“Ooh yeah, I bet he was.” I took a deep breath. I could do this without crying. No…I WILL do this without crying. “What did he tell you so I don’t have to repeat this shit?”
“Joe and Terrance found Candy and Sweets. After they got back they had a long talk with Chaos, and Joe was there too.”
Shit, she had a strange look on her face, sort of like she’d bitten into a jalapeño and burned the shit out of her mouth. “What? It can’t make me feel any worse than I already do.”
“Don’t be so sure, I want to beat that little bitch myself now. I would have before too…”
I put the mug down on the table. “Just tell me, I don’t have anything to throw now.”
“The bitch tweeted and it went viral.”
My chest got tight, and my head started pounding. “She tweeted what?” I looked down to see my hands clenched so tightly my fingernails were digging in to my palms. If she’d been there I would have knocked her teeth out I think, and I’m not a violent person. What’s wrong with people?
“A pic of herself after the fight saying you did it.”
“Fuckin’ bitch. I did it? She started it, but I did get to rip out some of her hair and got a few good slaps in.”
“Good.”
It was bad. It could ruin my chance at teaching kindergarten or school at all if they saw that picture. Once things got on the internet they were there forever. Fucking bitch might have just ruined my life, and she was probably laughing her ass off.
“Is that it? Because it’s more than enough, she destroyed so much today. Probably even my chance to teach.”
“I’m…nope it’s not. She also tweeted you were stealing their songs.”
I think I was in shock. I thought I heard her but the roaring in my ears was so loud I might have only seen her lips move. Jumping off the couch, I picked up one of the books from the table and threw it across the room. I needed to release the tension somehow. I was suffocating in my own skin. How could anyone do that? She might as well have killed me.
“No…no…NOOOOOOOOO! She couldn’t have, she didn’t. He would have stopped her.”
Michelle tried to give me a hug but I pulled away. I couldn’t be touched, I didn’t want to feel anything. It was bad enough having my heart torn to shreds but now my reputation too. What did I have left?
“Cyn, honey, don’t do this to yourself. We’ll figure something out.”
“How can we fuckin’ figure this out? She tweeted it. She’s in a world famous rock band and probably has a zillion followers, it’ll be everywhere.”
Michelle went into the kitchen and returned with two glasses and a bottle of Malibu Rum. Pouring us each a glass, she handed me one. I wasn’t sure this was the best idea ever but what did it matter? It’s not like I had to be anywhere tomorrow morning or probably ever again.
“C’mon, we can do this. Maybe the attorney I found to help with the contract can help with this?”
Help with the contract. Shit, the discussion with Joe about all of this seemed like months ago instead of just a day. It’s like my life had been on fast forward since I’d walked into the dressing room at The Shaggy Dog and dickman introduced me. So much had happened in five days.
Sitting on the couch I pulled the afghan around me my mother made, still not able to get rid of the chill. Maybe the rum would help? I took a small sip, I loved this stuff usually, reminded me of what a trip to the Caribbean would be like, but all the crying made my throat rough and each sip burned a trail to my stomach. It did help warm me up though. Heat spread through me as I downed the shot and handed the glass to Michelle for a refill.
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, wishing my mom was here. She’d know what to do. She always knew what to do. Twenty-four was too young to lose your mother. She was supposed to be there when I got my first real job, got married, and had children. The tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away. Nope, I was not going there.
“One thing I don’t understand is why they thought you were stealing his songs? You’re their songwriter.”
“I know, and if Chaos had given me a chance to explain none of this would have happened. Or maybe it still would have. She left before he and I had it out. Anyway, I was out with him in Philly and we’d been having a great day.” Yeah it had been almost perfect, if I’d been in bed with him cuddling and talking about the song instead, it would have been perfect. “I guess she must have been snooping while we were out and she found the notebook I write in before I put it to music on the iPad. It’s sort of like my song journal. You’ve seen it.”
Michelle nodded, “Yup, tons of times.”
“Well the other night after everyone was in bed, I heard music from Chaos’s room. It was a haunting ballad. Totally different from anything he’d ever written and it was amazing.” Thinking about it I remembered how it had made me feel, and how the lyrics popped into my head and wouldn’t leave. “I got the idea for some lyrics and wrote them down with some of his notes so it would flow right. When she found the notebook she found the lyrics and figured out it was his song.”
“Shit. You didn’t tell him?”
“No. I was stupid. I thought I’d surprise him once I had them the way I really wanted, I was still working on them. In fact, when he was doing radio interviews I used his guitar and worked on them. Joe, the bus driver, heard me and that’s how we had the whole conversation about dickman and my father.”
“Now it all makes sense, I wondered why all of a sudden you were getting involved in contract stuff for them.”
“It was for Joe too. He’s such a wonderful man. He’d have been a great dad.”
“Do you think he’s right, I mean about the manager and your father not even knowing?”
“Considering the little I know of Rod Dixon, yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me. But it doesn’t change anything.”
“Are you sure?”
“What could it change? I still don’t know him. He wouldn’t know me if he tripped over me. So why bother trying to figure it out now?”
“So you could have at least one parent.”
I heard the bitterness in her voice and realized I sounded ungrateful. She’d lost both her parents when she was six. Her grandmother raised her after the car accident, and they were really close, but it didn’t make up for not having her parents.
“Maybe, I don’t know. Right now I can’t think about it, not with all this other shit hitting the fan.”
“There is one small good thing in all of this.”
“What’s that?”
“She didn’t know your last name or couldn’t remember it so besides the picture it just says the songwriter from Symmetry records.”
“Really? She didn’t use my name?”
“Nope, she might not have known how to spell it, if she’d never seen it written. Eric said Chaos demanded she take the picture down, and she did. So it’s only there if anyone saved it.”
“Huh, maybe there’s hope yet?”
“Maybe. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
“Oh yeah.” Downing the second glass of rum, I was warm and getting tired. I really was a lightweight when it came to drinking. “I think I’m going back to bed. Are you still staying?”
“Yeah. See you in the morning. If you need me you know where I’ll be.”
Hugging her, I felt a little better as I headed off to bed.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chaos
How could I have been so fuckin’ stupid? I knew better than to accuse someone for something without proof, and the notebook was hardly enough to say she’d been stealing from me. Fuck. I hadn’t slept all night, all I could think about was Cynda and how she must be feeling. At least Flame found out she was back home and safe.
He’d passed on the information from Michelle and told her what Sweets had done. I can’t even imagine how fuckin’ pissed she must be. What kind of damage was it going to do to her reputation? Her job? They might even fire her for leaving if she didn’t w
rite the songs anyway. I didn’t want her hurt.
Rolling over I could still smell her scent on my pillow. Instantly hard just thinking about her, I felt a pain in my chest I’d never had before. What is it the song says? You don’t know what you want ‘til it’s gone? I drove away the only woman who made me feel like a man, stood up to me and laughed with me. She fucking rocked my world. It wasn’t just the sex, it was everything, one amazing package of Cyn, and I’d thrown her away like she was fuckin’ garbage.
Fuck it. I needed to get off this bus. But we were on the way to Virginia and another show. This should have been amazing for all of us, so how had it turned to shit?
I couldn’t stay in my room or my bed. I needed to get away from the memories of her. Walking up to the front of the bus, I went to talk to Joe. He’d learned a lot about her in a few days.
“Hey, Joe.”
“Hi, Chaos. You’re up early. Everything okay?”
“Not really, hell, fuck no, nothing’s okay.”
“The girls huh?”
“Yeah, well not just the girls but Cynda. How could I have been so fuckin’ wrong?”
“Because you’re young and you have trouble trusting people. This time you trusted the wrong one.”
Rubbing my palm over my face and pushing my hair back, nothing would erase the hopeless feeling. “I know. I was just so mad, I didn’t think. It’s not that I trusted Sweets, more like I didn’t trust Cynda.”
Joe nodded. I knew I should let him drive in peace, but it was just before sunrise and it was mostly trucks on the road anyway. “Did you get ahold of her last night?”
“No, she won’t answer my calls. I tried over and over and left voicemails, but nothing.”
“She’s upset. When my wife got like that, it took her a couple of hours, then she’d calm down and we could talk. Although I never accused her of anything like you did. Damn, I wish you could have heard her sing your song. I’ll never forget it.”
My gut twisted into a bigger knot than had already been there, I wished I’d heard her sing it too. I didn’t even remember what the lyrics were, I was so fuckin’ pissed off I could barely read the words before I’d tossed the notebook.
Would she be able to forgive me? Could I fix things? “I’m going to try to call Rod once it gets to be a little later, maybe he can figure something out.”
“I don’t know if you want to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Well, Cynda and I were talking and Rod isn’t the good guy you think he is.”
“Fuck,” I said with a grim smile. “I didn’t think he was all that great anyway.”
“You’d be right. I know him or knew him I guess. I didn’t realize he was your manager since he’s never been on tour with you. Didn’t you wonder why he never showed up?”
“Yeah, but he said he didn’t need to, managers rarely do.”
Joe nodded again. He looked like he was trying to decide how much to say. “What is it, Joe?”
He turned to look at me then back at the road. “I’ll tell you what I told Cynda. I used to work for Symmetry and I knew Rod, in fact he’s Cynda’s dad’s manager or was before they fired him. He doesn’t really work for you, he’s a company man. He gets kickbacks from them to do their dirty work, bring on bands and getting them to sign contracts that aren’t in their best interest. I couldn’t handle it. I was a scout for them before, I’d find these great bands and watch them get torn apart. So I left when my wife got sick.”
“Fuck. I should have known.”
“No you shouldn’t have. Hell, he messed with established bands too, groups that should have known better. You’re young, starting out, you didn’t have a chance. Trust me. Cynda and I were going to see if we could find an attorney to help if you wanted out of the contract. She had some things she wanted to look into as well, but like I said yesterday, it’s up to her to tell you.”
I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel worse than I had when I came to talk to Joe, but I was wrong. We signed the contract because I said we should, and now I’d fuckin’ screwed us. At least now I had something to focus on, I’d get us out of this mess with Symmetry somehow, even if it took until after the tour. We’d worked too hard to throw it all away now.
Cynda…I promise you, I’ll fix this somehow.
“Joe? Did you get the name of the lawyer?”
“No, Cynda’s friend was working on it, since she was here with you.”
I nodded, knowing he could see me in his mirror. Thank God Flame and Michelle were still together. Obviously he was a lot smarter than me, but I had an idea, and I’d be making my own calls once the sun came up, and it wouldn’t be to Rod Dixon that’s for sure. “Do you know Cynda’s dad? I mean could you get in touch with him?”
“I don’t know. I used to but it’s been years. He probably wouldn’t remember me.”
“Could you try, once we get to Virginia and you rest? I have an idea but I’m going to need your help.”
“Sure, if I can you’ve got it. Why do you think I volunteer to drive you guys? I just didn’t like to leave my wife on the long trips but now that’s she’s gone…”
“I’m sorry, Joe. I had no idea.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. We had a great life, I hope you can find a love like ours—I hope you all can.”
I was pretty sure I already had, but would I be able to win her back? If this idea worked, then maybe, but it was a long shot.
“Thanks. I’ll let you get back to driving.” Heading back to my room I felt better than I had since walking into the suite. This had to work, please God, I’m not a praying man, but please just this once.
Back in the room, I pulled out my laptop and started researching attorneys and sent an email to Jack and Sally, explaining things and seeing if they could help. Jack had been in the business world a long time and he knew people who knew people, or at least that’s what he always told us. I was fucking counting on it now.
I also Googled Joe and was surprised to see all that came up. I can’t believe we never fuckin’ knew. He’d been huge, discovered tons of bands, including The Hurricanes. Preston Mitchell would remember him, you don’t forget the man who starts your career—too bad mine was Rod Dixon, I’d do all I could to fuckin’ forget him when this was all over.
I did a bit more research on the computer, and then checked the weather for the show. It was going to be hot, but no rain, which was great since the Jiffy Lube Live was an outdoor amphitheater. I really hated playing outside in the rain. It fucked up everything.
Grabbing my phone from the table I pulled up Twitter. I’d been checking it on and off since I’d found out about Sweets’s posts. It looked like the picture wasn’t showing up anywhere else, which was good for all of them, and he could have kissed her when he realized she hadn’t put Cynda’s name on the tweet, just that she was songwriter for the record company. He knew Symmetry would be pissed but he hoped he could take care of that too. If he could make sure there was no fucking blow back on Cyn it’d be enough, even if she didn’t forgive him. She deserved to be happy and he didn’t know if he could keep from fuckin’ that up.
The music was still lying on the table and I picked it up, spreading it on the bed I grabbed my guitar and went back to work on the song. It needed to be fucking perfect.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cynda
Ugh, seriously? The buzzing in my head was driving me fucking crazy, why wouldn’t it stop? Squinting at the clock I was shocked to see it was after ten and the buzzing was my phone ringing. Shit.
I cleared my throat a few times, trying to sound awake. “Hello?”
“Cynda Pearson, please.”
“This is she.”
“Please hold for Mr. Warner.”
“Okay.” Well I guess the tweet got back to Symmetry already? So much for my job.
“Cynda?”
“Yes, sir.”
“What the hell is going on? I got a call from Rod Dixon about you stealin
g songs from Raining Chaos? You were supposed to be writing them, not stealing them.”
“I wasn’t stealing.”
“Well it’s all over the twitterverse that you were. Or at least a songwriter from our record company did. You’re damn lucky she didn’t use your name.”
“I know, believe me, I know. But I wasn’t stealing their songs. Will you let me explain or are you just going to fire me?”
“Explain.”
“Chaos was working on a new song on the bus. I heard it and started making notes on lyrics. One of the backup singers thought I was trying to take it for myself since it was in a private notebook, but that’s where I make my notes. I don’t need to steal their music, why would I?”
“To sell it to other bands?”
“But you said their music wasn’t good enough and that’s why you needed me to write the songs.”
“Yes, but…never mind. I can’t have the company being dragged through the news like this. It’s everywhere today, every news station picked up the story.”
“Are you firing me then?”
“I’m considering it, but if what you say is true, then it was a misunderstanding and maybe we can do enough damage control. I’ll get back to you.”
“Okay. Bye.” He’d already disconnected the line. Sitting up in bed I pushed my hair back and yawned. I had a dull headache. I wasn’t sure if it was from all the crying or the rum, but at least it wasn’t too bad—yet. Seeing my face in the mirror though was a surprise. My lips were puffy and swollen, my right eye had a huge black and blue bruise under it, and my neck had rows of scratches. Looking down so did my arms. Lovely. I hope she looked worse.
I found more bruises in the shower, on my back and shoulder and right thigh. Ouch. I was going to feel these for a few days. I’d really hoped to wake up feeling better but no such luck. At least with looking so bad, no one would realize my eyes were red and swollen from crying.
I was in the kitchen having my first cup of coffee when Michelle got up. “Morning.”
Taming Chaos Page 14