Taming Chaos

by Lynne St. James

  Joe brought us to Jim’s on Fourth and South Streets. During the drive he told us the proper way to order a cheesesteak—a wiz wit, so it’d come with cheese wiz and fried onions. He also explained that even though Geno’s and Pat’s were the most famous places, their cheesesteaks weren’t as good. We passed by the historic district and I hoped to get a look at the Liberty Bell, but no such luck. It was my first time out of New York/New Jersey, and I was freakin’ excited. Maybe this whole two week tour thing wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

  Jim’s was packed with locals and we lined up with everyone else. We made it through the line and got our food but as soon as we sat down our luck ran out. I was just taking my first bite of the messy sandwich when a flash went off in my face. Shit, really? I wasn’t even part of the band. I couldn’t say a thing since my mouth was full of sliced steak, gooey cheese, fried onions and way too much bread. I tried to swallow it fast and ended up choking, which drew even more attention to me.

  I had the urge to run for the car but it didn’t seem to bother anyone else. They ignored the cameras and talked to the fans, mostly girls, who came to the table and got stuff signed. They signed napkins, hands, arms, and Fury even signed one girl’s boobs. Someone took a picture of him doing it too. The only person bothered by it all was me. I guess Michelle was right. I needed to grow a pair.

  We got back to the bus with a little over an hour until show time. I stayed behind in the bus while they all went to get ready in their “suite” in the arena. Chaos wanted me to come but I didn’t really want to be in the way of their preparations. I knew I was a distraction to Sweets at least. I promised I’d be there for the show and Joe would walk me over. We had backstage passes so we could watch from the wings. I wanted some time to talk to Joe anyway.

  Once they left I changed into my ‘rocker’ clothing, then went looking for Joe. I didn’t have far to go. He was sitting at the table watching the baseball game.

  “Thanks for covering for me earlier.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Did you find out anything else?”

  “Not really. I have Michelle looking for a lawyer to see about their contract, but I’m not sure how Chaos is going to react to it when I tell him. He might think I’m trying to do something to hurt them.”

  “Nah, I don’t believe that, but we don’t have to tell anyone until we have proof and find out if something can be done. If not, then why tell them at all, it’ll just cause more problems.”

  “That’s true. I didn’t think of it way.”

  “Because you’re thinking with your heart not your head.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You found out this morning everything you believed about your father probably isn’t true, right?”

  “Yeah.” I was still trying to wrap my brain around it. I didn’t know what to think.

  “That’s all. Did you think I meant you and Chaos?”

  I could feel the heat in my cheeks. There wasn’t a ‘me and Chaos’, nothing had happened between us except being turned on every time we were close to each other. Well that and I’ve never wanted to have sex as much as I wanted to with him. “There is no me and Chaos.”

  “We’ll see. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. Sweets knows it too, that’s why she’s so upset.”

  “How do you know all of this stuff?”

  “From watching. How do you think I got to be so good at finding new acts? I’m always watching. I can’t help it. I did it for so many years. You have to remember I’ve been around them on and off for the last year as well.”

  “Yeah I keep forgetting, I thought you were just a driver for hire on this tour.”

  “Really that’s all I am. I just try to make sure that when they need a driver it’s me. I liked these guys from the first day I met them, they had it together. I’d hate to see them get screwed over by Dixon, it’s happened way too often.”

  “I’m sure, it seems like it’d be so easy to do, especially when you’re a new band. It’s been in the news for years how bands had to sue their managers over rights and money stuff.”

  Joe nodded. “See what the lawyer says and next time I’m back at home I’ll go through my files and see if I have anything to help.”

  I hugged him. It surprised him but I surprised myself more. I didn’t get comfortable with new people. He was different, I felt so comfortable around him, he seemed like the kind of man I’d want my father to be like, if I actually had one in my life. We hadn’t been on the road one whole day yet and already everything I believed about my life was changing. It’s what would happen next that worried the crap out of me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chaos

  Green Sky Rising, our opening band for the next seven shows, was on stage. I’d never heard them before and I’d been surprised there were only three of them when they’d come in to meet us earlier. Just guitar, bass, and drums and they had the crowd going crazy. I’m sure it helped that they were locals but this was their biggest gig so far. Rod mentioned in his email today that this would be their big break—opening for us.

  We never thought about anything other than working hard to make it. We knew exactly how GSR felt, we’d been there, done that, and had the scars to prove it. We were glad to be able to help them get a good start. Hearing them play blew me away, they definitely had talent. Being able to help other bands was like a bonus for making it, at least we all thought so. Maybe other bands didn’t want the competition but I didn’t care. We had great fans and I wasn’t stupid to think we were the only band they’d listen to.

  They finished their set with a cover of Green Day’s “Welcome to Paradise”, and ran off stage.

  “You fuckin’ rocked it, dude,” I said smacking their lead singer, Seerius, on the back. “Great show.”

  He looked surprised to see me standing there. “Thanks, Chaos. That means a lot coming from you.”

  “If you keep doing shows like this you’ll be next. When does your record come out?”

  “They said next month. I can’t fuckin’ wait.”

  I smiled at his excitement, it wasn’t too long ago we were in their position. We needed to keep rockin’ it hard to make sure we kept succeeding. I was going to have to make time for Cynda so we could work on those songs. The second album needed to be perfect.

  There was about fifteen minutes before we were supposed to go on, and I headed back to the dressing room. I’d just started telling the guys how great GSR’s show went over and how the arena was already on fire, when Joe and Cynda came in.

  Holy fuck, she looked amazing. I still had trouble believing she was the same girl who’d come to the dressing room at the Shaggy Dog to introduce herself. Black leather pants, matching boots, and a low cut shirt I’d swear was the same color gold as our logo. She was going to kill me. Damn, if she fucking touched me my fly would burst open. My jeans were already too tight and my growing hard-on was making it worse. I needed to feel her skin against mine, taste her, bite her, and make her mine. Wait, I didn’t…not mine, well only for the next couple of weeks, right? I was not going to fall for her. No way. No commitments was the one rule I refused to break. So how come all I wanted to do was tie her down in my bed and keep her there?

  She smiled at me and went over to get a bottle of water. I looked around the room for Sweets and if looks could kill, Cynda would have been dead. I really didn’t have a fuckin’ clue how to deal with this, and why was it coming out now? Had it been Cynda joining the tour that triggered it or something else? I might have to call Sally and see if she can help me fix things with Sweets. I didn’t want to lose the girls, they were part of the reason we’d made it. Why were things so fuckin’ complicated now when they should have been easier?

  A knock at the door told us it was time to go on. I passed by Cynda, close enough to smell the orange blossoms.

  “Break a leg,” she said as we walked toward the door. I waited until the room was empty so I could grab a quick kiss on my way out. At least that
was the plan, but as soon as my lips touched hers, the heat poured over me like I’d been lit on fire. I pulled her tight against me, my hard cock throbbing against her stomach, and slid my tongue into her mouth. Her soft moans stoked the fire and when she tangled her tongue with mine, I was totally lost. If Terrance hadn’t called my name, I would have fucked her up against the wall right then and there.

  Releasing her from the kiss was hard, but not as hard as my cock. I needed Cyn and soon, she was killing me. Her cheeks were pink and her lips swollen and her emerald eyes looked huge with her pupils all dilated. She was breathing hard, like she’d just been running, talk about a turn on. If that didn’t mean she wanted me as much as I wanted her something was fucking wrong with this world. I’d talk to her later after the show, and hopefully she’d agree or I was going to have a fuckin’ huge set of blue balls.

  “Sorry, I’ve got to go.”

  “Yes, go…” she said her voice raspy with emotion. She looked a little shell shocked and I hated leaving her but I had a show to do and I promised myself I’d make it up to her later.

  Following Terrance, I met up with the guys just as we were herded onto stage. The crowd was insane, and I was quickly lost in the music. Song after song had the arena on their feet, and the flashes from the cell phones looked like stars twinkling in the blackness of space.

  I concentrated on interacting with the audience and the band, working hard not to look over to see if Cyn was watching. I tried to stay focused but just thinking about her was a distraction. Toward the end of our first set I gave in and was relieved to see her standing there singing along with everyone else.

  We were on fire, even the girls were into it, singing and dancing around the stage with their mics. It was the most fucking incredible feeling to stand in front of all those people and hearing them sing your lyrics and scream your name. Better than any drug ever.

  It was over way too quickly, at least for us, I think we could have gone for another two hours without quitting. We’d decided to do “Chasing Love” for our encore and the crowd loved it. They were on their feet and cheered through the entire song, singing along. Stuffed animals, panties, thongs, and beach balls all ended up on the stage. There was so much flying on stage we had to duck and yell incoming a few times. As the final notes faded away the crowd was on their feet screaming, it was fucking overwhelming. I hoped I’d never forget how great this was—never get to the point where it was just another concert in another city to another crowd.

  “Good night, Philly! Thank you.”

  Rage hurled a pair of drumsticks into the crowd and I threw some picks. Wrath tossed his shirt and so did Fury. The lights came up before anyone ended up naked and we ran off stage, grabbing towels from the top of the amps as we went by. “Fuckin’ hell that was incredible,” I yelled as we had a group hug backstage.

  Amped up from the rush of the show I couldn’t stand still. I wanted to do another set or run a marathon, anything to get rid of some of the adrenalin.

  “Holy fuckin’ shit, man, that was amazing. It’s never been like that before,” Flame shouted. It was still way too loud to hear each other talk, and Terrance was already trying to herd us back toward the suite for the after party.

  I didn’t see Cynda anywhere but I figured she’d meet us back at the dressing room. I wasn’t prepared for the wall of groupies when we made it to the hallway.

  “Fuck. Terrance, how’d they all get back here?”

  “Backstage passes. They won them from the local radio station.”

  “Shit.” There had to be at least forty screaming women, most of them barely dressed. I looked over my shoulder, the guys seemed stoked. It was going to be one of those nights, too much booze and too many women. They’d be barfing in the morning.

  “Hey, make sure the girls are okay, I don’t want them getting hurt. These women are fuckin’ insane.”

  Nodding, Terrance dropped back to stay with Candy and Sweets. At least they’d be safe. No one would touch them with him there. We pushed through the sea of women and into the dressing room. I didn’t want to deal with it, I was high from the performance but these women wouldn’t take the edge off, I needed one woman and I couldn’t find her anywhere.

  I couldn’t run out right away either, I had to have a drink or two with the fans, and hopefully escape without anyone noticing. Wrath worked his way over to me.

  “Isn’t this fucking fantastic?” he screamed into my ear. It was so loud there was no other way to hear anything. Wall to wall, the room was filled with people—mostly women—and already drunk.

  “It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

  He laughed, “C’mon, bro, you can take your pick of any of them and screw their brains out. Take your mind off everything for a while.”

  “No thanks. I’ll pass. I’m not into this, you know that.”

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying. You need to get fucked, you’d be a hell of a lot happier.”

  “I’m working on it.”

  He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. “Cynda?”

  “Yeah, got a problem with that?”

  “Fuck, no. Just surprised. I was teasing you, didn’t think it was serious.”

  “I didn’t say it was serious, but I want her and I’m going to try hard as fuck to get her to give in.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Thanks,” looking around the room I saw Sweets staring at me. She knew I wouldn’t do any of the groupies and I usually ducked out as quick as I could after the party started. “Hey, don’t tell anyone, okay?”

  “Fuck no. I’m not stupid and Cynda is a nice girl. Remember that.”

  “I’m not going to hurt her.”

  “I hope not, she’s not like one of these women you know?”

  He had a point even if it was one I didn’t want to admit. “Fuck.”

  “I’m just saying. Everything has consequences. That’s why I do the groupies. I wear rubbers and I got no consequences.” Laughing, he walked into the sea of women and disappeared.

  I made my way over to get a scotch. Downing it I poured another, and turned around and into Sweets.

  “Hey.”

  “Sweets. Fucking incredible show tonight, huh?”

  “Yeah. Best ever. Listen, I’m sorry, I don’t want to fight with you. We’re good.”

  Looking in to her sad eyes, the scotch burned in my gut. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t tell her I was pretty sure I was falling for Cynda. Talk about rubbing fucking salt in the wound.

  I hugged her and whispered in to her ear, “I don’t want to fight or hurt you. You’re part of my family—the one that counts—but you will always only be like a sister to me. I don’t think that’s a bad thing either. I just wish it was enough for you. You’ll find someone who’ll be perfect for you. I know you will.”

  I thought I’d done pretty well until she slapped my face and turned away without saying a word. Fuck. I bet she’d left a handprint on my cheek. She didn’t hold back, that’s for sure. She wouldn’t believe it but I did care about her, but I’d never fall in love with her. Fuck, I didn’t want to fall in love with anyone, it only brought pain, and yet it looked like whether I wanted to admit it or not it’s exactly the fuckin’ road that I was headed down with Cyn.

  I’d had enough of this party. I looked for Terrance and finding him over by the door I headed in his direction.

  “I’m leaving, but I want you stay and watch out for Sweets especially. She’s fuckin’ pissed and I’m not sure what she’ll do.”

  “Okay. No problem. What if she leaves?”

  “I don’t know,” I said running my hands through my tangled hair. I needed a shower. I felt hot and sweaty and I needed to ease some of this tension. “I didn’t think I’d need to hire a babysitter for her, but I’m worried. I guess if she takes off with someone and they’re not heading to the bus stop her. I’ll keep my cell on if you need me.”

  “Gotcha. I’ll bug Wrath first if he’s still here, but he’s into some pretty
heavy moves with that chick over there.”

  Looking over to where he’d pointed, it was true. Damn. He had a woman with some fucking bright blue hair against the wall with his head buried in her tits. Hell, at least he was having fun. I didn’t even bother to look for the other guys, I knew they had either picked a woman or were working on it.

  Nodding at Terrance I ducked out the door and headed for the bus. The quiet in the hallway was a welcome sound. I rubbed my cheek where Sweets had slapped me; it was still a little sore.

  The bus door swung open after I tapped in the code. It felt good to be away from all the rest of the shit.

  “Hey, Joe.” He was watching TV and eating popcorn at the table. I grabbed a few pieces. It was good and salty.

  “Great concert tonight. You guys keep getting better.”

  “Thanks. I still can’t believe how wild the crowd was. What a fuckin’ rush.”

  “I bet.”

  It looked like he was alone on the bus, I didn’t see her anywhere. “Is Cynda here? I didn’t see her at the party.”

  “Yeah, said she was gonna take a shower and get ready for bed before the rest of you got back.”

  “Cool, thanks, and thanks again for watching over her.”

  “No problem. Now that you’re back I’m going to go visit some old friends, I’ll be back by morning.”

  “Cool, I hope you have fun.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cynda

  Stepping out of the shower I heard Chaos and Joe talking. God, just the thought of him and I was wet, and not just from the shower. We had some serious chemistry going on between us. The problem is what should I do about it? Michelle would laugh at me and tell me to fuck him of course. Easy for her to say, actually after her night with Flame I guess it was easy for her.

  Drying my hair, I tried to think of what I was going to say to Chaos. Damn, who was I kidding, I wanted him and I’d say his hard-on was proof he wanted me, and that kiss. Holy shit batman, I couldn’t believe I was still standing when he pulled away. I was a total mush ball. When I was watching him perform and all those women tossing their thongs and a few in the audience even flashed their boobs, I wondered what I was thinking. This wasn’t the life I wanted. My mother raised me alone whether or not my father really knew about us. He still toured all the time. How could you have a family like that?