2019 by Zara Raheem. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.